Anger and Conflict

Text—these are the very words of God

Proverbs 16:32 ESV

Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

Context

We have spent 2026 wading in God’s wisdom in Proverbs.

We swam through the first nine chapters verse-by-verse

We have been swimming through chapters 10-29 thematically

One of the things Proverbs says the most about is relationships. So we have talked about:

Marriage and Faithfulness

Parenting and Children

Friendship

And today—something that has the ability to break all of these relationships apart.

Introduction

Most of us are familiar with the comic character The Incredible Hulk.

Big green guy who gets really mad.

But Hulk isn’t always that way.

When he isn’t angry, he is Bruce Banner.

A high-level scientist.

In the 2008 movie about The Incredible Hulk, Ed Norton plays Bruce Banner.

And throughout the movie, Banner is doing everything he can to keep his heart rate under 200 bpm.

If it goes above 200 bpm, he will turn into the Hulk

So he lives in isolation. He masters breathing techniques.

He does all he can to modify his behavior.

But in the end, he tries to visit his love interest on a college campus and gets cornered by the military and he turns into the Hulk and starts smashing everything.

The behavior modification failed.

The anger that dwelled within erupted.

Many of us can relate to this.

Behavior modification has been embarked upon and it has collapsed when the fuse is lit.

We need something more—

Which brings us to our big idea this morning...

Big Idea

To overcome anger, transformation is needed—not just behavior modification.

Outline

1. The Diagnosis: Anger Reveals What is in the Root

2. The Danger: Anger That Rules Produces Wreckage

3. The Deliverance: Anger Ruled Requires Redeeming Grace

1. The Diagnosis: Anger Reveals What is in the Root

Exegesis and Spirit/Temperament/Inner-Disposition

To arrive at our diagnosis this morning, we lean on our anchor verse:

Proverbs 16:32 ESV

Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

For a thousand years, Constantinople was considered an unbreakable city.

In 1453, the Ottomans took it in 53 days with canons.

It is considered one of the greatest military achievements in world history.

Solomon tells us that if you are able to rule over your anger, you are better than the mighty Ottomans.

This gives us an idea of what we are dealing with here.

Anger is a serious force in terms of human emotion.

If are greater than a mighty warrior if you can quell it with patience.

But notice something about what the verse says:

He who rules his spirit, than he who takes a city.

This tells us something about anger—does it not?

The secular scientist says that anger is the result of a cascade of chemical responses and brain activity.

But Solomon disagrees.

He attributes anger to the spirit—not just simply to chemicals.

The Hebrew word for spirit is ruach.

When it is used the way Solomon is using it, it refers to someone’s inner-disposition. Their temperament.

The emotional wind within someone that animates them into action.

Proverbs 14:29 ESV

Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.

The same Hebrew word that translates to spirit in Proverbs 16:32 translates to temper in Proverbs 14:29.

In 16:32, the spirit—the temper—the emotional wind is what must be ruled.

In 14:29, if the spirit—the temper—the emotional wind is hasty and quick to anger, that person will exalt folly in their lives.

The Spirit and the Heart

You might wonder—where does this emotional wind come from?

It’s not just chemicals and brain responses.

Remember what Solomon said in chapter 4:

Proverbs 4:23 ESV

Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

The heart is the command center.

The “course of life” is determined by the heart.

The will is found in the heart.

Our thought life comes from the spiritual heart.

And certainly our emotional wind — our temperament—comes from the heart.

In other words—the secular scientist is wrong because they don’t admit or even entertain that we are spiritual beings.

They don’t understand that the spiritual heart is the source of our emotions.

They don’t understand that our temperament is the expression of those emotions.

But this is how Proverbs presents the nature of a man or a woman.

You have a heart.

And your emotions are expressing what is in your heart.

Sinful Emotions are the Fruit of Something Poisonous in the Root

What this means is that our sinful emotions and passions are even more serious than we thought.

They don’t just bring the surface level destruction of broken things and relationships and circumstances.

They expose something poisonous within.

If our heart is the control center and our emotions are the expression of the heart, then anger is not just a matter of behavior—it is a matter of spiritual heart disease.

The rotten fruit of sinful emotions puts the reality of our hearts on display.

See our lives are like a tree.

The tree has roots in the ground.

The tree is exposed to rain and sun.

