Real Relationships: A Parent's Relationship With Their Child

A Parent’s Relationship With Their Child

Psalm 127:1–5 KJV 1900

1 Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: Except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. 2 It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, To eat the bread of sorrows: For so he giveth his beloved sleep. 3 Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: And the fruit of the womb is his reward. 4 As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; So are children of the youth. 5 Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: They shall not be ashamed, But they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

Introduction: The Biblical Foundation for the Home

The Bible says in verse number one, except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it. It's pretty clear there. There's a lot of vain building going on in our world right now, because the Lord ain't building it. It's man doing it, our abilities doing it.

They labor in vain that build it - literally, “In vain toil its builders in it.” The idea is, that they are entirely dependent on God. No matter what their skill, their strength, their industry may be - all will be in vain unless God shall assist them.

The watchman waketh but in vain - literally, “In vain waketh the keeper.” The word rendered waketh means to be sleepless; and then, to watch. The allusion is to the watch or guard appointed to keep a city, and the idea is, that, whatever may be the diligence, the care, the fidelity of one thus appointed to guard a city, its safe-keeping must depend on God alone.

A. Psalm 127:1–5 as the foundational text

“Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it.”

Much building today is “vain” because the Lord is not building it.

“Except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.”

Illustration: The statue in Daniel with feet of miry clay and steel — unstable foundation.

God is in control; He holds everything together.

B. Human effort without God is vain

Rising early, sitting up late, eating “the bread of sorrows” is vain.

God “giveth his beloved sleep.”

C. Children described as God’s gift

“Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord.”

“The fruit of the womb is his reward.”

Children compared to arrows in the hand of a mighty man.

“Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them.”

Purpose: Children should grow to stand against “the enemies in the gate.”

D. Modern cultural view of children

I’ve seen a statistic that said that the average child over their lifetime will cost $310,000. to bring from birth to 18, that's just one.

I wanna say praise the Lord, we are on the Super Saver Express, amen. Amen. Frugal, we ain't cheap, we're frugal. But no, really, you think about it this way, if somebody was to come and give you $310,000 and just give it to you, you would not treat it nonchalantly, and certainly enough, you wouldn’t consider trading a child for that amount of money, but some might and how sad that is.

You would not think it as something that is just small or insignificant. You would say, this is great. This is amazing. They've given me this amount of money. But you've got to realize our children are growing up in a generation that the modern day thinking is that children are nothing more than a hindrance. They're nothing more than just a leech that sucks the life out of you.

The world says if you have children, you can no longer have a career. You have children, you no longer have a social life. You have children.

They just take everything away from you.

Society views children as a hindrance, a drain, or an obstacle to career/social life.

Contrast with Scripture: children are a reward.

E. The influence of technology and modern culture on children

Depression in children more common today.

Internet exposure influences thinking.

F. Application to all adults

Even grandparents can create a godly environment when children visit.

G. Purpose of parenting

But may I tell every single one of you children, and mine included this evening, you are a gift from God. You are a wonderful thing. You're a wonderful creation from God.

Children are given for a purpose.

Parents must seek God to understand that purpose and mold children accordingly.

And he says, as arrows in the hand of a mighty man, so are children of the youth, where they came talking about applying heat. But arrows have a purpose, right? You don't look at an arrow and say, hmm, I wonder what that is for.

I wonder why you have that and what you use it for. We understand what it's for. It was used as a weapon. It was used as a defense mechanism is used to help procure meat and put meat on the table.

God gives us children for a purpose. He gives us children for a reason. And as a parent, right, it is us, it is our responsibility to go into God and say, all right, God, you've given me this child, you've given me these children, and Lord, help me to realize the purpose, the reason why.

Lord, help me to mold them like the arrows.

In verse number five. He said, happy is the man that hath his quiver full.

Now, there's a lot of people that say, well, that means you gotta have 27 children. That to each their own tonight, amen?

They shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

As a parent, one of my responsibilities and your responsibilities is to raise our children that they could look at the enemy at the gate, that's the enemy in the most powerful place, with everything coming against them, and for them to walk and stand boldly and say, I am not afraid of you.

Because my parents instilled in me the truth that I need to stand for God. and to live for God.

And so we're going to see, well, how does that take place?

What does this relationship look like? I’ll give you three characteristics

of this relationship.

I'm not preaching as one who's got it all figured out, who's got it all, I understand it all, I've arrived at this subject, but these are just things that I want with my children. I want in my relationship with my children, and I think if it's what I want, if it's what the Bible says, we oughta all want in our relationships with our children.

