The Power to Overlook

Intro

We are continuing our series called Resolved. In this series we are looking at a biblical way to resolve conflict in our lives.

I shared with you a book that was given to me by Dr. Bill Graybill called:

Resolving Conflict God’s Way

Several came up to me after service last week and mentioned obtaining a copy of it. If you have not yet obtained one, I recommend that you do.

Last week we looked at the Enemy Within. When it comes to conflict and handling it in a biblical manner, we must first make sure our hearts are aligned with God. If our hearts are not aligned with God, we will not humble ourselves before God, therefore we cannot give the greater grace that James said we will receive in James 4.

Today I want to continue down this path of looking inward. I have learned over the years in my walk with God that a lot of what I read in Scripture has to do with me. Too often we don’t want to look at ourselves as the one with the issue. The world thinks this way. The world points fingers at everyone else while ignoring their own faults and failures.

As followers of Christ it is important that we ALWAYS make sure we are good before pointing any fingers or blaming someone for the conflict. Sometimes it is truly others, but my guess is more times than not it is us.

Dr. Graybill defines conflict as:

“a difference of opinion or purpose that frustrates someone’s goals or desires”

This definition gets to the simple heart of the matter of we are not getting what we want or desire.

As Christ followers, we should desire the heart of God or the desires of God in every conflict.

The heart of God in all conflict I believe is reconciliation. Anytime Christians reconcile, we live out the Gospel message to all those who are watching.

2 Corinthians 5:18–20 NASB95

18 Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, 19 namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation. 20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.

God did not hold us to the trespasses we commited before or even after accepting Christ. It is through Christ that we have been reconciled back into the relationship with our Creator that was broken in the Garden of Eden.

Now:

God has committed to us the word or message of reconciliation.

This word “committed” means appoint or ordained. God himself has ordained and appointed EVERY Christ follower to carry the message of reconciliation to the world.

EVERY single time we as Christ followers have conflict with one another and we choose to reconcile (reconciliation is a choice), we are showing the world what God did for us through His Son Jesus Christ.

This is a VITAL ministry that each of us have must carry out if we are going to reach the lost with the Gospel message of Jesus Christ!

This doesn’t happen unless something changes within us.

Too often we are waiting for the other person. We are wanting God to change the other person. We are wanting God to reveal to the other person what they did.

If every Christ follower practice the art of asking God to reveal something in them when there is conflict and both parties submitted to God’s desire (which is reconciliation), then the world would see more of the Gospel played out within the church.

Let’s dive into today’s topic of offence and how to biblically handle it.

Offense

Proverbs 19:11 NLT

11 Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.

How many of you here this morning have ever been offended by someone?

How many of you here have been offended by someone and you know for a fact, that 100% as you stand before God, that they did it on purpose?

Some people are malicious to the extent that their purpose in life is to simply offend people. As a Christ follower, we are NOT called to maliciously offend people. We are called to be peacemakers.

We do live in a world where people are going to be offended by the truth of the Word of God. But as a Christ follower it is not my goal to purposely offend someone with truth.

The first church we pastored at I offended someone who was a Christian and came every week. He was offended by the Scripture:

Psalm 14:1 NASB95

1 The fool has said in his heart, “There is no God.” They are corrupt, they have committed abominable deeds; There is no one who does good.

He came up to me right after service and asked with an attitude, “Pastor are you calling me a fool?”

Seems kind of odd right?

This is an example of someone who got offended, but the offender didn’t have the intentions of offending someone to hurt them. The offendee misread the situation and heard something that was not there. If anyone would be offended, it would be the one who doesn’t believe in God.

How many of you have done the same? There have been times in my life where I was offended by something that wasn’t intentional. But there are times when someone is down right trying to offend me on purpose.

So how do we handle offenses?

Jesus said,

Luke 17:1 NKJV

1 Then He said to the disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come!

The more modern day translations say, “it is impossible that no stumbling blocks should come”.

The Greek word used here refers to the trigger stick of a trap — the small piece of wood that, when bumped, springs the trap shut.

What we need to understand is, the offense is the trigger to something more dangerous than just hurt feelings or I was just insulted.