The combination of the water and heat and sun causes the tree to produce fruit.

But the type of fruit the tree produces—that is not determined by the circumstances of rain and sun.

It is determined by the root.

This is how it is with us.

We are exposed to the circumstances of life.

We are exposed to the rain and sun of living in failing bodies in a fallen world filled with fallen people.

But the circumstances don’t determine our reactions.

You may think that is the case, but in truth—your reactions and responses to this life is determined by what is going on in your heart—not in the world.

Have you ever wondered how two people can go through the same set of circumstances and respond so differently?

It has to do with the spiritual heart and how it is responding the heat and the rain.

When it comes to anger, there doesn’t have to be anger in the root for there to be anger in the fruit.

Some people can go from pleasant to angry at the flip of the switch and wonder why because don’t feel like they walk around in a rage.

But there doesn’t have to be rage in heart for it to show itself in the hands and feet.

You have have bitterness in your heart that manifests itself as anger in your life.

You can be sad and see it turn to anger.

You can be prideful and entitled and see it burst into anger.

You can be frustrated and dissatisfied and see it morph into malice.

Anger is one of these things that tends to erupt from a heart where poisonous passions have been allowed to ferment.

Negative emotions haven’t been carried to Jesus.

They’ve been allowed to sit and fester.

And then, it’s not long before something happens that brings difficulty into your life and those unchecked emotions have become the sour wine of rage and madness.

And what a great threat this brings into our lives and the lives of the people around us.

2. The Danger: Anger That Rules Produces Wreckage

Rule Anger or It Rules You

Proverbs 16:32 makes it clear—to have the self-control to be slow to anger makes you stronger than a mighty warrior.

But that means the opposite is true as well.

If you cannot rule your spirit—if there is no self-control—your anger will rule you.

A companion text to help us understand this can be found in the Proverbs of Solomon that are collected and published by Hezekiah’s men:

Proverbs 25:28 ESV

A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

If you have no self-control—in your emotions or in any area of life—you are like a city broken into and left without walls.

Meaning—no self-control = spiritual vulnerability.

This is quite a contrast between 16:32 and 25:28.

On one hand, if you have self-control you are better than one who conquers a city.

On the other hand, if you lack self-control, you are like a conquered city.

When it comes to self-control and anger, this is how vulnerability works:

If you cannot stop your anger from erupting, then you are vulnerable at every moment of every day.

You are always just a phone call or a text away from becoming the Hulk.

You are living your life at the mercy of every circumstance, with no real control, because you are driven by the winds of emotion—not Wisdom.

The winds of folly—not faith.

If you don’t rule your spirit, your spirit will rule you and it will carry you to places you do not want to go, doing things you do not want to do.

Cycle of Self-Made Trouble

What this lack of self-control ultimately produces is a Cycle of Self-Made Trouble.

Proverbs 19:19 ESV

A man of great wrath will pay the penalty, for if you deliver him, you will only have to do it again.

One who cannot rule their anger will get themselves into trouble with anger.

And if you bail them out—get ready to do it again.

Because their anger is ruling them.

And it will just keep leading them into destructive thoughts and behaviors.

See—anger is not unlike drunkenness.

The drunkard is driven by addiction.

As they drink in excess to satisfy their sinful desire, they lose reason.

Once reason is lost, they are now acting according to sinful passions.

The drunkard makes terrible decisions that hurt themselves and others.

There is wreckage.

This vice that is ruling them has left a trail of destruction that must be cleaned up.

And unless the cycle is broken, the drunkard will do it all again, until the alcohol takes their lives.

Anger is much the same way.

The angry person is driven by something poisonous at the heart level.

When they give into the sinful anger that is lurking below the surface in some form or fashion, they lose reason.

Once they lose reason, they are acting according to their sinful passion.

And then—the angry person makes terrible decisions that hurt themselves and the people around them.

And there is wreckage.

And just like with the drunkard—if the cycle is not broken, this will happen again and again.

And boy is it destructive.

It is terrible for your body.

It enflames your blood pressure, it stirs up all sorts of unrighteous desires, it breeds displeasure in your heart and it eats up your strength.

It is terrible for your reputation.

Others observe you and they don’t even know what to think.

