Beloved 3: Appreciate Your Mate
Notes
Transcript
Bookmarks & Needs:
Bookmarks & Needs:
B: SOS 1:9-14
N:
Welcome
Welcome
Bye, kids!
Good morning, everyone. Thanks for being here today, whether you are here in the room or joining us online through the app, the website, Facebook, or YouTube.
If you’re a guest or a visitor this morning, we appreciate you as well! Thanks for being here today, whether you’re a believer or are just checking out the Jesus and the church, whether you’re in the room or online. We’d like to be able to send you a note of thanks for your visit this morning, so if you wouldn’t mind getting us a little information, it would mean a lot to us. If you’re online, you can jump over to our I’m New page on the website or the app and fill out the contact card at the bottom. If you’re in the room, you can just fill out the Welcome card that you’ll find in the back of the pew in front of you. At the close of service, you can either drop it in the offering boxes by the doors, or if you would, you can bring it down to me here at the front, so I can say hello if I haven’t had the chance already this morning, and so I can give you a small gift to thank you for your visit. Thanks in advance for taking the time.
I want to take a moment as say thanks to the rest of our church staff. Church family, our staff is a really great team of people. It’s a joy to work with them. Joe, Trevor, Michael, Shanna, Rebecca, Tim, Brandee, Liana, Michelle, Khyrstyn, Amanda… thanks for all you do! And congrats to Khyrstyn & Bryce for the arrival of Jayson this week.
Announcements
Announcements
Just as a quick update, on the one day that we collected for Mission:Dignity (June 28), we collected $1,900! Thanks church.
WHDR $3,840, Goal $7500
Here’s a short video with one way that Southern Baptist’s Global Hunger Relief ministry is impacting Guatemala. SENDRELIEF VIDEO Since half of our WRDR offering goes to World Hunger Relief, and half to NM Disaster Relief, every $12.70 given is $6.35 to World Hunger.
Opening
Opening
We’re in the third week of what is planned to be 15 weeks going verse-by-verse through the Song of Songs, also called the Song of Solomon. We’re approaching this book from the perspective that it is a love song written by an older Solomon looking back at what an ideal love between a husband and wife could, would, and should look like. This book, called the “Holy of Holies” of the Old Testament by second-century Rabbi Aqiba, is one of the most difficult books in the Bible to understand. However, given our focus on family this year, we felt the prompting to preach it. Parents, please remember that these messages will likely demand some parental guidance from you—I’m rating them PG—primarily for younger students or children who are still in the room.
Last week, we considered a section of “Girl Talk” in the Song, where the main female character (the “Beloved”) shares her doubts and dreams with her girlfriends (the “Chorus”), who then encourage her because they delight with her in the beauty of the relationship that she has with her betrothed, the shepherd-king, who I’m calling the “Lover” for this series. We discussed how you ladies have a unique ability to build each other up and to tear each other down, and that we are called by God to do the former, rather than the latter.
This morning, we get to join in the first meeting between the Beloved and Lover in the Song. My personal take on this meeting is that our heroine took the advice of her friends, and made the journey to see her betrothed as he pastured his sheep. And now that she has found him, we get a glimpse of how they both speak to and think about each other.
So please open your Bibles or your Bible apps to our focal passage this morning, verses 9-14 of chapter 1 of Song of Songs. Then, as you are able to do so, please stand in honor of the declaration of the Word of God as I read that passage aloud.
9 I compare you, my darling, to a mare among Pharaoh’s chariots. 10 Your cheeks are beautiful with jewelry, your neck with its necklace. 11 We will make gold jewelry for you, accented with silver. 12 While the king is on his couch, my perfume releases its fragrance. 13 The one I love is a sachet of myrrh to me, spending the night between my breasts. 14 The one I love is a cluster of henna blossoms to me, in the vineyards of En-gedi.
