Marriage
Notes
Transcript
We are going through the Letters to the Corinthians,
The Corinthian Church had problems,
We have two of Paul’s letters to the Corinthians,
We know that he wrote at least 4
We know Paul tends to write letters in order to correct some issue within the church,
So he wrote to the Corinthian church more than any of the other churches
And the two letters we have are two of the longest letters in the bible
and two of the longest letters that we have from the ancient world.
The church had issues
We have already spoken about 2 of their biggest issues,
Divisions, choosing to follow specific apostles as though they were competing for who was the best teacher
when really all the apostles were working together to build up the Church
and Sexual immorality within the church
Which was so bad that even the pagans in Corinth, where the temple to Aphrodite was centered, found it a horrible and gross act.
and the church was wrongfully defending these people from the legally required punishment.
We pick up this week with Paul speaking to the best solution to avoid sexual sin.
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Paul refers to the letter the Corinthians sent to him, highlighting some of their questions and issues.
So at least they know they have issues,
the first step to fixing problems is admitting the problem exists.
And the ESV puts this in quotes as if Paul is quoting their words back to them
“It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
those quotation marks did not exist in the original text, so that is quite the assumption
it is also likely that this could simply be Paul’s answer to the question.
But he follows that statement with saying, but married people should have sex with each basically other as often as they want,
and if they chooses to abstain for a little while it should only be for a little while, before Satan can come in and start tempting them away from each other.
So Paul’s advice to avoid sexual immorality is basically God’s original design, get married, and have sex only with your spouse.
But here we get to an interesting point:
Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Paul admits that he would prefer that people remain unmarried and celibate, Like he is.
He understands that that lifestyle does not work with everyone, but he considers his own celibacy a gift
a gift that not everyone shares.
and he says, if you can’t live a celibate life, then get married.
But he admits it here almost as a way of admitting he has a bias, and though he has the authority to speak to this matter as an apostle, he is limited in his experience of marriage, because he himself in unmarried.
It would be interesting to see how the Apostle Peter answered this question, because we know Peter was married.
And actually Peter does address marriage.
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
and it comes down to much of the same thing, Wives love and submit to your husbands, Husband love and honor your wives.
Peter does not address those who are unmarried.
So Paul shares his opinion, he makes it clear that it is his opinion.
But what does God say?
Well let’s look.
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
This comes after God created the world, and every time he created something he said “It is good” and when everything was complete he says “it is Very good.”
But he looks at Adam all alone, and says “it is not good” for man to be alone.
And he creates a helper - which the word helper here is the same word that Jesus uses to describe the Holy Spirit, it is not a servant, it is an equal partner.
And Adam sees Eve and says “Wo - man!”
See Paul saw benefit in being single, at least for himself, and for some people that might be a great option,
But God’s design for most people is for the Man to leave father and Mother and be united with his wife.
and two people become one.
We could look at proverbs:
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
I have this on a t-shirt, and Lyvi has one that says “Mrs. Good Thing.”
But God sees marriage as a good thing, and people who get married find favor from the Lord.
And there is an Entire book of the Bible dedicated to the goodness of the marriage relationship.
And Perhaps most interestingly is how in Ephesians, Paul defends marriage by tying it directly to our relationship with Christ:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Wives submit to your husband as you would to Christ, as the leader of your family.
Husband love your wives, as Christ loved the church, a self sacrificing love.
Becuase Christ married the church, He left the Father, and was united to the church, and now we are one with Jesus.
So husbands and wives ought to be one together.
So marriage between a man and a woman is a beautiful representation of God’s love for us.
It is a good thing.
So when Paul is suggesting that it might be better not to marry, he is speaking from his own experience, as a man who was celibate all his life.
And because Paul said this here, an entire culture developed in the Early Church, and with the rise of Roman Catholicism that believe that it was Better or more holy to be Celibate.
And this led to rules where Priests were not allowed to get married,
And that has hurt the church in many ways,
The leaders of the church could not give great marriage counseling advice because they never experienced marriage.
And some of the Scandals that have come out against Catholic leaders in recent years may be because they “burned with passion” and couldn’t fulfill that desire.
