Welcome to Adulting - Dating Week 2

Opening of Lesson:

Prayers and Blessings

Recap Series we are in - welcome to adulting

Recap last weeks lesson - started dating

Todays Lesson we are looking at dating (make sure you’re taking notes)

The next danger is Trying Before Buying:

Lets get into the nitty gritty.

There are not many things that have caused more problems, or more pain in both dating and marriage than premarital sex.

Before we jump right into it, first lets address the question that everyone has but nobody seems to be able to answer:

Where is the line?

almost everybody struggles to define clear boundaries in dating relationships when it comes to sexual temptation.

most of the time, we think we are stronger than we really are when it comes to fighting it, and the boundaries are often not strong enough or clear enough to not get moved over time.

breaking these boundaries leads to guilt, shame, and frustration in your relationship and is guaranteed to cause problems.

Where should we draw the line?

Jesus calls us to be radical about fighting sin: Matthew 18:8-9

Matthew 18:8–9 CSB

8 If your hand or your foot causes you to fall away, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or lame than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into the eternal fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to fall away, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hellfire.

Jesus calls us to be proactive about fighting sin and temptation meaning the same should be upheld in our dating relationship

DISCUSSION:

Practically as a Christian, where should the line be?

We often think that we can draw the line somewhere between kissing and having sex, but it rarely works.

WHEN YOUR BODY GETS READY FOR SEX YOU SHOULD STOP.

making out is too far, there is nothing fruitful added to the relationship from that, and it can only lead to bad things

Now that we have established where the boundaries should be, lets look at why we need those boundaries.

It is only a recent thing that sex before marriage was socially acceptable.

Most people today expect and assume that a single person has had sex before marriage.

Not having premarital sex is almost counter cultural at this point, especially in a dating relationship.

Why is it that no other part of history has condoned this?

Have we discovered something new? Is it harmless? Is it Helpful? Does it allow us to make a better decision about who to marry?

Lets look at the results.

Premarital sex can lead to some obvious consequences like pregnancy and STD’s.

Those are avoidable though right?

not always

there are still ~ 3 million unintended pregnancies every year in the US and over 1 million abortions. About 85% of those abortions are single people. About 51% of those pregnancies happened despite the use of contraception

according to the CDC, there are about 19 million new cases of STD’s in the US every year.

Crazy truth: If every person only had one partner for life (their spouse), STD’s wouldn’t exist.

When you date to marry, premarital sex brings in even more issues.

The trend we talked about with less marriages happening closely follows the rising trend of premarital sex.

Studies show that people who have premarital sex are more prone to divorce later on.

Just one premarital sex partner increases your odds of divorce nearly 4 times in the first 5 years of marriage.

Having multiple partners results in a divorce rate 5-6 times higher.

Why does this happen?

sex is not a casual thing

Premarital sex changes things in your body and mind that make marriage harder.

When you have sex, chemicals are released in your body such as dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin. These chemicals produce strong emotional bonds.

Oxytocin is what a causes a mother to bond with a newborn baby.

In marriage, the release of these chemicals helps you bond to your spouse, but outside of marriage, they cause you to bond with someone who isn’t your spouse.

Why is this a problem?

these chemicals are addictive.

you create bonds with someone you don’t end up marrying

The way these chemicals make pathways in your brain, it becomes easier to say yes and harder to say no, causing it to be majorly difficult to fight this.

This same thing happens when you watch porn, which is what causes porn addictions to be prevalent.

When you create this bond with someone you don’t end up marrying, the breakup is much more powerful because of this connection.

The cycle continues though because when you see someone new, you are much more likely to have sex with them, and bond with them.

Ultimately, this brings you to a place where you slowly lose the ability to chemically bond with your eventual spouse.

You become addicted to variety, and this makes it more difficult to remain committed to one partner the rest of your life.

The fact that our bodies produce these bonding chemicals proves that God only ever intended us to be with one person for life in marriage.

If we follow the cultural trend of sleeping with multiple people before getting married, we sabotage our marriages before they even start.

You might be thinking:

What if i am for sure going to marry this person? Then it doesn’t matter if we sleep together because we will get married.

Bold of you to assume that, how very unwise

That is still outside the design of what God intended sex to be. Premarital sex can never be guilt free as a believer. You know you shouldn’t do it, and you will always have some sort of fear or guilt robbing you from the fullness of what God created it to be.

God intended sex to be for marriage.

If done within marriage, sex brings forth life, guilt free enjoyment, and strengthens the bond between husband and wife.