PRAYER (Pray for students on mission trip and kids going to Proclaim)
Every Sunday morning, I get up here and speak words: Literally several thousand of them every week (you may not have realized that it was that many). And my prayer each time is that the words that I’ve written as I’ve prayed and studied and thought, and the words that I get up and say are all God’s words—what He would have me share from His Scriptures and His heart for this congregation at this time for our edification and for His glory. That it would be real truth, leading to transformational growth.
There’s no denying it: Words are important. Words are powerful. They can build up, and they can tear down. They can encourage, and they can discourage. They can bless, and they can curse. Solomon understood this truth, writing in Proverbs 18:21:
21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue. If this is the case, then it stands to reason that how we speak to one another, around one another, and about one another matters greatly. This is true about all relationships. But in no relationship is that more true than in the relationship between a husband and a wife.
And we might think that, since that relationship is permanent, and should be as close as you can be to another person, then it matters less how we use our words. And the reality is that this is kind of true: like other aspects of life, with our spouses we let our guards down, we shoot from the hip more, we don’t examine our words before we let them out of our mouths, and because of the marriage covenant and the love that we should share with our spouses, there’s often a lot of grace for poorly chosen words. However, it also means that we are more likely to wound with our words those that we are closest to, and sadly feel justified in doing so.
Jesus doesn’t say that our speech is evaluated on a sliding scale that depends upon the closeness of the relationship we use our words in. Instead, He says that the words that come out of our mouths reveal what is stored up in our hearts, and that there will come a day when we will have to answer to Him for the foolishness that we display in using our words carelessly:
34 Brood of vipers! How can you speak good things when you are evil? For the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart. 35 A good person produces good things from his storeroom of good, and an evil person produces evil things from his storeroom of evil. 36 I tell you that on the day of judgment people will have to account for every careless word they speak.
Therefore, it is vital that in the relationships where we are most prone to misuse our words that we carefully consider what we say and how we say it, and examine the evidence our words show about what’s going on in our hearts. This is why Solomon also wrote:
23 The one who guards his mouth and tongue keeps himself out of trouble.
So how do we use our words wisely in marriage (or really in any close relationship with another person)? One of the most important means of using our words to build up, to encourage, to bless, to impart life, is to express appreciation.
And this is what we see between the Lover and the Beloved in this morning’s passage. Their first direct verbal exchange in the Song is full of words of appreciation that speak life, that build up, that encourage, and extol. He appreciates her beauty, and she appreciates his closeness.
1: Appreciate your mate’s beauty
1: Appreciate your mate’s beauty
Keep in mind that this is poetry, and ancient poetry at that. This means that there are going to be a lot of images that don’t necessary make sense to us right away. This is one of those times that we might come to this verse and be confused because it seems like an insult to us, even if the rest of the language is positive. Consider verses 9-10:
9 I compare you, my darling, to a mare among Pharaoh’s chariots. 10 Your cheeks are beautiful with jewelry, your neck with its necklace.
Note that we have very little idea of what “beautiful” means here. We considered this in our first message in the series. Remember that the cultural definition of what constitutes “beauty” is shifting sand, and constantly changing. Certainly, the Lover finds her attractive. But there is something more to the Beloved’s physical beauty here—it’s more than skin deep, as we will see.
This man has a favorite name for his Beloved, which the CSB translates as “my darling.” The Hebrew word here, ra-yah, is used nine times in the Song: each and every time by the Lover. However, the fascinating thing about this name is that it is not primarily romantic. The Lover sees the Beloved as more than arm candy, as more than a hottie, as more than a conquest, as more than some kind of living doll for him to possess and control. Instead, the word primarily means “companion,” or “friend.” He sees her as his partner, his equal, as well as his love interest. This name, by itself, says that he appreciates her, and it builds her up.
And he says that he “compares” her to a mare among Pharaoh’s chariots. Ladies, I’m sure this is exactly what you want your husbands to say to you. “You look like a horse.” Just kidding… that’s NOT what he’s saying!
