The Enemy Within

Intro

Earlier this year I was in Starbucks getting ready to have a meeting. I ran into Tony 3 and Nico outside. They were heading into Asian Garden for a meal. Within a few minutes Tony comes back in and says I have to meet someone.

Tony was approached by this guy because he recognized Tony’s shirt. The shirt he was wearing was a Convoy of Hope shirt. Convoy of Hope is the Assemblies of God disaster relief program.

I got to talk with the guy for a few minutes. Him and his wife were traveling through and stopped for something to eat. As we departed, he said I have something I want to give you. He went outside and came back with this book called:

Resolve Conflict God’s Way

He told me he wanted to bless me with it. His name was Dr. Bill Graybill. He was the author of this book.

I began to read this book in the middle of May and I just finished it this past week. I recommend that everyone read this book on how to handle conflict God’s way.

This is an on time message for the church today and how we as Christians are called to handle conflict. Take a look at the world around us and you will see there is conflict everywhere.

The question is, how do we as Christians, as a follower of Christ handle conflict not only in the world, but in our marriages, families, relationships, churches, and places of work?

Over the next few weeks we are going to dive into that. I am going to share some great biblical insights from Dr. Graybill and my prayer is that we will become what Paul said in Romans 12:

Romans 12:18 NASB95

18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.

Imagine if you will a place where nobody is offended by anything. There is no misunderstandings. No strained marriages. No fractured friendships. No hurt feelings. No gossip. No church splits. No division.

Sounds like heaven, doesn’t it?

This is exactly what heaven is going to be like.

But, until then, conflict will always exist. The question is if you will face conflict, but more so when you face conflict, how will you respond?

There are some in our culture who avoid conflict. They avoid it because it is not fun to deal with. So they ignore it hoping things will get better.

There are those who explode into conflict. They love the drama and where ever they go they are in the middle of it.

Some manipulate conflict. And some carry conflict for years and bitterness has become their identity.

But what if I told you there is another way? You see with Jesus there is a way to handle conflict.

The world says, “Stand your ground.”

Jesus says, “Pick up your cross.”

Culture says, “Win!”

Jesus says, “Die to self.”

Dr. Graybill defines conflict as this:

“a difference of opinion or purpose that frustrates someone’s goals or desires”

When your desires collide with someone else’s desires, you have conflict.

If we were honest with ourselves, conflict is really you or I not getting what we want.

The question is, as followers of Christ, what should we want?

Let’s dive into it.

The Heart of the Matter

Illustration

There was a man who went to the doctor. The reason he went to the doctor was every part of his body hurt to the touch.

The doctor asked the man, “Where do you hurt?”

The man replied, “Everywhere I touch!”

The man touched his shoulder and he felt pain. He touched his stomach and felt pain. He touched his knee and he felt pain.

After examining him, the doctor looked at him smiling and said, “You’re not hurting everywhere. You have just have a broken finger.”

A lot of times we believe that everyone around us is the problem when it comes to conflict.

“My boss…”

“My spouse…”

“My kids…”

“My church…”

“My you fill in the blank…”

Sometimes the real issue isn’t everyone we touch. Sometimes the real issue is within ourselves. This is the first place we must address when it comes to conflict.

According to James, conflict begins a lot closer than I think we want to admit.

James 4:1 NLT

1 What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you?

Notice that James starts right off the bat not with behavior, but with motive.

Not action. Not desires. Not words. But the heart.

James answers his own question of “What is the cause of the quarrels”…the heart.

Notice that James does not point outwards. When we experience conflict, our first reaction is:

It’s them not me

They are wrong

They are at fault

They are immature

They are this and they are that

But James says to look inward. Why? Why is this important when it comes to conflict?

Here is what I have learned about conflict.

Conflict exposes two kingdoms: God’s & Mine

Both of these kingdoms are trying to answer the same question: Who gets to be king?

Desires are not a bad thing. You can desire to go to college and get a degree in order to obtain a great paying job. You may have the desire to start your own business, write a book, or start a new ministry. Desire isn’t bad.

The kind of desire that James is speaking of is a desire of personal satisfaction apart from God’s will.

James is exposing desires that become ruling desires.

Good desires become dangerous when they become demands.

This past week I watched a pastor have a meltdown from the pulpit. He has some issues with his kids and leadership within his denomination. He reacted in the flesh. I feel sorry for him and he needs prayer.

