Lucas and Nikki

Breaking up some ice...

Your marriage would be better if only _______________ would change...

would change.

• That their marriage will be better when certain circumstances change.

circumstances change.

• That time/sex/money/stuff/kids would fix their faltering marriage.

faltering marriage.

Your marriage would be better if only _______________ would change...

Your marriage will be better when __________________ circumstances change...

union with Christ and the Word.

That time/sex/money/stuff/kids will fix our faltering marriage...

I. Getting Started:

First I want to help you all, as a hurting couple, to understand some Biblical truths about marriage.

Biblical truths about marriage.

A. Let’s read . What we discover is that we were made for relationships, first vertical, then horizontal.

horizontal.

B. In some way, all marriages are difficult.

C. Persevering through difficulties in marriage is part of God’s sanctifying work.

sanctifying work.

D. It is only by God’s grace that any marriage functions as well as it does.

as it does.

E. Scripture offers very clear hope for any marriage that will follow Christ’s model.

follow Christ’s model.

• The good news - We are called to be in relationship.

ASSIGNMENT #1

What would your marriage look like if it was build on these things?

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, 2 with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, 3 endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

“lowliness” means: humble attitude, w/out arrogance, humility.

“gentleness” gentleness of attitude and behavior, in contrast with harshness in one’s dealings with others.

“longsuffering” a state of emotional calm in the face of provocation and w/out complaint. Patient.

“bearing with one another in love”

“endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace”

[on a separate piece of paper, write out what marriage would look like, if it were built on these things?]

ASSIGNMENT #2

Husbands choose the 3 small moment tasks from your list.

Through the next week purposefully attempt to communicate your love through small moments and gestures.

moments and gestures.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (

1. Telling her you love her frequently

2. Leading family devotions regularly

3. Physically affirming her by rubbing her back, sitting close to her, etc.

4. Seeking to set a good example before the children

5. Handling your affairs decently and in order; structuring your time and using it wisely

6. Asking forgiveness often and saying, “I was wrong and will try to change”

7. Sharing your insights, reading, and good experiences with her

8. Being reasonably happy to go shopping with her

9. Taking her out to breakfast

10. Remembering anniversaries and events that are special to her

11. Being cooperative and appreciative when she holds you, caresses or kisses you

12. Being willing to see things from her point of view

13. Asking her to pray with you about something

14. Refusing to compare her unfavorably with other people

15. Developing mutual friends

16. Being on time

17. Frequently yielding to her desires unless to do so would be sinful

18. Refusing to disagree with her in the presence of others

19. Being cooperative and helpful as a co-host when you have people in for dinner or fellowship

20. Refusing to work late on a regular basis

21. Holding her close while expressing tangible and vocal love when she is hurt or discouraged

22. Getting up in the middle of the night to take care of the children so she can rest

23. Thanking her when she supports your decision and cooperates enthusiastically

24. Planning a mini-honeymoon, where the two of you can do whatever you want to do

25. Being sober, but not somber, about life

"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much” ()

True romance, passionate intimacy, even lasting friendship, is built upon small gestures that allow the other to feel safe, secure, and accepted.

So for this week:

Complete “ASSIGNMENTS” 1&2

Complete the “Rate Your Marriage”

Wives choose the 3 small moment tasks from your list.

Through the next week purposefully attempt to communicate your love through small moments and gestures.

WIVES

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. (

1. Beginning each day with cheerfulness and tangible expressions of affection

2. Lovingly giving him your input when you think he’s in error

3. Relating what happened to you during your day

4. Giving him your undivided attention when he wants to talk

5. Running errands gladly

6. Teasing and flirting with him

7. Working in the yard or painting an room together or washing the car

8. Planning vacations or trips together

9. Sharing your fears, concerns, joys, failures, etc.

10. Asking him to have sexual relations more than he would expect you to

11. Being willing to face problems even if it requires discomfort, change, and much effort

12. Expressing your love in words or notes

13. Being willing to talk to him about his concerns and not belittling him

14. Seeking to support your ideas with biblical insights and good reasons

15. Telling him that he has done a good job before he asks you, if he has done a good job

16. Being satisfied with your present standard of living, furniture or equipment when he can provide no more

17. Doing a Bible study or Bible research together

18. Standing with him and supporting him in his attempts to raise your children

19. Asking forgiveness often and saying, “I was wrong and will try to change.”

20. Letting him know how much you appreciate him and what you appreciate about him

21. Being silly or unconventional in your lovemaking times

22. Refusing to disagree with him in the presence of others

23. Expressing how much you love the children and being the children’s cheerleader

24. Keeping yourself attractive and clean

25. Watching football or other sporting events with him and trying to really manifest interest

"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much” (

True romance, passionate intimacy, even lasting friendship, is built upon small gestures that allow the other to feel safe, secure, and accepted.

allow the other to feel safe, secure, and accepted.

So for this week:

Complete “ASSIGNMENTS” 1&2

Complete the “Rate Your Marriage”