I know this might sound strange to us, but people and even God Himself are compared to animals in many different ways in Scripture in order to paint a picture for us. For example, God is depicted as a great bird, sheltering His people under His protective wings in Psalm 91:4; Jesus is the “Lamb of God” (John 1:29) and the “Lion of Judah” (Rev 5:5-6); and the psalmist likens himself to a deer longing for flowing streams in Psalm 42:1; and Proverbs recommends the sluggard look to the ant for an example (Pro 6:6-8). This also occurs several times in the Song itself (Song 2:9, 4:1-2, 5:11-12, for example).
So the Lover is saying that he can compare his Beloved to a mare among Pharaoh’s chariots: That there is a quality or qualities that the two share, not that she LOOKS like a literal horse. You might be thinking, “I’m still not getting why a mare has anything to do with her.” The point isn’t that she’s being compared to just any mare, but a mare among Pharaoh’s chariots. There are two aspects of this for us to consider.
First, they would have understood something an important fact of context: That mares didn’t pull the chariots of Pharaoh. Pairs of stallions did. But this is a single mare. A single mare among the stallions would have had their complete attention. Nothing else would have mattered. The eyes of the stallions (and in this case, ONE stallion in particular—the Lover) would be on her and her alone. He’s saying that there is no other woman in the world to him except the Beloved.
Second, this is one of Pharaoh’s mares. She is royal, stately, and would have been well cared for, well trained, and well outfitted. The horse’s tack, including the bridle and other straps, would have been highly decorative, using multicolor braiding of leathers, precious metals, stones, and glass beads. When the Lover sees his Beloved, he knows that she’s of royal quality, even though we saw last week that she came from a blue-collar family. It’s not her lineage, but her character and strength that matter.
When he moves on into verse 10, his comparison his Beloved to one of Pharaoh’s mares still controls the picture. Her cheeks are beautiful with jewelry. At the time, Egyptian horses had specialized cheek pieces that were often decorative or shield-shaped. Perhaps he’s referring to earrings that she wears, which could easily touch her cheeks if the earrings were large enough. Her neck is also adorned with jewelry, which would have been common for a royal mare at the time. However, what’s most important is that the Lover appreciates how the jewelry that she wears accentuates her features, how it enhances her beauty.
Now, can you see how kind, how appreciative he is being of this woman who just a few verses ago was self-conscious and insecure about her appearance? His words are words of encouragement and life to her, helping her to see herself through his eyes.
Probably many of you have read, or at least heard of, Dr. Gary Chapman’s well-known book, The Five Love Languages. The premise of the book is that there are five basic “languages” of expressing love: Physical Touch; Acts of Service; Quality Time; Giving Gifts; and Words of Affirmation. And generally, people are most “fluent” in one of those “languages.” Dr. Chapman argues that the reason many people don’t feel loved by their spouse is that they are speaking different languages, and so whatever love they are trying to communicate in their own language isn’t being correctly received and interpreted by the other person. I’m not really going to disagree with Dr. Chapman here, but I am going to say this: In some way, Everyone wants to be praised by those who love them, and by those they love. This isn’t just a man thing, and it’s not just a woman thing. It’s an everyone thing.
So pour out the words of praise! Declare your appreciation for your spouse: for their attractiveness, for their sacrifice, for their dedication, for their fidelity, for their kindness, for their example, for their encouragement, for their honesty, for their service, for the little things, for the big things, for the normal things, for the impressive things… for everything that you might be able to appreciate about them. USE YOUR WORDS.
The Bible supports this. In Proverbs 31:28-29, the husband of the wife of noble character speaks:
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also praises her: 29 “Many women have done noble deeds, but you surpass them all!”
And Solomon explains how helpful kind words can be in someone’s life:
24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb: sweet to the taste and health to the body.
Furthermore, Paul says in Ephesians 4:29 that our words should be those that are “good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear.”
Husbands, wives: speak words of life to one another, and do so regularly and passionately. This actually helps friendships as well… try it!
