Friendship Proverbs 17:17

Victories: 1. Awana and Community Dinner 2. Men’s Bonfire - Sign Up

Prayer: Fairmount Baptist Church Bob Lenons

Missionary Prayer: Doug & Jenny McGee / China - Pray for the women of the Starfish project

Good morning New Hope I am so very happy to have you here this morning. If you are joining us for the first time today or if this is not your regular church home; welcome. You have likely been invited here by someone who you know and love and we want to extend our own warm welcome to you and thank you for being here. Church can be a bit intimidating because it seems like you need to look a certain way or act a certain way in order to be here. Please know we are not expecting either of those things from you. If I can quickly define church for you. Church is a place where normal people come and find hope. That's it. We believe that hope can only truly be found in Jesus and here at church is the best place to find Him because it is here at church where Jesus is taught, read, believed and given away freely. So let me extend to you a warm welcome to you and invite you to come back and continue to find the hope that you can only find in Jesus.

Next week we are going to start up a new series that I am excited about and I hope you will be too. We are going to spend some time looking at the names that God gives Himself and why those names are important. Think of these names like adding initials to the back of your own name. Like if I had earned my doctorate I could add the MD to the back of my name and that says that I did something to earn those initials. The names that God gives Himself point to the actions that God has taken as well as the promises of what He will do for us. I hope you will join us as we dig into this incredibly helpful series on the Names of God.

Definition

Ok with then invitation out of the way, let me jump into our topic for today and to do so we need to read just one verse, which will lead us to more verses. Let’s start with Proverbs 17:17.

The first part of this verse seems pretty self explanatory. Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times,” We can all pretty easily understand the idea of a loving friendship. We want to be friends with someone who loves us for us, if they didn’t they wouldn’t be our friend and vice versa. However with a deeper reflection we have to ask the question: How? How do we know our friends are those who love us at all times and how do we be a friend who loves at all times? Deeper than that is what does it mean to love? What kind of things are loving and what kinds of things are unloving? These questions make this seemingly self explanatory verse slightly more complicated. I don’t know if we will be able to answer them entirely but we are going to dig deeply in to this topic of friendship.

However, our complication doesn’t end there because we need to define the second half of the verse as well. Proverbs 17:17 “And a brother is born for adversity.” As I see it this could have two different definitions. The first being that a brother/sibling brings about adversity. Most of us whose relationships with siblings are strained or broken would definitely define this verse as such. We know the difficulty of dealing with our siblings and they definitely can provide us with adversity, and in the midst of adversity they can bring about even more hardship and their harsh tongues can add to our worries. But we aren’t innocent in that relationship as our actions and words most likely have furthered this adversity in them as well. That being said, there is another way of looking at this verse. Proverbs 17:17 “And a brother is born for adversity.” A brother/sibling can be there for us in adversity. in the middle of our hardest times and most difficult situations they can be a great joy to us. They can provide us with their comfort and their presence can brings us peace and calm in the midst of the storm.

Therefore, we have two relationships in our lives which this verse is saying can be both loving and bring with them adversity. Add to this the fact that a friend can be a brother and a brother can be a friend and unfortunately the negative of this can also be said. A friend and a brother can both become and enemy. This makes this verse hard to define but as we dig into this here on the Back to Church Sunday I want us to look at these two relationships and see how God uses them for our good and His glory despite how we might treat them individually. Let’s start by asking a question.

What Makes a Good Friend?

I want to show you a meme you probably have seen before. “A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be sitting right next to you saying, "well... that was fun." Is this the definition of a best friend? You might be expecting me to tear into it, telling you just how wrong and dumb it is. It is wrong and dumb but it is also accurate to how we expect our best friends to be. If we take the idea of jail away we do get a better look at the difference between a good friend and a best friend. A good friend is the person we call when we need something, a best friend is already with us when the need arises. But is that enough to determine if one is a good friend? I think we need a better definition and I think the best way to determine that is to turn to scripture.

