Gentle in Response

2 Timothy 2:22–26

Proverbs 16:24

There are times when what we say is absolutely true, but the way we say it makes the truth harder to hear.

We’ve probably all heard someone defend a harsh response by saying, “Well, I was just telling the truth.”

And sometimes they were.

The facts may have been right.

The doctrine may have been right.

The correction may even have been necessary.

But Scripture doesn’t only care about whether our words are true.

It also cares about the spirit in which truth is spoken.

That becomes especially important when somebody disagrees with us, frustrates us, misunderstands us, challenges us, or keeps doing something we think they should know better than to do.

It’s easy to be gentle when there’s no pressure.

It’s much harder when we feel pushed.

Our character trait tonight is gentle.

The definition we’ve been given is:

“Gentle: Responding tenderheartedly to the needs of others.”

Proverbs 16:24 says:

Proverbs 16:24 KJV

24 Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, Sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.

But I want us to spend most of our time tonight in 2 Timothy 2:22–26, because here Paul shows Timothy what gentleness looks like when the situation isn’t pleasant at all.

Paul writes:

“Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart. But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes. And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.”

Timothy is a pastor.

He’s going to face people who argue.

He’s going to face people who are wrong.

He’s going to have to teach, correct, warn, and sometimes confront.

And Paul doesn’t tell him to avoid truth in order to keep the peace.

He tells him how a servant of the Lord handles truth when people are difficult.

That’s the burden tonight: Because people are not our enemy, the servant of Christ must speak truth with a spirit that seeks their restoration rather than their defeat.

If our goal is restoration, it will change the way we respond.

Paul gives us three Christlike responses in this passage.

I. Refuse the Fight

Verse 23 says:

“But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes.”

Then verse 24 begins:

“And the servant of the Lord must not strive.”

Paul isn’t telling Timothy to run away from every disagreement.

In the very next verse he tells him to instruct people who oppose themselves.

So there are times when we have to answer error.

But not every argument deserves our participation.

A. Avoid Foolish Strife

Paul says there are “foolish and unlearned questions” that “gender strifes.”

Some conversations don’t move people toward truth.

They only produce heat.

You can usually tell when a discussion has changed from a sincere attempt to understand into a contest somebody wants to win.

The voices change.

The tone changes.

We stop listening carefully because we’re already preparing our next answer.

We stop asking, “What is true?” and start asking, “How do I prove that I’m right?”

And that can happen over very serious issues, but it can also happen over some very small ones.

Families can argue over things that won’t matter tomorrow.

Church members can become irritated over preferences that have nothing to do with biblical truth.

People online will spend hours fighting with someone they’ve never met and will probably never meet.

Paul tells Timothy that maturity sometimes means knowing when not to enter the fight.

Proverbs 17:14 says:

Proverbs 17:14 KJV

14 The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: Therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.

Once the water starts rushing out, it’s difficult to put it back.

Once certain words leave our mouths, we can apologize for them, but we can’t unsay them.

Gentleness sometimes looks like restraint.

It’s the ability to say, “I don’t have to answer that.”

“I don’t have to have the last word.”

“I don’t have to prove myself.”

That isn’t weakness.

Sometimes it takes far more strength to walk away from strife than to jump into it.

B. Remember Whom You Serve

Paul gives Timothy an identity in verse 24: “the servant of the Lord.”

And although Timothy is a pastor, and the identity “Servant of the Lord” is rightly used for pastors…We should all be servants of the Lord.

This advice is for everyone!

this phrase servant of the Lord ought to govern everything that follows.

Timothy doesn’t belong to himself.

He represents Somebody else.

And so do we.

Before I respond to my spouse, before I answer my child, before I reply to that church member, before I type that comment, before I defend myself, I ought to remember:

I am a servant of the Lord.

The question isn’t simply, “What do I feel like saying?”

It’s, “How would a servant of Jesus Christ respond here?”

Jesus said in Matthew 11:29:

Matthew 11:29 KJV

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

Meekness wasn’t weakness in Jesus.

Nobody could accuse Jesus of lacking courage.

He confronted hypocrisy.

He exposed false teaching.

He cleansed the temple.

He spoke words that made His enemies angry enough to want Him dead.

Yet Isaiah’s prophecy of Christ, quoted in Matthew 12:20, says:

Matthew 12:20 KJV

20 A bruised reed shall he not break, and smoking flax shall he not quench, till he send forth judgment unto victory.

He could be firm without being cruel.

He could expose sin without delighting in humiliation.

