When Life Falls Apart

Ruth 1:8–22 ESV

8 But Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go, return each of you to her mother’s house. May the Lord deal kindly with you, as you have dealt with the dead and with me. 9 The Lord grant that you may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband!” Then she kissed them, and they lifted up their voices and wept. 10 And they said to her, “No, we will return with you to your people.” 11 But Naomi said, “Turn back, my daughters; why will you go with me? Have I yet sons in my womb that they may become your husbands? 12 Turn back, my daughters; go your way, for I am too old to have a husband. If I should say I have hope, even if I should have a husband this night and should bear sons, 13 would you therefore wait till they were grown? Would you therefore refrain from marrying? No, my daughters, for it is exceedingly bitter to me for your sake that the hand of the Lord has gone out against me.” 14 Then they lifted up their voices and wept again. And Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth clung to her. 15 And she said, “See, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law.” 16 But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. 17 Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.” 18 And when Naomi saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more. 19 So the two of them went on until they came to Bethlehem. And when they came to Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them. And the women said, “Is this Naomi?” 20 She said to them, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. 21 I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?” 22 So Naomi returned, and Ruth the Moabite her daughter-in-law with her, who returned from the country of Moab. And they came to Bethlehem at the beginning of barley harvest.

Introduction

How do you respond to suffering and tragedy in your life?

When life falls apart…

you lose a job

you suffer a health crisis

you have a financial setback

you deal with a broken relationship with a family member or friend

or your loved ones die…

How do you respond?

What do you feel?

What do you think?

What do you say?

What do you do?

The way we respond to tragedy reveals what we believe. Trials are a test of our faith.

do we really believe God is sovereign?

do we really believe God is good?

do we really believe that God is doing what is best for us — working all things together for our good?

Naomi’s dismisses her daughters-in-law

First plea and blessing (v. 7-9)

Ruth 1:7–9 ESV

7 So she set out from the place where she was with her two daughters-in-law, and they went on the way to return to the land of Judah. 8 But Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go, return each of you to her mother’s house. May the Lord deal kindly with you, as you have dealt with the dead and with me. 9 The Lord grant that you may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband!” Then she kissed them, and they lifted up their voices and wept.

Central question of this passage seen in different responses from Ruth and Naomi: Do you want God’s program the way God chooses to establish it, or when God accomplishes His program and frustrates yours, will you be bitter?

In other words, how do you respond to the providence of God when His plans and purpose for your life doesn’t match yours?

Do you think Naomi would have chosen for her husband and sons to die?

Do you think Ruth and Orpah would have chosen for their husbands to die?

These are some of the worst possible circumstances humans can face — to have a loved one die, and especially one who is your provider and protector. For these women to lose the men in their lives means that they are extremely vulnerable and in need of help.

Such difficult circumstances present them with a choice: will they move toward God or away from Him? Will they embrace the LORD and His purposes and plans for them, or will they reject Him or respond with anger and bitterness? This is the choice we also face when we encounter trials and difficulties in our lives. How will we respond to God when His plans are different from ours?

We see these different responses in Naomi, Orpah, and Ruth here in this passage.

Ruth 1:8 ESV

8 But Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go, return each of you to her mother’s house. May the Lord deal kindly with you, as you have dealt with the dead and with me.

v. 7 indicated that these two Moabite women were ready to leave their native land along with Naomi to go to Judah with her. It seems from the phrase “they went on their way to return to the land of Judah” that they are already packed and on the road back to Bethlehem when Naomi turns and says to her daughters in law in v. 8,

“Go, return each of you to her mother’s house.”

go back to your family, don’t come with me

why would she tell them this? We could take Naomi’s plea to her daughters in law at least a couple of ways

we could view this as a positive thing, that Naomi is looking out for these girls and has their best interest in mind, that she is seeking to do the most loving and kind thing for them. The words she says could be taken that way, but I don’t think that’s what the author means for us to see here.