In the Old Testament we see a textbook definition of friendship in the relationship that existed between David and Jonathan. In 1 Samuel 18:1–3 “Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. Saul took him that day, and would not let him go home to his father’s house anymore. Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.” That is quite the statement, “he loved him as his own soul.” They were friends who saw their friendship as something deeper than just someone to get in trouble with but in whom they could depend on with their lives. With that as the back drop it makes sense then to take into account what David defines as the character of one who is a true friend. Turn with me to Psalm 15.

Bible Reading: Psalm 15

In these 5 short verses we have 11 different character traits of a good friend. Let’s take a look at them.

Upright & Righteous

David starts out with the upright which simply means that they are someone who tries to be good. Now this one along with the next, the Righteous, is not about being perfect instead it is about attempting to do what is good. In both of these characteristics we aren’t looking for someone who exemplifies them all the time but someone who tries to be upright and righteous as much as they can. We want to find friends that will make us better people and you can’t do that if the people you are surrounding yourself with are always leading you away from what is good and away from what is righteous. A friend is one who is trying to be upright and who is trying to be righteous.

Truthful

The next characteristic is to be truthful. This one is pretty easy to figure out the necessity for. I mean do you really want a friend who lies to you, or conversely do you want to be known as a liar. Therefore, seek out truthfulness both in yourself and in those around you. If this isn’t your current motive then change it. Seek truth and be truthful. Demand that those around you are being truthful and when caught in lies, apologize and turn from your sin. You can stop this cycle of sinful lying and it starts with being truthful this one time, and then continuing the pattern. Demand truthfulness.

Kind with words

The next characteristic David says there in verse 3 Psalm 15:3 “He who does not backbite with his tongue”. This can be simply as being kind with your words. Have you ever heard the theory of broken windows. The broken windows theory states that something as simple as an unrepaired broken window sends a signal that no one cares, which invites more vandalism and worse behavior. The theory is that in a city the broken windows leads to moral decline and therefore to a raising crime rate. What does this have to do with kind words? What comes out of our mouth sends the same kinds of signals, kindness breeds kindness in others where as bitterness, and backbiting words generally bring about more of the same. Do you find that you are surrounded by drama and hardship, bitterness and despair? Have you evaluated the words coming out of your mouth and the words coming out of the mouths of those around you. You might find that the theory has some validity to it. Seek kindness.

Virtuous & Not a Gossip

Next we have one who does not do evil to his neighbor. We can call this characteristic, one who is virtuous. The dictionary definition of virtuous is having or showing high moral standards, goodness, and ethical behavior. Therefore, the desire of a virtuous person is to protect and not to tear down, to love and not to hate, and you should not only be virtuous but surround yourself with those people who are also virtuous.

But along with virtue you should not be found to as verse 3 ends with “take up a reproach against your friend.” What does this mean? It means stop the gossip. We all know way too much about each other and we all love to hear about how someone else failed but as juicy and tempting as those stories are they aren’t Upright, Righteous, Truthful or Kind with their words. In short gossip is doing everything we just said doesn’t make for a good friend. Refuse to play the game. Refuse to be a part and stop it in it’s tracks. This one us men would like to say is a female problem but the truth is we fall into just as easily as you. Stopping it is as simple as not retelling that story and not listening when others are telling other stories. Pursue the virtuousness and hold your tongue.

White Knight

Verse 4 starts with, “In whose eyes a vile person is despised," This one simply means that you hate the evil you see around you. I was trying to find the best name for this characteristic and the thesaurus helped. I wanted to label this Chivalrous but that word has more to do with honor and good deeds. I wanted a term that dealt a blow to evil. This lead me to the term white knight. This describes the type of person who desires for good to prevail and evil to be ended, and they will fight in order to see that happen. A white knight is a good term for this. A good friend or brother should be someone who fights for what is right and against evil for themselves and for those around them. Their desire is for the evil that is in this world to be done away with. Seek white knights out in your life and be a white knight in the lives of others.

Honors God

The next trait of a good friend and brother is one who honors those who fear the Lord. This means that you understand where all this comes from. We are not naturally Good people. We have to work at being upright and righteous. We naturally tend toward the evil and toward bitterness and hatred. When you Fear the Lord you are taking a stand and saying that my life matters to God and I want to be different for Him. I want a better life. When we honor God an we seek out others who also honor God we are desiring that which is different, we are desiring a life of faith. This will not be an easy battle. You will have to fight for your faith in God to lead your life with breath that you have left in you, but the fight is worth it. Honor God.