He could speak truth while still caring about the person standing in front of Him.

And when we remember that we’re His servants, we begin to realize that our reactions should reflect His character.

That leads us into the heart of the passage.

II. Respond with Gentleness

Verse 24 says:

“And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient.”

Notice that Paul doesn’t say, “Be gentle to the people who are gentle with you.”

He says, “unto all men.”

That includes the easy people and the difficult people.

The appreciative and the unappreciative.

The people who understand us and the people who misunderstand us.

The people who agree and the people who oppose.

A. Be Gentle to All

The word “gentle” here carries the idea of kindness and mildness in dealing with others.

This is where our character-trait definition fits so well:

“Responding tenderheartedly to the needs of others.”

Gentleness sees more than the behavior.

It tries to remember that there’s a person behind the behavior.

Sometimes the difficult person is frightened.

Sometimes the angry person is hurting.

Sometimes the stubborn person is embarrassed.

Sometimes the person pushing back against truth has been resisting God for a long time.

That never makes wrong right, but it should affect the way we handle the person.

Paul gives a beautiful picture of this in 1 Thessalonians 2:7

1 Thessalonians 2:7 KJV

7 But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children:

That isn’t a picture of weakness.

A mother caring for a child may have to do difficult things.

She may have to clean a wound that hurts.

She may have to give medicine the child doesn’t want.

She may have to say no.

But even when she must do something unpleasant, she does it with care because she loves the child.

That’s what biblical gentleness does.

It doesn’t ask, “How sharply can I say this and still technically be right?”

It asks, “How can I faithfully say what is needed in a way that helps this person?”

There are times when the tenderhearted response is a quiet word.

There are times when it’s a firm word.

But even firmness can be gentle when the heart behind it is seeking another person’s good.

B. Be Patient When Wronged

Paul then uses the word “patient.”

The idea isn’t merely waiting a long time.

It carries the thought of enduring wrong without quickly becoming resentful or retaliatory.

That’s where gentleness becomes difficult.

We can usually stay calm when we feel respected.

But what happens when someone is unfair?

What happens when you explain yourself and they still misrepresent you?

What happens when somebody says something that cuts?

What happens when you’ve already been patient three times and now they do it again?

Our flesh says, “That’s enough.”

And there are certainly times when boundaries are wise and necessary.

Gentleness doesn’t mean we allow abuse, excuse sin, or refuse to deal with serious wrongdoing.

But even when action is necessary, Scripture still governs our spirit.

First Peter 2:23 says of Christ:

1 Peter 2:23 KJV

23 Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:

Jesus didn’t answer sinful treatment by becoming sinful Himself.

That is one of the great tests of Christian character.

It’s not difficult at all to act Christlike when everybody around us is acting Christlike.

The test comes when someone else’s sin is putting pressure on us.

Their anger doesn’t give me permission to become angry in a sinful way.

Their harshness doesn’t give me permission to become harsh.

Their impatience doesn’t give me permission to throw patience away.

We don’t get to borrow somebody else’s sin as an excuse for our own.

C. Correct with Meekness

Verse 25 says:

“In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves.”

This may be the clearest evidence in the passage that gentleness isn’t passivity.

Timothy is still supposed to instruct.

There is still truth and error.

There is still right and wrong.

There is still correction.

But Paul tells Timothy what spirit must govern that correction:

“In meekness.”

Biblical gentleness doesn’t handle truth loosely.

We don’t say, “Well, I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings, so I’ll just pretend it doesn’t matter.”

If someone is walking toward danger, love speaks.

If someone is believing error that will harm them spiritually, love teaches.

If sin is destroying a marriage, a family, a testimony, or a life, there are times when love must say something difficult.

But there’s a great difference between correcting someone because we love them and correcting someone because we enjoy being right.

One tries to restore.

The other tries to win.

Galatians 6:1 says:

Galatians 6:1 KJV

1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

I love that word “restore.”

If you break a bone, the doctor’s goal isn’t to punish the bone.

He wants it restored.

And sometimes setting a bone hurts.

But the pain isn’t the goal.

Healing is.

That ought to be true when we correct another believer.

The correction itself may sting.

Truth sometimes does.

But humiliation isn’t the goal.

Winning isn’t the goal.

Making sure everyone knows we were right isn’t the goal.

Restoration is the goal.

And Paul makes that even clearer in the final verses.

III. Remember the Goal

25 In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; 26 And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.

Paul wants Timothy to see beyond the argument.

