Healthy Homes (Pt. II)

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Every parent asks the same question at some point: How do I help my children develop a faith that becomes their own? We can teach Bible stories, bring them to church, and pray with them every day, but eventually every child must personally trust and follow Christ.

That raises an important question: Where does discipleship begin? Many people today instinctively look to the church. We think of pastors, Sunday School teachers, youth ministers, and Christian schools. Those are all wonderful gifts from God, but Paul points us somewhere even more foundational—the home.

In Ephesians 6:1–4, Paul reminds us that the home is God's first classroom of discipleship. It is there that children first learn what obedience and honor look like, and what it means to follow Christ. And it is there that parents are called to model and cultivate a life of faith.

This morning, the Bible gives two complementary responsibilities: children are called to obey and honor their parents, and fathers are called to disciple their children in the Lord.

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Children: Obey and Honor your Parents

Head:

Children are to obey their parents, both father and mother, because this is 'in the Lord.' It is the right response to God's authority, and it’s consistent with His revealed will.

Obedience is different from both submission and honor. Children are called to obey because they are still under their parents' God-given authority and have not yet developed the wisdom and maturity that comes with adulthood. The home becomes the first classroom of discipleship. Before children learn to obey God's unseen authority, they learn to obey the authority God has graciously placed over them.

A child’s obedience, much like a wife’s submission, is first and foremost an act of worship. It’s a right response because it is a response first to God. This also teaches us:

Instruction should be in line with God’s truth.

The Word of God should fill the believer’s home, and children should learn a biblical foundation from the beginning.

Finally, it is right for children to obey. Remember that righteousness has been a key idea ever since Paul started focusing on living out this new identity in Jesus. And, righteousness is simply doing what is right. Here, he simply says it plainly for the children—this is right. The word righteousness and right both share the same root.

Next, children are called to honor their father and mother. Again, honor is not a parallel command to obey. While obedience belongs primarily to children under parental authority, honor belongs to every child for life.

Honor means “to respect and love,” and children are to respect and love their parents all of their lives. What does this look like? One scholar notes that it’s possible for us to obey our parents without honoring them. If our obedience is done with clinched fists, under-the-breath cursings, and a rebellious heart, honor is not given. Honor would require us to esteem our parents and respect them and treat them with dignity. While children may not always agree with their parents, they can always have respect for them. I think respect and revere are good terms here, holding them in high esteem and not doing anything that would damage their reputation or legacy.

Paul reinforces his command for children to obey their parents by quoting the fifth commandment, "Honor your father and mother," emphasizing that honoring parents is a lifelong responsibility, not merely a duty for children living at home. While younger children honor their parents through obedience, adult children continue to do so by showing respect and caring for them, especially in their later years. Paul also highlights that this is the first commandment in the Mosaic Law accompanied by a promise—noting that obedience and honor toward parents are linked with God's blessing—underscoring the enduring importance of this command in both the Old and New Testaments.

When Paul quotes the fifth commandment, he isn't merely promising a long life. In the Old Testament, 'the land' represented life under God's covenant blessing. It was where God's people experienced His presence, His provision, and His promises.

That connection helps us understand why discipleship in the home matters so deeply. Parents are not merely trying to produce polite children. They are teaching their children to live as God's people—to walk in faithful obedience and enjoy the life God has designed for His people.

With this in mind, think about the two commands that children are given and why learning them is so important.

The life of faith is a life that is lived in obedience to God. Faith without obedience is a useless faith, empty and devoid of meaning. While grace alone saves us, the only right response to grace is an obedient faith. (This is not to say that we will be perfectly obedient or that we will never slip and falter in our walk, only that good works always accompany true faith.)

Honor is due to God in all things. Honor ultimately belongs to God. As children learn to honor their parents, they are learning an attitude of reverence that prepares them to honor the Lord, a key part of worshipping God above all else.

The Christian home is preparing children, not merely for success in this world, but for their inheritance in Christ. As children learn obedience and honor, they are being formed to live as citizens of God's kingdom and heirs of His promises.

Heart:

Think about where children first learn language. No parent sits a one-year-old down with a grammar textbook. Children learn to speak simply by living in the home. They hear words repeated every day until that language becomes their own.

In the same way, children learn the language of faith at home. They learn what obedience looks like. They learn what forgiveness feels like. They learn what prayer is. They learn what repentance is. They learn what honor is. Long before they can explain theology, they're already speaking the language of discipleship because they've been immersed in it.

Hands:

This week, children, ask yourself, "How can I honor my parents today?" Parents, ask yourself, "How can I help my children know and love Christ today?" Those simple, everyday choices are how God uses the rhythms of the home to prepare His people for His kingdom.

