A Godly Mother Is First A Godly Wife

We have a responsibility to obey Scripture even when we don’t like it. Especially when Scripture runs counter to everything we learn, see, and hear in our culture today. We cannot serve two masters. We either obey the Word of God, or we obey culture. Choose you this day whom you will serve.

1 Peter 3:1–7 NKJV

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

http://adam4d.com/wives-husbands/ - COMIC = opening illustration.

DOES NOT: When our world hears that a wife is to submit to her husband, this is what they picture. They believe that we are referring to a patriarchal, authoritarian, sexist, female bashing, repressive mentality. While it is true that some have used the Bible to teach these things, those people were not Christ honoring, Christ following, and Christ emulating people.

Let me go on in the comic…

Let me highlight some key words here. “Choose”. “Equals”. “Love”. “Team”. “Trust”. “Difficult”. “Beautiful, God-honoring, and effective”. “Counter-cultural”. I’m not going to highlight the man’s responsibility today, we will save that for Father’s day. When we do things God’s way, it is beautiful, it honors Him, it is effective, and it shows our culture what an incredible marriage obedience to Christ can give you.

This is a controversial topic. So…

This morning we want to begin with a question: “Do we want our understanding of Scripture to inform our thinking? Or. Do we want our thinking to inform our understanding of Scripture?” Let me illustrate. Let’s say I want to get drunk. I read Scripture and it indicates that being drunk is a sin. At this point I have Two options. Option 1: I allow Scripture to change my thinking and I conclude that it would be a sin to get drunk and I choose not to get drunk. Or. Option 2: I choose to believe that those verses of Scripture were only meant for the people in Bible times, and therefore they do not apply to me, and so I get drunk. Which scenario is right?

Now let’s take that same reasoning and apply it to gender roles. Scripture is very clear on gender roles and it is very clear on why. We either choose to believe and obey Scripture, or we choose to reinterpret Scripture to fit what our culture says. This is a choice we must make. We have a responsibility to obey Scripture even when we don’t like it. Especially when Scripture runs counter to everything we learn, see, and hear in our culture today. We cannot serve two masters. We either obey the Word of God, or we obey culture. Choose you this day whom you will serve.

To help you choose, let me encourage you with this thought.

A proper understanding of God’s design makes these verses beautiful. It casts the creation purpose of gender roles in a new light! It removes the apparent sting of these words.

A proper understanding of God’s design makes these verses beautiful.

It casts the creation purpose of gender roles in a new light! It removes the apparent sting of these words.

It is our goal this morning to properly understand this passage that we might learn to function in the role God has given us.

When we are living in obedience to His design we will find strength, contentment, and joy like we have never known.

Peter explores three vital ingredients that combine to make a Godly wife. As we examine these we will find application for every believer. First we examine…

1. The Conduct Of A Godly Wife vv. 1-2

What these two verses reveal is the power of submission. One of the keys to understanding these verses is the word “likewise”. In Greek this is the first word of the text and it connects us back to the larger context beginning in . Let’s read those verses. This is the context. Peter is telling us how to have honorable behavior among unbelievers. The goal of this honorable behavior is the glory of God. This is key. Submission in any context is always about the glory of God. This means that if the one we are submitting to is telling us to do something that would be wrong legally or according to Biblical morality, we can refuse because to do so would violate God’s glory. But those are the only exceptions. Otherwise, we are to be obedient to God by being submissive.

Peter deals with four groups of people. All believers in vv. 13-17, servants (or employees) in vv. 18-21, wives in vv. 1-6, and husbands in v. 7. In all of these groups the submission has a two-fold goal or purpose. The first goal is the same for all four. The first goal is to bring glory to God. The second goal varies. For all believers the second goal is to put to silence the ignorance of foolish men in v. 15. The second goal for servants is to follow the example of Christ and be commended in vv. 20-21. The second goal for wives is to win their husbands in vv. 1-2. The second goal for husbands is to encourage his wife and to keep his prayers unhindered. So there is always a second goal. This second goal for the wives is what is in view here in vv. 1-2

In connecting this section of Scripture back to ch. 2 we see that submission is not just something required of wives. Some of the misunderstanding and misinterpretation of these verses arises from a failure to recognize that all believers are called to submit! Regardless of our context, there is someone we are to submit to. Ultimately we are all required to submit to Christ. Part of our submission to Christ is submitting to those He has made responsible for us. gives added clarity here (S).