Committed

The 9th characteristic is to be one who chooses this path and sticks to it even when it hurts. David said, “He who swears to his own hurt and does not change;” This simply means that they stand by the commitment they made even when it hurts. When you desire Uprightness over the evil that naturally comes from this world it will hurt. When you tell others that you will not listen to their gossip nor play a part in their schemes you will pay a price. When you decide that honoring God is more important than fulfilling your desires there will be persecution. Be a committed person to the cause of faith and surround yourself with people who will do the same. It will pay off but it won’t be easy.

Honest with money

Down to the last two. The Jewish people were told not to lend money to each other with interest. The idea was that people should care enough about each other that they wouldn’t seek monetary gain from those whom they should call family. The idea continues for us in that we should be generous, giving to those around us where we see need. This doesn’t mean that we just give our money away nor is it saying that we don’t ever expect to be repaid but that we do give not expecting to receive more in return. A friend does not try to make money off us us nor should we do likewise. Be generous and honest.

Not a Manipulator

Lastly don’t be a manipulator. David said, not to “take a bribe against the innocent” What that means is that this type of person is willing to say or do what they can in order to deceive the innocent. We call this manipulation. This is as innocuous as saying, “honey if you love me you’ll get me some ice cream.” and as hurtful as “if you don’t do what I want I will turn you into the authorities and tell them a lie.” Both of these are manipulations and both are wrong. Just as wrong as a parent threatening discipline in order to get what they want out of their children, or a child using their tears to get the parent to give in. We know manipulation when we see it in others but we let it go when we see it around us. We should be about truth and not manipulation, we should be about helping and not hurting, we should be about kindness and not hatefulness. A good friend is not a manipulator.

What Jesus said about Friends?

Ok as we wrap this up we should understand that we all of want this kind of friend in our lives and we also want to be this kind of friend for others, however, what we also know is that we will fail on both counts. But it is here that we can look toward the best of all friends. When we seek Jesus we seek the one friend who is all of these characteristics and His friendship is better than any other. Jesus tells us how we can be better friends as well as be His friend in John 15

Bible Reading: John 15:12-17

I love this passage because Jesus tells us who a true friend is, one who would “lay down one’s life for his friends” but Jesus also tells us that that He considers us His friends. Jesus doesn’t just love you He likes you. He wants you to know all that His Father knows and Jesus wants to give you a life that is full and good. Is that the kind of life that you want? Do you want a friend like Jesus, because He want’s a friend like you.

Gospel

‌If you are here today and you know that you are not a believer, you have never asked Jesus into your heart, or maybe you did but haven’t ever allowed God to change you, then let me tell you how you can change that today. Your sin and your brokenness are there to point you to Jesus because only He can provide you with a real solution. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is that solution. Here is the Gospel: Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and because He did, we can ask for our sins to be forgiven, and the Bible says He will forgive them. Jesus is the Lamb of God who died for your sins. God sent Jesus so that Jesus might take the punishment we deserve so that we might return to God and be called His own. Romans 10:9 says, “that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” ‌It is just that easy. You can confess Him as your savior. If that is your desire today, you can say this prayer with me. Bow your heads. God holds out His outstretched hand for you. Are you going to continue in your sin, or are you going to take His Hand? He is calling, and all you have to do is believe.‌ It is just that easy. You can confess Him as your savior. If that is your desire today, you can say this prayer with me. Bow your heads.

‌Dear Lord, ‌I know that I’m a sinner. I’m sorry for my sin, and I ask you to forgive me. I believe you died for my sins and rose from the dead. I repent of my sins, and I ask you to come into my life and take control. I make a commitment to follow you, and I trust you as my Lord and Savior. ‌

Friend, if you prayed that prayer today, I ask that you come and speak to me after the service.

‌Benediction: 1 Thessalonians 5:23 “Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.”