Beloved 7: The Different Foxes

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B: Songs 2:15

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Thank you, Worship 4:24 folks, for leading us in our time of musical praise and worship this morning. It’s such a blessing to come together on Sundays to sing His praises and to consider the Word of God. I pray that this time is a blessing to you as well, but more than anything, I pray that our joining together today brings honor and glory to God, and points us to Him.

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Opening

We're continuing our journey through the Song of Songs in this series called Beloved. As we've seen throughout this book, Solomon gives us a picture of an ideal romantic love that is passionate, intentional, and wise. It's a love that doesn't merely feel deeply, but seeks to honor God in the way it relates, communicates, and grows. And while the Song never mentions God directly, it constantly points us back to His wisdom and His design for relationships.

Last week, we considered “the dangerous foxes” that threaten relationships. We saw that little problems often become big problems when they're ignored. We looked at foxes that uproot, foxes that divide, and foxes that distract. And the central lesson was simple: if love is worth cultivating, then love is worth protecting.

Today, I want us to consider a different kind of fox.

So please stand in honor of the declaration of the Word of God as we again read just verse 15 of chapter 2 of the Song. This time, we’re going to read it out loud together:

Song of Solomon 2:15 CSB

15 Catch the foxes for us— the little foxes that ruin the vineyards— for our vineyards are in bloom.

PRAYER

I’m going to say something that 30 years ago wouldn’t have even caused people to bat an eye, but today in some circles might be highly controversial. Here goes:

Men and women are different.

Everyone put your hands up with all of your fingers together. Men, for almost all of you, your ring finger is noticeably longer than your pointer. Women, your pointer is very likely either as long as or is actually longer than your ring finger.

The website “Ask the Scientists” (askthescientists.com) has a fun and interesting page titled “25 Fun Facts About What Makes Men and Women Different.” In it, they address some of the physiological, biological, and nutritional differences between men and women, generally. Here are a few of the ones that I found interesting:

Men literally have thicker skin than women, by about 25%, and have higher densities of collagen in their skin.

Men’s bones are also more dense, and they have stronger bones, tendons, and ligaments than women, as well as more muscle mass.

However, women’s muscles are better at resisting fatigue and recovering from strain more quickly.

Women normally have lower blood pressure than men, regardless of race or ethnicity.

Women have better senses of smell and taste than men, because they have both more neurons in their olfactory bulbs, and more taste buds.

Men’s eyes sense movement better than women’s, but women’s eyes are better at distinguishing between small differences in color. https://askthescientists.com/men-women-different/

Here’s the question: do any of these differences, by definition, make either men or women “better” than the other in an overall sense? No. They might mean that men are better at some things and women are better at others, but even those things don’t make a declaration about overall value. They aren’t moral differences. One isn’t “good” and the other “bad.” One isn’t “right” and the other “wrong.” They’re just differences.

So you might think that, given this opening, the “fox” that we’re talking about is the difference between men and women. No. The fox isn’t that men and women are different. In fact, it’s not even necessarily about men and women—we all have differences in how we work, how we play, how we live, how we love, and how we serve.

As we’ve already seen in the Song, verse 15 is specifically in the context of the romantic love between the Lover and the Beloved. We’re looking at it last week and this week because the Song’s concept of the foxes ruining the blooming vineyard of this relationship isn’t something restricted to engaged couples. In fact, all human relationships are vulnerable to “foxes,” because all humans are vulnerable to sin. Our point in this week and last is to extend the application of this verse to our context, not to understand the verse itself. We did that two weeks ago.

The fox is not difference itself. The fox is misunderstanding our differences. The fox is allowing that friction to become fracture. The fox is forgetting that God designed those differences for our good.

1: Differences can bring friction

Have you ever looked at someone you love and thought, "Why on earth would you do that that way?"

Maybe you're talking about how to spend money. Maybe you're talking about raising children. Maybe you're talking about directions while driving. Maybe you're talking about how to put lights on a Christmas tree... and there actually is a correct way, by the way—buy a pre-lit tree.

Honestly, one of the biggest early fights Mel and I had when we got married was whether the lights go on bottom to top, or top to bottom. We both had our reasons for why we thought they went the way we wanted, and completely missed the point—that the lights get on the tree.

The longer we're in relationship with someone, the more we discover that they don't think exactly like we do. They don't process things the same way. They don't communicate the same way. They don't prioritize the same things. They don't always see the world through the same lens.

And if we're honest, those differences can sometimes create friction. And again, this isn’t just in the realm of romantic relationships. It can be work relationships, friendships, and even ministry relationships.