Ephesians 5:21 NKJV

submitting to one another in the fear of God.

It is this verse that immediately proceeds Paul’s instruction to husbands and wives in .

All that is necessary background to help us understand what Peter is writing here. With those thoughts in mind, let’s get into the text. As Peter deals with the conduct of a Godly wife he first addresses the need for…

a. Submissive Conduct v. 1a

This point right here is where our culture tells us to shut down. “He said that dirty ‘s’ word! He’s a sexist! He hates women! The Bible is all about repressing women!” Those accusations are dead wrong. Remember that the first word in Greek is “likewise”. Women submit to their husbands as all believers submit to laws and as employees submit to employers. This does not make women doormats. It does not demean them. It does not say that they are less important than men. The simple reality, in the context of 1 Peter, is that the home must have a leader and God has assigned that responsibility to men. This responsibility is not to be taken with an authoritarian mindset. It is to be undertaken with fear and trembling and mutual discussion. You are a team.

“Submissive” is the Greek word ὑποτάσσομαι (hypotassomai) meaning subject; subordinate. To be or become inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination. Present in this word is also the idea of “To place or arrange under”. This is a military idea. God does all things decently and in order. Therefore, there is an order of responsibility. It is important to remember also that Jesus was subject to God the Father and to His earthly parents. This was not because they were more important, stronger, smarter, wiser, or more honorable than Him! The same is true of a husband and wife relationship. Warren Wiersbe writes…

The Bible Exposition Commentary Chapter Six: Wedlock or Deadlock? (1 Peter 3:1–7)

Even Christ Himself became a servant and submitted to God’s will. There is nothing degrading about submitting to authority or accepting God’s order. If anything, it is the first step toward fulfillment.

Likewise – ὁμοίως homoiōs likewise; in the same way. Similarly – in like or similar manner. Adverb of manner.

In this passage Peter twice stresses that wives are to be submissive to their own husbands (vv. 1, 5). This passage cannot be used to teach that all women need to submit to all men. That is simply not the context of this passage. As we noted earlier there is a specific goal to this submissive conduct of a wife. This goal is seen in the latter part of v. 1 and v. 2. There Peter discusses…

Submissive – ὑποτάσσομαι hypotassomai subject; subordinate. To be submissive – to be or become inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination. Verb, present, passive, participle (participle with imperative force), plural, nominative, feminine. To place or arrange under – military idea.

b. Salvific Conduct vv. 1b-2

The secondary goal of the submissive behavior of the wife is that if some husbands are disobedient to the Word of God, they may be won by the conduct of the wife. There is a key word here, and that is “may”. I don’t want to give false hope to those who have unsaved spouses. There are no guarantees. This is not saying that if you respond correctly they will absolutely be saved or brought into obedience to the Word. That is in the hands of our Sovereign and loving Lord. You are simply responsible for your part. This word “conduct” refers to the manner of life and has a moral connotation to it. v. 2 explains that the moral conduct is to be “chaste”, This is the Greek word ἁγνός hagnos meaning pure, innocent, or faultless.

Key word here = “May”. I don’t want to give false hope to those who have unsaved spouses. There are no guarantees. This is not saying that if you respond correctly they will absolutely be saved or brought into obedience to the Word. That is in the hands of our Sovereign and loving Lord. You are simply responsible for your part.