You aren’t yourself. The anger has deformed you into something they don’t recognize and now they aren’t quite sure how to respond to you or even to be around you.

The Puritan pastor and author, Richard Baxter, wrote that if someone could take a picture of you in your state of fury and show it to you, you might wonder, “How could anyone love someone like this?”

God’s wisdom book agrees:

Proverbs 22:24–25 ESV

Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.

The Bible instructs the wise and the godly to avoid people who live and act in anger.

And I think this is one of those Bible verses that even lost people would give a hearty AMEN to.

This is undeniable wisdom.

Furious, sinful anger is a quick ticket to isolation.

People will start avoiding you.

They have seen you lose your reason and now you have lost their trust.

It leads to all sorts of other sins.

The angry man will smash things and destroy property in his sinful passion.

The angry woman will slander others and blaspheme God in the heat of rage.

The angry child will dishonor their parents in the name of emotion.

Murder, ruined families, acts of terror, harsh words, domestic abuse, fighting, hatred, revenge—all of these darts are so often thrown by the hand of anger.

When we give into anger, we open the door to a world of sin.

It causes other people to sin.

Our cycles of anger often have the effect of leading other people into sin.

Your sinful anger provokes their sinful anger.

Your uncontrolled rage provokes discontentment and worry.

Your quickness to anger leaves them plotting revenge.

Cycle of Spiritual Trouble

These are all ways that a cycle of uncontrolled anger will cause damage.

But most of what we have been talking about is person to person.

We have to understand that being ruled by anger will also bring on a cycle of spiritual trouble.

Sinful Anger Tries to Take God’s Place

After all, Proverbs does not just present our anger as something that causes problem with our fellow humans—it causes problems with God of the Universe.

Proverbs 20:22 ESV

Do not say, “I will repay evil”; wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you.

God issues this command through Solomon.

We should never vent our anger by seeking revenge on those who hurt us.

Instead, we should leave vengeance in God’s hands and wait on the Lord.

Romans 12:19 ESV

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

So then, what we are seeing is that sinful anger tries to take God’s place.

Instead of waiting on the Lord, it waits on no one.

It charges ahead and attacks.

Sinful anger says, “God cannot be waited on. I will deal with this.”

And the worst part is that anger takes you out of your right mind, so you are setting yourself up to try to steal God’s role while thinking like a madman.

This never goes well.

Anger declares God cannot be waited on and it dismisses His timing and trustworthiness.

This is a great offense to God.

Sinful Anger Disqualifies You From the Kingdom

In fact, sinful anger is so great an offense, that those who are given over to it are listed as those who will not inherit the Kingdom.

Galatians 5:19–21 ESV

Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Paul calls fits of anger and the dissensions and divisions and envy that can arise from anger, as works of the flesh.

For Paul in Galatians 5, the flesh is the natural state of humanity.

When Christ gets ahold of us and saves us, we are in the Spirit.

But until that work of God’s grace happens, we are in the flesh.

Christians must fight these sins, so they will not be ruled by the flesh.

Unbelievers will not inherit the Kingdom of God because of these sins.

The sinfully angry man is in danger with God.

Apart from a work of God’s grace, the man is in danger of being shut out of God’s Kingdom forever.

The sinfully wrathful are in danger of facing God’s righteous wrath.

This brings us to our final point this morning...

3. The Deliverance: Anger Ruled Requires Redeeming Grace

The Goal of Proverbs 16:32 and the Help Needed

Proverbs 16:32 presents a goal for us this morning:

The goal is to rule the spirit.

To see our emotions and passions mastered.

To have self-control.

To be like a mighty warrior who takes a city.

In Genesis 4, Adam and Eve’s sons, Cain and Abel, both give offerings to God.

God disregards Cain’s offering and Cain is angry.

Genesis 4:5–6 ESV

but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. The Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen?

And then he reminds Cain that sin crouches at the door waiting desiring to rule over him.

Genesis 4:7 ESV

If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, and you must rule over it.”

The command given to Cain is in line with the aim of Proverbs 16:32.

Sinful anger must be ruled over.

But if we resolve to try and to this in our own strength, with nothing more than trained behavioral techniques and white-knuckle discipline, we won’t get very far.

We will be like Bruce Banner.

We might be able to modify our behavior for a bit, but at some point—life starts to fire bullets at you and the bpm shoots over 200 and BOOM!

