Parenting and Children

Text—these are the very words of God

Proverbs 22:6 ESV

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Introduction

When I got married, everyone told me it would be the hardest thing I had ever done.

Don’t get me wrong—marriage has brought some challenging days.

But for the most part, I found myself thinking, “This is not quite as hard as I thought it would be.”

That is thanks to the grace of God and an understanding wife.

When Katie and I had Beckett, everyone told me, “Being a dad is just the best thing in the world.”

Nobody said that much about how hard it is.

And yet—here I am in the year of our Lord 2026 to say— “IT IS THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE!”

It is complex. It is weighty.

And it can leave you feeling desperate for wisdom!

This is where the book of Proverbs steps in.

Context

This is our 5th of 9 thematic studies in Proverbs 10-29.

Pride and Humility

Tongue and Speech

God’s Sovereignty and Humans

Marriage and Faithfulness

And now today—Parenting and Children.

Opportunity of the Day

This presents a unique opportunity this morning.

We have K-4 students with us this morning and there is no Kid’s Praise because it is Communion Sunday

In light of that, this is a unique sermon for the unique opportunity

This morning we will speak to Parents AND Children.

So kids—I will be speaking right to you in the 2nd half of this message.

I want you to listen to what I say to Mom and Dad—and then I want you to listen to what I say to you.

Here’s the promise on my end—this is will be the shortest sermon I preach this year, because I would like to try to keep you engaged!

So let’s all lock in together for about as long as it would take us all to watch four Bluey episodes.

Big Idea

God’s book of wisdom places a calling on the life of the Parent and the Child in the home.

Outline

1. The Call of Wisdom on the Parent

2. The Call of Wisdom on the Child

1. The Call of Wisdom on the Parent

Proverbs 22:6

The Call on the Parent in Proverbs 22:6 is to train up a child in the way he SHOULD go.

This tells us that there is a way the child WOULD go, if not for the parent’s role in training.

But what does that training look like?

We can break it down into three main categories:

Instruct the Child

Discipline the Child

Understand the Stakes

a. Instruct the Child

The Responsibility to Instruct

When we studied chapter 9 verse-by-verse, we heard words like these again and again:

Hear

Listen

Be attentive

Incline your ear

Proverbs 4:1 ESV

Hear, O sons, a father’s instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight,

Moms and dads must teach and instruct their children.

They must teach them the truth about God

They must teach them the truth about the world

They must teach them the truth about sin

They must teach them the truth about the Gospel of Jesus Christ

There are many things a parent teaches a child, but nothing is more important than what they teach them about spiritual matters

Eternal matters

You can teach them about a lot of things...

...But nothing is more vital than instructing them in God’s wisdom

This instruction is not a one-time event.

If life is a shirt, what you teach your kids about Jesus should not just be the hem of the garment.

It should be woven into the whole piece of clothing.

You find this sort of instruction in Moses’ cornerstone teaching to all of Israel as he called on parents to hand down the commandment to love the Lord completely.

Deuteronomy 6:7 ESV

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

Notice how the teaching and instruction is happening throughout the day

The Church may teach your children.

In Sunday School

In the Lord’s Day service

At Midweek

But that is such a small sliver of time compared to what you have with them

God has called you to be the primary spiritual teacher of your children and He has put you in the position to do so.

Modeling What You Command

But we have to understand that as we teach and instruct, we must model what we command.

“Do as I say, not as I do,” falls way short of God’s wisdom.

In fact, it represents something that Jesus spoke really strongly against—hypocrisy.

Matthew 23:2–3 ESV

“The scribes and the Pharisees sit on Moses’ seat, so do and observe whatever they tell you, but not the works they do. For they preach, but do not practice.

We should reject the heart of the Pharisees and instead speak with the wisdom of Proverbs.

Proverbs 23:26 ESV

My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways.

Who doesn’t want their child’s heart?

Who doesn’t want to instruct them and have their child’s heart open to the truth?

Solomon wants this.

But notice how he says, “Let your eyes observe my ways,” right alongside it.

Our best instruction will come along with a life that models the very commands we give.

This is not about being perfect.

But it is about being in pursuit of holiness and godliness as we teach holy things and call for godliness from our kids.

We Are All Teaching Something

See, here is the thing.

We are all teaching something.

Little eyes and little ears are watching and listening.

And little feet will follow.

Every parent’s words and actions preaches a sermon to their children.

What sermon are you preaching?

We are all spreading around us as an influence, whether for good or for evil. Here therefore in our families lies the responsibility of Christian consistency.