I. Three Characteristics of a Biblical Parent–Child Relationship

1. A Nurturing Relationship

A. Scriptural basis — Ephesians 6:4

Ephesians 6:4 KJV 1900

4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

B. Responsibility begins with the parents

You've got to realize that responsibility and accountability does not start with those who are in lesser authority.

It starts with those that are in a higher authority.

Right, those things are learned behaviors. Those are things that are environment in that relationship.

I see and hear children saying things and doing things that I just have to think, where on earth are they hearing this? It is not all cases, but you know much of it is what they hear from their parents, or in the least things that mama and daddy aren’t making their best effort to shield from or correct.

Accountability starts with those in higher authority, not children.

Young people often criticized, but “someone is raising them.”

C. Nurture is not natural for many fathers

So first thing God says in Ephesians six is that your relationship with your children needs to be a nurturing relationship.

He goes on to say in verse nine, bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.

But notice who he put in the context there, fathers.

Now, I'm probably not alone in this, nurture is not my go-to. When I think of the word nurture, I think of my wife. I think of mama.

So often as a dad, when my children fall or minorly hurt themselves, I’m so quick to just say “ah, you’re alright, just walk it off son” and sometimes they do need that. But there will be times in their life where they will even need dad to be nurturing to them and pick them up, brush them off, clean them up, check on them, be gentle with them.

Nurture is not a man's go-to. It's not a man's natural response to things.

Well, that's why it requires you and I to trust the Lord to raise our children. God, give me what it takes to be a nurturing parent unto my children.

Personal illustration: childhood injury in Winnetou, Nebraska.

Fathers often lack natural nurturing tendencies.

D. “Provoke not your children to wrath”

He says, provoke not your children to wrath. In essence, don't push them towards the edge and then get mad when they fall over.

I read a story as I was preparing for this and it said that there was a stagecoach company and they were looking for applicants to drive the stagecoach. They'd have to go through a mountain pass. It was treacherous and dangerous. And the first applicant came in and they asked, they said, sir, if you're driving the stagecoach, how close do you think you can get to the edge and still drive the stagecoach? Oh, he said, oh, that's no problem. I can get within a foot of the edge and still drive the stagecoach. They said, well, thank you, sir. We're not looking for you today. We're going to have to go with somebody else. So he left.

They brought in a second applicant. They said, how close can you get to the edge and still drive the stagecoach and still feel safe? He said, oh, well, I tell you what. I could probably get within six inches of the edge, and I could still drive that stagecoach no problem. They said, well, thank you for your time, sir, but we're not going to hire you.

They brought in the third guy. They said, sir, how close can you get to the edge and still feel safe driving the stagecoach? He said, I don't want to get nowhere near the edge. I will stay as close to the inside as I can. They said, you've got the job, sir.

Because that is a good sensibility, that's a good thought process.

And when it comes to raising our children, right, we can't push them towards the world and allow them to get close to that edge and allow that edge to be something that intrigues them and fascinates them.

And how are they going to get exposed to that?

Well, they're going to get exposed to it through their parents.

And we can't provoke them that way and push them that way.

And then when they go that way, all of a sudden they say, well, why'd they do that? Right, you might make it safely, but those that are following you might not

Illustration: Stagecoach drivers and the mountain edge.

Application: Parents must not push children toward the world or danger.

E. Nurture as cultivation

That word nurturing gives the understanding of cultivation.

But when it comes to raising our children, right, we often, we understand the need to shelter them, right, to protect them from this world.

But parenting and nourishing and nurturing them is more than just sheltering them. but it's the act of cultivation, it is the act of working with them and teaching them and training them.

It is that desire that I'm not just sheltering but I am helping them grow in a safe place because one day

They're going to have to walk out of there. And one day, they're going to have to leave. It's just like a greenhouse.

Greenhouses are built to start plants. It gives them a safe place to sprout up. It gives them a safe place to get the roots in the ground. But you take those plants out, and you put them in a garden, and you put them in the ground.

And because of what has already been done to them, they are able to prosper in the new situation. in a new place.

And when it comes to that relationship with our children, it needs to be a nurturing, a cultivating relationship. It's providing a place to prepare them to produce their own fruit. right, for God to work in their life. It needs to be a nurturing relationship.

Gardening illustration:

Planting seeds, composting, watching growth.

Greenhouse analogy: safe place for roots before planting outside.

Parenting is more than sheltering — it is cultivating growth.

F. “Bring them up” — active involvement

It's to bring them up. That means you're bringing them along with you. They are living life with you.