In the book of Acts, we read of a man who was given the nickname “Barnabas” by the apostles because of how he encouraged others:

Acts 4:36–37 CSB

36 Joseph, a Levite from Cyprus by birth, the one the apostles called Barnabas (which is translated Son of Encouragement), 37 sold a field he owned, brought the money, and laid it at the apostles’ feet.

Through the narrative of Acts 9-15, Barnabas and Saul of Tarsus (who we normally call the Apostle Paul) met and became friends. They served side-by-side for years. Barnabas had encouraged Paul when many believers were still suspicious of him. They ministered together in Antioch, traveled together on Paul's first missionary journey, defended the Gospel together, and watched God work through their partnership in powerful ways. Barnabas’s cousin John Mark had accompanied them on the first part of the first journey, but he deserted them and went back home shortly into it.

When it came time for their second missionary journey, Paul and Barnabas saw things differently. Barnabas wanted to take John Mark along, but Paul said that since they were visiting the same churches as on their first trip, then John Mark shouldn’t go with them since he didn’t follow through the first time. The Scriptures don’t tell us that either of them was right or wrong—just that their perspectives differed.

Acts 15:37–38 CSB

37 Barnabas wanted to take along John who was called Mark. 38 But Paul insisted that they should not take along this man who had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not gone on with them to the work.

This difference in perspective brought about some friction in their relationship. Paul thought that John Mark shouldn’t go on the repeat journey. Barnabas thought that John Mark should get another chance to serve.

I wonder if each of them looked at each other and thought, “Why are you responding this way?”

Differences can create friction because we interpret things: good things, bad things, struggles, joys, losses, victories—life—from our particular points-of-view, and we all have particular points-of-view. But the issue isn’t that we’re different. The issue is that we somehow believe that oneness equals sameness, that unity equals uniformity. But that’s not the case.

Look around: there are lots of people in this room, and NONE of us have exactly the same perspective about things. But this morning, we come together in unity to worship the Lord Jesus together. This is why we call it “Family Worship.” We all are different, and we all have a particular place in this life of this church body. But even in the church, we can find friction because of difference:

Paul wrote about this extensively in 1 Corinthians 12:

1 Corinthians 12:12–21 CSB

12 For just as the body is one and has many parts, and all the parts of that body, though many, are one body—so also is Christ. 13 For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free—and we were all given one Spirit to drink. 14 Indeed, the body is not one part but many. 15 If the foot should say, “Because I’m not a hand, I don’t belong to the body,” it is not for that reason any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I’m not an eye, I don’t belong to the body,” it is not for that reason any less a part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But as it is, God has arranged each one of the parts in the body just as he wanted. 19 And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, but one body. 21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” Or again, the head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you!”

Do you see the friction? Friction might make us think that there’s something wrong with our relationships. But friction isn’t the problem. Friction can be useful to help us think about something from a different perspective, to consider a position that we would never have thought of, to humble ourselves and consider that maybe I’m wrong, not them. If we approach a difference of perspective in wisdom, humility, grace, and mercy, we might find that the friction is managed.

Friction in and of itself isn’t dangerous. Untended friction is. It might even prompt us to think, “if you really cared about me, you’d agree with me.” And when we start thinking this way, then our differences can lead to more than friction… they can lead to fracture:

2: Differences can bring fracture

The reality is that we sometimes don’t face the friction in our relationships directly, hoping it will just go away. And on the other hand, sometimes we make a small difference of opinion mean MUCH more than it should (like how to put up Christmas lights), and then respond to one another in ways that are completely out-of-balance with the importance of the issue—We’re so busy trying to be right, that we stop being righteous. Paul’s words to the Romans are really wise here:

Romans 12:17–18 CSB

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Give careful thought to do what is honorable in everyone’s eyes. 18 If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Now back to our consideration of Paul and Barnabas in the book of Acts: honestly, I’m not willing to say definitively that either Paul or Barnabas was in sin with their approach to the situation with John Mark. Paul likely didn’t see Mark as trustworthy since he deserted the first time, and you can’t really blame him. For Barnabas, Mark was his cousin, and Barnabas himself was a born encourager. He likely saw this as an opportunity for Mark to grow in his faith and his service, so you can’t really blame him either. I don’t think that we can say with any certainty that either of them were wrong: Paul was concerned about reliability. Barnabas was concerned with restoration. Both concerns are good, just different perspectives on what’s important.