Charles Bridges

Dad’s Charge

And when it comes to this consistency, dads—you must lead the way.

We established last week how you are the Head of your home.

You are the Pastor of your home.

Christian consistency must begin with you.

And brother—it CAN begin with you.

God’s grace is sufficient for the task He has given you.

You will also lead the way in the next duty for the Christian parent.

b. Discipline the Child

The Command to Discipline

If there is anything that Proverbs is most repetitive about in parenting, it is the subject of discipline.

It is the subject of correcting bad attitudes and bad behavior.

Listen to what God’s wisdom has to say to the parent about the rod.

Proverbs 19:18 ESV

Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.

Notice how Solomon connects discipline to hope.

On the other hand, leniency with disobedience it equated with harming a child in the ultimate way.

Proverbs 22:15 ESV

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

This verse drives a stake into the heart of modern parenting approaches that treat a child’s “big emotions” as something to be regulated and not corrected

And since our actions are just a result of our big emotions, they are not to be punished

The only response to behavior is reward for good behavior

Here comes Solomon saying that our children’s disobedience is not just because of unregulated big emotions—it is because they have folly in their hearts.

They are sinners in need of correction, not just little people in need of explanation.

The modern parenting techniques say, “Your child’s misbehavior is just communication.”

My response is, “Sure. And sometimes what they are communicating is that they are sinners in need of the truth.”

Correction in the form of discipline drives folly far from the child.

Proverbs 29:15 ESV

The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

In the end, correction and discipline brings wisdom to the child.

But if the child is not disciplined, it will result in the parent’s shame.

The breaking of a mother’s heart.

Discipline Can Have Many Forms, But Never Anger

Now of course, discipline can have many forms.

The rod in Proverbs is representative of loving, careful correction.

It is not a license for harshness.

The form of the rod should fit the child and fit the moment.

But it should not be absent.

But the goal of the discipline should never be to vent our anger as fathers and mothers

Your correction the child does not exist for the airing and expression of your frustration

Far from it.

The rod does not exist to inflict pain, but to turn the heart to the truth.

The goal is redemptive.

This is no different from the way that God loves us.

Proverbs 3:11–12 ESV

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.

When a father delights in his son, he will reprove him as one that he loves—just as the Father does with us.

In fact, the book of Hebrews warns that if God does not discipline us, it could be a sign that we are not actually Christians—illegitimate spiritual children.

For the Father disciplines those whom He loves.

Fathers should lead the way in discipline in their homes.

It should never be decided or executed in anger.

It should never be to designed to exasperate.

That will only discourage them.

Colossians 3:21 ESV

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Instead of a twisted goal to pervert, wise discipline’s goal is entreat the child to what is good and right.

Matthew Henry warns that when we get this wrong, it really damages the way our children view us.

When the parent is out of control in the face of the child’s disobedience, Henry said it is a bad use of parent’s badge of authority.

Henry said your kids won’t say it because they are too scared—but they are thinking, “Is this really who God has put in charge of me?”

This means that discipline should not be done when emotions are out-of-control.

Anger will only provoke anger.

Ephesians 6:4 ESV

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Clearly there is a way to bring the child up in discipline and instruction without provoking them to anger.

This is the tone of godly discipline in the home.

There must be authority coupled with love.

c. Understand the Stakes

And of course the stakes are high.

Any parent who loves their child feels this in their bones.

Proverbs confirms what you feel.

The stakes are high for the parent and the child.

For the Child and the Parent

In terms of the child—they will end up WISE or FOOLISH

In terms of the parent—they will end up glad or sorrowful.

Proverbs 10:1 ESV

The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.

Proverbs 17:21 ESV

He who sires a fool gets himself sorrow, and the father of a fool has no joy.

A child can make your heart feel like it is going to explode with joy and happiness.

A child can break your heart into a thousand pieces.

I have seen both as a pastor.

This is why it is so crucial that children are trained up in the way they SHOULD go and not left to they way they WOULD go.

Gnomic Proverb

Now it must be said that Proverbs 22:6 is what is called a “gnomic” Proverb.

That means it is generally true, but not true in every instance.

We know that a parent can raise a child up correctly and that the child can still end up departing from it.

Children have wills.

They make decisions.

They could end up like the adulterer in Proverbs 5 who suffers horrible consequences for sin and then laments that they didn’t listen to their teachers.

But in general—God’s wisdom tends to win in a child in the long run.

Let us then understand the stakes.

Let us pray for help in our parenting.

Let us pray for our children.

