THE PERFECT WOMAN
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The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him:
What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb?
What are you doing, son of my vows?
Do not give your strength to women,
your ways to those who destroy kings.
It is not for kings, O Lemuel,
it is not for kings to drink wine,
or for rulers to take strong drink,
lest they drink and forget what has been decreed
and pervert the rights of all the afflicted.
Give strong drink to the one who is perishing,
and wine to those in bitter distress;
let them drink and forget their poverty
and remember their misery no more.
Open your mouth for the mute,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
Open your mouth, judge righteously,
defend the rights of the poor and needy.
An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.
We read this passage in tribute to mother’s and wives but have we ever given thought as to what this text is saying. Women, have you ever read this text and said; “that is a pretty accurate description of who I am”. If so, you are living far to up-wind of yourself and you need to move further down-wind.
This text in its full consideration should leave every woman more discouraged than encouraged. When this text is read your natural response should be; “I can never be like that.” Why? because this passage teaches concerning “the perfect woman”.
This text teaches us concerning the perfect woman because it is teaching primarily about Christ. is a picture of a woman who clearly reflects God’s wisdom
This passage personifies Christ perfection in womanhood. This perfection cannot be acquirable but it should be ones ambition.
This passage personifies Christ perfection in womanhood. This perfection cannot be acquirable but it should be ones ambition.
Let not one woman in this congregation today who is in Christ feel condemned.
God’s mercy remembers your sin no more and so you must do likewise.
God’s mercy remembers your sin no more and so you must do likewise.
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
God’s Spirit dwells in you so you can pursue this ambition with success.
God’s Spirit dwells in you so you can pursue this ambition with success.
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.
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God guarantees His completion.
God guarantees His completion.
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
I want to apply this text to four groups of people represented here today.
Application for Women: Resolve, with God’s help, to reflect this wisdom of Christ.
Application for Women: Resolve, with God’s help, to reflect this wisdom of Christ.
Application for Married Men: Cherish and Cultivate a Christlike wife.
Application for Married Men: Cherish and Cultivate a Christlike wife.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Here’s where it gets interesting. If there is one primary audience in this text, that primary audience is not women, as much as this proverb talks about women. The primary audience in this text is not married men, as much as there is for married men to learn here. Instead, the primary audience in this text is actually single men!
Let me show it to you. Look at
The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him:
What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb?
What are you doing, son of my vows?
Then King Lemuel’s mom begins to address the way he approaches women. Basically she says what Proverbs has said time and time again throughout this book. She says, “The wrong kind of woman will ruin you.”
Then it goes on to say, “What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb? What are you doing, son of my vows?” (). Then King Lemuel’s mom begins to address the way he approaches women. Basically she says what Proverbs has said time and time again throughout this book. She says, “The wrong kind of woman will ruin you.”
You look back in Proverbs (and we don’t have time to do this this morning), but over and over again, you see warnings against the adulterous woman (), the unfaithful woman ( and 30), the woman who neglects her family (), the woman who bankrupts her family (), the contentious woman who is like a constant dripping on a day of steady rain (). Proverbs says,
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop
than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
). It even gives warnings against the physically beautiful woman who is not wise. says, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion” (). After all of these warnings in Proverbs, we get to the end, and we have a mom saying to her son, verse 10, “An excellent wife who can find?” (). Then she goes on to describe her.
It even gives warnings against the physically beautiful woman who is not wise.
dripping on a day of steady rain (). Proverbs says, “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife” (). It even gives warnings against the physically beautiful woman who is not wise. says, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion” (). After all of these warnings in Proverbs, we get to the end, and we have a mom saying to her son, verse 10, “An excellent wife who can find?” (). Then she goes on to describe her.
Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout
is a beautiful woman without discretion.
). After all of these warnings in Proverbs, we get to the end, and we have a mom saying to her son, verse 10, “An excellent wife who can find?” (). Then she goes on to describe her.
After all of these warnings in Proverbs, we get to the end, and we have a mom saying to her son, verse 10,
An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
Then she goes on to describe her.
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Then she goes on to describe her.
Then she goes on to describe her.
hen she goes on to describe her.
Application for Single Men: Pray for and Pursue a Christlike wife.
Application for Single Men: Pray for and Pursue a Christlike wife.
The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him:
What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb?
What are you doing, son of my vows?
