The Family Altar

Greeting

All right Lighthouse, let’s get into our message this morning. We are kicking off a brand new series today called Family Ties.

I am a sucker for 90’s family sitcoms, and so every year you get a different one.

But if you’ve been with us for some time now, you know that in August, as our kids head back to school, we like to dive into a family series.

My hope is that these messages will give you strength to build the kind of home you dreamed of.

And listen, I don’t even mind being the punching bag for you guys in this series. Sometimes I’ll push back on things that I believe to be dangerous for your kids, and I know that I tackle tough conversations parents don’t want to have with their kids. So, I’ll get some of those conversations started for you, and you can keep them going at home.

Reading

Genesis 4:1–7 NIV

Adam made love to his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, “With the help of the Lord I have brought forth a man.” Later she gave birth to his brother Abel. Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

The Family Altar

Introduction

Before we dive into our family message, I wanted to introduce to some of you, and reintroduce to others of you my family.

Joanna and I have been married for 22 years now. We are well past the honeymoon stage of our marriage and at 22 years, I can safely say that we’ve learned some things along the way. I am not a person that is 2 months into marriage trying to teach you all how to have a thriving marriage. But, at the same time, we haven’t figured out everything. We’re learning. We’re growing. By God’s grace, we’ll go another AT LEAST another 40 years!

We are raising three boys - Jaden, Jude and Jaxon. They are 16, 12 and 10.

So I got one who is about to be an upper class men in High School, one in Junior High, and one entering his final year of Elementary. So we got all the stages going on right now.

Now I share that so that you know where we are at, and to also let you know that we may not have reached your season just yet. Some of you are emptying the nest right now, and others of you emptied that nest so long ago that now you have grandchildren.

I’ve been told that grandchildren are the reward for not killing your own children. Can any parents relate?

But, what I want to talk to you about today, and throughout this month, is framed mostly from a Biblical perspective. That’s my source material, and it is the BEST material that I got and the BEST material that you can get.

I will also use some generalities about families. I get that every family is unique, but I’ll speak into some generally accepted ideas of family.

Finally, there will be some of my own beliefs. I’ll give you what we do and what I Pastor people to do.

Transition

Now where ever you find yourself in what I just shared, or for those of you who are nowhere close to having your own family, I would encourage you not to tune me out. Because you are a part of a family. So this is important for you.

Also, who you are becoming right now is who you bring into your marriage - for better or worse.

And, the reason that we come back to families every year is because we know that Satan is out to destroy families. That is not a hot take, that is a fact.

And as we’re going to read about today, Satan’s very first attack on humanity was an attack on the family.

But here’s the deal… we’re all going to learn. We’re going to grow. We’re coming out of this stronger. Together we are going to get wiser, and my belief is that we are going to end August stronger as a family than how we started August.

Text

Every family has an altar.

We are all worshipping something. Have you ever stopped to consider what you are worshipping?

The thing that you prioritize and give the most attention to, is the thing that you worship.

Your family culture and traditions are a reflection of your priorities.

Do you prioritize worshipping the Lord?

Do you prioritize sports?

Do you prioritize dysfunction?

Do you prioritize hobbies?

Do you prioritize your feelings?

And here is the thing about priorities; you don’t tell me what your priorities are, you show me what your priorities are.

Here in our text this morning we see Cain and Abel making it a priority to offer worship unto the Lord.

Where do you think they learned that from?

That’s right - Dad and Mom.

And where do you think Dad and Mom learned that from? Remember, this is the first family…

From the Lord.

After Adam and Eve sinned, there is a moment in the text where we see how God responded to their disobedience.

Genesis 3:21 NIV

The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.

The very first sacrifice was by God to cover their sin and to cover their shame.

I believe from that moment, Adam and Eve learned about offering sacrifice to the Lord, and they handed this down to their children.

So I ask again, what are you handing down to your children?

What are the things that they repeatedly see you doing - said differently, what are you normalizing for your children?

One of the things that I learned from my Pastor and what I heard him repeatedly say was this line that he would say at every dedication Sunday to the Parents. He would say this - Your children are a blank canvas. The things that they repeatedly see you doing gets normalized to them. You are painting on their blank canvas. So if you love and lift up your spouse, that becomes normal to them. But if you belittle and put down your spouse, that too becomes normal to them. Parents, you get to define what is normal.

Beyond the building of the altar, another thing that we see in the text is that Adam and Eve handed down a relationship with God to their children.

We read in Genesis that God and Adam spoke to one another. They conversed with one another.

And, what did we read in our passage here in Genesis 4? When God saw that Cain was angry they had a conversation with one another.

Where did Cain learn that?

Dad and Mom.

Parents are the Overseers of their Home

In the New Testament Paul uses this language in the order of Churches. He says that churches are to have Overseers.

What do Overseers do?

They See Over.

They See Ahead.

At the time of the writing Paul introduced this concept because churches would get caught up in ministry and reaching people with the gospel that at times, they would get “lost in the forrest because of the trees.”

The Overseer would come in and tell the Pastors what to look out for. There was danger ahead. Or, they would provide perspective about a decision that needed to be made. In some cases, the Overseers would use their authority to bring correction.

I see a fitting application in our homes that often times parents have surrendered - the role of the Overseer.

You see your kids are going to come back home from school and they’re going to tell you what their friends get to do, or what their friends get to have, or what their friends get to watch. The Overseer has to confront those things and remind their children, “you can’t see it now, but I am looking further ahead and this isn’t good for you. This isn’t good for your soul. I know you see the trees, but I see the forrest.”

Fathers see Further. Mothers see More.

