The Older Brother

I grew up in an era when the culture was heavily set on things that were considered Emo or Gothic. Whether it was music, fashion, aesthetic, or just general attitude, all of my friends and I were to some extent, always trying to be part of the “Hot Topic” fashion. We were all listening to the same bands, from Paramore, to Evanescence, to Angels and Airwaves (or Blink182 if you were a few years older), and we were all wearing shirts with darker tones, and skinny jeans. I personally grew up in a family that frowned at this trend. Skinny jeans, whether worn by male or female, were considered immodest within the church.

When I was a teenager, I bought my first pair of skinny jeans. I was pretty nervous about wearing them but one day I decided to just go for it. I showed up to a church event with these bad boys on fully expecting to be mocked. I definitely got a reaction, some looks and side eyes, and heard murmurs nearby, but nothing insane happened...at first.

Then my sister who was attending the same event saw them.

As kids, my only sister was a people pleaser. I should say more specifically, she was a parent pleaser. I believe she feared falling out of grace with our parents and to be completely fair, that was a rather easy thing to do. As soon as she saw me wearing those denim straightjackets, she left the event like the apocalypse was upon us to inform our parents of my evil ways. I of course pursued her in my own car so as to make sure I was present to defend myself.

As I approached our house in my Pontiac Sunfire, I saw my sister literally turn around and look right at me in an almost cartoonishly funny fashion and run inside. As I came into our dining area, my parents were somehow fully informed of the whole situation. This was many years ago, so I couldn’t tell you if I was grounded or if I was simply ordered to return the pants. Either way, I do remember my relationship with both my sister and my parents was severed.

I remember thinking about how unjust and silly it was to be informed upon by my own sibling. I remember being angry because I felt that I was being punished simply for wanting to fit in. I remember my mentality at the time was that I was definitely innocent, and yet I felt guilty.

The greatest tragedy of this story was that my connection with my family was slowly deteriorating. My desire for my parents’ approval was growing cold. This was just one of many examples where this happened unfortunately. Another example could be told where all you have to do is replace the skinny jeans with a Facebook account that I did not have permission to create.

In the story of the Prodigal son, we read that the older sibling held onto an idenitfy that was primarily anchored within his Father’s approval. His younger brother had squandered his own inheritance and was now being celebrated for simply returning to their house. The older brother speaking to his Father, states in Luke chapter 15, verse 29:

 ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends.’

This remark from the older Brother is tragic in that he doesn’t even realize how deeply flawed his own sense of identity was.

His identity was not built upon the love he had for his Father, or even the love his Father had for him. It was simply based off of what the love of the Father could provide for him. He was angry that a fatted calf was killed on behalf of a “lesser son”.

To be clear, I do not believe that my sister’s intention was simply to win over the love of our parents so that she would provided with more blessings. I do believe however, that her desire was simply to be loved. The flaw in her logic, was that she never won our parents’ love by tattling. In an ideal world, she would have been able to know the love of her parents without having to build her identity around whether or not she was better or worse than her sibling counterparts.

The older brother knew that his sibling had committed great dishonor to their family. He saw this as an easy way to look better by comparison. He never truly understood the love of the Father, or otherwise he would have gone out to seek his brother and bring him home. This however, would have required deeper wisdom, and more effort on his part than I believe he wanted to give.