Fathers: Correct and Disciple your Children

Head:

Fathers, if our children are going to grab hold of the faith and claim it as their own, then it requires discipleship in the home. It is interesting that the fathers are addressed here. We affirm that this does not diminish the role of mothers in the discipleship process. Obedience and honor are given to both parents, so there’s no question whether or not they’ll be involved in the discipleship at home. What the text does, however, is remind us of a peculiar role that fathers play in the discipleship of children. Since he is the head of the home, by God’s design, the father is to take the lead in guiding his family as a whole, children included, leading them into healthy relationships with Jesus. Just as the husband is called to provide for the spiritual well-being of the wife, so the father is also called to actively lead his family in faith.

First, discipleship cannot be done with the “heavy hand of discipline.” Now, before you hear, “Don’t discipline your kids,” that’s not what I’m saying. Just remember, the same strength God gives a father to protect and lead his family can, if left unchecked, become harshness that discourages and wounds his children. If love and gentleness and kindness are missing, then children are not given a right picture of God, often leading to a rejection of faith and rebellion to both their parents and to God.

So, before we discipline, it’d be good to slow down and think before we act.

Am I correcting disobedience or reacting to inconvenience? Sometimes it’s not disobedience…they’re just being annoying.

Is my discipline just? The question is basically, “Does the punishment fit the crime?”

Am I expressing love or anger? Will my child still know my love for them after the discipline?

If we are prone to angry outbursts that cause us to act without thought, but a legitimate need for discipline is there, then it is wise to pause before disciplining. And, discipline should never be done without resolving the matter in love. There are natural consequences to disobedience, but disobedience should never diminish our love. Disobedience may require correction, but it should never cause our children to question our love. Every act of discipline should assure them that they are deeply loved, even while they are being corrected. Remember that we are modeling the love of our heavenly Father.

Instead, we are called to raise our kids in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Discipline shapes behavior through loving correction and consistent training. Instruction shapes the heart through the truth of God's Word and wise counsel. Christian parenting requires both, cultivating their worldview, developing their virtues through instruction, admonition, correction, and punishment when necessary.

Now fathers, we can’t lead our families where we’re unwilling to go ourselves. Therefore, we must be devoted in our own spiritual disciplines.

Are we studying God’s Word?

Are we spending time in prayer?

Do we have a band of brothers that strengthen our faith?

Are we involved in corporate worship?

A father who wants to raise disciples must first be a disciple.

This passage reminds us that discipleship is a matter of the home. The church cannot replace this design. However, it certainly is meant to strengthen it! Parents, we can’t outsource the spiritual formation of our children to pastors, Sunday School teachers, or youth ministries. Those ministries are gifts from God, but they are meant to support what God has already established in the home. Every meal, every bedtime prayer, every conversation in the car, every moment of correction and encouragement becomes an opportunity to point children to Christ.

Heart:

When builders construct a house, most people notice the paint, the flooring, and the finished rooms. But the builder knows the most important work happens long before anyone sees it. The foundation determines whether the house will stand for decades or crumble under pressure.

That's what Christian parenting is. Much of the work is unseen. Family worship around the dinner table. Quiet conversations after a hard day. Patient correction. Asking forgiveness when you've failed. Those moments may seem ordinary, but they are laying the foundation upon which a child's faith is built.

Hands:

Fathers, don't underestimate the ordinary work of discipleship. God often uses the quiet, faithful investment of everyday life to build a faith that lasts. Teach the Bible. Pray with your kids. Surround them with other believers. Take them to church. Show justice and love. Be firm and gracious. Lead them to know the Savior.

Experience

As we come to the end of this passage, remember that Paul isn't simply trying to build better families. He's showing us what the gospel looks like when it comes home.

Children, every act of obedience and honor is an opportunity to trust the Lord and grow in your heart a reverence for Him.

Parents—and especially fathers—every conversation, every correction, every prayer, every moment spent in God's Word is an opportunity to point your children to Christ. You cannot save your children, but you can faithfully show them the Savior.

None of us has done this perfectly. Every parent has failed. Every child has disobeyed. That's why our hope isn't found in perfect families but in a perfect Savior. Jesus perfectly honored His heavenly Father, obeying Him even to the point of death on the cross. Through His grace, rebellious children are forgiven, failing parents are restored, and broken homes can be transformed.

So let your home become what God designed it to be—a place where the gospel is believed, lived, and passed on to the next generation. May our children see Christ in us, and may they one day joyfully call Him Lord for themselves.