As we continue on in the passage we see that Naomi is primarily thinking about herself and her difficult circumstances. I think she wants to get rid of Ruth and Orpah because to have them around would be a constant reminder of the pain of the loss of her husband and sons.

Naomi frames her words in such a way that they come across as kind and loving, but we’ll see that her desire to send these girls away is anything but loving.

v. 8 May YHWH deal kindly with you …

Naomi’s words “may YHWH show steadfast love to you as you have done…” indicates that she still claims YHWH as her God and at least to some extent has communicated God’s character to her daughters-in-law.

The Hebrew word hesed (here translated deal kindly with) refers to God’s covenant love and kindness and loyalty and faithfulness to His people.

As you have dealt with the dead and with me

According to Naomi, these women have shown steadfast love — the character of God — to her and to her sons who are now dead. For them to act this way seems to indicate that they have at least to some extent come to know the character of the one true God.

Despite this family’s disobedience and lack of faith, the knowledge of Yahweh has come to these Moabite women through them.

So, if these Moabite women have started moving toward YHWH, why is Naomi sending them back to marry Moabite men who worship the false god Chemosh?

What is Naomi thinking?

v. 9 May YHWH give you rest

Again, this sounds like a great wish and desire that Naomi communicates to these girls, but Naomi is not thinking and speaking according to God’s Word.

She wishes for them to find rest — which is God’s goal in creation and what He is working through redemption also — but the only true resting place is in the presence of the LORD in the promised land. They will not find rest in Moab. Gen 49:15

Each in the house of her husband

It is interesting to consider the assumptions Naomi makes in this passage. Naomi assumes that they can and ought to remarry — that it is good and right for them to be married again.

But Moabite men may be less eager to marry them because 1) they were previously married to Hebrew men, and 2) they were unable to bear children during 10 years of marriage — so a Moabite man who desires children to carry on his family line would probably not marry them.

So it will probably be difficult for them to remarry, and the only men they could marry are godless Moabite men who worship false gods.

They will not have true rest if they return to Moab.

Ruth and Orpah respond to Naomi’s words with weeping: “They lifted up their voices and wept.” And, v. 10 …

Their response (v. 10)

Ruth 1:10 ESV

10 And they said to her, “No, we will return with you to your people.”

We want to go with you, Naomi! We want to go with you to the promised land.

These girls want to return (repent) with Naomi, but she says no.

Second plea (v. 11-13)

Ruth 1:11–13 ESV

11 But Naomi said, “Turn back, my daughters; why will you go with me? Have I yet sons in my womb that they may become your husbands? 12 Turn back, my daughters; go your way, for I am too old to have a husband. If I should say I have hope, even if I should have a husband this night and should bear sons, 13 would you therefore wait till they were grown? Would you therefore refrain from marrying? No, my daughters, for it is exceedingly bitter to me for your sake that the hand of the Lord has gone out against me.”

Again, consider the assumptions Naomi is making:

Naomi is assuming that these women’s purpose in life is to help a husband and bear children (assumptions based in Gen 1-2)

Genesis 1:28 ESV

28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Genesis 2:18 ESV

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

She assumes that it is good and right for these women to remarry, to be a helper to a man and to be fruitful by bearing children. This also seems to indicate that the infertility issue was with her sons, not these girls.

God also made the provision in Deuteronomy 25:5-6 for women whose husbands died, that if there was a brother or next of kin who could marry the widow, it was his responsibility to do so and to raise up seed to continue the family line.

Deuteronomy 25:5–6 ESV

5 “If brothers dwell together, and one of them dies and has no son, the wife of the dead man shall not be married outside the family to a stranger. Her husband’s brother shall go in to her and take her as his wife and perform the duty of a husband’s brother to her. 6 And the first son whom she bears shall succeed to the name of his dead brother, that his name may not be blotted out of Israel.

Naomi is assuming that they need a husband so they can bear children, and Naomi can’t provide that for them. She has no other children who can take their brothers’ place and marry these widows.

