Forgive One Another

Ephesians 4:31–32

“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

Introduction: What Is Forgiveness?

In our modern lexicon, the words “forgiveness” and “resentment” are often seen as antonyms: polar opposites.

The lack of forgiveness must mean resentment is present. And this means we must forgive those who sin against us and we must forgive for our own sake, whether or not they are repentant.

“Harboring resentment and unforgiveness will hurt you more than the person you’re refusing to forgive.” — Greg Laurie

While I would agree with Pastor Laurie about resentment, what I would like for us to do today is look at what Scripture teaches regarding forgiveness.

The New Testament addresses forgiveness across multiple contexts, emphasizing both its necessity and its connection to God’s grace toward us.

In its various contexts, Scripture reveals to us many things about forgiveness that perhaps we may forget if we are not reminded from time to time.

So today I want us to consider:

WHY do we forgive? HOW do we forgive? WHEN do we forgive?

I. FORGIVE FOR THE SAKE OF THE OFFENDER

2 Corinthians 2:5–8

Paul is speaking of a man who has sinned against the congregation in Corinth, and of course against God as well.

Many scholars believe this is the man who was described in 1 Corinthians 5 who was involved in an ungodly relationship with his step-mother.

We cannot be sure this is the same man/circumstance, but the context gives us some clues.

In the first letter, Paul rebukes the man, and he rebukes the church for turning a blind eye to his actions and lifestyle.

In this second letter, Paul is encouraging the church to forgive the man because his punishment had been sufficient (verse 6), indicating the church had heeded Paul's rebuke of their lack of action previously.

Somehow, they had disciplined the man, and he was repentant and sought reconciliation.

So Paul is urging them to forgive him:

“Lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow.”

Two things to note:

1. The punishment was severe.

2. The repentance was sincere.

Both are indications of a healthy church and a true believer.

Perhaps not pleasant, but necessary.

And that's the whole point of discipline within the church:

So the offender can be forgiven and restored.

Forgiveness is not merely about making ourselves feel better.

Sometimes forgiveness is about rescuing someone from the consequences of their sin and restoring them to fellowship.

II. FORGIVE FOR THE SAKE OF YOURSELF

We are also to forgive for our own sakes.

Consider the very words of Jesus Himself.

Matthew 6:14–15

“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Luke 6:37

“Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:”

Jesus could not have been more clear:

If you have any hope of being forgiven by God, you must be a forgiving person.

This is where the statement from Greg Laurie has an important truth:

“Harboring resentment and unforgiveness will hurt you more than the person you’re refusing to forgive.”

Unforgiveness can consume the person who harbors it.

But Scripture gives us an even greater reason than simply protecting our emotional well-being:

We forgive because we are people who have ourselves received forgiveness from God.

III. FORGIVENESS WILL COST YOU

Forgiveness is not always convenient.

It may require sacrifice.

It may require humility.

It may require you to take the first step.

It may require you to go out of your way to seek reconciliation.

Matthew 18:15

“Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.”

Notice the initiative:

“Go.”

Jesus does not tell us to sit back and wait.

He tells us to go.

And sometimes forgiveness means going to someone who has offended you.

But Scripture also gives us the other side of that equation.

You may be the one who has offended someone else.

Before you even bring a gift to the Lord, you should seek to forgive or be forgiven if you have done anything against someone else.

Matthew 5:23–24

“Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.”

God takes reconciliation seriously.

Forgiveness may cost you your pride.

It may cost you your time.

It may cost you your comfort.

It may cost you your desire to be right.

But forgiveness is worth the cost.

IV. FORGIVE AS CHRIST FORGAVE US

This is ultimately where Paul brings us.

Colossians 3:13

“Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”

Our standard for forgiveness is not:

“Has this person apologized enough?”

“Do I feel like forgiving them?”

“Do they deserve it?”

Our standard is:

“How has Christ forgiven me?”

And that leads us to two important questions.

A. How did Christ forgive us?

Completely

Colossians 2:13–14

“And you being dead in your transgressions...He made you alive with Him, having graciously forgiven us all our transgressions. Having canceled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us which was hostile to us, He also has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross.”

Christ did not partially forgive us.

He did not forgive some of our sins while keeping a record of the rest.

He forgave all our transgressions.

He canceled the debt.

He took it out of the way.

He nailed it to the cross.

That is the kind of forgiveness that Scripture holds before us.

B. When did Christ forgive us?

After we repented

1 John 1:9

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Forgiveness and repentance are not enemies.

They belong together.

The biblical pattern is not:

“Sin doesn't matter.”

It is:

Sin is confronted. Sin is confessed. Repentance takes place. Forgiveness is extended. Reconciliation is restored.

That is exactly what we saw in Corinth.

There was discipline.

There was repentance.

And then there was forgiveness and restoration.

V. THE COST OF FORGIVENESS

God paid the immeasurable cost of your forgiveness.

How can you hesitate to pay the infinitely smaller cost of forgiving your brother—or your enemy?

“God paid the immeasurable cost of your forgiveness. How can you hesitate to pay the infinitely smaller cost of forgiving your brother—or your enemy?” — David Augsburger, 70 x 7: The Freedom of Forgiveness (1970)

The cross demonstrates both the seriousness of sin and the greatness of forgiveness.

Forgiveness does not mean sin doesn't matter.

The cross proves that sin matters enormously.

But the cross also proves that God's grace is greater.

And if we have received such forgiveness from Christ, we cannot refuse to extend forgiveness to others when repentance has been recognized.

Conclusion: WHY, HOW, AND WHEN?

Forgiveness, like all other actions of the heart, must be done properly.

There needs to be a purpose and a pathway.

We need to know:

WHY we forgive.

We forgive for the sake of the offender.

We forgive for the sake of ourselves.

We forgive because Christ has forgiven us.

HOW we forgive.

We forgive completely.

We forgive sacrificially.

We pursue reconciliation.

We follow the pattern Christ has given us.

WHEN we forgive.

We do not pretend sin doesn't matter.

We do not call evil good.

We do not eliminate the need for repentance.

We confront sin.

We seek repentance.

And when repentance is recognized, we forgive and restore.

So the question is not simply:

“Have I forgiven them?”

The better questions are:

Why am I forgiving?

Am I willing to pay the cost of forgiveness?

Am I pursuing reconciliation?

Am I forgiving as Christ has forgiven me?

And perhaps the most important question of all:

Have I experienced the forgiveness of Christ myself?

Because the person who truly understands the immeasurable debt Christ canceled at the cross will find it increasingly difficult to withhold forgiveness from others.