Once again you are out of self-control and you are like a city without walls.

What this means is that we will not overcome sinful anger in our own strength.

We need help from the One who made us.

Galatians and Redeeming Grace

And yet, we find out in the same letter that there is a way to be saved! There is a way to be IN the Kingdom.

See—Ever since Adam and Eve fell in the Garden, humanity has been born in the flesh — committing works of the flesh, born enemies of God and outside His kingdom.

And we deserve death BECAUSE of the sinful works we have committed and for how we have treated God like an enemy.

Because God is just, He will indeed punish His enemies, and they will not be in His Kingdom.

They will face an eternity in Hell — where the works of the flesh meet the vengeance of God.

But this is why Jesus came. Christ died because He was born to die.

He came from Heaven to Earth on a mission to die in order that His people might be saved.

Joseph is told from the very beginning:

Matthew 1:21 ESV

She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.”

Jesus did just this.

Jesus came to live a perfect life as the spotless Lamb of God, and then He gave up His body as an offering at Calvary.

And when He did this — He PAID for SIN. It was substitutionary.

The Perfect Savior received our punishment, so we can go free and no longer be counted as God's enemies, but as God's friends.

This is what Paul is talking about in Galatians 2:20:

Galatians 2:20 ESV

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Paul writes about the crucifixion of Christ and how he relates to it personally.

He says he has been "crucified with Christ" — and as he talks about the death of Christ, he talks about his own death.

And this is key.

He doesn't say he modified his behavior with Christ.

He doesn't say he self-improved with Christ.

No — he says he died.

The old Paul — born in the flesh, committing works of the flesh, an enemy of God — is dead. He is gone.

But when we speak about Jesus’ death, we know it was not permanent: Christ did not stay dead.

On the third day, He rose from the grave, defeating sin and death for good.

When Paul says “It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me,” he means that THE resurrected Christ actually dwells in Paul by His Spirit.

Paul came before God and repented of the very sins that crucified Jesus.

He came before God putting His faith in God’s Son who died and rose again.

And He came before God confessing Christ as His Lord.

And since Paul turned from sin and received Christ by faith, there is now a new Paul.

The old Paul is dead.

The new Paul is alive—evidenced by the fact that CHRIST LIVES IN HIM.

This is the effect of redeeming grace in our lives.

When God reaches down to save us and He gives us the gift of faith, we become united to His Son.

We are united to Him in His death—our old selves, ruled by the flesh and producing its works are crucified.

We are united to Him in His resurrection—We have a new self that is raised with Christ.

And we are united to Him by His Spirit—His Spirit enters into our newborn spiritual hearts and takes what is dead and makes it alive.

God takes up residence in the heart and nothing is ever the same.

This is what we all must have if we will rule over any sin—including sinful anger.

You don’t need behavior modification, you need to die with Christ and be raised with Him.

You need to be united to Him by faith.

You need the power of His Spirit working in you.

You must have Christ and be a Christian.

Galatians and Crucifying Sinful Desires

But here is the deal—once you are a Christian and you have God’s Spirit—all the power that is needed to see sinful anger put to death is now in your life.

Before, you were in the flesh with no way to truly stop committing works of the flesh.

But now, in the Spirit, the power of the resurrected Christ is coming at your sinful anger with the speed of Heaven.

In the power of the Spirit, we are able to see our sinful emotions and passions crucified!

Galatians 5:24 ESV

And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Those things that once marked our lives:

Sexual immorality, impurity...idolatry, strife, jealousy...envy and drunkenness...

...And of course, fits of anger.

And then, in the power of the Spirit, you start to see the opposite of the works of the flesh being produced in your life.

By the power of the Spirit of the Risen Jesus, the fruit of the Spirit starts to blossom on the tree of our attitudes and actions.

Galatians 5:22–23 ESV

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Did you catch the one term we have talked about a lot in terms of anger today?

Self-control

This is amazing.

In the power of His Spirit, Christ will take a person who was known for fits of rage and make them known for self-control!

You might wonder—how does this happen?

Well, returning to where we began today—this happens because our gracious God, who sent His Son, now has given us the gift of His Spirit.

His Spirit has caused the heart to be born again.

The old, dead, stone heart that operated in the flesh and was opposed to God has been replaced.