So even though Naomi’s lack of faith is on display in this passage, it is interesting (and I think encouraging) that her worldview has been shaped by God’s Word and what God values. She draws wrong conclusions, but she is at least getting some of her ideas from the right source.

Ruth 1:12 ESV

12 Turn back, my daughters; go your way, for I am too old to have a husband. If I should say I have hope, even if I should have a husband this night and should bear sons,

v. 12 - If I should say I have hope…

What is Naomi saying here? I have no hope. No confidence in God’s promises and purposes.

Naomi has no hope — she does not believe that God is up to something good in her life.

If we’re honest, in her circumstances, would we be any different? Wouldn’t we also struggle to trust that God is good and is working all things for our good if we lost our entire family?

Our circumstances may not be as difficult as Naomi’s and yet we also sometimes struggle to have hope — to believe that God is going to do what is best for us.

Ruth 1:13 ESV

13 would you therefore wait till they were grown? Would you therefore refrain from marrying? No, my daughters, for it is exceedingly bitter to me for your sake that the hand of the Lord has gone out against me.”

would you wait till they’re grown — this reminds us of the story in Gen 38:11 with Judah and his sons and Tamar, and this connection comes up at the end of the book of Ruth also.

The phrase translated “have a husband” in v. 12 and the word translated “marrying” in v. 13 literally say in Hebrew “to belong to a husband” — assuming that for a woman to marry is for her to come under the authority and leadership of her husband. Very different from the way people think today.

it is exceedingly bitter to me for your sake that the hand of the Lord has gone out against me

v. 13 - Naomi says God is out to get me; He is working against me, using His power to mistreat me. Is this true?

It’s what Naomi felt — and if we’re honest, we probably feel that way sometimes too. But the LORD’s hand was not in fact against Naomi; God was at work, accomplishing His good purpose; but what God was doing didn’t fit Naomi’s program, her desires, her expectations, her plan for her life. So she concludes that God is in the wrong, that He is mistreating her.

What we see here is that Naomi has essentially given up on the promises God made to Abraham of land, seed, and blessing — she tells her daughters in law that there is no hope of these 3 things with her, so they should go back to Moab.

Two responses (v. 14)

Ruth 1:14 ESV

14 Then they lifted up their voices and wept again. And Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth clung to her.

Orpah kisses Naomi goodbye and leaves; Ruth clings to her and refuses to leave.

I think it is so sad that Naomi’s faithlessness and hopelessness led to Orpah returning to Moab and missing out on the blessing of God. If Naomi hadn’t pushed Orpah away, Orpah also might have gone back to Judah with Naomi and experienced God’s blessing there. But instead she went back to Moab, and we never hear from her again.

Our sinful actions, words, and attitudes can lead other people away from the LORD. Possibly even to their eternal destruction.

Certainly Orpah is responsible for her choice as well, but I think we can largely lay the blame at Naomi’s feet for pushing her away and refusing to let her join her in going back to the promised land.

Consider how your words and actions impact and influence other people, either helping them move toward the LORD or pushing away from Him.

Naomi got Orpah to leave, but Ruth needs a bit more coaxing. So Naomi tries one more time to get Ruth to leave.

Third plea (to Ruth only - v. 15)

Ruth 1:15 ESV

15 And she said, “See, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law.”

What is Naomi thinking? How could she tell Ruth to go back to the false gods of Moab?

What happens to those who persist in the worship of false gods and don’t turn to the LORD? They go to hell! They are forever separated from Him.

Think about what Naomi is saying. Go away, Ruth, I don’t care if you go to hell. I don’t care if you miss out on God’s eternal presence and blessing. Just go and leave me alone. Naomi is utterly unconcerned about the eternal destiny of her daughters in law.

Naomi knows that there is only one true God — the repeated refrain of Israel was Deut 6:4 - Hear, O Israel: the LORD our God, the LORD is one — worship Him alone. But she’s acting like either that’s not true or it doesn’t matter.