Moving on to the last verse of the Lover’s poem of appreciation for the Beloved, the shepherd-king Solomon doesn’t stop with his words. He also seeks to give his Beloved the gift of jewelry that will further enhance her beauty:
11 We will make gold jewelry for you, accented with silver.
The “we” here is both of them: The Lover and the Beloved. They together will design and create the jewelry for her. But this isn’t the point of this verse. It’s that this is a declaration of value.
We know that she is already adorned with jewelry of some kind. However, the Hebrew doesn’t speak of the jewelry being of precious metals. Instead, it was more beads and ornaments. Solomon wants her to have jewelry befitting both his ability to declare her value to him, and of his view of her importance to him. He’s not buying her love. He’s giving her a precious gift because of how precious she is to him.
To be fair, as the wealthiest king that Israel ever had, Solomon could give such lofty gifts. I’m not saying that you should run out and hire a jeweler to make some gold and silver jewelry for your spouse. I’m suggesting that you find some way to declare how important they are to you—how valuable. It will take an investment. Perhaps of money. Perhaps of time. Perhaps of effort. Perhaps of planning. If you have the means to do something extravagant, then do so. But if you don’t, then let the extravagance come from the work and thought that goes into it.
Again, this application is for men AND women, not just the guys. Honor one another well. I really like how the ESV renders Romans 12:10 in this regard:
10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
This instruction is for the church, but does it not also apply in the home? Think about it for a moment: What if your marriage was characterized by each spouse appreciating and enhancing that which is beautiful in the other, in fact, by each spouse seeking to OUTDO one another in displaying that appreciation? What a wonderful picture this would be to the world about Jesus! Because remember, Ephesians 5:22-33 teaches us that marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church. As Jesus honored us by giving Himself for us, we honor Him with our praise and adoration. If this is what our marriages in the church look like, it would be such a beautiful testimony of the Gospel.
And now, we move on to the Beloved’s declaration of appreciation for the Lover—for his closeness.
2: Appreciate your mate’s closeness
2: Appreciate your mate’s closeness
Just as we should seek to outwardly express our appreciation for both the inner and outer beauty of our spouse, so we should also inwardly reflect upon the emotional intimacy that should exist in our marriages. Not only that, but the Beloved’s poem to her Lover has aspects that point us to the Savior, Jesus. Consider verses 12-14:
12 While the king is on his couch, my perfume releases its fragrance. 13 The one I love is a sachet of myrrh to me, spending the night between my breasts. 14 The one I love is a cluster of henna blossoms to me, in the vineyards of En-gedi.
In my introduction, I argued that my personal view of our focal passage is that the Beloved has taken the advice of her girlfriends to go and find the shepherd-king out where he has pastured his sheep (verse 8), and these two short poems of appreciation reflect what they say to and think about each other at this meeting. One word in verse 12 helps support this view: couch.
The Hebrew word “couch” here literally means “environs, or that which surrounds.” Since the Beloved refers to her Lover as king again here, we imagine that somehow the scene has shifted to perhaps the palace, but I don’t think that this is the case. There is no reason for us to leave the pasture, because the sheepfold is a sufficient candidate for the “environs” of the shepherd-king when the Beloved finds him. This interpretation also works well with what follows in verses 16 and 17 (which we will consider next week).
But this is no illicit tryst in private, rather it is a public meeting between these two lovebirds. Notice that everything that he said about her beauty was from the neck up. They are excited just to see one another, to be close to one another.
The three statements that our heroine makes in her poem have a common thread: each one refers to a fragrance of some kind. Verse 12 refers to her “perfume,” which is actually nard, or spikenard. Verse 13 speaks of a “sachet of myrrh,” and verse 14 to a “cluster of henna blossoms.” Certainly this connection was not missed by the readers of the day.
Each of these scents reflect the nearness of the man and the woman to each other. They are so close, they can smell each other. Again, it’s not necessary for there to be anything improper for this to be the case: it could be (and I would argue is) as simple as the two of them embracing.