In this meltdown he began demanding public justice for the way others treated him. He demanded that God would publicly punish those who have done him wrong.

Church, it is dangerous when we begin to demand things from God or even others. Especially when we have a conflict with others.

Wanting respect is healthy.

Demanding respect creates anger.

Wanting peace is healthy.

Demanding control produces manipulation.

The issue isn’t the desire. The issue is whether Jesus is still Lord over that desire.

Cain and Abel

Conflict has been going on since the beginning of time. One of those is Cain and Abel. In Genesis chapter four verse eight we read that Cain killed his brother in cold blood. It was premeditated murder.

Before the murder took place there was wounded pride. Before the act of violence there was jealousy. Before Abel’s life was taken from him, Cain had already lost the battle in his heart.

God even sent a warning to Cain.

Genesis 4:6–7 NLT

6 “Why are you so angry?” the Lord asked Cain. “Why do you look so dejected? 7 You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.”

Cain became king of his heart that day instead of God. The result? Death.

How we handle conflict begins in our hearts long before the explosion takes place. Conflict must be dealt with in the hidden place of our heart before it becomes a public tragedy.

Holy Spirit

One the greatest gifts that we have as Christians besides the gift of Salvation is the gift of conviction.

One of the ministries of the Holy Spirit is to bring conviction.

John 16:8 NLT

8 And when he comes, he will convict the world of its sin, and of God’s righteousness, and of the coming judgment.

This word convict means to bring to light or expose. The Holy Spirit’s role is to bring to light those things in our life that cause spiritual harm in order to course correct us back to God’s ways.

In that conviction, Holy Spirit will expose the righteousness of God and how without Christ ours is not comparable.

Write this down:

Always get God in the middle of it.

It is God’s way of course correcting us. Holy Spirit will convict you and show you a better way. It is up to us to surrender to that way.

Who is the king of our heart?

Conviction is not condemnation.

Condemnation says:

“You’re hopeless.”

Conviction says:

“You’re loved too much to stay this way.”

When the Holy Spirit points out pride…

He’s not embarrassing you. He’s inviting transformation.

The Spirit doesn’t merely change our behavior. He changes our nature.

That is why Spirit-filled believers should become the greatest peacemakers in the world.

Not because we never disagree—but because we allow the Spirit to deal with us first.

Let me give you a real life example. I have had two people come into the same service, hear the same songs, listen to the same message, the same Holy Spirit moved, and both left out of the service with two different perpsectives.

One said, “God didn’t move today.”

The other said, “My life has been completely changed!”

What’s the difference? The heart.

So it is with conflict. The condition your heart is in will determine who will be king of your heart and determine how you handle conflict.

Pride

Once the condition of our hearts is the focus, James now turns to the obstacle that hinders us from peace.

James 4:6–7 NLT

6 And he gives grace generously. As the Scriptures say, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 7 So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Notice it is not anger, it is not personality differences, not political views, or communication styles.

It is pride.

Pride hinders us from making peace.

There is one sin that is underneath just about every conflict. Pride.

Pride makes it about me. Pride says, “I am right. You are wrong.”

Pride demands justice. Pride demands apologies, but never gives them. Pride demands retribution...they must pay! But refuses to give grace. Pride says, “I have to win!”

Pride is always about self. Pride always dethrones Jesus in ones heart.

Pride always asks, “What about me?”

Humility always asks, “What would honor Christ?”

Before conflict ever took place on earth, there was conflict in heaven. Satan wasn’t cast out because of adultery. He didn’t steal. He didn’t kill.

Satan was cast out because of pride.

Isaiah 14:13–14 NASB95

13 “But you said in your heart, ‘I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God, And I will sit on the mount of assembly In the recesses of the north. 14 ‘I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.’

Notice the pattern.

I will. I will. I will.

Pride will always elevate self above others and ultimately God. Pride says, “I am king.”

The enemy took this tactic using pride in conflict and brought it to earth.

Genesis 3:5 NASB95

5 “For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

The enemy whispered, “You can be like God.” In other words, you get to be king. You get to rule. It is about you. Pride is always about self.

Mankind has been fighting who gets to rule since the fall of man in Genesis 3.

Does God sit on the throne of your heart or do you sit there?