Let us pray WITH our children.

For we need God’s gracious hand to lead us in this great task.

d. The Gospel Model of God the Father

Thankfully we don’t have to look farther than Him on the hard days.

When you are struggling.

When you are tired.

When your love feels all too imperfect.

Praise God that we can look to the Father in Heaven who loved the world so much that He gave His only begotten Son.

He is both your model, your means and your goal.

What do we know about Him?

Exodus 34:6 ESV

The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness,

He is the Model of a merciful, gracious, slow to anger, loving, faithful Father.

The grace of His Son, whom He has given, will be the Means by which you carry out the call of wisdom on your home.

And the Goal of it all, is that your child would know, love and live for the glory of that Heavenly Father.

2. The Call of Wisdom on the Child

Now let’s look on the call of Wisdom on the Child—the call of wisdom on:

Every boy and girl

Every young man and young woman

If we look again at Proverbs 22:6, we can see that there is indeed an implied calling on the life of a child...

Proverbs 22:6 ESV

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Young people—there is a way you SHOULD go.

Your world tells you that you can live your life however you want.

“Live your truth.”

Do what you feel.

Nobody can tell you that it’s wrong.

But God’s wisdom book says that is not true.

There is a way you SHOULD go.

How do you make sure you are walking in that way?

a. Hear Instruction

If it is your parents’ job to give instruction, it is your job to receive it.

To soak it up like a sponge.

In Proverbs, Solomon’s son is called to:

HEED his father’s instruction and his mother’s teaching (Prov. 1:8-9)

RECEIVE teaching and TREASURE teaching (Prov. 2:1-2)

TUNE the ear and INCLINE the heart (Prov. 2:1-2)

NOT FORGET the teaching (Prov. 3:1)

KEEP the commandments he is taught (Prov. 6:20)

Young people—you must TAKE IN your parents’ good teaching and instruction.

You must not ROLL YOUR EYES, but FIX them on what is being taught

You must not CLOSE THE EARS and tune your parents out, but LEAN IN and LISTEN

You face a temptation to open your heart to so many things in this world—but you must open your heart to Jesus first and foremost—and then to the instruction of your parents.

You might say— “But why???”

“I really don’t want to do that!”

The reason is that you must listen is that you need wisdom.

One of the reasons that Proverbs is written is to give wisdom to the naive (those who don’t know much about this world) and knowledge and discernment to youth, who have much to learn.

Proverbs 1:4 (NLT)

New Living Translation Chapter 1

4 These proverbs will give insight to the simple,

knowledge and discernment to the young.

And one of the ways that Proverbs does this work is by calling YOU to tune your ears to the teaching and instruction of your Mom and Dad.

b. Heed Correction

But here is the reality for our children and youth—you will not be perfect.

There will be times that you choose not to listen to Mom and Dad.

There will be times that you forget what they said.

There will be times when you sin against God and against your parents.

I don’t want that to be true, but I know it is because… I was a kid once.

I know that sometimes you mess up.

This is when we need correction.

This is when you need the same Parents who taught you, to help you get back on the WAY YOU SHOULD GO.

Don’t Mock Correction

Here is what Proverbs has to say to you about Correction.

Proverbs 13:1 ESV

A wise son hears his father’s instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.

Scoffing is “make fun of something with hateful feelings in your heart.”

The Bible is really clear that we should not MOCK the TRUTH.

People who MOCK the TRUTH will end up judged by God and standing outside of God’s promises.

Psalm 1:5 (NLT)

New Living Translation Psalm 1

5 They will be condemned at the time of judgment.

Sinners will have no place among the godly.

If we do not want to end up condemned, we should embrace correction.

Especially when it comes from a loving father and mother who are disciplining with authority AND affection.

Don’t Be a Fool

In fact, this is how we end up not being fools in our lives.

You don’t want to be a fool.

The world can call you a lot of names that are awful and so being a “fool” may not seem so bad.

But in the Bible, being a fool is VERY BAD.

Fools are the ones who reject God and His Wisdom.

They don’t fear God!

The life of a fool is filled with trouble and drama.

It is filled with the consequences of sinful actions.

And it ends in destruction.

Don’t be a FOOL!

Proverbs 15:5 (NLT)

New Living Translation Chapter 15

5 Only a fool despises a parent’s discipline;

whoever learns from correction is wise.

Learning from your Mom and Dad’s correction will guard your life from foolishness and all the results that come with foolishness.