House and wealth are inherited from fathers,
but a prudent wife is from the Lord.
Application for Churches: Admonish Christlikeness in women by Affirming Christlikeness in women.
Application for Churches: Admonish Christlikeness in women by Affirming Christlikeness in women.
Proverbs
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
C.S. Lewis said: “If we do not admire [what is praiseworthy], we shall be stupid, insensible, and great losers.”
C.S. Lewis said: “If we do not admire [what is praiseworthy], we shall be stupid, insensible, and great losers.”
So what does our text teach us that women are to reflect, husbands are to cherish and cultivate, single men are to pray for and pursue, and a church is to admonish and affirm. . .
Characteristics of a Christlike Woman
Characteristics of a Christlike Woman
She is WISE because she fears God.
She is WISE because she fears God.
An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
Her fear gives her a value that cannot be counted
Her fear gives her a value that cannot be counted
Her fear grants her a valiance to face the future with confidence.
Her fear grants her a valiance to face the future with confidence.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
It’s like Satan is dangling in front of her warning about tomorrow’s troubles and what might come up, and she glances up at Almighty God, whom she fears, and laughs at Satan’s folly. She is not anxious about tomorrow. She is not afraid of what is to come because she trusts completely in her God.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Her fear guarantees her a beauty that will not FADE.
Her fear guarantees her a beauty that will not FADE.
Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
She is the OVERSEER of her home.
This does not mean HEAD but HELPER.
The husband or the father, in that sense, is the head of the household, or the overseer of the home. However,
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
in the New Testament contains a clear exhortation for women to love their husbands and their children, to be working at home for their good (the word there in is literally “home-workers”).
in the New Testament contains a clear exhortation for women to love their husbands and their children, to be working at home for their good (the word there in is literally “home-workers”).
The New Testament contains a clear exhortation for women to love their husbands and their children, to be working at home for their good (the word there in is literally “home-workers”).
So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.
exhorts younger women to “manage their households,” and that’s exactly the picture we have here in . This is a woman who is a manager, an administrator, and in this sense, an overseer in her home. This home is operating like it does and flourishing like it is directly because of her oversight.
exhorts younger women to “manage their households,” and that’s exactly the picture we have here in . This is a woman who is a manager, an administrator, and in this sense, an overseer in her home. This home is operating like it does and flourishing like it is directly because of her oversight.
exhorts younger women to “manage their households,” and that’s exactly the picture we have here in . This is a woman who is a manager, an administrator, and in this sense, an overseer in her home. This home is operating like it does and flourishing like it is directly because of her oversight.
He TRUSTS her with his heart and household.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
Did you hear that? He trusts her with his heart. This is remarkable. Outside of this verse and one other verse in the book of Judges, everywhere else in the Bible, Scripture condemns trust in anyone or anything but God Himself. “Don’t trust in this, don’t trust in that.” But here in , we have a picture of a husband who trusts his wife. This is valuable. Now it makes sense. A woman who can be trusted like this (with her husband’s heart) is indeed far more precious than jewels. He trusts her with his heart.
He trusts her with his household. As head over the household, he entrusts her to manage and administer and oversee that household well, and she does. The whole picture here is a woman who is overseeing the house well.
woman who is overseeing the house well.
He trusts her with his heart, with his household, with his good.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
). The Christlike wife does her husband good. Why? Because she loves him and she loves God.
The Christlike wife does her husband good. Why? Because she loves him and she loves God.
He TRUSTS her because she is devoted to his success.
The very center of this whole passage is verse 23, which says,
Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
). The whole picture here is a wife who has overseen her home and helped her husband in a way that he has gained good standing in the community around him. This verse might seem out of place in this passage about the excellent woman, to mention the excellence of her husband, but that’s the point. He is excelling because his wife is excellent.
The whole picture here is a wife who has overseen her home and helped her husband in a way that he has gained good standing in the community around him. This verse might seem out of place in this passage about the excellent woman, to mention the excellence of her husband, but that’s the point.
He is excelling because his wife is excellent.
He is excelling because his wife is excellent.
He HONORS her because she loves, lays down, and leaves a legacy for their family.
He HONORS her because she loves, lays down, and leaves a legacy for their family.