Parents cannot rely solely on Sunday school or school.

Children must “live life with you.”

G. Admonition = encouragement

It means encouragement. Your home ought to be a place of encouragement.

And you got to understand, it's hard. It's hard to break a child's spirit. But one of the quickest ways to do it is in a home that is lacking encouragement, one that is lacking admonition.

If the kids don't find the encouragement at home, they're gonna go to the first place they find it at.

I remember being in high school and they were teaching us about gangs. And they were trying their best to teach us not to go into gangs.

And they said one of the reasons why kids, young men, young boys go into gangs is because typically there's a father figure who's missing at home. or is lacking at the house. And they're looking for somebody who just believes them in the sense, or somebody who seemingly cares for them. And here's the thing, they really don't care about them, but they know how to draw them in.

If there is no encouragement in a Christian family's home, if there's not a place of encouragement,

and you say, well, that's my wife's job.

No, it is the father's.

It'd help you to go to them and just encourage them on something they're doing good, but preachers, they're not doing it the way I think that it should be done, or they're not doing it in the fashion that I think it could best be.

Well, that's where training comes in, but you still have to be encouraging.

Homes should be places of encouragement.

Lack of encouragement breaks a child’s spirit.

Children will seek encouragement elsewhere if not found at home (gang illustration).

H. Fathers must encourage

Encouragement even when children do not perform tasks perfectly.

Illustration: working for a boss who is never pleased.

I. Self‑evaluation

Parents must ask: “What is the scale of nurturing in my home?”

Must seek God’s help to be nurturing and encouraging.

2. A Training Relationship

We expect this great product out of our children. We expect them to be greater than we were, and smarter than we were, and all these kind of things.

And yet, if we don't take the time to train them, we don't take the time to teach them, how can we expect that out of them?

It takes discipline, consistency. It takes direction. What is the end goal? In the way he should go,

A. Scriptural basis — Proverbs 22:6

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

B. Training requires consistency

Discipline must be consistent “day in and day out.”

Inconsistent discipline confuses children.

C. Children’s perspective on inconsistency

Sunday school teacher survey:

Children said parents punish harshly for small things but ignore big things when busy.

Children desire predictable expectations.

D. Training is more than correction

Not just telling them what is wrong — teaching them what is right.

Cabinet shop illustration: learning tools through patient training.

E. Parents expect great outcomes without training

Cannot expect children to surpass parents without intentional teaching.

F. Training requires direction

Training takes the direction.

There's got to be an end goal there. Why am I training? What am I training them for? Because if you don't know what you're training for, how do you know what to train or how to train? Could you imagine you say, well, I want to train for something special.

Well, what do you know to do? I think about those Olympic athletes. They know what they're training for. Every exercise, every meal, everything about their day is going towards this goal of winning an Olympic medal.

And the same ought to be true in our Christian life. Here's the goal I want for my children. I want them to marry a godly spouse.

Well, you're going to have to train them how to look for one. The characteristics of a godly spouse, a godly wife, a godly husband. I want my kids to serve in a godly church and a church that believes right and does right. Then you're going to have to train them what that looks like and teach that to them.

So it ought to be a place of training. It requires discipline, direction.

Parents must know the end goal:

Do you want your children to serve God?

Then train them toward that.

G. Practical examples of training

Teaching children how to study Scripture.

Training in work ethic, respect, and life skills.

H. Training requires discussion and explanation

It requires discussion. It requires explanation.

Here's why we do what we do. And here's why we don't do what we do. And it's more than just telling them.

When it comes to training our children, we can't just say, hey, do this, and I'm going to hold you to this standard that I'm not going to hold myself to. Because you know what turns more kids away from the church? It is not necessarily the music is old fashioned. It's not because we use a King James Bible. It's not because we don't have all the nice facilities and the fun classes.

It's because when they go home, the expectation that is held to them is one that is hypocritical. They hold their children to a higher standard

And so we see here that training, it takes discussion, it takes explanation.

There was an English poet, his name was Samuel Coolridge. He had a man over at his house, and they'd invited over, and they were talking about raising children. And this other man said, well, you know what, I don't think you ought to present anything to a child.

You ought not to teach them nothing like that about God or his word. You ought to let him make that decision for himself. for themselves. You ought to let them come to age and they'll make that decision for themselves.