But thankfully, Ruth is not so easily dissuaded.

Ruth’s loyalty (v. 16-19a)

Ruth 1:16–19 ESV

16 But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. 17 Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.” 18 And when Naomi saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more. 19 So the two of them went on until they came to Bethlehem…

Ruth 1:16 ESV

16 But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God.

Do not urge me to leave you…

Stop pressuring me to go away! I’m not leaving you.

Notice that Ruth is not only embracing Naomi personally — Ruth is embracing Yahweh and His promises to Abraham of land, seed, and blessing. God’s law has been written on Ruth’s heart - she has come to know God and His Word and is committed to Him. Ruth is turning from idols to serve the living God (1 Thess 1:9-10); Ruth was now basing her identity in the Lord and with His people.

Notice in the statements Ruth makes in v. 16-17, she is not only swearing her allegiance to Naomi — more importantly she is swearing her allegiance to God and His promises.

I believe and desire God’s promise of land, so

Where you go I go

Where you stay I stay

I believe and desire God’s promise of seed, so

Your people are my people

I believe and desire God’s promise of blessing, so

Your God is my God

Where you die, I will die

I will be buried in the promised land — like Abraham and Sarah, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph and others — because she believes in the resurrection. Someday she will have a new body and enjoy the land forever.

Ruth wants the promises to Abraham - land, seed, and blessing (she wants to be buried in the land of promise — she believes in the resurrection - Gen 23)

By God’s grace, Ruth has come to know the LORD. She knows and believes His promises and is living her life based on God’s promises.

Certainly it would have been easier and more comfortable to go home. But she believes God’s promises and decides that it’s worth it to leave everything else behind to faithfully follow Him.

She ends her statement with an oath in the name of YHWH - connection to Jonathan in 1 Sam 20

Naomi finally stopped pushing Ruth away when she saw Ruth’s determination. So the two head on to Bethlehem.

Bitterness in Bethlehem (19b-22)

Ruth 1:19–22 ESV

19 … And when they came to Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them. And the women said, “Is this Naomi?” 20 She said to them, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. 21 I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?” 22 So Naomi returned, and Ruth the Moabite her daughter-in-law with her, who returned from the country of Moab. And they came to Bethlehem at the beginning of barley harvest.

v. 19b

Ruth 1:19 ESV

19 And when they came to Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them. And the women said, “Is this Naomi?”

Why was the town stirred up? And why are they asking “Is this Naomi?”

Perhaps it’s because they’re wondering where Elimelech, Mahlon, and Chilion are, and why this foreign girl is with her. If this is Naomi, why is she alone without her husband and sons (remember they didn’t have social media back then, so other people probably didn’t know what had happened)? Could this really be the same woman that left town all those years ago? Something just doesn’t seem right.

Or perhaps they’re asking this because she doesn’t look the same — depending how much time exactly has passed, she has aged; and certainly grief has taken a toll on her health and her appearance. Maybe they’re not sure if it’s really her because she looks so different now from when she left.

Her response is essentially, “No, it’s not Naomi. I’m not the same woman that left here years ago.”

Ruth 1:20 ESV

20 She said to them, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me.

Again, the meaning of these names is significant: Naomi means “pleasant”, and Mara means “bitter.” Don’t call me pleasant, call me bitter.

I am not the same pleasant woman that left here — I’m a bitter woman.

Then she gives the reason: for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me.

I am bitter because God has made me bitter. God did this to me. God has made my life bitter, so my bitterness is His fault.

She goes on in v. 21,

Ruth 1:21 ESV

21 I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?”

Now before we look at the problems with what Naomi says, let’s consider what she gets right.