Biblically speaking to be offended means to stumble, fall away, or be caught in a trap because of something that challenges your faith or expectations.

Being offended in the biblical sense is always dangerous because it can lead to falling away from Jesus or into sin.

What’s the sin?

Bitterness, unforgiveness, hatred of a brother or sister in Christ.

Jesus said this will be a sign of the end of times before His return.

Matthew 24:10 NASB95

10 “At that time many will fall away and will betray one another and hate one another.

Matthew 24:12–13 NASB95

12 “Because lawlessness is increased, most people’s love will grow cold. 13 “But the one who endures to the end, he will be saved.

Church we cannot and must not allow offenses to cause our love to grow cold towards one another or towards the love for the lost.

Offense is a trap that causes you to stumble in faith, fall into sin, or worse…abandon Christ. This is always spiritual and always dangerous.

In all reality church, not if, but when a follower of Christ is offended, we have the opportunity to either respond with grace through the power of the Holy Spirit or react in the flesh.

Overlook the Offense

So how do we respond?

Proverbs 12:15–16 NLT

15 Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others. 16 A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted.

It is foolish to believe that you are always right. It is prideful to never admit you are wrong. As we learned last week in James 4 you cannot obtain greater grace to give out when you are full of pride.

When it comes to offense, we have two options.

Overlook or Ignore Offenses

To ignore the offense is to go on in life and pretend that it never took place.

Growing up as kids there was a generation that was lied to. I grew up in the generation where if someone insulted you, your response was:

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” or “I’m rubber you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.”

This is lie. The fact is words do hurt. Words do cause damage.

Words can also bring healing.

Proverbs 12:18 NLT

18 Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.

To ignore an offense can be more damaging in the long run. What tends to happen is, we get offended by something someone said or did and we stuff it down like it never happened. The fact is it did happen. And it did hurt.

When we keep ignoring offense that bring pain, you end up stuffing unresolved hurts deep down in your soul until one day you are at capacity. All the meanwhile you are bitter and then one little thing can set you off and you explode. A lot of times it happens in a public setting where all see and hear it.

Does this bring life or death?

To overlook an offense is something different.

Overlook means to look over it or rise above it

Some may view this as unacceptable. After all they offended you and you demand justice.

Overlooking an offense isn’t ignoring it or pretending it didn’t happen, because it did.

Overlooking an offense is making the decision to look beyond it. Overlooking an offense acknowledges that it did happen, and then choosing to release it.

When you get offended, it reveals who is really king of your heart.

Remember, when we are offended we get hurt and when we are hurt we demand justice. Your flesh demands immediate justice.

This is contrary to how God operates. Think about the times you offended God by your sin and He did not demand justice for it right away.

Listen to the words of David, a man who fell into deep sin - adultery, murder, - and yet a man after God’s own heart:

Psalm 103:8–11 NLT

8 The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. 9 He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. 10 He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. 11 For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.

David gives us the reason why God is slow to anger.

Psalm 103:14 NLT

14 For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust.

Does this mean we will get away with it? Depends. He gives us a chance to make things right. He gives us a chance to turn to Christ and repent for our sin. To make things right between us as individuals and Him.

This is called grace and mercy.

Because God has shown me a ton of grace and a ton of mercy, I should do the same with those who offend me.

Dr. Graybill writes,

“Our ability to extend grace is based on the grace that God has extended to us in Christ Jesus.” - Dr. Graybill

We choose to extend grace or not to those who offend us…intentionally or unintentionally.

There are times when you cannot just simply over look an offense, but those are most likely far and few between. Those times are when someone is going to hurt someone or themselves. Then you step in.

In the past 27 years of following Jesus I have not encountered many times where it was extreme. But I have encounter a plethora of times where offense took place and it was not handled in a biblical manner.

Offense is an Opportunity

When you are offended, we often look at it as a bad thing. As a follower of Christ it should not be viewed as such.

There once was a Florentine diplomat, author, philosopher, and historian who lived in in both the 14th and 16th century by the name of Machiavelli. He was attributed to the phrase:

“Never waste the opportunities of a good crisis.”