The one thing we know for sure is that Paul and Barnabas didn’t see eye-to-eye, and this created a fracture in their relationship:

Acts 15:39–41 CSB

39 They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company, and Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed off to Cyprus. 40 But Paul chose Silas and departed, after being commended by the brothers and sisters to the grace of the Lord. 41 He traveled through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.

Their disagreement was so “sharp” that it fractured the relationship of these two godly men. Don’t we read this an feel like, “Oh, that’s a shame.” Or maybe we feel like we have to take sides or something: “What’s the matter with that Barnabas? Doesn’t he know who Paul is?!?” I think we tend to be “team Paul” because we kind of “know” him better than Barnabas. Isn’t it interesting that their disagreement can cause us to have a fracture in our relationship with Barnabas, or with Mark, nearly 2000 years later?

To be fair, most of our differences with each other are actually rooted in sin—selfishness, pride, fear, lust, you name it. I addressed several of these “foxes” last week. But if you realize that you’re in sin, there’s only one righteous response to that realization: repent, confess, and ask for forgiveness. If the other person is in blatant, unrepentant sin, then we have to take action, according to Matthew 18. And that action may necessarily end in a modification of our relationship to the person in sin.

But what I’m speaking to today is a situation that produces friction where there’s not obviously sin for either party, but more a difference of perspective and opinion. I’m going to give both Paul and Barnabas the benefit of the doubt here, because it seems that the Bible does so as well. They found themselves at a true impasse, and decided that the best course of action was for there to be two mission trips instead of one.

We’re not usually this willing to compromise our positions. When we find ourselves in friction with someone and we let that friction go untended, then it can cause damage, because we can move from saying, “You see things differently,” to, “You see things wrongly,” and eventually to, “Something is wrong with you.” We can move from evaluation to moral judgment to condemnation so easily. And once we get to condemnation, relational fracture is almost sure to follow.

Emo Philips is credited with the authorship of this story:

"Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump.

I said, 'Don't do it!'

He said, 'Nobody loves me.'

I said, 'God loves you. Do you believe in God?'

He said, 'Yes.'

I said, 'Are you a Christian or a Jew?'

He said, 'A Christian.'

I said, 'Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?'

He said, 'Protestant.'

I said, 'Me, too! What denomination?'

He said, 'Baptist.'

I said, 'Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?'

He said, 'Northern Baptist.'

I said, 'Me, too! Northern Baptist Convention or Northern Baptist Council?'

He said, 'Northern Baptist Convention.'

I said, 'Me, too! Northern Baptist Convention Eastern Region or Northern Baptist Convention Western Region?'

He said, 'Northern Baptist Convention Eastern Region.'

I said, 'Me, too! Northern Baptist Convention Eastern Region Baptist Council or Northern Baptist Convention Eastern Region Baptist Association?'

He said, 'Northern Baptist Convention Eastern Region Baptist Association.'

I said, 'Me, too! Northern Baptist Convention Eastern Region Baptist Association 1879 or Northern Baptist Convention Eastern Region Baptist Association 1890?'

He said, 'Northern Baptist Convention Eastern Region Baptist Association 1890.'

I shook my head and said, “Go ahead and jump, you heretic,” and kept walking."

Talk about a fracture in the relationship! Instead of taking this pathway of non-essential differences leading to untended friction leading to relational fracture, we should take a step back and ask ourselves first if we’re in sin in our position or our attitude; and second if the difference is worth breaking fellowship over. Often, the answer to the first question is, “yes,” and the answer to the second is, “no.”

In fact, Paul wrote to the Romans about dealing with differences in non-essentials, like food, in grace:

Romans 14:1–6 CSB

1 Welcome anyone who is weak in faith, but don’t argue about disputed matters. 2 One person believes he may eat anything, while one who is weak eats only vegetables. 3 One who eats must not look down on one who does not eat, and one who does not eat must not judge one who does, because God has accepted him. 4 Who are you to judge another’s household servant? Before his own Lord he stands or falls. And he will stand, because the Lord is able to make him stand. 5 One person judges one day to be more important than another day. Someone else judges every day to be the same. Let each one be fully convinced in his own mind. 6 Whoever observes the day, observes it for the honor of the Lord. Whoever eats, eats for the Lord, since he gives thanks to God; and whoever does not eat, it is for the Lord that he does not eat it, and he gives thanks to God.

And then he gives a warning about allowing ourselves to become embittered toward our brothers and sisters in Christ over such differences:

Romans 14:10 CSB

10 But you, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or you, why do you despise your brother or sister? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God.

