Ephesians 6:1-4

My position in Christ requires biblical actions and attitudes toward my parents.

Ephesians 6:1–3 ESV

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

I have this thing. When a person tells me about a topic they believe is in the Bible, my response is “chapter and verse me.” If we’re going to quote the Bible, we should know what we’re quoting. In a world that is full of skeptics, we should be able to take another person to the page we are quoting.

Let’s go to the page that Paul is quoting. Exodus 20:12 says, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” As the Israelites travelled from Egypt to the Promised Land, they experienced many instances of God giving them something.

Imagine with me for a moment, Moses comes down from Mount Sinai and communicates God’s list of non-negotiables and a 13-year old boy works up enough courage to overcome his regular voice cracks. Mr. Moses, are you sure God meant that? Has he met my dad? There is no way God wants me to speak nicely about my dad. Mr. Moses, I think I’m the exception to the rule because my dad is so mean.

What happens next is a viral TikTok video. Mushu throws dishonor at everybody including the cow before the men take that boy outside the city gates and stone him to death. No arrest. No trial. No innocent until proven guilty. Rock after rock stacked on top of him until he is face to face with his creator. Israel didn’t mess around with dishonor and disobedience toward parents. It was judged by death without delay.

In Exodus, “Honor your father and mother” is layered in middle of some serious topics. Have no other gods before me. Don’t make any idols. Don’t misuse God’s name. Keep the sabbath day holy. We would agree those are serious topics. Don’t murder a person. Abstain from sexual activity outside of marriage. Don’t steal. Always tell the entire truth. Don’t be greedy. Our actions and attitudes toward our parents sit right in the middle.

‘Honor your father and mother’ is one of two commandments that specifically deal with family relationships. If you want to screw up your life quickly, ignore them. Satan wants us to believe they don’t matter. Dishonoring your parents and giving what belongs to your spouse to a person who is not your spouse will complicate your life very quickly. The complications will likely get worse before they get better.

I believe in generational sins. I also believe in generational blessings. I believe more is caught by the next generation than is taught. What we model has greater impact than the words we speak. Our life is always passing values to the next generation. If dishonor your parents in front of their grandchildren, then you should expect your child to dishonor you at some point in life. Our life is always passing values to the next generation. I believe that Satan continues going after generations until somebody has the courage to stand up, defend their family and say, “No more. Not on my watch. I’m taking one for the team, so my kids don’t have to fight a battle that I quit.”

Israel saw the cost of dishonoring their parents. The understood the importance this one commandment played in their life.

Look at verse 1. Obey – In the Greek, obey is in the imperfect tense, which means the reader is placed into the text. When you and I read the verse, we become the lead character. We are invited into the command of obey your parents.

To obey means exactly what we think it means. Doing what we’re asked when we are asked or when arranged without a grudge, or bitterness, or anger, or complaining or murmuring, or anything else that prohibits being an imitator of God. Parents, it is our job to read the room well and ask at the right time with the right attitude. Is your perceived emergency worth the response you might receive because you didn’t read the room? As parents, we can de-escalate the situation before there is a situation.

If you live in your parent’s home, I want to talk to you for little bit because verse 1 applies specifically to you. I understand that parents have unfair expectations at times. I understand there are times when parents don’t consider what you might be in the middle of when they throw an expectations at you. I understand between school, homework, practice and a part-time job, you have an 80 hour work week. There isn’t time to chillax and catch up on the T. How you respond in stressful, unfair moments will define your character. What you say about your parents when they are not in the room creates an attitude you might not want to keep around for the next five years. Be careful to honor your parents because a day is not too far into your future when you will be laying in a quiet dorm room or a quiet apartment wishing you treated your parents differently.

Pastor Chris, I don’t have a problem my parents…yet.

Six considerations to help biblical actions and attitudes

Your calling in life is be an imitator of God. You have one job ~ it’s Ephesians 5:1.

