Submissive Disagreement

INTRO:

STORY OF DISAGREEMENTS HANDLED POORLY

We have all had disagreements with those who lead us.

In fact, it is inevitable that you will have disagreements with your leaders.

Disagreements are Inevitable

Why are disagreements inevitable? Here are 6 Reasons:

We live in a fallen world full of challenges

You are fallen - your perspective is finite, and your heart tainted by sin

Your leaders are fallen as well

Our communication is imperfect

Our understanding is often mistaken, And

We have to work together under these conditions.

We don’t have a choice, we sinners, have to work with and under other sinners.

Not only are disagreements inevitable, they are necessary.

Disagreements are Necessary

This may sound wrong, but think about it.

Why are disagreements Necessary?

If you are sinful and finite, then your opinions/motives will be wrong at some point. Therefore, it is right for your friends/leaders/subordinates to disagree with you.

If your leaders are sinful and finite, then their opinions/motives/decisions will be wrong at some point and therefore, you should disagree with them sometimes.

Unique Challenges

Disagreements with Leaders present particular challenges. When you disagree with your leader, it is different than disagreeing with a friend, sibling, peer, etc.

1. Leaders have power over you and their decisions affect you differently than others.

If you are on their good side, it can benefit you.

on the other hand, they can hold their position over you and make your life miserable.

2. We have higher expectations of leaders’ competence and character

- this may cause a measure of self-doubt

- or is may cause great disappointment. it troubles us when they disappoint us.

The consequences of our disagreements can have huge implications.

3. Lastly, these sorts of disagreements are challenging because God has called us to Submit to Authority

4.

3 Key Commitments:

1. Submission to Authority

2. Pursuit of Unity

3. Speaking Truth in Love - especially

Key Commitment #1: Submit to Authority

The meaning of Submission:

Greek = ὐποτάσσω

ὐποτάσσω

The meaning of the greek word (ὐποτάσσω) is "to subject oneself, to obey" or "to arrange under," "subordinate" "yield" or "submit." This involves: Obedience (,; ), honor (; ; ) respect (; ; ), sincerity (). Aim to be a joy and a blessing to your leaders, not a grief ().

Who do we submit to? Which Authority? Why? How? When?

Look at

13 Let every person pbe subject to the governing authorities. For qthere is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. 3 For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you rwill receive his approval, 4 for she is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, tan avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also ufor the sake of conscience. 6 For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. 7 vPay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.

p Titus 3:1; 1 Pet. 2:13

q [John 19:11]; See Dan. 2:21

r 1 Pet. 2:14

s 2 Chr. 19:6

t 1 Thess. 4:6

Romans 13:1–7 ESV

Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.

u 1 Pet. 2:19; [Eccles. 8:2]

v Matt. 17:25; 22:21; Mark 12:17

The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton: Standard Bible Society, 2016), Ro 13:1–7.

We are called to be subject to governing authorities

Why?

God has ordained authority

Your Gospel witness is the highest priority. Look at

Slaves even t

1 Peter 2:13–18 ESV

Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor. Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust.

1 Peter 3:1 NASB95

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,

1 Peter 3:1

so Who?

Governing Authorities

Every institution

slaves to master’s - both to the harsh and the good, the unbelieving and the believing.

wives to husbands, both believing and unbelieving -

Children to parents -

Key Commitment #2: Pursue Unity

- We are called to pursue unity eagerly -

How do we pursue unity? First lets talk about

Why are disagreements inevitable? Here are 6 Reasons:

We live in a fallen world full of challenges

You are fallen - your perspective is finite, and your heart tainted by sin

Your leaders are fallen as well

Our communication is imperfect

Our understanding is often mistaken, And

We have to work together under these conditions.

We don’t have a choice, we sinners, have to work with and under other sinners.

Not only are disagreements inevitable, they are necessary.

Disagreements are Necessary

This may sound wrong, but think about it.

Key Commitment #3: Speak the Truth in Love

Why are disagreements Necessary?