As the wife is submissive and displays purity in her moral conduct it brings conviction on the husband and draws him toward Christ. What is amazing is that v. 1 states that he will be won without a word. This is not to say that the wife should never talk to her husband. Nor is it saying that she shouldn’t speak about Spiritual things. The idea is that she does not attempt to nag or browbeat him into the kingdom! She lives Christ before her husband and it demonstrates to him that there must be something to this whole “God thing”. By the way, there is application here for a husband with an unsaved wife as well. Live Christ before her. Do everything to the glory of God and allow Him to do the drawing!

v. 2 closes by emphasizing that this pure moral conduct is to be “accompanied by fear”. The object of this fear is not the husband, but God. The submission with the goal of seeing the husband won to Christ is motivated by the fear of the Lord! You don’t submit to your husband because He deserves it. You submit because you fear God! You want to obey God! Your husband also has a responsibility and we will discuss that on Father’s Day. So be sure to come back on June 18th to get the rest of the story. The focus of this submission and conduct is the glory of God. That is what we live for. We submit to one another, we walk in obedience to the word, we conduct ourselves in moral purity because we fear the Lord! We live for His glory! We want Christ to be evident in our lives! That is the conduct of a godly person, and of a godly wife. It is this conduct that will prepare you to be a Godly mother. The second vital ingredient for a Godly wife that we want to examine is…

V. 2

V. 1b

Do not obey – ἀπειθέω apeitheō disobey; be disobedient. To disobey – to refuse to go along with, refuse to follow, or be disobedient. Finite verb, present, active, indicative, third person plural.

Word – λόγος logos word; message. Gospel ⇔ word – the content of what is preached about the good news of Jesus’ way of salvation (or the impending divine dominion and its king, Jesus). Noun, dative of reference, singular, masculine.

Won – κερδαίνομαι kerdainomai gain. To be acquired as a convert ⇔ be profited – to be or become acquired as a subject for obedience and faith in Jesus; conceived as being a financial gain. Finite verb, future, passive, indicative, third person, plural.

Conduct – ἀναστροφή anastrophē conduct; way of life. Moral conduct n. — a person’s conduct; especially its moral character, whether virtuous or debauched. Noun, genitive, singular, feminine, prepositional object.

V. 2

When they observe – ἐποπτεύω epopteuō see; watch; observe. To watch (observe) – to follow with the eyes or the mind. Verb, aorist, active, circumstantial participle, plural, nominative, masculine.

Chaste – ἁγνός hagnos pure; innocent. Pure (faultless) – having no faults. Predicate adjective, accusative, singular, feminine.

Fear – φόβος phobos fear. Reverence ⇔ fear – a feeling of profound respect for someone or something, often a deity, conceived of as fear. Prepositional object, noun, dative, singular, masculine. Fear of God not husband.

2. The Character Of A Godly Wife vv. 3-4

I would suggest that it is impossible not to notice the extreme emphasis our culture places on external beauty. While there are impossible standards set for both sexes it is nevertheless true that the vast majority of cultural emphasis is on the physical appearance of a woman. As much as we fight against it, we see this trend creeping its way into the church as well. There can easily be an undue emphasis on the external. The problem is that external beauty is corruptible. It fades, it changes. But internal beauty is incorruptible, imperishable, and unfading! True beauty is eternal beauty and that comes from our character. And so Peter describes for us…

External beauty is corruptible. It fades, it changes. Internal beauty is incorruptible, imperishable, and unfading! True beauty is eternal beauty and that comes from our character.

a. What character excludes v. 3

Let me first deal with what Peter is not saying. Peter is not saying that women should take no care of their outward appearance. NKJV and NASB both insert the word merely in this verse. While this is a word added by the translators, it serves to accurately convey the sense of the text. If that is what Peter is not saying, what is Peter saying?

“Adornment” is literally “world”. Here is what Peter is stating. “Don’t let your world consist of what is external!” So many people live their lives consumed by the outside while completely neglecting what is inside. There is nothing wrong with doing your hair, with wearing jewelry, or with good clothing. However, if concern for these things is allowed to consume us. If these are the only things we care about; that is when it becomes sin! Let me tell you, the world, the flesh, and the devil are going to fight you on this one! Kenneth Wuest writes…

Wuest’s Word Studies in the Greek New Testament 12. The Adornment of the Christian Woman (3:1–7)

the adornment of the Christian woman should be in keeping with what she is as a Christian. She should not be a Christian at heart and her adornment be that of a person of the world.

There is nothing wrong with doing your hair, with wearing jewelry, or with good clothing. However, if concern for these things is allowed to consume us. If these are the only things we care about; that is when it becomes sin! Let me tell you, the world, the flesh, and the devil are going to fight you on this one!