Let God’s moral standard shape your character

Family happens when everybody contributes, even if that contribution is that you took your stuff to your bedroom

Learn your parent’s love language and use it to appreciate them

Learn the skill of controlling emotions that want to drive a conversation

Find a mentor that is at least 20 years older than you because you need a person that will process life with you without judging you.

Back to everybody. Look at verse 2. Honor – In the Greek, honor is in the aorist tense, which means there is no time reference. We can understand honor as something that has happened, is happening and will continue to happen.

We can see from the text that a person who is learning obedience is also learning to honor. Our character is being defined and our values are preparing to be passed to the another generation. A right conclusion is chosen disobedience is likely chosen dishonor. Dishonor toward our parents is communicated dishonor toward God. However, the requirement is a lifetime of honor. It is possible that how a person honors a parent is complicated. Some of us are trying to learn how to honor while we figure out life. Some of us might not have a good relationship with our parents, for a reason outside our control. Some of us made the hard decision of telling parents they could no longer live alone. Some of us have taken vehicle keys for the last time. Some of us have struggled through dignity during later years of life. Some of us want to more time with parents, but cannot have it because life is busy. Some of us have learned how to honor from a distance, with its own challenges.

Honor is a layered word with layered applications. The best starting point is searching our attitude with a combination of “man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” and “be imitators of God.” Our attempt to honor parents can be misunderstood, but our attempt to imitate God while we honor our parents should be crystal clear.

My position in Christ calls me to provide a biblical path of guidance and wisdom that bleeds the gospel.

Ephesians 6:4 ESV

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Paul is talking to both parents, not just dads. Look at verse 4. Provoke is not parenting with zero damage control. The text does not say that parents will never make their child upset or angry. Parents make hard decisions to protect our kids. You can’t stay out that late. You can’t do that thing because it doesn’t line up with biblical wisdom. We would rather you didn’t spend time with those kids. You are not leaving the house in that outfit. When we parent with wisdom that bleeds the gospel, we understand that protecting our kids is vital.

The verse has two parts. Do not provoke your children. Do not intentionally, on-purpose, make your child angry. Here’s a silly example. During counselor training, some of the staff were trying to build a fire with wet wood. The fire would not get going, so they did what every guy would do. They grabbed the leaf blower. For about the next 15 minutes, they stood over the fire-pit provoking flames to ignite and catch the wood on fire. They believed that provoking small flames long enough would create large flames.

Let’s not do that with our kids.

The second part of the verse is train them in instruction of the Lord. Provide a biblical path of guidance and wisdom that bleeds the gospel.

I think all of us would agree the world is a hard place to declare absolute truth. But your children need to know where you stand They need to know what is accepted in your home. Quite frankly, you need to become very comfortable with being their reason to say no to something. Competing values are flying from every direction and if we do not disciple our children, somebody else will.

How do we provide a biblical path of guidance and wisdom at home?

Your calling in life is be an an imitator of God

Model “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ”. If they never see you running toward the cross, then don’t be surprised when they are not either.

Make sure you and your spouse are parenting with the same values. If you are co-parenting with a person not your spouse, find commonalities and parent inside those boundaries as often as possible.

Soul care over behavior management every day of the week.

Create decision-making opportunities for your kids and honor those decisions. If you don’t allow them to make decisions during high school, their freshman year of college is going to be difficult. The helicopter needs to land at some point.

Train your kids to live biblically, so they will become adults that live biblically.

This is for every person that can hear my voice, regardless of your family dynamics ~ learn to read the room. Learn how to pay attention to what is going on around you. Learn that your voice isn’t required to speak the final word. Learn that some of your opinions are most helpful when they remain in your head. Learn that ‘submit yourselves to one another out of reverence for Christ’ is actually the glue that holds your family together.

Nobody can do those things without Jesus being the center of our life. If you don’t know Jesus as your personal savior, it would be my privilege to show you how to make that decision.

Present the path to salvation concisely and clearly!!!

Today can be your day to know Jesus personally.