First, she sees a husband and children as God’s blessing to her. “I went away full.” What does she mean by that? Well, if an American said something like this, we would assume they’re talking about economic prosperity — I had lots of stuff, lots of money, etc, and God took it all away. But Naomi didn’t have lots of stuff, lots of money — there was a famine. What did Naomi have that makes her say “I was full”? She had a husband and two sons. And so for Naomi, to have a husband and children is to be full, to have God’s richest blessing. So I think it’s a good thing that Naomi values what God values here, that people are more important to her than stuff. I think that is a good and right assumption and value that Naomi is expressing.

Second, in all these phrases we see Naomi’s conviction in God’s sovereignty. She believes that Yahweh is in control of all things including her bad circumstances, and she ascribes to God this sovereignty over all things. She’s right. God is absolutely sovereign. He holds the power of life and death. He’s in control of every circumstance of our lives, both what we consider good circumstances and bad ones.

So she gets these things right. But what does she get wrong?

First, she does not trust that God is good. She claims that God is against her and that He is mistreating her. That phrase “the Almighty has brought calamity upon me” more literally in the Hebrew says that the Almighty has done evil to me. God is wrong to treat me this way. He is mistreating me, she says. She believe’s God’s in control, but for her that’s not a good thing, because she doesn’t trust that He’s good. She doesn’t believe God loves her and is working for her good.

Second, although the LORD brings her back empty in the sense of not having her husband and sons, she has someone else with her. Imagine how Ruth felt when Naomi said this. Do I mean nothing to you, Naomi? Naomi was not really empty, even though that’s how she felt. God had been good to her by providing Ruth to be with her, but because Naomi was so focused on the pain of her loss and the trials she endured, she couldn’t see the blessing standing right beside her. At the end of the book in Ruth 4:15, the women of the town say to Naomi regarding the son of Ruth,

Ruth 4:15 ESV

15 He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you than seven sons, has given birth to him.”

Naomi thought she was empty, but in fact Yahweh brought her back fuller than when she left, because Ruth was going to prove to be worth more than if Naomi had had seven sons.

God hadn’t stopped loving Naomi and being good to her. She just couldn’t see it yet through the pain.

Does that ever happen to us?

When we go through extremely difficult circumstances, do we doubt that God is really good? Do we doubt that He is faithful to His promises and that He’s going to work all things together for our good? Do we fail to see the good that God is up to around us because we’re focused on what we don’t have?

Clearly we have a contrast in the responses of Naomi and Ruth. They respond very differently to the same circumstances.

Abraham and Lot

I also want to suggest that the characters in this first chapter are being cast in light of the story of Abraham and Lot. Do you remember the story from Genesis 13 when there wasn’t enough pasture for both Abraham’s and Lot’s animals, so they had to separate?

Well in this story, Naomi’s family is much like Lot, moving to the east, away from the place of God’s blessing, because the pastures seem greener there.

Ruth, on the other hand, leaves behind father and mother to go to a land she did not know before, following in the footsteps of the faith of Abraham.

Isn’t it interesting how the roles are reversed here? Abraham’s physical descendant, the Israelite, acts more like Lot, and Lot’s descendant the Moabite, acts more like Abraham.

I think the author wants us to see and imitate the example of Ruth’s faith and faithfulness.

Be like Ruth

believe the Bible — God’s Word and His promises are true; trust what He says, and build your life on His promises

accept that God is God and that He is what makes life meaningful — Ruth experienced the same hardship as Naomi — she also lost her husband, and she was barren, so she didn’t have any children. But Ruth trusted God and believed that being faithful to Him was best.

God’s plan for our lives is better than ours — even though that’s hard to believe at times. God has better plans and purposes for us than we do. We need to trust Him.

Ruth had no idea that her choice to be faithful in the midst of suffering would lead to her being in the family line of the Messiah.

English Standard Version Chapter 2

no eye has seen, nor ear heard,

nor the heart of man imagined,

what God has prepared for those who love him

You don’t know the good that God might do in and through your life if you will entrust yourself and your circumstances to Him.

So trust God. Believe that He is good and that He’s working for your good. Trust that He will make even the most difficult times in your life turn out for good in the end.