Don’t Be a Dog Returning to Vomit

The purpose of your parents’ correction and discipline is show you:

Sin is dangerous

Disobedience does not pay

Trouble begets trouble

With the hope being that you would learn the lessons and say, “That was bad. I will not do that again. I will listen to what Mom and Dad said next time.”

This is the GOOD and WISE response to correction.

But if you ignore them and you just keep doing the same things, here is what the Bible says about your actions:

Proverbs 26:11 (NLT)

New Living Translation Chapter 26

11 As a dog returns to its vomit,

so a fool repeats his foolishness.

Dogs are nasty.

They will throw-up and eat it.

They do it because it is natural to them.

They do it because the vomit still smells like food.

They do it because...well...it’s there.

This is how a fool is with sin, young people.

They come back to it again and again because their sinful hearts love it.

They come back to it again and again because they are so deep in sin they don’t recognize the evil of sin for what it is.

They come back to it again and again because...well...it is there and they want it.

Don’t be like a dog eating throw-up.

That is what it is like to return to wrongdoing after your parents have corrected and disciplined you.

Learn the lesson and hate the sin that brought on the discipline.

But love your parents who are protecting you from a vomit-eating life of sinful foolishness.

c. Honor Your Father and Mother

Honoring Mom and Dad

When we HEAR the way we SHOULD GO from our parents...

...And when we RECEIVE their correction and learn from it...

...Then we will HONOR our mothers and our fathers.

This is one of the Ten Commandments.

Exodus 20:12 ESV

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

It is a commandment with a promise—obedience to it will generally result in a longer, more joyful life.

The Commandment is expressed in Proverbs.

Proverbs 23:22 ESV

Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.

Your parents are the ones who God used to give you life—so give them the honor they are due by listening to them.

And this should carry on throughout life.

There is never a time where dishonoring Mom and Dad becomes okay.

Even when your mother is old, you must not despise her, but honor her.

A couple of verses later, wisdom says:

Proverbs 23:25 (NLT)

New Living Translation Chapter 23

25 So give your father and mother joy!

May she who gave you birth be happy.

Honoring Mom and Dad means living the sort of life that does not bring them sorrow, but joy.

Cause your Mom to be happy!

Young people, this is one of the most important ways you obey God at this point in your life—it is by honoring your mom and dad.

Colossians 3:20 ESV

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Your parents have been given authority by God.

When you honor their authority by HEARING instruction and HEEDING correction and OBEYING their rules—you are HONORING God.

That means that the way you deal with Mom and Dad is going to be an act of worship that brings Jesus glory...OR...

...It will be an act of rebellion that dishonors Jesus’ name.

Do you see how important it is that you honor mom and dad?

Your relationship with God will be hindered if you don’t.

Your worship will be falling short.

And in the end, it leads to death:

Proverbs 30:17 (NLT)

New Living Translation Chapter 30

17 The eye that mocks a father

and despises a mother’s instructions

will be plucked out by ravens of the valley

and eaten by vultures.

The ravens and the vultures fly in the valley of death.

This is where the one who dishonors Mom and Dad finds themselves in the end.

Honor God by honoring Mom and Dad = Long life in the land

Dishonor God by dishonoring Mom and Dad = The eye plucked out in the place of death

There is only one choice to be made—Honor Mom and Dad!

d. The Gospel Model of God the Son

Young people—maybe you feel overwhelmed by all of this.

Well do not be discouraged!

Instead, look to Jesus, God’s Son.

He was perfectly obedient and honoring toward His heavenly Father at every moment.

John 6:38 ESV

For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me.

Jesus came and DID His Father’s will.

He lived a perfect life and then He died on the Cross for me and for you.

This was all a part of the Father’s will for Him.

He did not complain. He did not stomp His feet. He did not say it was unfair.

He said, “Not my will, but yours be done.”

THIS is your example boys and girls.

And on the days when you feel like you have really gotten it all wrong and dropped the ball—the One who is your Example is also your Hope.

For when Jesus died and rose again—He crushed sin and death for you.

He opened the way to eternal life and the forgiveness of your sins.

If you admit you are a sinner...

...If you believe with all your heart that Jesus is your Savior...

...And if you surrender to Him and confess Him as Lord of your life...

...Then He will forgive you.

He will forgive you of all your sins—including dishonoring Mom and Dad.

And then, with your sins forgiven, you can move on from yesterday and start over and ask Him to help you honor your parents today.

Conclusion

This is the call of wisdom in the home for the parent and the child:

Fathers and Mothers—Train up the child in the way they SHOULD go.

Sons and Daughters—Honor your Mom and Dad, by walking on that way.