Our world continuously screams the message that our external appearance is vital to success, to love, to happiness, and to fulfillment in life. We see this message in magazines, in movies, and on virtually every television commercial. This message appeals to our flesh. Our sinful human nature wants people to look at our bodies and be impressed! When we take our eyes off Christ, the desire for outward approval can become all consuming. Satan wants us to pay more attention to the external. If he can keep us sidetracked with the temporary concerns of this life, he is happy. As wives, as mothers, as women today, don’t fall for the lie that your fulfillment depends on how you look. Husbands, fathers, men, don’t fall for the lie that your appearance will bring everything you desire. Take care of your appearance, but take more care of your heart. That is where Peter goes next as he describes…

Adornment – κόσμος kosmos world. Adornment – any decoration that is added to relieve plainness. Noun, predicate nominative, singular, masculine.

Arranging – ἐμπλοκή emplokē braiding. Braiding – the act of twisting or interlacing the hair into a specific knot-like formation. Appositive, noun, genitive, singular, feminine.

Gold – χρυσίον chrysion gold; jewelry; gold ornaments. Gold jewelry – any adornment (as a bracelet or ring or necklace) made of gold. Noun, descriptive genitive, plural, neuter.

b. What character includes v. 4

This verse tells you how to be beautiful forever. You can have eternal beauty! That would be a great advertising slogan for the church. Come here to get eternal beauty! This is accomplished by developing inner character. Rather than only spending time and energy on the external, Peter states that a wife’s adornment, her world, should be the unseen person of the heart. “Heart” in Peter’s culture was a euphemism for the mind, will, and emotions. What should characterize the mind, will, and emotions? A gentle and quiet spirit.

“Gentle” is the Greek word πραΰς praus meaning gentle, meek, or humble. It is someone who is characterized by being humble, gentle, and mild. “Quiet” is the Greek word ἡσύχιος hēsychios meaning quiet or well-ordered. Tranquil; being untroubled and free from disturbances. Peter is describing an attitude of meekness, humility, and tranquility. This is not a reference to weakness. Moses is called the meekest man to ever live and he was definitely not weak. Meekness is strength under control. This is the kind of person who is operating under the control of the Holy Spirit. It is someone who has fixed their hope and confidence in Christ and so are unshaken and undisturbed by the trials of life! This is a person whose faith is firmly rooted in Christ! That is the kind of woman who makes a Godly wife and mother! How do you get this? By being a woman of the Word and of prayer. When this is the internal attitude, Peter says it is a form of beauty that is incorruptible.

This verse tells you how to be beautiful forever. You can have eternal beauty! This is accomplished by developing inner character.

Heart = mind will and emotions. What should characterize our mind will and emotions? gentleness and well ordered tranquility.

Quiet – ἡσύχιος hēsychios quiet; well-ordered. Tranquil – being untroubled and free from disturbances; especially free of noise and uproar. Attributive adjective, genitive, singular, neuter.

Heart – καρδία kardia heart. Self ⇔ heart – the locus of a person’s thoughts (mind), volition, emotions, and knowledge of right from wrong (conscience). Noun, descriptive genitive, singular, feminine.

“Incorruptible” is the Greek word ἄφθαρτος aphthartos meaning imperishable or incorruptible. It describes not being subject to breaking down (and thus lasting forever). This is the result of cultivating an intimate relationship with Christ! When this is our attitude, it is very precious to God. This word refers to something that is costly, expensive, high-priced, and extremely valuable. That is what this kind of character is to God. God is not very concerned with our outward appearance. It will fade, change, and ultimately be made perfect in His will and timing. He is concerned about the inner man. Kenneth Wuest again writes…

Gentle – πραΰς praus gentle; meek; humble. Meek – characterized by being humble, gentle, and mild. Attributive adjective, genitive, singular, neuter.

Wuest’s Word Studies in the Greek New Testament 12. The Adornment of the Christian Woman (3:1–7)

The chief adornment of the Christian should be the Lord Jesus, manifested in and through the life of the believer.