Throughout Scripture, we see a clear and continual theme of how God has uniquely created women for the nurture of children in a way that complements a man’s leadership of children. Such nurture, such care is evident all over this passage when it comes to this woman’s children. She loves them. Providing clothes for them, food for them, protection for them. She lays down her life for them. All of the details she takes care of, from sun up to sun down. She takes the seemingly mundane tasks and accomplishes them when no one else is looking and when no one else is there to laud her for it. There comes a day, don’t miss it,
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
).
It’s at this point that I just want to pause when it comes to the Christlike woman being an overseer of her home, and I want to point out how this is totally being undercut, undervalued, and even contradicted in the culture around us. We live in a day where the idea of a woman making a home, or working at home, is seen as servile, second-class, and even in some ways, as a waste of someone’s life. I want to pause and point out what I pray will not just be biblically obvious to us, but practically obvious to us.
No one can, without renouncing the world, in the most literal sense, observe my method; and there are few, if any, that would entirely devote above twenty years of the prime of life in hopes to save the souls of their children, which they think may be saved without so much ado; for that was my principal intention, however unskillfully and unsuccessfully managed.
She went on to say,
No one can, without renouncing the world, in the most literal sense, observe my method; and there are few, if any, that would entirely devote above twenty years of the prime of life in hopes to save the souls of their children, which they think may be saved without so much ado; for that was my principal intention, however unskillfully and unsuccessfully managed.
It’s at this point that I just want to pause when it comes to the Christlike woman being an overseer of her home, and I want to point out how this is totally being undercut, undervalued, and even contradicted in the culture around us. We live in a day where the idea of a woman making a home, or working at home, is seen as servile, second-class, and even in some ways, as a waste of someone’s life. I want to pause and point out what I pray will not just be biblically obvious to us, but practically obvious to us.
Is there any career more important? I’m going to use the word “career” here because a career is a job that requires training and preparation, commitment and dedication, on a day-by-day basis, bringing together varied skills, energy, and time to accomplish a task, and overseeing/making a home, helping a husband, and raising children qualifies as this more than anything else I can think of. That’s part of the point of . It seems like this woman never sleeps, but that’s the point. Overseeing a home literally is a 7-day-aweek, 24-hour job, and I can’t think of a career that is more important than overseeing a home, supporting a husband, rearing and nurturing children, all to the glory of God.
Dorothy Patterson wrote an excellent article on this very idea, and she said,
Dorothy Patterson wrote an excellent article on this very idea, and she said,
Few women realize what great service they are doing for mankind and for the kingdom of Christ when they provide a shelter for the family and good mothering – the foundation on which all else is built. A mother builds something far more magnificent than any cathedral – the dwelling place for an immortal soul (both her child’s fleshly tabernacle and his earthly abode). No professional pursuit so uniquely combines the most menial tasks with the most meaningful opportunities.
Few women realize what great service they are doing for mankind and for the kingdom of Christ when they provide a shelter for the family and good mothering – the foundation on which all else is built. A mother builds something far more magnificent than any cathedral – the dwelling place for an immortal soul (both her child’s fleshly tabernacle and his earthly abode). No professional pursuit so uniquely combines the most menial tasks with the most meaningful opportunities.
Few women realize what great service they are doing for mankind and for the kingdom of Christ when they provide a shelter for the family and good mothering – the foundation on which all else is built. A mother builds something far more magnificent than any cathedral – the dwelling place for an immortal soul (both her child’s fleshly tabernacle and his earthly abode). No professional pursuit so uniquely combines the most menial tasks with the most meaningful opportunities.
Speaking about these opportunities, she wrote,
It is hard to locate an aging mother who believes she made a mistake of pouring her life into her children, and it would certainly be more difficult to find a child to testify that his mother loved him and poured herself into his life to his detriment and demise.
It is hard to locate an aging mother who believes she made a mistake of pouring her life into her children, and it would certainly be more difficult to find a child to testify that his mother loved him and poured herself into his life to his detriment and demise.
Then, (I love this) she concluded by saying,
Homemaking—being a full-time wife and mother—is not a destructive drought of usefulness, but an overflowing oasis of opportunity; it is not a dreary call to contain one’s talents and skills, but a brilliant catalyst to channel creativity and energies into meaningful work; it is not a rope for binding one’s productivity in the marketplace, but reins for guiding one’s posterity in the home; it is not oppressive restraint of intellectual prowess for the community, but a release of wise instruction to your own household; it is not the bitter assignment of inferiority to your person, but the bright assurance of the ingenuity of God’s plan for complementarity of the sexes, especially as worked out in God’s plan for marriage; it is neither limitation of gifts available nor stinginess in distributing the benefits of those gifts, but rather the multiplication of a mother’s legacy to the generations to come and the generous bestowal of all God meant a mother to give to those He entrusted to her care.