There’s something much bigger happening.

So what IS the goal?

A. Repentance

First, Paul says that God may “give them repentance.”

That reminds Timothy of something he cannot do.

Timothy can teach truth, but Timothy cannot manufacture repentance.

He can explain.

He can warn.

He can reason.

He can plead.

But only God can work in a heart.

That truth ought to make us gentler.

Sometimes harshness grows out of our frustration that another person isn’t changing as quickly as we think they should.

We’ve explained it.

We’ve shown the verse.

We’ve made the case.

Why don’t they see it?

And because we can’t change their heart, we start increasing the pressure of our words.

But the servant of the Lord remembers that spiritual change is God’s work.

That doesn’t make us passive.

It makes us dependent.

We speak truth, and we pray.

We instruct, and we trust God.

We remain faithful without acting as though another person’s repentance depends upon how forcefully we can push them.

so remember the goal - 1st Repentance, with that the…

B. Recognition of Truth

Paul says repentance leads:

“to the acknowledging of the truth.”

That’s what Timothy really wants.

Not acknowledgment of Timothy.

Acknowledgment of truth.

There’s a difference.

Sometimes we don’t simply want a person to recognize what is true.

We want them to admit that we were right.

And those two things can become tangled together.

We want the apology.

We want the admission.

We want the moment when they say, “You told me so.”

But if the goal really is truth, then I can rejoice when they come to truth even if I never receive personal credit for helping them get there.

John the Baptist said:

John 3:30 KJV

30 He must increase, but I must decrease.

That spirit matters so much in correction.

I don’t need to be the hero of somebody else’s repentance.

I want them to see Christ.

I want them to see Scripture.

I want them to acknowledge truth.

So what is the goal we are seeking?

1st Repentance, 2nd Recognition of the Truth, 3rd…

C. Recovery

Then Paul gives us the final goal:

“And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil.”

That changes the way we see the person who is opposing us.

Paul says they’re in a snare.

They need recovery.

When a person is caught in a trap, you don’t stand over them and celebrate because you warned them where the trap was.

You help get them out.

What if we remembered that during conflict?

What if, instead of seeing the person across from us as an opponent to defeat, we saw a soul that may need to be rescued?

That doesn’t mean every disagreement is the devil’s snare. Paul is dealing here with serious spiritual error.

But the principle is important.

People are not the enemy.

Ephesians 6:12 says:

Ephesians 6:12 KJV

12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Your spouse isn’t the enemy.

Your child isn’t the enemy.

That brother or sister in Christ isn’t the enemy.

Even the person who is deeply wrong is still a person for whom Christ died and whom we ought to desire to see restored to truth.

And when restoration becomes the goal, our tone changes.

Our timing changes.

The questions we ask change.

Sometimes even our decision to speak or remain quiet changes.

Proverbs 16:24 says:

Proverbs 16:24 KJV

24 Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, Sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.

There are words that wound unnecessarily.

And there are words that bring health.

Truth can be spoken in a way that crushes somebody, or truth can be spoken in a way that gives them a path toward repentance and restoration.

The truth itself must never change.

But the spirit in which we carry it should increasingly look like Jesus Christ.

Conclusion

Gentleness is easy to admire and hard to practice.

It’s especially hard when we’re tired, irritated, convinced we’re right, or dealing with the same problem again.

But those are often the moments when Christlike character becomes most visible.

Paul tells us to refuse foolish strife.

He tells us to respond with gentleness.

And he tells us to remember the goal.

Maybe the most important question tonight isn’t, “Do I believe in gentleness?”

It’s: “What comes out of me when somebody puts pressure on me?”

Think about the people closest to you.

Think about the conversations you’ve had this week.

Think about the person who can get under your skin faster than anybody else.

When correction is necessary, can you still correct with meekness?

When somebody is wrong, can you care more about their restoration than about proving your point?

When someone speaks harshly, can you remain conscious that you are still “the servant of the Lord”?

We won’t do this perfectly. That’s why we need the Spirit of God to keep forming the character of Christ in us.

Jesus isn’t asking us to become timid people who never speak truth.

He is shaping us into people who can carry truth without using it like a weapon.

Strong enough to stand.

Tender enough to care.

Faithful enough to speak.

Humble enough to leave the heart-changing work to God.

So this week, when that moment comes—and it probably will—remember who you are.

You are the servant of the Lord.

And: “the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men.”

May God help our manner to match our message, so that even when truth must be spoken firmly, people can still see the character of Christ in the way we respond.