I love that quote. Our chief adornment should be the evidence of Jesus Christ in our lives! If you are spending all of your time, and all of your money, and all of your energy on the external things, on things that wont last, you are wasting your life. To waste the precious time that God has given, to waste the life that He has purchased with His own blood, is sin. We have been created in Christ Jesus for the purpose of good works! We have been redeemed for His purpose and glory! The inner beauty that is developed through a vibrant relationship with Christ must be our focus! You cannot be a godly wife and mother if you are not drawing closer to Christ on a daily basis! We cannot be a Christ honoring believers if we are not developing this inner beauty! Seek to attain Godly character and you will be a Godly Mother and Wife, you will be a Godly believer in Jesus Christ. We have seen the conduct and the character, look with me now at the third vital ingredient Peter gives for being a Godly wife…

Very precious – πολυτελής polytelēs costly; expensive. High-priced – extremely valuable. Predicate adjective, nominative, singular, neuter.

If you are spending all of your time, and all of your money, and all of your energy on the external things, on things that wont last, you are living in sin. The inner beauty that is developed through a vibrant relationship with Christ must be your focus! You cannot be a godly wife and mother if you are not drawing closer to Christ on a daily basis!

3. The Consideration Of A Godly Wife vv. 5-6

We need examples to follow. Joseph is in Kindergarten and as he is learning to write they give an example to trace. Do you remember doing that in school? Even in math there are example problems to help us understand the correct application of the formula we are learning. Scripture is filled with examples for us. There are a multitude of people whose lives help us to understand how to apply what God’s Word teaches. In these verses Peter points us to some Old Testament examples. He first invites us to…

a. Consider the attitude of godly women v. 5

“In this manner”. In what manner? The manner just described. Making internal character of first priority. Holy women behaved in this way in times past. They adorned themselves not externally, but internally.

“Trusted” is the Greek word ἐλπίζω (elpizō) meaning hope, or to put one’s hope in someone. To have trust or confidence in someone; especially as regards the future. Notice that the object of their trust, their faith and hope, is God. Their submission is not motivated by a trust in their spouse, but by their faith in God! Our trust in Him demands a certain standard of behavior. So often when it comes to these kinds of verses our focus is wrong. We put the focus on our spouse and say they don’t deserve my submission or obedience. But the focus should not be on our spouse, it should be on the Lord! Wayne Grudem writes…

1 Peter: An Introduction and Commentary 1. Wives: Be Subject to Your Husbands (3:1–6)

Quiet confidence in God produces in a woman the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, but it also enables her to submit to her husband’s authority without fear that it will ultimately be harmful to her well-being or her personhood.

Notice that the object of their trust, their faith and hope, is God. Their submission is not motivated by a trust in their spouse, but by their faith in God! Our trust in Him demands a certain standard of behavior.

These holy women trusted in God! And because they trusted in God, they desired to demonstrate Godly character. Part of the Godly character is submission to their husbands. I would submit to you that when we rebel or react to this kind of a command, we do so because we have taken our focus off of Christ and put it on either ourselves or our spouse. Our hope and trust needs to be in God! We need to be confident that when we do things as He has directed there will be fulfillment, peace, and joy! Peter again emphisizes here that women are to be submissive only to their own husbands. True beauty is found when our inward character reflects the character of Christ. For a wife, part of that is how she submits. Again, we will deal with the husbands on Father’s Day. Peter moves from a general consideration of Old Testament women to a specific consideration. He invites us to…

Trusted – ἐλπίζω elpizō hope; put one’s hope. To hope (in someone) – to have trust or confidence in someone; especially as regards the future. Verb, present, active, attributive participle, plural, nominative, feminine.

Holy – ἅγιος hagios holy; holy one. holy (pure) – having the characteristics of moral or ritual purity; context often emphasizes one over the other. Substantival adjective, nominative, plural, feminine.