Jesus talked about marriage as two becoming one flesh, saying that they should not be separated after this.

Mark 10:7–9 CSB

7 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother 8 and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

The Bible also adresses premarital sex (or sexual immorality) more than a lot of other sins seeming to point out its severity.

1 Corinthians 6:15–20 CSB

15 Don’t you know that your bodies are a part of Christ’s body? So should I take a part of Christ’s body and make it part of a prostitute? Absolutely not! 16 Don’t you know that anyone joined to a prostitute is one body with her? For Scripture says, The two will become one flesh. 17 But anyone joined to the Lord is one spirit with him. 18 Flee sexual immorality! Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the person who is sexually immoral sins against his own body. 19 Don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20 for you were bought at a price. So glorify God with your body.

This is an important topic and many people get it wrong.

Here is the good news: there is hope.

Statistically, most people have had sex before marriage.

That isn’t a good thing, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be forgiven or that your future marriage is doomed.

If you change your viewpoint on sex now, it can greatly benefit your future.

It might not be easy, it will take time, commitment, daily prayer, confession, repentence, and consistency, but you can defeat it if you are in it. (This goes for any lustful habits or addictions)

God invented sex. He isn’t trying to prevent you from having sex. God wants you to enjoy your life, but He wants it to happen as He designed it: in the context of marriage.

The next mistake is: living together before marriage

There are not many things that are more focused on “trying before buying” than living together before marriage.

Why do people live together before getting married?

This is another trend that is steadily increasing in popularity under the excuse that you should find out if you are compatible before getting married.

According to statistics, about 2/3 of young adults live together before marriage.

Most people do this to see if living together works for their relationship. This follows the logic that if living together while dating or engaged works, it would also work while married.

Unfortunately, there are statistics that point to living together before marriage actually increasing the divorce rate.

The studies also show that living together before marriage can lead to decreased marital happiness, poorer communication, and higher levels of abuse.

Living together before marriage also detrimentally lowers your odds of actually getting married.

If you have lived together before marriage and end up breaking up, the breakup often becomes more like a divorce and dramatically increases the hurt and complication from the breakup.

The studies show that living together before marriage can increase the failure rate of your relationship up to 75%.

Why would you willingly subject your relationship to that?

If your goal is to get married, not living together before hand drastically helps your odds.

This goes back to the same thing we talked about last week:

Either you are ready to get married or you are not.

None of this even takes into account the calling of a Christian to majorly avoid both temptation and the appearance of sin.

Paul makes it very clear in 1 Timothy 5 that we are supposed to be above reproach, which means a life of moral high ground.

Paul also makes it very clear that we should avoid any kind of sin or the appearance of sin to others.

1 Timothy 5:22 CSB

22 Don’t be too quick to appoint anyone as an elder, and don’t share in the sins of others. Keep yourself pure.

Romans 14:16 CSB

16 Therefore, do not let your good be slandered,

Romans 12:17 CSB

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Give careful thought to do what is honorable in everyone’s eyes.

2 Corinthians 8:21 CSB

21 Indeed, we are giving careful thought to do what is right, not only before the Lord but also before people.

Paul thought it was very important to consider the way others viewed our actions or appearance of actions.

Jesus also thought we should avoid anything that could tempt us.

Matthew 18:8–9 CSB

8 If your hand or your foot causes you to fall away, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or lame than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into the eternal fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to fall away, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hellfire.

A common argument is made that if you aren’t having sex then living together is ok.

This is untrue and incredibly unwise.

We have already seen the numbers point to an unfavorable outcome.

Living together, even without sleeping together, still normally leads to playing married which is unhealthy.

Your relationship becomes similar to that of a married couple but you aren’t actually married.

Why is this dangerous?

the best part about a dating relationship is that you can break up

you have no commitment to stay with that person if you find something that makes the relationship incompatible.

Once you are married, you are locked in and you don’t have the freedom to leave.

Playing house normally ends in two ways when dating:

You become too close and end up having sex

You see yourself as married and treat your relationship that way but are “too committed” to end the relationship when it needs it

Besides all of that, one of the most exciting things about getting married is being able to live together.

You save something so special for your future life together, but if you live together before hand, you don’t get to experience that major change.

Announcements: (I plan on coming into the end of class for announcements to explain everything)

No bridge groups (done for summer)

Bridge launch August 17th!

Student serve rally August 12

Lifegroup fellowship at the church August 5 (wednesday)

Bridge leadership u - applications open