As Overseers it is our responsibility to read up. Research. Study. Get ahead.

I know that many of us grew up in the, “Because I said so…” generation. But my fear is that we are going to lose that battle because of how information is reaching our children at a younger and younger age.

I like what Paul said to Timothy:

2 Timothy 2:15 KJV 1900

Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

I know that is Old English, but that is Present Truth.

Be a student of your the world your children are growing up in.

It’s not your world. Things have changed.

Dads, some of you have spent more time preparing for your upcoming Fantasy Football Season than you have studying the world your kids live in.

Moms, some of you spend more time on Pinterest than you do studying the world your kids live in.

And the enemy knows that if he can keep you distracted, you will become ineffective.

But it is the same enemy and he uses the same tactic - deception.

Jesus would use this same approach when he taught his followers. He would say to them, “You have heard it said… But I say…”

Parents, you sit with your children and tell them, “The world tells you that this is the way to go… But Jesus shows us that this is the way to go…”

We don’t run from hard conversations we run to them.

We don’t become passive so that we can “keep the peace,” we step into the hard conversations and we fight the fights that are worth having with our children.

We are overseers!

[Transition]

When I look at our text we see two brothers bringing different sacrifices to God, and one brother got it wrong.

Genesis 4:3–5 NIV

In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.

What was the difference?

Abel brought the best portions of his first born. He was giving God his best! Not what was left over, but what was first.

Cain brought an offering from some of his fruits. He didn’t bring his first fruits. Just whatever was left, that’s what he brought.

There is a powerful application here about our giving, and how we should always give to God what is first and best - but I’m going to stay in my lane this morning. I just pray the Spirit of the Lord impress that application on your heart right now. Selah!

But the point that I want to make is this… Where was Adam and Eve to correct Cain?

Where were the Overseers of the family to pull him aside and to have that conversation with him?

How did it get to the point that God himself has to step in and tend to the heart of Cain?

Parents, God in his goodness and in his mercy will reveal himself to your children. He does this because he wants to have a personal relationship with them. But make no mistake parents, that you are the primary teacher to your children.

God gave your children YOU to be their overseer.

So start looking over them.

If your children are home and under the age of 18, they don’t need a friend at home, they need an Overseer. They don’t need “Cool Mom” and “Cool Dad”, they need a parent that is forming them in the word of God and the ways of God.

“I know your friends are doing this… But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!”

What you don’t Kill will Come for your Children

God spoke to Adam and Eve and told them, you can have anything in this garden, just don’t eat from that tree.

Did they listen?

Nope.

When God asked them what happened, Adam became passive. He blamed Eve. And Eve blamed the serpent, which was like her saying, you know that animal that YOU created? Well, it tricked me.

Do you want to know what neither of them did? Take accountability. The both of them shifted blame rather than owning their error.

Without accountability, there can be no repentance.

Without repentance, there can be no forgiveness.

Without forgiveness, you invite God’s judgment into your life because He is holy and He is just.

He is the perfect parent who does not let things slide, but His Kingdom is one of justice and sin is punished in His presence unless there is forgiveness.

Cain is watching Abel’s sacrifice getting favor from God and he’s not taking accountability for his actions.

God sees this, and in his grace steps in to try and prevent Cain from doing what his mother and his father did.

But Cain, instead of owning his faults he shifts the blame to his brother Abel and kills him.

Something that I have observed over my life time is seeing parents stop the cycles that came for them.

If poverty ran in their family, it stopped with them.

If addiction ran in their family, it stopped with them.

If alcoholism ran in their family, it stopped with them.

But what I have also seen is that rarely is that true of all of the children. There might be some children that are able to stop the cycle, but they can have a little brother who is unable to do the same. They have a sister that does exactly what Mom and Dad did.

Parents, I implore you to see the cycles in your home and kill them before they come after your children.

What you fail to kill will come after your children.

You cannot kill what you refuse to confront.

Conclusion

Paul wrote this powerful verse about sacrifice in Romans:

Romans 12:1 NIV

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.

When we look at Cain and Abel, the sacrifice in question was animals and vegetables.

But in the New Covenant, the sacrifice that God asks for is not that. We don’t offer animals. We don’t bring produce or light candles.

We are the sacrifice.

Paul is telling us to bring a LIVING SACRIFICE.

I started thinking about Abel’s sacrifice… he would take an animal. A living animal, and he would sacrifice it to the Lord.

And Cain’s offering, well, the truth is the moment you take a fruit or a vegetable off of the vine, that thing has begun to die. It’s life source is the vine, branch or roots that it is connected to, but the moment it’s taken from the vine, it’s dying.

Both Old and New Testament are giving us the same principle. Bring to God what is alive.

Do you want to know what some of our problem is? We don’t bring to God a living sacrifice.

When we come before God, we don’t start getting real about the issues that we are having. Too often we pray cute prayers, about our little problems, and we ignore the big things that are alive in our life that we won’t kill.

Like that pornography problem. It’s alive.

Like our addiction to vaping. That too is alive.

Or, no matter how many times our spouse has asked us to stop drinking because we don’t know when to stop, that’s alive too.

If you don’t kill this thing, it will come for your children, and their children, and their children…

Offer up yourself as a living sacrifice.

Call

I wonder if there will be anyone here today that when we begin to pray will step out of their row, walk through the aisle, and come to this altar with their living sacrifice.

Is there anyone here ready to confront some things today so that you can walk back knowing that you brought that thing that was alive, but you are ready to put that thing to death today.

I believe that freedom is here today.

I believe that God wants to set families free today.

It starts with parents, but this is for everyone here in this room this morning.

Are you ready to put some things to death.