See, not every difference between us is a matter of obedience versus rebellion. Sometimes sincere, loving, mature followers of Jesus reach different conclusions about secondary issues: things like what to eat and holidays, as well as things like politics and finance. We can’t take the path from friction to fracture, because when we do that, we stop seeing our brother or sister in Christ, and instead start seeing an opponent to defeat, a problem to overcome, or an enemy to avoid. Then the question isn’t “What’s wrong with them?” but “Lord, what’s wrong with me?”

Do we demand sameness in order to have oneness?

What we need to grasp is that God, in His sovereign will, has actually chosen to not make every Christian with the same personality, the same gifts, the same perspectives, the same strengths, and the same priorities. He didn’t make us all into eyes or hands or feet. This tells us something important: Our differences are not an accident. They’re not a flaw in God’s good design—they are a part of it. God’s intention wasn’t that His people would all be identical. It was that we would be united. This brings us to a truth that is easy to forget when friction becomes fracture:

3: Differences are foundational

There is precisely NO ONE on the earth who is exactly like you, and there is precisely NO ONE who has EVER been exactly like you. There will also NEVER BE anyone who is exactly like you. This is a staggering truth when you stop to think about it. Each of us is radically, intentionally, and totally unique—even though we share our parents’ DNA, and there are SO MANY of us! And while the church is a smaller slice of that overall cake, the reality is that our differences declare that we need one another.

In thinking about Paul and Barnabas, they had their differences. Paul was an exhorter. Barnabas was an encourager. Paul was an orator. Even the people of Lystra said that Paul was the “chief speaker” of the duo in Acts 14. But they served together faithfully and successfully for years before the fracturing of their relationship.

As I was just kind of thinking out loud about this on Friday, I was talking with Tim. Tim and I have some things in common: we’re both 50-something year-old men who love Jesus and love our wives. We each have two daughters. We both live in Albuquerque and are on staff at Eastern Hills Baptist Church. But we don’t have entirely the same perspectives on things, and we don’t have the same skillsets. Rather than seeing these differences as a problem, or something that creates competition or unhealthy comparison, we can see that they are given by God in order to complement one another to make the body of Christ more complete. Notice how Paul continues in 1 Corinthians 12:

Bill: 24B-30

1 Corinthians 12:24–30 CSB

24b Instead, God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the less honorable, 25 so that there would be no division in the body, but that the members would have the same concern for each other. 26 So if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. 27 Now you are the body of Christ, and individual members of it. 28 And God has appointed these in the church: first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, next miracles, then gifts of healing, helping, leading, various kinds of tongues. 29 Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all do miracles? 30 Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret?

There’s an incredible beauty in the way the Lord has chosen to form the body of the church, the bride of Christ. The goal is that we serve one another in love through the strength and capabilities that God provides through His Holy Spirit to those who follow Jesus, so that He would be glorified. This is what Peter said in his first epistle:

1 Peter 4:10–11 CSB

10 Just as each one has received a gift, use it to serve others, as good stewards of the varied grace of God. 11 If anyone speaks, let it be as one who speaks God’s words; if anyone serves, let it be from the strength God provides, so that God may be glorified through Jesus Christ in everything. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.

This image actually helps us connect back to the Song. The Lover and the Beloved are not the same. They don’t see things the same way. They don’t notice the same things. But these differences actually heighten the beauty of their relationship, they don’t detract from it.

And herein lies the wonder of the Gospel: God is vastly different from us. He is necessary, we are contingent. He is infinite, we are finite. He is all-powerful in His own right, and we have no power within ourselves. He’s perfect, and we just aren’t. And the severity of that difference actually does cause friction, and it does bring about a fracture in our relationship with Him because we choose sin over God. But what has God done about this? Thought He is well within His right as God to condemn us all to hell for our sin, instead, in His love for us, He has given His Son Jesus so that the fracture between us could be redeemed.

If we believe in what Jesus has done to save us, trusting that it is only through faith in Jesus that we can be redeemed, repenting of our sins and surrendering to Him as Lord, then we will be forgiven because He paid the penalty we owe, and we will receive eternal life because He has defeated death. We will be restored to the Lord.

And when we’ve been set free by Christ, He frees us to make a difference in other people’s lives, even people we might have previously been at odds with. You or I might have held a grudge against Mark after his desertion and being the center of the conflict with Barnabas. But not Paul. His relationship with Mark was restored in the future, as we see in Colossians 4:10, Phm 23-24, and 2 Tim 4:11

2 Timothy 4:11 CSB

11 Only Luke is with me. Bring Mark with you, for he is useful to me in the ministry.

The fracture in Acts 15 wasn’t the end of the story. Even though Paul and Barnabas had their differences, and those differences caused friction which eventually led to fracture, the Gospel spoke the final word. The man that Paul once viewed as useless and refused to take on a missionary journey became a man useful to him in ministry. What was broken had been restored in Christ.