Pride & Relationships

Here is what we need to understand about pride.

Pride destroys relationships

We see this with the fall of Satan himself. Prior to his pride he had a relationship with God. We see this with mankind and God. Because of their pride and be rulers of their own lives it broke the relationship between man and God. Then Adam and Eve. When God asked what happened, Adam through Eve under the bus and blamed her!

Think about those whom you have come into contact with who had some pride issues, or maybe you might see some of this in yourself.

Pride refuses to listen, but loves to interrupt

Pride assumes motives.

Pride exaggerates offenses

Pride remembers every wrong doing (this happens in a lot of marriages)

Pride refuses correction

Pride demands the last word

Pride always wants to win, but never wants to reconcile

You ever notice that arguments usually don’t end because truth comes out. They don’t end because nobody wants to surrender.

The issues often isn’t information, it is humility of the heart.

This is why we are told in Proverbs to:

Proverbs 4:23 NLT

23 Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Our hearts determine our actions and reactions.

Whoever sits on the throne of our hearts rules. No wonder God is not so interested what we do on the outside, but He is very interested in what is going on in our hearts.

Everything flows from the heart. As followers of Christ we should be praying as David prayed.

Psalm 51:10 NASB95

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

We can see an example of two kings that applies here today.

King Saul had an assignment from God. He partially obeyed. When the prophet Samuel came to confront him about it, king Saul immediately blamed the people. Made excuses. Protected his image. Everyone else was at fault. Sounds like Adam don’t it? His pride was in the way of correction.

King David wasn’t perfect by any means, but he was humble. When he was confronted by the prophet Nathan, he chose a different route.

2 Samuel 12:13 NASB95

13 Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” And Nathan said to David, “The Lord also has taken away your sin; you shall not die.

One king lost everything the other was restored.

Holy Spirit Filled People

If you claim to be filled with the Holy Spirit then your humility should be really deepened.

The fruit of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5 includes:

Love

Joy

Peace

Patience

Kindness

Goodness

Faithfulness

Gentleness

Self-control

Notice what is missing. Self righteousness.

I am going to be real honest with you church. If you claim to be filled with the Holy Spirit, Spirit led, then you should be the quickest to repent, to apologize, and to forgive.

I have shared before when we were youth pastors and had people come against us, talk about us, and tear us down…behind our backs and in my face. I remember the words of my pastor. He said to me, “You have thick skin.”

I am not saying words and actions don’t hurt. Because they do. God knows, sees, and hears all. And He cares deeply for His kids.

I have gotten to the point in my walk with God to learn to trust Him with the stuff that people do. I must guard my heart otherwise pride will creep in. It is always pride before the fall.

If we never get God in the middle of it and get His perspective and allow Him to be the rightful King of our hearts, we will never become a peace maker and instead we will cause havoc and death wherever we go.

Peter echos the heart of James. Listen to his words about humility.

1 Peter 5:5–6 NASB95

5 You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. 6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time,

I can’t tell you how many times where I put God in the middle of a conflict and allowed Him to

1. God = Work on my heart

2. God = Work on others

When I did this, God did a much better job of resolving the conflict than I ever could.

I have no unforgiveness and I am not carrying around the hurt and betrayal, that I used to.

More Grace

When we allow God to get in the middle of the conflict, humility takes place, and it allows for more grace to flow.

James 4:6 NASB95

6 But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

Not just a little grace, or some grace. But MORE grace.

When we humble our hearts to God and allow Him to rule it, there is is enough grace…

For broken marriages.

For divided families.

For church conflict.

For betrayal.

For deep wounds.

For impossible relationships.

God never asks us to reconcile in our own strength. It is through His strength and His abundance of grace that we can be reconciled.

Grace isn’t merely God’s forgiveness.

Grace is also God’s power.

Grace empowers us to do what our flesh cannot do.

Your flesh says…“Get even.”

Grace says…“Forgive.”

Your flesh says…“Protect yourself.”

Grace says…“Trust Me.”

Your flesh says…“Stay angry.”

Grace says…“Let it go.”

This is why biblical conflict resolution is supernatural. We don’t see conflict resolution in the world because the world wants to be king. When man is king, grace has a limit. But when God is king, grace is unlimited.

James’ Path to Grace

James 4:7-10 lays out a path for us to follow in order to access this unlimited amount of grace. You cannot access this grace any other way. Remember, it is God who gives MORE grace to the humble.