First, we have the fragrance of her perfume. Nard was an expensive, exotic perfume, made from a plant native to India. As with many perfumes, as the skin warms the perfume molecules evaporate more quickly, releasing their fragrance into the air. The insinuation is that she’s attracted to this man. She wants to be close to him, to hold him and be held by him.
Now, the fact that she is wearing this perfume for this meeting in the sheep pen also declares something about how she values him. One might think that it would be a waste to wear such expensive perfume in a place such as a sheepfold. But it’s a reflection of her love for him. No sacrifice is too great.
There’s another place in Scripture where the prominent scent of expensive nard fills the space as a woman uses it to express the value of another Shepherd-King. It’s in John 12:
1 Six days before the Passover, Jesus came to Bethany where Lazarus was, the one Jesus had raised from the dead. 2 So they gave a dinner for him there; Martha was serving them, and Lazarus was one of those reclining at the table with him. 3 Then Mary took a pound of perfume, pure and expensive nard, anointed Jesus’s feet, and wiped his feet with her hair. So the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.
Early in the week before Jesus was crucified, Mary poured out a pound of that same expensive perfume and used it to anoint Jesus’s feet in preparation for His burial. Just a few days later, our Shepherd-King Jesus would be arrested, tried, convicted, crucified, and buried, when He had done nothing deserving death. He did this because of His great love for us: He died to pay the penalty that our sins deserve. He is worth all that we might pour out for Him.
Yes, Mary poured out the nard so that she might declare Jesus’s value. But more so, Jesus poured out His blood on the cross to declare how valuable WE are to God. It is only by faith in Christ’s sacrifice that we are saved. He died to purchase our forgiveness, and rose to provide us eternal life. Will you believe the Gospel today, and surrender to Jesus as Savior and Lord?
Back in the Song, the second fragrance that the Beloved references is the scent of myrrh, and she compares the shepherd-king to a sachet of myrrh that she would wear around her neck, next to her skin, as she slept at night. The myrrh in the sachet would have been mixed with fat, and as the woman slept, the fat would slowly melt, allowing the fragrance to be released gradually throughout the night. We’d call this a “time-release” formula today.
This doesn’t mean that they are spending the night together at this point, and given how chaste the man’s poem to her is, I doubt this is what Solomon is getting at. Instead, it’s a question of the position of the sachet. It’s on her chest, near her heart, and the aroma of it is a constant reminder of it’s presence. Likewise, she keeps her Lover near her heart, and she is surrounded by thoughts of him even as she sleeps. But in this part of the poem, I believe that an embrace is pictured, and she can smell his aroma (we saw that she was thinking about this back in verse 3 as well).
Couples: Do you appreciate the fact that you get to hold each other? The best way to express that appreciation is to actually hold each other. Do you spend any significant time hugging? Snuggling? It’s a great way to experience closeness, and I think one that we often neglect.
And again, the use of myrrh in this passage points us to our greater Shepherd-King, Jesus. Myrrh was present in the bookends of Jesus’s earthly life. It was one of the gifts given to Jesus by the Magi after His birth:
11 Entering the house, they saw the child with Mary his mother, and falling to their knees, they worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts: gold, frankincense, and myrrh.
It was also used on His body before being placed in the tomb:
39 Nicodemus (who had previously come to him at night) also came, bringing a mixture of about seventy-five pounds of myrrh and aloes. 40 They took Jesus’s body and wrapped it in linen cloths with the fragrant spices, according to the burial custom of the Jews.
And what Paul writes is that it is we, church, who God will use to spread “the aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place:”
Bill: 2:15-16a
15 For to God we are the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing. 16a To some we are an aroma of death leading to death, but to others, an aroma of life leading to life.
Brothers and sisters of Eastern Hills, our mission is to be people helping people live out the unexpected love of Jesus every day. Do people “smell” Jesus on us? Do we make them think of Jesus when they are with us, and do they feel as if they’ve been with Jesus afterwards?