Closing

The Song calls: “Catch the foxes for us—the little foxes that ruin the vineyards—for our vineyards are in bloom.” We have to make sure that we’re catching the right foxes. The fox isn’t that we’re different. The fox is allowing our differences to become divisions. The fox is assuming that oneness requires sameness. The fox is believing that the differences in our brothers and sisters in the church are problems, when God intended for them to be blessings. The fox is forgetting that God has arranged the parts in the body just as He wanted to.

And this morning, maybe the fracture you need restored this morning isn't between you and another person. Maybe it's the fracture between you and God. Your sin has separated you from Him, but Jesus died and rose again so that you could be forgiven, redeemed, and reconciled to your Creator. Today, repent of your sin and trust in Christ.

For believers:

And for those of us who already know Jesus, perhaps the invitation is different.

Is there a relationship where friction has become fracture?

Is there someone you've judged instead of loved?

Someone you've avoided instead of pursued?

Someone you've condemned instead of sought to understand?

Ask the Lord to show you the foxes that are threatening the vineyard.

And ask Him for the grace to pursue unity without demanding uniformity.

Baptism

Church membership

Giving

Prayer

PRAYER

Observance of the Lord’s Supper

I’d like to invite our deacons to come down and prepare to serve the Lord’s Supper to our church family.

The beauty of the Supper is the body coming together, with all of our differences, to declare in unity our trust and surrender to our Lord as we remember what He’s done for us. We’re coming together in unity, not uniformity. In oneness, not sameness.

Before we take the Supper, I’d like to give both a warning and a welcome.

The warning is that if you do not belong to God through believing in the Lord Jesus Christ, please do not take the Supper. Since this is a time of memorial of and identification with the Gospel, if you do not believe, you should not participate. This is to safeguard the sanctity of the ordinance and for your protection as well, according to Scripture. We love you, and we’re glad that you’re here. We pray that witnessing this ordinance will be a blessing to you and open your heart to ask questions or to want to find out more about following Christ.

However, the Scripture is clear that the Supper is to be taken in a “worthy manner… recognizing the body.” To take it as an unbeliever is to do so in an “unworthy” manner. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians:

ON SCREEN

1 Corinthians 11:27–32 CSB

27 So, then, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sin against the body and blood of the Lord. 28 Let a person examine himself; in this way let him eat the bread and drink from the cup. 29 For whoever eats and drinks without recognizing the body, eats and drinks judgment on himself. 30 This is why many are sick and ill among you, and many have fallen asleep. 31 If we were properly judging ourselves, we would not be judged, 32 but when we are judged by the Lord, we are disciplined, so that we may not be condemned with the world.

In accordance with this passage, take just a moment to examine your own heart, confess any sin, and ask the Lord to reveal any sin that needs repentance and confession this morning.

The welcome is that we’re here together in this room, and it’s such a joy to be able to take the Supper together as a church family. We’re told to welcome one another as we come together for the Supper:

ON SCREEN

1 Corinthians 11:33 CSB

33 Therefore, my brothers and sisters, when you come together to eat, welcome one another.

Look around you and welcome each other to the family table.

Ask Jeff and Aaron to come and distribute the bread to the deacons. Have one of the deacons ask the Lord to bless the bread.

NOT ON SCREEN

1 Corinthians 11:23–24 CSB

23 For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: On the night when he was betrayed, the Lord Jesus took bread, 24 and when he had given thanks, broke it, and said, “This is my body, which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.”

After the cup is distributed to the deacons, have another deacon ask the Lord to bless the cup.

NOT ON SCREEN

1 Corinthians 11:25–26 CSB

25 In the same way also he took the cup, after supper, and said, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” 26 For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.

Thank the deacons for their service to the church family this morning.

Closing Remarks

Neighboring Moments

hey so last week I was getting some food at taco bell and me and this awesome homeless dude named "dion" talked about God and how he never contradicts himself and how amazing that is for like an hour. it was so fun and dion has had a hard life so please keep him in your prayers

Bible reading Plan

Pastor’s Study tonight

Prayer Meeting Wednesday

Instructions for guests

Benediction

Ephesians 4:1–3 CSB

1 Therefore I, the prisoner in the Lord, urge you to walk worthy of the calling you have received, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.