Love and Revenge

Introduction

I am going to do something a little weird today as we preach through this text. I want to read vs 14-21 this morning and I am going to preach on most of these verses together, but as we read these verses look for anything that seems odd or doesn’t seem to fit. If you think like I do and I know you thinking Jason, no one thinks like you do, vs 15-16 seem out of place. In this section that began in vs 9, Paul has been talking about the way that we relate to our brothers and sisters in Christ. When we hit vs 14, that shifts to the way we relate to people outside the church who persecute us. But then in vs 15, it goes back to people inside the church.

I am going to be honest, I don’t know why Paul writes the verses in this order. It seems like it is breaking up the flow of thought and doesn’t fit to put vs 15-16 where they are. Chatgpt suggested a solution and a few commentators try to make vs 15-16 about how we relate to lost people, but I don’t see it because of phrases like:

be of the same mind- I can’t be united with a lost person like this

one toward another- usually refers to the relationship of fellow believers

So the honest truth is I don’t know why Paul breaks up the thought like he does; so what I am going to do is preach vs 14, skip vs 15-16 and preach those separately and then go to vs 17-21 this morning.

I have tried to keep in focus the central unifying theme of this passage: Authentic love. I want to ask you some questions, go ahead and answer out loud:

Who is easier to love, the person who says nice things about you or the person who criticizes you all the time?

the person who brings you a meal when you are sick or the person who cut you off in traffic?

the person who loves Christians or the atheist who says horrible things about all Christians?

the Sunday school teacher or the homosexual lobbyist who is trying to force a church to perform a gay wedding?

It is easy for us to love when it is people we have a lot in common with. It’s easy to love when people are nice to us and do good things for us; but what about those who don’t treat us well. What about those who hate us?

That’s a different kind of love isn’t it. That love costs something Remember Romans 5:8 “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” God’s love for us was when we were sinners. Verse 10 says we were enemies of God. We hated him, wanted nothing to do with his righteousness. When he showed us love, we hung him on a tree. That is the kind of love that Paul is talking about in this passage.

That is the kind of love that can Romans 12:14 “Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.” Blessing in common language today has come to mean just something we say when you sneeze. It has lost its meaning, but to bless is to speak well of someone. When others hurt us or inconvenience us, we have a tendency to say things like:

That’s just the kind of person they are

I hope they get whats coming to them

She’s just completely selfish…

They can’t be trusted

I hope someone treats them like they treated me

We give in to a vengeful heart. So the type of love that can speak good about someone who hurt you is supernatural. Can you imagine the restraint it would take not to say those disparaging things about that person, but to say good things instead? I don’t think I have met very many who have actually done this. This kind of love is rare.

The rest of our text deals with that root heart issue: the desire for revenge. The reason we can’t bless those who persecute and hurt us is because we have an inward desire to get revenge. True love doesn’t seek revenge.

If you don’t believe me, think about a parent. As a parent, our kids hurt us sometimes in obvious ways sometimes in little ways, but we love our kids. Imagine for a second a 5 year old child who is playing in the house. They have just discovered that basketballs bounce on hard wood floors. So they are bouncing around the ball in the house and oh look their is a big glass pot over in the corner. They don’t know that it is mom’s antique pickle crock, but it looks like a pretty good basket. He shoots, he scores, he knocks the crock over on the ground and it shatters. Now let me ask you, what would his mother do? She might give him a talking to, maybe spank him and tell him not to play with balls in the house again; but let me ask you this, would any good loving mother go into the kids room, find his favorite toy and break it right in front of his face?

No that would be crazy. Why not? Isn’t it justice? You broke something of mine now I am going to break something of yours. There is an expectation that mothers love their children and would not stoop to get revenge over the senseless act of a 5 year old child. What makes the difference is love.

Paul in his exposition of what love acts like in these verses gives us three commands related to love and revenge.

Do not Avenge Yourself

Romans 12:17 “Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.”

The first command, if I say I truly love people, is that I not repay evil for evil. That word recompense means to give back or repay. So if someone comes to me and does evil, I am not to give them evil in return.

It’s like if someone cuts you off in traffic, you don’t go rushing ahead and then cut them off or block them in traffic on purpose. It is this desire for revenge. In fact, Paul uses a chiastic structure in these verses, but he says the same thing in other words down in Romans 12:19 “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” Don’t avenger yourself. Don’t be an avenger. Here the word is to punish for doing a wrong. This idea is repeated a couple times in the bible.

1 Thessalonians 5:15 “See that none render evil for evil unto any man; but ever follow that which is good, both among yourselves, and to all men.”

1 Peter 3:9 “Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.”

Now does this mean that we never allow justice to have its place. As chapter 13 will express, the government has a right to take vengeance on the wrong doer. What about parents disciplining their children? Clearly, there is a context to this passage. It is dealing with personal wrongs done to us. Me refusing to seek revenge does not mean a criminal gets to go free. The law still holds the power of the sword.

But when it comes to the wrongs or slights of men against me personally, I must not seek revenge on them. I am not going to put on a mask and go kill that guy who robbed me.