Now there is a new, living heart that walks with the Spirit and is friends with God.

The ROOT has been transformed by redeeming grace, therefore the FRUIT has changed.

Now, when the heat and the rain come down upon the limbs and bark and roots of your life, your responses are marked by self-control because of how the Spirit is working in you!

This is the power of the new birth in Jesus Christ!

Keeping in Step with the Spirit

Now—we have to say that this doesn’t happen by sitting on your couch and watching SEC football.

If only that were the case, many of us would be a picture of godliness!

We must keep in step with the Spirit.

Galatians 5:25 ESV

If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.

The man who wants to see his spirit ruled must walk with Christ.

He must seek the truth of the Spirit in the Word.

The woman who wants self-control over fits of anger must stride with the Spirit.

She must make it a habit of bringing her feelings and emotions for God and asking Him for the grace to respond to life in a way that pleases Him.

The young man or young woman who wants to get rid of the ruling force of sinful anger early in life will have to walk with the Spirit.

They must be dedicated to gathering with the local church as often as they can where they hear the truth and they are around others facing the same struggles.

In other words, the Christians who wants to overcome sinful anger must submit themselves to the practices that God has given us to grow in our faith and to grow in our holiness.

This is how the ROOT of our hearts are guarded with the truth.

This is how the FRUIT of the Spirit is cultivated and produced in our lives.

Signs that Self-Control is Abounding

If you want to know what this all may look like in the practical sense, the New Testament gives us some ideas.

Quick to Listen (James 1:19)

James 1:19 ESV

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;

If you find yourself doing more listening than languishing for an opportunity to respond with strong emotion, this is a good sign that the Spirit is producing self-control in you.

If we cannot wait to talk and vent our anger in every situation, it is a sign that something is souring in the heart.

Something is slow to change.

Something needs to be crucified with Christ.

So are you quick to listen?

Or as people speak, do you feel angry and immediately start to think of ways to argue with them?

To justify yourself?

Do you start to talk over them and refute them before they even made their point?

We know we are growing in grace, when our ears are very hasty to hear and our hearts are very slow to getting mad.

Being Quick to Forgive (Ephesians 4:26)

Ephesians 4:26 ESV

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,

There is a way to be angry and not sin.

There are things that happen that pluck the string of justice within us and we are rightfully angry.

There are things that happen that break our hearts and leave us stunned and we can be rightfully angry over them.

But here is the thing about righteous anger in the heart and hands of a born sinner—it doesn’t stay righteous long.

Even righteous anger has a way to start to morph and mutate if we do not deal with it.

Paul calls on the Ephesians to do just that—deal with it.

They are to “put off their old selves” and “put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true holiness and righteousness.”

And part of doing that is to not give the flesh any opportunity by holding on to anger.

Instead, we should be quick forgive our brothers and sisters and our neighbors.

Even if they are unrepentant, we can still have a posture of forgiveness toward them—giving our anger to God and waiting on their hearts to change.

Ready to receive them if they would come honestly confessing and turning from their sin.

So how do you do when anger shows up in your heart?

Do you deal with it, fearing your own inability to remain pure in your emotions?

Or do you harbor it?

If your heart was a jar and someone could take it and unscrew the lid and look inside, would they find catacombs of unresolved anger in you?

Because if that IS the case—understand that God is looking in that jar everyday.

Are You Transformed?

So friend—have you been transformed?

Has divine grace touched your life?

Is the Spirit of the living God empowering you to overcome sinful anger?

Has Jesus’s love gotten into your roots?

If so, the fruit of your life should show it.

And quickness to listen and to forgive are good signs that the evidence of the Spirit’s work is truly there.

May sinful anger wither up because grace is abounding.

Conclusion

Proverbs has told us that the person who rules their anger is greater than a mighty warrior who wins a bloody battle.

To be this person, we must win a bloodless battle.

Not alone.

Winning this battle is a crown of victory delivered by God’s grace in the power of the Spirit.

But it is a battle nonetheless.

Do not shrink back.

Take up the armor of God for the fight.

Bible in hand.

Spirit in the heart.

Gospel on the feet.

Prayer on the lips.

Salvation on the head.

For if we do not fight—we will be ruled by the cruelest of taskmasters—our own uncontrolled passions.