Because they took Paul’s advice here, and ignored clear commands when Paul wrote to timothy, and said church leaders ought to be “the husband of one wife”
Interestingly enough Paul also warns Timothy that there will come a time when people will forbid marriage and require abstinence.
Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons, through the insincerity of liars whose consciences are seared, who forbid marriage and require abstinence from foods that God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth. For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer.
Church I do not want to speak ill of other Christians, but there are some doctrines that are taught, that when compared against scripture, are clearly wrong, and even demonic.
And this is why it is important to know what scripture says
But Paul continues and he tries to make sure that it is perfectly clear what is his opinion, and what is a directive from God.
To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
So Paul is clear, God says people should not get divorced.
Jesus himself taught this Matthew 19:3-9
And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
Jesus said that Divorce and remarriage is akin to adultery.
Becuase you are taken two people who became one, and then broke them apart again, and then joined to new people.
the only way that isn’t adultery is if one or both of the spouses have already been committing adultery.
And Paul recognizes this, and says if you get divorced then don’t remarry.
But then Paul adds nuance, and he makes it clear that this is his opinion, it is not a direct revelation from God.
To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.
Paul says if someone is married to a spouse who isn’t a believer, who isn’t a christian, they should remain married, unless their spouse seeks divorce.
Church we sometimes call this being unequally yoked.
Paul is adding a practical option here, if my spouse is not a christian, and they get tired of me going to church and praying to Jesus, and reading the Bible, and they leave me,
Paul says “let them go”
He does not say whether these individuals should remarry. He says “they are not enslaved.”
And before we continue, let me add this, this was during a time when the church was starting to face persecution from the roman government.
Allowing a non-christian spouse to leave was perhaps a way of sparing them from the persecution.
Paul now continues his line of thought:
Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.
Now before we get into this, it should be noted that people could be betrothed to someone many years before they were of an age to marry. This is a time of arranged marriages after all. So it not like Paul is speaking to people who are engaged, and telling them to break off their marriages.
He is saying it might be better for people to break off their betrothal if they wish to do so.
And again this is his opinion.
And Paul gives his reasoning for this opinion.
I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
His reasoning is the same reason he never got married.
when you are single, you are only concerned with yourself, and you can focus entirely on what God wants you to do.
When you are married, your focus has to be on raising and protecting your family and your spouse.
But again he makes it clear this is his opinon and suggestion, and not a rule.
If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
Paul concludes with this. If you are unmarried, and cannot tame your passions, you should get married.
That is the best way to avoid sexual immorality.
And it IS a Good thing, there is nothing wrong with it.
But if you have self control, and can stay celibate, and that is also a good thing, in fact Paul says that it may be better.
And finishes with a comment about remarriage after the death of a spouse.
He says it is allowed, but again he thinks it would be better to remain unmarried.
and he says that he has the Spirit of God.
which like Eve is called a “helper”
Which this last sentence gets to the heart of Paul’s lack of enthusiasm for Marriage,
In Christ we have the Holy Spirit as a helper, and so we are not alone, and God created marriage so that man wouldn’t be alone.
In all much of this chapter is Paul giving his own advice as an unmarried man.
He doesn’t want to speak against marriage, as it is clearly God’s design, and a wonderful thing, he is more justifying his own choice to remain unmarried - as he sees more benefit in being single for Jesus, than married.
Church, as a married man, I respectfully disagree with Paul’s opinions, the ones from himself, and not from God.
I believe marriage is a wonderful thing, and something that most people should seek, rather than remaining single.
But i will admit that for some people, like Paul, Marriage is not the best option, but that option is only for certain people, people who can control their urges, and focus on God.
And Church for many people there is a call to singleness that lasts for a time, until God brings them to their spouse.
In any case, Marriage is a good and wonderful thing. it is something to be honored and respected.
It is not always easy.
two people becoming one means double the drama, double the problems, but double the happiness, and Joy.
Singleness is also good, especially for a time, as you can focus on heavenly things more when you are single.
But more than either Marriage or Singleness, our relationship with God, with Christ, is paramount.
