Biblical Marriage - Wives
This passage is especially important in light of our present culture. The foundation for marriage is crumbling. People are confused about gender, marriage, and family. Some are outright hostile to the historic Christian view on marriage. Köstenberger and Jones put it well:
For the first time in its history, Western civilization is confronted with the need to define the meaning of the terms “marriage” and “family.” What until now has been considered a “normal” family, made up of a father, mother, and a number of children, has in recent years begun to be viewed as one among several options.
This is not simply a cultural war; it is a spiritual war. The enemy would love to confuse people and tear down the foundations of God’s plan for marriage.
What is the biblical idea of marriage? Stott summarizes it well:
Marriage is an exclusive heterosexual covenant between one man and one woman, ordained and sealed by God, preceded by the leaving of parents, consummated in sexual union, issuing in a permanent mutually supportive partnership, and normally crowned with the gift of children.
In addition to affirming the goodness of marriage (and singleness, see
Paul begins with wives. While many struggle with the idea of wives “submitting,” we have already noted that the whole of Christian life is about submission. Remember that the wife is called to submit to a husband who is willing to die for her! The husband should be the first to apologize, forgive, and serve. He is to exemplify the lifestyle of Jesus to his bride.
While some may view submitting to one’s husband’s authority as something negative, a more accurate way of looking at marital roles is to understand that wives are called to follow their husband’s loving leadership.
We see a picture of the husband and wife having equal value, yet having different roles within marriage. You might compare it to a slow dance. One person leads, and one follows. One initiates, and the other responds. Both are necessary for the dance to happen. And when both fulfill their roles well, it is a beautiful thing to behold.
Further, whenever we have trouble with God’s Word, we need to remember that God is infinitely wise and good. Anything He says is for our good and is the best possible plan. Many things in God’s Word may cause us to react negatively, but always consider the nature of the God giving these commands.
When you think about marriage, and particularly headship, you have to remember that this is rooted in creation (
What does Paul say? He says the wife must revere Christ through proper submission to and respect for her husband (vv. 22–24, 33; cf.
The word submit creates more discussion (v. 22). This is not the only place “submission” is noted in the context of marriage. This is consistent with the New Testament’s teaching (
To submit is to put the will of the other ahead of your will. To love is to put the needs of the other ahead of your needs. Paul elsewhere actually mentions both actions to wives: (
What does submit “in everything” mean? It means submit in every area of life. It does not mean she follows him in matters that are sinful.
We should also point out that there is a difference in a “traditional marriage” and a biblical marriage
In a traditional marriage, a certain type of division exists. Women are often responsible for cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, etc., while men are working and earning an income. While Scripture does speak of a man working outside the home as his primary responsibility and the home as the center of a woman’s activity (though not limited to the home;
Paul speaks of marriages as a picture of Christ’s love for the church in verses 23–24
Paul shows us that marriage displays the gospel. The Old Testament also illustrated God’s love for His people with a marriage. In this text it is Christ and the church specifically.
It is awesome. In creation God had Christ and the church in mind. Consider three applications of this picture.
This illustration gives us the ultimate picture of marriage. Wives give a picture of the church to the world (v. 24). Husbands give a picture of Christ to the world (v. 23). Christ is the head, as noted in 1:22. But look what kind of head He is. Peek into the next paragraph and consider the five actions of His leadership: He loved the church (5:25); He gave Himself up for her (v. 25); He sanctified her (v. 26); He cleansed her (v. 26); He presented her (v. 27); and He “provides and cares for” the church (v. 29)
This illustration gives us the ultimate purpose of marriage, namely, the glory of Christ. Everything in this passage points us to Christ: “as to the Lord” (v. 22); “as Christ loved the church” (v. 25); “as Christ does for the church” (v. 29). Everything comes back to Christ.
While it is important for couples to work through communication problems, financial problems, personality issues, the past, and other issues, let us remember that the ultimate issue in marriage is this: Are you surrendered to the lordship of Christ? Will you submit to Him in all areas of life? If the starting point for marriage is me, then I am starting at the wrong place. Marriage exists for Christ’s glory. Let your marriage be an offering of worship as you love each other, forgive each other, serve each other. Let your relationship serve as an aroma of Christ before a watching world.
This illustration provides amazing hope for marriage. Christ died for the church, which displayed her sinfulness and His saving grace. The biggest problem in marriage is sin. The ultimate solution is the grace of Jesus. Because marriage is not merely a social convention but is rooted in the lordship of Christ, who is gracious, you have great hope in marriage! Where do you turn when marriage is difficult? Alcohol, deer hunting, work, pornography? No! Those are the wrong places! Look to Christ. Marriage is intended to point us to our Redeemer.