Submit to God

If you never submit your heart to God, you will never obtain more grace. This is the first and most important step. Submitting to God is saying, “God you are the king of my heart.”

Before you deal with people…you must first submit to God. Too often we want God to fix the other person without ever surrendering our hearts to Him.

Prayer is key with this. Pray for the other person. Not that God will fix them. Pray that God’s heart is revealed in you and in the situation. That right there will change your perspective on the conflict.

2. Resist the Devil

Not every conflict is a spiritual battle. But that doesn’t mean the enemy won’t use it as a weapon to divide your home, family, relationships, or the church.

The enemy thrives on unresolved conflict.

Ephesians 4:24–26 NLT

24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy. 25 So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. 26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry,

Bitterness is an invitation for the enemy to set up camp. Forgiveness is an eviction notice.

3. Draw Near to God

Here is something I have learned over the years walking with Jesus… the closer I get to Jesus…the harder it becomes to hate someone.

His presence changes perspective.

When Isaiah saw the Lord…

he didn’t cry,

“Woe is everyone else.”

He cried,

“Woe is me.”

God’s presence produces humility.

4. Humble Yourselves

This cannot be done without first submitting to God.

Notice James doesn’t say,

“Wait until you feel humble.”

Humility is a choice before it becomes a feeling.

Sometimes you choose forgiveness…before your emotions catch up.

Sometimes you apologize…before your pride wants to.

Your obedience often precedes healing of the conflict.

Closing

**Call musicians**

Conflict doesn’t begin with difficult people.

It begins with surrendered—or unsurrendered—hearts.

The greatest miracle God may perform today isn’t changing someone else.

It may be changing you.

Conflict doesn’t begin in:

Politics

It doesn’t begin in the workplace

It doesn’t begin in my marriage

It doesn’t being in my church

James says it begins here…in my heart.

James 4:1 NLT

1 What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you?

If we’re honest…

Every one of us walked into this room carrying something.

Some walked in angry.

Some walked in disappointed.

Some walked in offended.

Some walked in exhausted from trying to fix everyone else.

Others have smiled all morning…while carrying years of unforgiveness.

And here’s what the Holy Spirit is saying today.

“Before I heal your relationships…let Me heal your heart.”

Let me ask you a question.

What do you use a mirror for?

It would be a little silly for me to stand in front of my mirror every day and say, “Man I hope my wife fixes her hair today.”

“I’m going to use this mirror to fix my neighbor.”

Nobody says these things.

The mirror is used to fix your hair. Your makeup. To see the dirt on your face. It is used to make sure you are looking your best. Not others.

The mirror is used to reveal you so you can address what needs to be fixed.

James actually mentions this.

James 1:23–24 NLT

23 For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. 24 You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like.

This morning…God’s Word has become a mirror.

Some people came hoping their spouse would hear this message.

Some hoped their boss would hear it.

Some hoped another church member would hear it.

Instead…

God held up a mirror.

And every one of us has seen ourselves.

Because every heart has areas that still need surrender.

Not too long ago I myself had to apologize to someone. I too have to check to make sure that my heart is being ruled by Jesus and not by James.

I am still friends with this person to this day. They are still here worshipping with me every week.

Here’s the beautiful part of the beginning of this series.

We aren’t just talking about conflict today.

We’re talking about the Gospel.

Because every one of us…was in conflict with God.

Romans says,

“While we were still sinners…”

Christ didn’t wait for us to apologize first.

He took the first step.

Jesus didn’t demand we come halfway.

He came all the way from Heaven.

The cross…is the greatest act of reconciliation in history.

Jesus absorbed the offense…so relationship could be restored.

If Jesus can reconcile sinful people to a holy God…He can certainly reconcile broken people to one another.

Stand with me today.

Church…this week…don’t ask God to change everyone around you.

Ask Him to begin with you.

Because revival doesn’t begin when everyone else repents.

Revival begins…when the people of God humble themselves before the Lord.

James makes us a promise.

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.” (James 4:10)

Imagine what God could do through a church where husbands apologize first…wives extend grace freely…parents seek forgiveness from their children…leaders choose humility over ego…and believers become known—not for winning arguments—but for reflecting Jesus.

That kind of church becomes a powerful witness to the world.

Let’s Pray