Well, Mr. Samuel Coolridge said, well, I've got a garden outside. You want to go see it? He goes, oh, man, I love gardens. Yeah, we'll go see this garden. So they walk outside, and the garden is nothing but weeds. And he said, Samuel, I thought you said you had a garden. He said, well, you know, I don't want to infringe on the weeds, and I just wanted the flowers to make their own decisions and the weeds to make their own decisions.

“Here’s why we do what we do.”

Maw-Maw Lucy Smoking: “Don’t do as I do, do as I say.”

Hypocrisy in the home drives children away from church.

I. Illustration: Samuel Coleridge’s garden

Garden full of weeds because he “let it decide for itself.”

Application: letting children make all spiritual decisions is irresponsible.

K. Parents enforce decisions in all areas except spiritual ones

Children are not allowed to choose:

Whether to brush teeth

What clothes to wear

Whether to attend school

Therefore, they should not be left to choose spiritual matters alone.

3. A Spiritual Relationship

A. Scriptural basis — Deuteronomy 6:6–7

Deuteronomy 6:6–7 KJV 1900

6 And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

“These words… shall be in thine heart.”

“Thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children.”

“Thou shalt talk of them… when thou sittest… walkest… liest down… risest up.”

B. Parents are commanded to teach

Not Moses, not the preacher, not the Sunday school teacher.

Church provides only 3–6 hours per week — not enough.

C. Teaching must be diligent

Not left to public school or even Christian teachers.

Homeschooling advocated due to exposure in public schools.

Example: teacher taken to court for sharing faith.

D. Parents should ask children about spiritual lessons

Ask what they learned in Sunday school or children’s church.

Example: asking Lucy about lessons that she has on Wednesday nights or in Sunday school.

E. Parents must also share their own spiritual walk

Ask children what they read in Scripture.

Be ready to share what you read and prayed about.

F. Teaching is intentional

Like a schoolteacher with lesson plans.

Use Scripture to explain why the family does or does not do certain things.

G. Parents must also “talk of them” in daily life

Spiritual conversations should occur naturally during:

Sitting

Walking

Lying down

Rising up

H. Everyday life provides spiritual teaching moments

Young‑earth creation belief: correcting museum timelines.

Conversation with children about Ukraine, Russia, Moldova, and World War III:

Trusting God regardless of world events.

I. Illustration: Dog returning to vomit

Real‑life example used to teach Proverbs truth.

Sin compared to returning to something disgusting.

J. Teaching through real‑world observation

Mission outreach: men at the mission are there because of choices.

Seeing people on drugs:

“The way of the transgressor is hard.” Sin does have a payment and consequences.

K. Parents must have a personal relationship with Scripture

So they can apply it to life situations as they arise.

III. Conclusion

A. The relationship should be:

Nurturing

Training

Spiritual

B. Parents must evaluate their homes

Testimonies from others expressed regret over lacking these elements.

Encouragement to build relationships “the way God designed.”

Invitation

Parents, before we close, I want to speak to your heart for just a moment. We’ve talked today about the responsibility, the privilege, and the weight of raising children.

We’ve talked about nurturing them, training them, and leading them spiritually. But the truth is this: you cannot lead your children somewhere you have never been yourself.

You may love your children with everything in you. You may work hard, sacrifice, and give them the very best you can. But the greatest gift you could ever give your son or daughter is a mom or dad who knows Jesus Christ personally.

The Bible says that “all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” Every one of us has a past. Every one of us has failures. Every one of us needs forgiveness. And God, in His love, made a way for that forgiveness through His Son, Jesus Christ.

“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

Jesus died for you — not just so you could go to Heaven someday, but so you could walk with Him today. So you could have peace in your heart. So you could have strength for your home. So you could have wisdom for your children. So you could have a new life, a clean slate, and a sure foundation.

Parents, if you’ve never trusted Christ as your Saviour, you can do that right now. Not by joining a church. Not by turning over a new leaf. Not by promising to do better. But by simply believing what God says:

“For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”

If you know in your heart that you need Him — that you need forgiveness, that you need salvation, that you need a relationship with God — you can call on Him today. You can bow your head right where you are and say:

“Lord, I know I’m a sinner. I believe Jesus died for me and rose again. I’m asking You to forgive me, save me, and make me Your child. I’m trusting You alone as my Saviour.”

If that is the desire of your heart, God will save you — not because of your works, but because of His grace.

And parents, imagine what God could do in your home if He began His work in you first. Imagine the difference your children could see. Imagine the legacy you could leave. Imagine the foundation you could build — one that will stand long after you’re gone.

Jesus invites you to Himself. For your sake. For your children’s sake. For eternity’s sake.