Ephesians 4:15 NASB95

but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ,

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If you are sinful and finite, then your opinions/motives will be wrong at some point. Therefore, it is right for your friends/leaders/subordinates to disagree with you.

In light of these commitments,

How should we respond?

If your leaders are sinful and finite, then their opinions/motives/decisions will be wrong at some point and therefore, you should disagree with them sometimes.

Moreover, we are commanded to speak the truth in love to one another in order that we may grow in to the image of Christ. These sorts of conversations inevitably and necessarily lead to disagreements as we try to build one another up.

Iron sharpen Iron but not without sparks and friction. You can’t pull weeds without turning up the soil.

So What should you do? when you inevitably and necessarily find yourself in the midst of a disagreement with your leaders

English Standard Version Chapter 8

This “knowledge” opuffs up, pbut love builds up.

1 Corinthians 11:17–19 ESV

17 But in the following instructions I do not commend you, because when you come together it is not for the better but for the worse. 18 For, in the first place, when you come together as a church, I hear that there are divisions among you. And I believe it in part, 19 for there must be factions among you in order that those who are genuine among you may be recognized.

When divisions and disagreements occur, it reveals

Consider These 5 Things before you act

Stop and Consider

Respond Submissively

Trust and Fear the Lord

First, Stop and Consider Before You Respond

Stop - Don’t respond immediately. Our initial response to perceived disagreement is often not the right one.

(NASB95) — 28 The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, But the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.

NET “Considers”

NIV “weighs its answers”

We live in an age that prizes raw, careless, “authenticity”. People believe they should be able to say anything they want off the top of their head and not suffer any consequence or criticism for it. The minute someone feels or thinks something, it appears on facebook and twitter. This is something that

This verse not only says that it is a good idea, but it is a righteous thing to give careful consideration to your words. Why?

1. The Righteous Person fears the Lord. Knowing that God is watching should give pause.

Have you noticed that you are much more careful what you say when you are in the presence of someone you respect?

2. The Righteous person is purposeful to make sure that what they say is beneficial, wise, and true. Often, the first thing that pops into your mind is lacking in these qualities.

3.

Don’t speak quickly

Proverbs 29:20 NASB95

Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

It is foolish to be hasty with your words. In fact says this:

Proverbs 29:20 NASB95

20 Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

In fact, it is better to keep your mouth shut - even a fool seems wise when he doesn’t speak. Someone once said “It is better to keep silent be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” (Lincoln or Mark Twain)

Proverbs 17:28 NASB95

28 Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; When he closes his lips, he is considered prudent.

So the first thing you should do is stop and consider how to respond. But what sorts of things should we consider before we respond? I would like to suggest 4 Categories that you should consider before you respond to disagreements.

By the way, these things apply to how we handle every situation.

1. Consider the Impact of your Response

Potentially Negative Consequences

Destruction

Ecclesiastes 9:18 NASB95

18 Wisdom is better than weapons of war, but one sinner destroys much good.

Ecclesiastes 9:18 NASB95

18 Wisdom is better than weapons of war, but one sinner destroys much good.

Proverbs 11:9 NASB95

9 With his mouth the godless man destroys his neighbor, But through knowledge the righteous will be delivered.

28 The heart of the righteous aponders how to answer,

Proverbs 11:9 NASB95

9 With his mouth the godless man destroys his neighbor, But through knowledge the righteous will be delivered.

The wise man considers how to answer () . Don't be hasty with your words (). Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise ().

But the bmouth of the wicked pours out evil things.

Proverbs 11:11 ESV

11 By the blessing of the upright a city is exalted, but by the mouth of the wicked it is overthrown.

a

b ;

Jess Arnds, n.d.

Ruin

Proverbs 11:11 NASB95

11 By the blessing of the upright a city is exalted, But by the mouth of the wicked it is torn down.

New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update (La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation, 1995), .

Proverbs 18:6–8 NASB95

6 A fool’s lips bring strife, And his mouth calls for blows. 7 A fool’s mouth is his ruin, And his lips are the snare of his soul. 8 The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels, And they go down into the innermost parts of the body.

