Worthy Children and Parents

Ephesians 6:1–4 NIV

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” 4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Introduction

Woman at the bakery

Everybody wants to tell you how to parent, but what does God say?

4 foundational truths from context

The foundation of a godly home is the gospel 

The place for a godly home is the church

Built on teaching about the church

This text assumes children are present in the church

The priority of a godly home is marriage

This section is built on the last

The goal of a godly home is the glory of God

With these four foundations in place, let’s now build on them with specific instructions for children and parents .

Children Obey and Honor Your Parents

Ephesians 6:1–3 NIV

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Two responsibilities

Obey

Stronger than submit

“In the Lord”

Obedience to parents is an expression of obedience to Christ

Limitation: still obey God rather than man

Honor

An OT quotation

Exodus 20:12 NIV

12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

A word with a depth of meaning

Obey

Included at times, but shifts with maturity

Respect

Care for

Two reasons

It’s right

It is in line with God’s law

It is in line with societal good

Legal age limits

Iron Boy

It will go well with you

On the earth

Listening to your parents will generally result in your well-being

Protect you from danger

Limit consequences whil being trained away from foolishness

Establish wisdom

Benefit from their experience

Help you relate well with authority

Provide stability

Point you to God’s love

A limiting question – Do adult children need to obey the commands of their parents?

The purpose of Godly parenting is raising up children to maturity so we’d expect it to be a relationship of temporary authority

Marriage provides a hard line, but it is not the only transition

A mature parent-child relationship will not maintain the same command authority it had in childhood

The requirement to honor continues, but the shape of that honor changes

Listening seriously to parents without surrendering decision-making authority.

Speaking respectfully even when disagreeing.

Receiving counsel without treating it as a command.

Caring for aging parents.

Refusing to use independence as an excuse for contempt or neglect.

Fathers Don’t Exasperate your Children but Bring them Up

Ephesians 6:4 NIV

4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Fathers bear the most responsibility

Obedience is due to parents, but fathers have a unique role in bringing up children in the training and instruction of the Lord

Paul could have addressed this verse to both parents – he just used that word – but he singles out fathers

This verse gives us a contrast – don’t exasperate (provoke to anger); do bring them up

The negative boundary is supported by a positive exhortation

Don’t Exasperate Them

Exasperation defined: We exasperate our children when we exercise—or fail to exercise—parental authority in ways that make faithful obedience unnecessarily discouraging.

Exasperation through aggression: authority exercised harshly

Sinful actions require a different response than unwise actions

Is my child actually disobeying God, disobeying legitimate parental authority, acting immaturely, or simply making a choice I wouldn’t make?

Exasperation through passivity: authority exercised inconsistently or not at all

Avoid bend till you break parenting

Exasperation through controlling behaviors: authority extended beyond its proper purpose and boundaries.

As a “trainer” we ought use our authority to remove the need for training

Training wheels

Exasperation through hypocrisy: authority contradicted by the parent’s own life

Do Bring them Up

Spiritual maturity is the goal of the godly parent

Will they have loyalty to Christ as their highest ideal?

Will they have sacrificial love as their attitude towards those around them?

Will life in the body of Christ be a priority to them?

Will they measure success by God’s standard or society?

How does this goal alter your parenting style?

We say Christ matters most, but panic more over a B than habitual sin.

We say the church matters, but structure the family around activities that repeatedly displace it.

We say character matters, but celebrate achievement more enthusiastically than godliness.

We say we want mature adults, but don’t let teenagers experience consequences or make meaningful decisions.

We say we love them, but we parent them in a way that prioritizes our comfort or pride.

Parental authority is real, but it is temporary and purposeful. God gives parents authority over children so that they can raise those children into mature adults who live directly under the lordship of Christ.

Conclusion

Children, obey your parents as part of your obedience to the Lord

Fathers, train your children to live for the Lord

Just as marriage teaches us about Christ’s love for the church, parenting teaches us about our heavenly father.

Your children’s experience of fatherhood will inevitably shape, for good or ill, how easily they understand what Scripture means when it speaks of God as Father.

God has entrusted you with authority, not to get what you want from your children, but to prepare them for a life lived under the authority of Christ.