Every offense presents a crisis—not necessarily a public crisis, but always a spiritual one.

The word crisis simply refers to a decisive moment—a point where a choice must be made. Every offense forces us to choose a direction. We either move toward Christ or toward our flesh.

Every offense is a crossroad for the believer. When we are offended, we have a short window to make a choice.

Most people think a crisis is...

Losing your job.

Receiving a cancer diagnosis.

A natural disaster.

A financial collapse.

Which these can be (even moments like these should not be wasted).

But spiritually speaking...

An offense is a crisis because it reveals who is really in control of your heart.

We should constantly be asking the question: “Who is king of my heart?” Especially when it comes to offense.

When someone wounds you, you immediately stand at a crossroads. A decisive moment.

Will I...

Extend grace?

Assume the worst?

Forgive?

Gossip?

Pray?

Retaliate?

Become bitter?

Become more like Jesus?

One moment...Two possible futures.

Let me give you some examples and then we will close.

Example 1: A Marriage

A husband comes home from work.

His wife says,

“You’re late again.”

He immediately feels attacked.

That single sentence becomes a crisis. Now he is at a crossroads.

He can say,

"You never appreciate me!"

Now the evening is ruined.

Or...

He can pause.

Ask,

"Tell me what's bothering you."

Same offense.

Two completely different futures.

Example 2: Church

The pastor walks past someone on Sunday morning.

He doesn't speak.

Why?

He's thinking about the altar call.

The church budget.

A hospital visit.

The sermon.

But the member thinks,

"Pastor ignored me."

Now comes the crisis.

Will they...

Choose grace?

Or build an entire story that isn't true?

One missed greeting has started church splits.

Not because of the event...Because of the interpretation.

Example 3: Ministry

You worked for weeks preparing an event. The event comes and goes.

Sunday comes.

Nobody thanks you.

Now you're offended.

The crisis isn't that nobody noticed.

The crisis is deciding whether your service was for people's applause...or God's glory.

I could go on and on with examples. Let me give you one more. This is the one we need to think about every time we cross paths with the trap of offense.

Jesus

The Cross.

Talk about an offense.

Mocked.

Rejected.

Spit upon.

Beaten.

Falsely accused.

If anyone had a right to take offense...

It was Jesus.

Yet His response was,

Luke 23:34 NASB95

34 But Jesus was saying, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.” And they cast lots, dividing up His garments among themselves.

The greatest offense in history...

Produced the greatest act of grace.

An offense is not the crisis. Your response is.

How we respond to offense is one of the greatest opportunities to reveal Christ to others.

Offense can either harden your heart and cause you to become angry, bitter, and never obtain the greater grace to show towards others.

Or…

If you allow God to be king of your heart…then when you are offended you will reveal the grace and mercy of God.

Offense is an opportunity to share the Gospel by how we respond to it.

Every offense is a crossroads in which we must decide whether to allow the flesh to take over or we allow Christ to shine in and through us.

Closing

Throughout this message we've learned that offenses are inevitable.

Jesus said they would come.

The question isn't...

"Will I be offended?"

The question is...

"What will I do when offense comes?"

Every offense becomes a crossroads.

Every offense becomes a crisis of the heart.

Every offense invites one of two responses:

Grace...or bitterness.

Forgiveness...or offense.

Freedom...or bondage.

The choice is ultimately up to us as individuals.

Altar

Stand with me.

I know some of you are waiting on how to handle those difficult people in your life. We will get there.

But I believe the most difficult person is self. None of us want to be in the wrong when it comes to handling conflict. Nobody really wants to admit it either.

But if we choose to humble ourselves, set aside our pride, we will see the greater grace begin to flow out of us and into the lives of those around us. Ultimately revealing what our Father in heaven did for you…for me…and all of mankind.

Today I'm not asking you to pretend it didn't happen.

Some of you have been deeply wounded.

Some of those wounds were real.

But today...you can choose not to let that wound become your identity.

Today...you can overlook what should be overlooked...and surrender to God what cannot yet be resolved.

You cannot stop people from offending you... but you can stop offense from living in you.

Let’s Pray