Obedience with a Promise
This is more than “Be a better parent and a better child!” Paul is bringing down to earth the rich gospel instructions he has already given in the previous chapters.
For those of you who are not yet parents, remember that the whole body of Christ helps train children. Paul seems to assume children are in attendance as this letter is read, along with others who may not be parents. This instruction is for everyone. If you are single, married with no kids, or married with moved-out kids, the kids at your church are, on one level, your kids. The church is a family (see
The fact that Paul mentions children in such an important letter demonstrates the value the early church placed on children. Leon Morris points out that it is significant that Paul wrote “children” not just “boys” (Expository Reflections, 192). Snodgrass says, “Girls were valued less in ancient society, but Paul did not accept such a limitation.
The early church had high regard for children. They carried on the legacy of Jesus who said, “Leave the children alone, and don’t try to keep them from coming to Me, because the kingdom of heaven is made up of people like this” (
We too must value everyone made in God’s image—regardless of ethnicity, background, gender, or age.
The church should joyfully celebrate the birth of children. We understand that the creation of life is the work of God. We understand that parents have a holy calling to be the primary disciple-makers of their kids. Bonhoeffer said it well: “It is from God that parents receive their children, and it is to God that they in turn ought to lead them” (Letters, 78).
Surely there is no greater joy and responsibility than to be entrusted with these little munchkins. It is like they come with a stamp: “Yours for a limited time only.” They are like wet cement. We have a short time to teach and mold them.
The church should also value children by supporting foster care and adoption. The physical act of adoption reflects the spirit of adoption that we enjoy as children of our Abba Father. He pursued us when we were abandoned in the trash heap and has now made us to sit in the heavens. Once we were sons of disobedience, but now we are sons and daughters of God.
Let us also welcome the functionally fatherless into our lives and our homes. Recent reports note that 80 percent of African-American children in the U.S. are being raised apart from biological fathers; 60 percent of Hispanic and 50 percent of white children are in the same situation (Chapell, Ephesians, 316). Many kids have fathers or mothers living, but they are nowhere to be found. Help a disadvantaged kid get through school. Care for those in need in your neighborhood. Welcome that cousin or nephew who is in need of love and support.
Let us be the church, imitating God by caring for children. Hold out the hope of the gospel and practice gospel-centered hospitality, welcoming children as Jesus welcomed us.
Children were made by God to glorify God. This great purpose is partly lived out by honoring and obeying their parents in the Lord. When parents are instructing children in the ways of the Lord, then the child must honor and obey them.
How should children honor their parents? One way is through a proper attitude. Children do not honor their parents when they huff and puff, pout, or talk back to them. When children dishonor their parents like this, they dishonor God Himself. We need to teach them that.
When God introduced His written law, the first horizontal relationship was mentioned in commandment five, “Honor your father and your mother” (
Physically or verbally abusing your parents was a capital offense (
The command to honor father and mother appears in five other places in the New Testament (
Children will have a difficult time obeying their parents. When they fail, they need to be reminded that Jesus died for sinners who disobey God. Make their disobedience an occasion to teach the gospel. Parents know that children do not have to be taught disobedience. They need to be taught the gospel. Remind them of
Second, Paul gives a motivating promise (v. 2). God promises both blessing: “That it may go well with you,” and safekeeping: “That you may have long life in the land” (Chapell, Ephesians, 313). Paul combines
Notice how the parents are identified throughout these verses: “Obey your parents” (6:1, emphasis added); “Honor your father and mother” (6:2, emphasis added); “Fathers … bring them up” (6:4, emphasis added). The word translated “fathers” is a word used in
Nevertheless, we can apply verse 4 to both parents in general, giving special attention to fathers in particular.
It is certainly best for both parents to be present in the lives of their kids. It is not the job of a day care, nannies, an institution, or grandparents to raise children. It is the parents’ job. Big homes, nice cars, and long vacations are not worth neglecting your kids. This requires spiritual discipline on the part of the parents, maybe especially on the part of dads. It may call for an adjustment of one’s lifestyle.
Are you conscious of your time and attention with your children?
Both parents need to teach the kids. While the father bears primary responsibility for training and instruction, both share in the task of making children disciples of Jesus. In Proverbs, the writer says,
My son, keep your father’s command,
and don’t reject your mother’s teaching.
Always bind them to your heart;
tie them around your neck.
When you walk here and there, they will guide you;
when you lie down, they will watch over you;
when you wake up, they will talk to you. (
Both parents should be united in raising the children, disciplining them, and teaching them. We should work toward sending consistent messages.
Parents in general, and dads especially, have two particular challenges in raising children.
Do not provoke them to anger. In the ancient world fathers had absolute control and were sometimes harsh (Snodgrass, Ephesians, 32). Reports show that fathers sold their kids and could even kill them without being charged with a crime. As mentioned, many abandoned their children in the city.
Obviously, a mother can provoke a child to anger as well. But given the dominant nature of the father, it seems he has a particular tendency to do this. The father must be fair, loving, and consistent in attitude toward his child. Here are some possible causes of angering our children:
• Failing to take into account the fact that they are kids
• Comparing them to others
• Disciplining them inconsistently
• Failing to express approval, even at small accomplishments
• Failing to express our love to them
• Disciplining them for reasons other than willful disobedience and defiance
• Pressuring them to pursue our goals, not their own
• Withdrawing love from them or overprotecting them
What is the result of such actions? Children grow angry or, in the words of Colossians, discouraged. Paul says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so they won’t become discouraged” (
Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Paul goes from a negative command to a positive command. Notice the three actions to which parents are called: bring up, discipline, and instruct.
The phrase “bring them up” does not really do justice to the notion expressed by the verb. Paul used this verb in
Next, fathers are to “train” or “discipline” and “instruct” their children. “Instruction” carries the idea of teaching, counsel, admonition, or warning, and perhaps verbal instruction (Stott, Ephesians, 248). “Discipline” involves training, including punishment. Discipline is the word used in
Speak to the hearts of your children as you teach them about Christ. Behavior flows from the heart (
Finally, in your communication and education you may feel insufficient. You are right. Parenting makes you desperate for God’s help.
But we take great comfort in
“The obvious difference between Paul and us is that Paul bragged about his weakness, and we try to hide it” (Give Them Grace, 150). Do not hide your weaknesses. Admit them. Go to God for help; His strength will be sufficient. Weak parents have a mighty Savior!