Homemaking—being a full-time wife and mother—is not a destructive drought of usefulness, but an overflowing oasis of opportunity; it is not a dreary call to contain one’s talents and skills, but a brilliant catalyst to channel creativity and energies into meaningful work; it is not a rope for binding one’s productivity in the marketplace, but reins for guiding one’s posterity in the home; it is not oppressive restraint of intellectual prowess for the community, but a release of wise instruction to your own household; it is not the bitter assignment of inferiority to your person, but the bright assurance of the ingenuity of God’s plan for complementarity of the sexes, especially as worked out in God’s plan for marriage; it is neither limitation of gifts available nor stinginess in distributing the benefits of those gifts, but rather the multiplication of a mother’s legacy to the generations to come and the generous bestowal of all God meant a mother to give to those He entrusted to her care.
© Dav
worked out in God’s plan for marriage; it is neither limitation of gifts available nor stinginess in distributing the benefits of those gifts, but rather the multiplication of a mother’s legacy to the generations to come and the generous bestowal of all God meant a mother to give to those He entrusted to her care.
In affirming a wife and mother’s role in the home according to the design of God, I don’t want to imply that it is wrong or sinful in every circumstance for a wife or mom to work outside of the home. Scripture does not teach that. Though I would say that Scripture does exhort wives and mothers, even if they work outside the home, to make sure not to neglect the oversight of the home, i.e., not to neglect helping your husband and prioritizing care for your children.
She is MIGHTY in her work.
She is MIGHTY in her work.
She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
Pro
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She has willing and skillful hands.
She has willing and skillful hands.
She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
Proverbs 31:13
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
Proverbs
She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
She is innovative and industrious
She is innovative and industrious
She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
Proverbs 31:24
She is strong in body
She is strong in body
She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
P
She is ATTRACTIVE in all the right ways.
She is ATTRACTIVE in all the right ways.
WORDS
WORDS
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
WORKS
WORKS
WARDROBE
WARDROBE
She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Now, we need to guard against misunderstandings here. This isn’t saying that she’s planting a vineyard in an elegant dress, nor is it saying that a Christlike woman needs expensive clothes. But the picture is a woman whose dress is tasteful.
WAYS
WAYS
You have to keep in mind that the Bible is not anti-physical attraction when it comes to men and women. You only have to turn two books over to your right to Song of Solomon to see a detailed picture of that. Even here in verse 22
She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
), this is the same language that is used earlier in Proverbs to describe how an adulterous woman seduces a foolish man with bed coverings. The picture here is a woman who attracts her husband in all the right ways.
this is the same language that is used earlier in Proverbs to describe how an adulterous woman seduces a foolish man with bed coverings. The picture here is a woman who attracts her husband in all the right ways.
She is a NEIGHBOR to the needy.
She is a NEIGHBOR to the needy.
amidst all of her oversight in her home, her industry and innovation, she is not selfish, nor does she hoard that which she has, but
She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
This, too, has been a theme throughout the book of Proverbs.
This, too, has been a theme throughout the book of Proverbs.
By the mouth of a fool comes a rod for his back,
but the lips of the wise will preserve them.
Whoever closes his ear to the cry of the poor
will himself call out and not be answered.
Whoever gives to the poor will not want,
but he who hides his eyes will get many a curse.
Women of God, when your life is formed by the Savior who gave His life for you on a cross, then you find yourself serving as you have been served, sacrificially loving as you have been sacrificially loved, and in so doing, you find life. This is the essence of the call to Christ— Christlikeness, “whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for make sake will find it”—and this is what we see in the Christlike woman of . In losing her life, she finds it. Even if the world does not put the Christian woman who is wise, who oversees her home, who is mighty in her work, who is attractive in all the right ways, and who is a neighbor to the needy - even if the world does not put such a woman on a pedestal, the reality is God recognizes her worth, and He gives much fruit to her hands as her works praise her in His gates.
In a world which is redefining gender let us be clear as to Scriptures teaching concerning womanhood.