Own husbands – this is repeated twice. Here and in v. 1. Should stress be placed on this? Is the idea that they are submissive to their own husbands, not to just any man?

b. Consider the attitude of Sarah v. 6

This verse is one of those that causes our modern society to freak out. Peter advocates here for Godly wives to follow Sarah’s example in being obedient. Let me break this word “obeyed” down very carefully for you in the Greek (ὑπακούω hypakouō). It means “obey”. Now, let be really honest with you ladies. I don’t like this word any more than you do. This word scares me. It should scare any man who endeavors to walk with Christ. As the God-ordained head of the home, any decisions made ultimate rest on me. That means that I will be held accountable before God for what happens in my family! It scares me to have Jess obey me. Because I am not perfect. When understood correctly, this verse encourages men to lead in a Godly, Christ-honoring way! It encourages women to give their input. It challenges men and women to work together.

Obeyed - let me break this word down very carefully in the Greek. It means “obey”. Now, let be be really honest with you ladies. I don’t like this word any more than you do. This word scares me. It should scare any man who endeavors to walk with Christ. As the God-ordained head of the home, any decisions made ultimate rest on me. That means that I will be held accountable before God for what happens in my family! It scares me to have Jess obey me. Because I am not perfect. When understood correctly, this verse encourages men to lead in a Godly, Christ-honoring way! It encourages women to give their input. It challenges men and women to work together.

This is not a popular verse. It is definitely not a common Mother’s Day passage. But When we understand and follow God’s design, that is where we gain the ability to live as men and women who bring glory to Christ! If you want to be a Godly mother and wife, you must do what God has commanded! I recognize that these are difficult things to hear and believe in a society that denies them. But we must believe in the loving heart of our heavenly Father and be willing to do what He says! There cannot be any fulfillment, blessing, or joy if we are not walking in obedience to the Word of God.

Peter finishes this section by stating that women who care more for the internal than the external, women who submit to their husbands, are the daughters of Sarah if they do what is right and are not afraid or in terror. Submitting to and obeying someone else can be a frightening thing. However, we must remember where our trust is. Our trust is in God! He is our hope! He is the one who has our confidence! We obey Him even when it is hard to do! That is where satisfaction, peace, and joy come from.

Cannot be afraid in submitting to or obeying a husband.

Obeyed – ὑπακούω hypakouō obey. To obey – to be obedient to. Finite verb, aorist, active, indicative, third person, singular.

Lord – κύριος kyrios Lord. Lord-sir – a polite and respectful term of address for a man; probably of more respect and deference than modern day, “sir”. Noun, predicatory accusative, singular, masculine.

Do good – ἀγαθοποιέω agathopoieō do good; do what is right. To do good – to do good for another person or behave or act in a good, proper, or satisfactory manner. Verb, present, active, circumstantial participle, plural, nominative, feminine.

Afraid – φοβέω phobeō fear; be afraid. To fear – to be afraid or feel anxious or apprehensive about a situation or event. Verb, present, either middle or passive, circumstantial participle, plural, nominative, feminine.

Terror – πτόησις ptoēsis fear; terror. Terror (object) – anything that inspires fear or dread. Direct object, noun, accusative, singular, feminine.

Conclusion

These are difficult verses, and yet they are powerful. Let me close by giving you a peek at how God’s commands to wives fit perfectly with what He commands husbands. Let’s read v. 7. The husband is commanded to strive to understand His wife. He is commanded to honor and respect her. He is commanded to remember that God has made them differently. He is commanded to remember that they are equal. He is commanded to remember that his spiritual life depends on how he treats his wife. The commands to husbands and wives fit together perfectly as we will see next month on Father’s Day.

When we function how God has designed and intended us to function, there is fulfillment, peace, and joy. It is necessary for all of us to display good conduct, Godly character, and to consider role models that are worthy of our imitation. For you mother’s here today, being a godly mother means being a godly wife. If you do not have a husband that does not relieve you from displaying the godly character Peter has advocated here. For all of us here today…

It is necessary for all of us to display good conduct, Godly character, and to consider role models that are worthy of our imitation.

What we look like on the inside is far more important than anything external.

Can the character of Christ be clearly seen in our lives?

Are all of us willing to submit to those God has placed over us?

Bosses, husbands, government, parents?

My prayer is that Grace Church would be known for having people who care more about Christ than they do about their looks.