Ways we tend to get vengeance:

The silent treatment

Withholding kindness

Making little jabs at them

Gossip

Freezing them out

Celebrating their failures

Passive aggressiveness

Refusing to forgive when they sincerely have asked for it

Provide things honest in the sight of all men- even the world knows that a constant cycle of revenge is not good. Think about a world where everyone always got vengeance for the wrongs done to them. How many marriages would last when the wife jabbed the husband for every jab he made at her? Or if she froze him out every time she thought he wasn’t attentive enough. Meanwhile he is just sitting there enjoying going fishing and has no clue. How long would they last if he constantly yelled at his wife because he felt disrespected by her? You now why couples get like this? They have forgotten to love and now they are in a cycle of loveless revenge. When he says provide things honest in the sight of all men, he is saying act like this because even the world knows its not good to be stuck in a cycle of revenge. When will it stop? Someone has to be the bigger man and choose to love the other person.

vs 18 Proverbs 16:7 “When a man’s ways please the Lord, He maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him.”

If it be possible- Peace is not always possible. There are some people who will never let you live in peace with them. It is in those moments that you withdraw yourself from the situation. You don’t get stuck in the cycle of revenge.

As much as lieth in you- This doesn’t mean that if you hit your limit that it, you don’t have to try for peace anymore. 2 Peter 1:3 “According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:” teaches that I have everything I need internally to do whats right. But Paul acknowledges that peace is a two way street. Reconciliation takes two parties. This phrase is saying as far as it depends on you if its possible be at peace.

I think Paul throws in this phrase in vs 19 dearly beloved for a couple reasons:

He know this is hard. Addressing them as beloved softens the blow of the commands. When you look on and you see a wife who is being constantly verbally demeaned by her husband, our heart breaks for her. So to expect her to do what I am preaching is not easy and it hurts to say this is what God expects.

This phrase also reminds us that we are loved by God. God has not abandoned us. The only reason I can love like this is because God loves me.

Give place unto Wrath

Romans 12:19 “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”

You might say thats unfair. That’s just letting someone run over you. That is excusing abusers. First of all let me clear this up, this type of lifestyle does not mean there are no consequences for someone’s actions. A crime is still punishable by law, but I am releasing my right to enact that punishment personally. There is so much more I would love to say about the biblical teaching on forgiveness, but I do not have time this morning.

Secondly, this phrase give place unto wrath means that they will not get off scott free. Paul is here quoting from Deuteronomy 32:35 “To me belongeth vengeance, and recompence; Their foot shall slide in due time: For the day of their calamity is at hand, And the things that shall come upon them make haste.” where God promises to judge. Do we really believe that God will judge? Won’t His judgment be completely just and fair? Won’t His judgment be worse than anything I could ever enact on that person? What if my vengeance ends up costing me? Will God’s judgment end up costing me?

Whose wrath:

the oppressor

ours

governments

Gods (this must be the interpretation)

the wrath in Greek

the OT quotation makes it clear

I use this illustration a lot because it makes the most sense of this phrase. Imagine a car is broken down and all the men of the church are crowding around the engine trying to figure out what is broken with the car. Now none of those men really know too much about cars but it is the favorite past time of men to act like they do. But along comes a real mechanic who wants to work on the car. As long as the men are in the way, will he be able to fix the car? No they stand in his way.

God here is saying get out of the way and let me do my work of vengeance. Give Him room to work.

Proactively Show love

Romans 12:20–21 “Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”

So if I can’t do vengeance what am I to do instead? Paul along with Jesus tells us to do something radical. If he hungers, feed him, if he is thirsty, give him a drink. If we see him suffering, we are to relieve his suffering. We are to do whatever good we can do for him.

Uff, that’s even worse Pastor Jason. First you tell me, to sit back and don’t do anything. Now you are telling me, that I am to do something good to that person. I don’t think I can do that.

You are right. Only divine love pushes you to do something good in that situation. Remember the mother with the five year old. What might she do if she came in and found the broken pieces all over the floor, but she also found her little boy crying in the corner because he is scared he is going to get punished. Might she pick him up in her arms and console him. Might she take him out for ice cream and assure him its alright. Love would compel her not just to not hurt him, but also to lovingly comfort him.

for in doing so… The next phrase is debated. The traditional teaching is that doing good to them might make them realize how bad they have been and convict their conscience. It is a quotation from Proverbs 25:22 “For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, And the Lord shall reward thee.” I understand this and sometimes it is true that their hard heart can be broken by your good, but sometimes you can’t fix an evil heart. Doing good to Emperor Nero would not have changed his actions toward the Christians? Donating a bunch of money to Hitler would not have saved the Jews.

I think the real meaning here is that our good causes them to face even greater judgment. for a couple reasons. First of all, have you ever had coals on your head? How does that make you feel? I know when I hurt my head it makes me even more angry? Secondly, this language is used throughout the bible to speak of God’s judgement. Psalm 140:10 “Let burning coals fall upon them: Let them be cast into the fire; Into deep pits, that they rise not up again.” Coals represent God’s judgment not remorse and conviction. By their treatment of us even when we have been good to them, they become doubly guilty before God and He will judge.

Conclusion

Romans 12:21 “Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”

This is what it really comes down to. When we allow our hearts to become consumed with a desire to get revenge, evil wins. It has conquered us. Honestly, that lack of forgivingness hurts no one more than it hurts ourselves. We become the prisoners of our own hate. But when we choose to do good instead of evil, good overcomes the evil.

This becomes easy when we truly love others. When I love them, I can hold back the punishment I think they deserve. When i love them, I can try to be at peace with them. When I love them, I will even do good to them when they hurt me. So let me ask you to do something this morning:

Think of that person that has hurt you, that person you just can’t let go of what they did.

Find a reason to love them.

Go and do something good for them. I don’t have to give you a list of good things to do. Just go do something that shows your love.