Proverbs 16:28 NASB95

28 A perverse man spreads strife, And a slanderer separates intimate friends.

James 3:5–12 NASB95

5 So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. 7 For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. 8 But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; 10 from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way. 11 Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water? 12 Can a fig tree, my brethren, produce olives, or a vine produce figs? Nor can salt water produce fresh.

Separating Intimate Friends

-12

Proverbs 16:28 NASB95

28 A perverse man spreads strife, And a slanderer separates intimate friends.

pr

The tongue is a fire

James 3:5–12 NASB95

5 So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. 7 For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. 8 But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; 10 from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way. 11 Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water? 12 Can a fig tree, my brethren, produce olives, or a vine produce figs? Nor can salt water produce fresh.

Gossip, Slander, Grumbling and Complaining are the kindling

Proverbs 26:20–21 NASB95

20 For lack of wood the fire goes out, And where there is no whisperer, contention quiets down. 21 Like charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, So is a contentious man to kindle strife.

2. Consider the Issue

2. Consider the Issue

Categories of disagreement: Opinions (Rom 14: 1--15:7), preferences (Rom 12:10), conscience (Rom 14:23), character (Gal 6:1; Matt 18:15-20), and doctrine (Gal 1:6-8; Gal 2:11). What kind of response does this issue require? Opinions and preferences require that you prefer one another. If they ask your opinion, speak the truth in love. A violation of your conscience requires that you respectfully decline. Sin may require reproof. Doctrinal disagreements require different responses depending on the issue.

Potentially Positive Fruit

Honor

Proverbs 27:18 NASB95

He who tends the fig tree will eat its fruit, And he who cares for his master will be honored.

Proverbs 27:11 NASB95

Be wise, my son, and make my heart glad, That I may reply to him who reproaches me.

Peace

Proverbs 16:17 NASB95

The highway of the upright is to depart from evil; He who watches his way preserves his life.

Romans 14:7 NASB95

For not one of us lives for himself, and not one dies for himself;

Romans 14:19 NASB95

So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another.

Unity

1 Corinthians 12:25 NASB95

so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.

2. Consider the Issue

3. Consider Your Role

4. Consider Your Motives

Potentially Positive Fruit

Submit to you Leaders

How to address sin in a leader. The accusation must clearly be sin, not based on assumptions, opinions, or preferences. and lay out the pattern for dealing with sin; first, in private with gentleness. If you believe the sin disqualifies the leader, then your accusation should be brought to another leader who can help (). You may need to get wise counsel, but be careful of using that as an excuse for gossip.

Making an Appeal

Adapted from "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace, Pg 159

"Sweetness of Speech Increases Persuasiveness"

"purposed in his heart ... therefore he requested"

1. Always submit in your actions unless you are asked to sin.

2. Help your leader achieve their objective, instead of manipulating them in order to get your own way.

3. Be Respectful/Submissive in your manner and in your words. It would be helpful to express your willingness to submit to their wishes (again, unless it is sinful).

4. Choose the Proper Time if possible. How urgent is your request? Can it wait for a time when the leader is more apt to listen?

5. Don't Nag. Appeal only once (unless new information necessitates a further appeal).

6. If your leader is asking you to sin, respectfully propose an alternative. If the leader persists, you must respectfully stand your ground and obey God rather than man (, ).

7. A biblical reproof may be required at times. Make sure that you are still respectful and submissive even in correcting your leader.

Trust and Fear the Lord.

Consider your Motives

Second, Submit to Authority

Key concepts:

We are commanded to pursue unity

We are commanded to submit to authority

We are commanded to deal with sin

Trust and Fear God

He is the Judge: God will make everything right in the end. We will all give an account of ourselves to him (; ; ; ; ; ). Our leaders will also give an account to God. We want that to be a good day for our leaders. He will reward good (; , ; ). He will deal with evil (: ). The Church is God's temple, "If any man destroys the temple of God, God will destroy him" (). Always entrust yourself and your leaders to God in prayer (). Even bad decisions have been ordained by God for a good purpose ().