Finally, the Beloved compares the shepherd-king to a cluster of henna blossoms in the vineyards of En-Gedi. I’ve intentionally waited until here to point out that in verses 13 and 14, she uses her favorite name for the Lover: “the one (or ‘my’) love.” This man is unique, special. He is the only man for her—a theme that will continue to appear throughout the Song.
But it is related to the vineyard of En-Gedi. The En-Gedi Oasis is a real place on the western shore of the Dead Sea. Here’s a picture. It’s surrounded by desert, and as you can see is a surprisingly lush place, so lush in fact that grapes and henna can grow there. Henna is a bush that produces white and yellow flowers that are sweet to smell, similar to roses. In clusters, their scent can be a very powerful aroma that surrounds and envelops.
The Beloved is surrounded and enveloped by the love of the shepherd-king. She feels safe and secure in his love. His love for her refreshes her and strengthens her. Not only that, but he is a beautiful oasis in a desert of men. No one is like him.
Do you feel surrounded and enveloped by the love of your spouse? Does your love for your spouse make them feel safe and secure, refreshed and strengthened? If not, what changes need to happen in your relationship for this to be a reality?
But in a deeper way again, like the Lover in the Song, there is no one like our Shepherd-King Jesus. His love surrounds and envelops us. We are safe and secure in His love as well. The world is a spiritual desert, and Jesus is the only oasis that provides what we need to be saved—the living water.
Bill: John 7:37b-38
37b Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. 38 The one who believes in me, as the Scripture has said, will have streams of living water flow from deep within him.”
Jesus is the only One who can provide such love, such hope, such refreshment, such strength.
Closing
Closing
As we come to a close this morning, I want to leave us with a simple question: What kind of atmosphere do our words create?
When people enter your home, when your spouse hears your voice, when your children watch the way you speak to one another, when you spend time with friends, do they encounter an atmosphere of criticism or encouragement? Of frustration or grace? Of neglect or appreciation?
The Song of Songs reminds us that love is not merely something we feel; it is something we express. The Lover and the Beloved do not keep their appreciation hidden away in their hearts. They speak it. They say it out loud. They build one another up with their words. They communicate value, honor, delight, and affection.
And perhaps that is exactly what some of us need to hear today.
Maybe you're married, and it's been a long time since you've intentionally spoken words of life to your spouse. Perhaps the pressures of life, work, finances, parenting, health concerns, or simply familiarity have caused you to become careless with your words. Let today be a fresh beginning. Choose to speak life. Choose to express appreciation. Choose to honor one another. I know that I can personally do much better in this regard.
Maybe you're not married. The truth is that this message reaches beyond marriage. Every relationship is shaped by words. Parents and children. Friends and coworkers. Brothers and sisters in Christ. We all have opportunities every day to either wound or heal, discourage or strengthen, tear down or build up.
And ultimately, this points us to Jesus.
Because when we were at our worst, Jesus spoke a better word over us. When we were lost in sin, He declared us worth redeeming. When we were spiritually dead, He laid down His life to give us life. His love surrounds us like that oasis in the desert. His grace refreshes weary hearts. His presence is nearer than we often realize.
So whether you come this morning encouraged or convicted, come to the Shepherd-King. Rest in His love. Receive His grace. Let His words reshape your heart so that your words might reflect His heart.
If you’ve never trusted Christ, come to your Shepherd-King in faith this morning, trusting Him to save you, surrendering to Him as Lord.
Baptism
Church membership
Giving
Prayer
PRAYER
Closing Remarks
Closing Remarks
Video Testimony of Roger & Jane Cook
Neighboring Moment
When I was going to visit a friend in the hospital, as I was on the elevator, a lady in a wheelchair got on the elevator and said she was going to see her sister who was having surgery for blood clots. I asked the sister’s name and said I would pray for her. I then prayed on the elevator. She and the person who was pushing her wheelchair thanked me enthusiastically and said they would pray for my friend as well.
Bible reading
Pastor’s Study tonight
Prayer Meeting
Instructions for guests
Benediction
Benediction
4 The tongue that heals is a tree of life, but a devious tongue breaks the spirit.
