Bel Air #13

A Righteous Confrontation

Matthew 18:15–20 KJV 1900

15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. 18 Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

Let’s pray

Introduction

Matthew was a Jew who lived in the first century

Who was an outcast from his community

who was converted to Christianity by the Lord Jesus Christ

Matthew went on to be a follower of Christ

an eyewitness of His ministry

and he wrote the Gospel that bears his name

Before he was brutally executed in the first century

and he died as a martyr

He died for what he saw

a resurrected Christ

He died for what he believed

And we as students of the Word

are studying the book that bears his name

This is a very difficult passage often ignored

for if any church would take up this responsibility

they would put themselves in jeopardy in Western culture

but we can not skip over what the Lord has given us in this text

be it painful or difficult to some of us

we must deal with the weight of this text

One of my biggest frustrations is this

Christ is Savior to most

but He is not Lord to them

They treat His commandments like suggestions

They treat them like options

Why?

We don’t read His Word

We don’t follow His teachings

Christ’s words are only good for us when it is convenient

We act like we want nothing to do with His word

Here is a radical concept

What if?

How would our lives change?

How would our communities change?

Even our churches, how would they change?

if we start reading and obeying the words of our Lord Jesus Christ

At some point and time

He has to become more than a Savior in your life

He has to become the authority figure in our life

We have to hear what He says

read what He says

and now the important part

obey what He says

I want to begin by talking about a word that you al love

blessings

when you hear the word blessings

we will seek out and chase all of the talk about blessings

When I say blessings

the first thing that comes to your mind is probably this

they are tangible things

things that are materialistic in nature

when I say blessings

you might think about

homes

cars

jobs

these are the things we think about when we hear the word blessing

I want to tell you that there are blessings far more powerful than that

they are intangible blessings in this life

after the blessing of salvation

the blessing of health

the blessing of time

and without a doubt

the greatest blessing of all time

the greatest gift that God has given all of us

the blessing of kingdom relationships

kingdom marriages

kingdom mentors

kingdom coaches

kingdom brothers and sisters

we are given fellow brothers and sisters

who we can rely on to help us with our troubles

God has given you people who are in the kingdom

as you grow in Christ, you look over your shoulder

and realize that some of the greatest blessings God has brought into your life

has come into your life walking on two legs

you see some of the greatest things God has done in your life

He has done it through the blessing of a relationship

the blessings of relationships has opened doors

through relationships He has given you opportunities

through relationships He has counseled you

through relationships He has comforted you

and through relationships He has loved on you

relationships is one of the most valuable and precious gifts that God has given to His children of the kingdom

and that is the blessing of kingdom relationships

keep in mind

it is your adversary

that ancient serpent called the devil

that dragon of old who works cleverly

and aggressively

through people to do anything he can to dismantle

to destroy

and to hinder kingdom relationships

even working through people in your own church

to hurt you

and to egregiously sin against you

that he may bring division between brothers and sisters

in the context of biblical community relationships

how difficult they are to build

and how quickly and easy they are thrown away and destroyed

because of the flesh that manifests itself in the offenses we commit against each other

in the context of biblical community

my brothers and sisters

the Lord Jesus Christ

when He gave birth to the church through the Holy Spirit

on the day of Pentecost

people who will try to live with such a purity

such a holiness

and such a unity

that puts Christ on display that the outsider will see

such a love amongst brothers and sisters

such a unity amongst brothers and sisters

the outsiders would be jealous of what we have

and will run to see how can it be a part of that gathering

so what the Lord does for us in Matthew 18 is gives us ethical teaching

and values that He built in the framework

to guide

and to govern

and to protect

this beautiful thing called the church

so in our text today

He taught us that in the context of biblical community

we need to be humble

in the context of biblical community

we need to be childlike

in the context of biblical community

we need to treat each other like we are talking to Christ

in the context of biblical community

we need to not cause each other to sin

in the context of biblical community

we need to deal aggressively with our own sin

so we don’t hurt ourselves

and then we do not hurt others

in the context of biblical community

we need not despise other brothers and sisters

and we need to see the value in brothers and sisters

and we need to go after other brothers and sisters when we see them straying from

the context of biblical community

so the Lord built in all of these metrics that we will protect ourselves

from hurting ourselves

and protect ourselves from hurting people

but what the Lord gives us next is probably at the pinnacle

of how we protect ourselves from hurting ourselves

after He says be childlike

after he says be humble

after he says treat others like you treat me

after He says don’t lead them into sin

after He says deal with your own sin

after He says don’t look down upon other children of God

after He says go after the wanderer

the very next thing He says in the context

in verse 15

He says if your brother sins against you

go tell him his fault between you and him alone

if he listens to you

you have gained a brother

now what we have here from Christ is the framework

for dealing with conflict resolution

inside the context of biblical community

I want to draw your attention to a few words

the first word is “if”

what Christ does with the word “if” is it presupposes that in the context of biblical community

there will always be a possibility

that you may get hurt deeply by somebody inside the church

and what Christ takes off the table from you and me is this false narrative

that you keep going that you can join a church and be part of a church

and never get hurt from somebody in that church

so there are a lot of people who come into gatherings

and then be a part of gatherings

and they think because the people are supposed to be holy

they will be here for weeks

and months

and for years

and they expect nobody to inflict any pain on them at all

that is our context in American churches today

but not a biblical context for church

the Lord taught us right here before the church was formed

as long as you are in a community

with brothers and sisters

there will always be the potential for you to get wounded

as a result of somebody else sinning against you

I want to draw your attention to the next word

sin

now let me tell you what in not in view

annoyance is not in view

as modern Christians

we can be very petty

be hyper emotional in not in view

being rubbed the wrong way is not in view

being frustrated is not in view

Christ does not have those things in view

because if the Lord was telling us to confront somebody every time you was annoyed

we would not survive

we would be in the room

in the parking lot

running up to each other

all of the time

having beef with people all of the time

confronting people all of the time

every time you get annoyed

you would have to go and say something to somebody

that is not what we have in view here

why?

because when we are mature

there are some things that you take to your prayer closet

they offend you

you take it to prayer

they annoy you

you take it to prayer

they frustrate you

you take it to prayer

it is only unmature believers that have to say something every time

they feel something that someone else has done to them

when we mature

watch this word

we learn how to “absorb” certain pains

like you might say “boy they really made me mad in the parking lot today but I am just going to pray for them when I get home”

Keep in mind

it is not meant for you to say everything

every time you get emotional

you would make your ignorance

your immaturity palpable

every time somebody says something to you

or you feel emotional that you got to say something

that is not what Jesus is talking about here

the Lord did not envision a church that will be fighting against each other every week

because we are so sinful

Christ is saying this

An example would be

somebody slandering your name in the church

destroying your witness

and your character tearing up the team you built on the Lord

Christ is talking about when people in a church egregiously sin against you

now listen

to what Christ says to do

He says do something about it

Do not be quiet about it

Christ is saying when your brother or sister egregiously sins against you

when it is a legitimate sin that is committed against you

when you have been wounded

when you have been hurt

the Lord has given you a license to go an address the issue

so look at the first thing He says when this happens to you

He says go and confront your brother

you know what goal is that

it is don’t be passive about your pain

don’t be indifferent about your pain

if you are up at night wounded all the time

if you feel grieved by what that person is doing

the Lord is giving you permission to go and talk to the brother and sister

He says go now

what happens if you don’t go

if you don’t go

you give in to temptation for the pain you are carrying to ripen into resentment

hatred

unforgiveness

you will let that thing grow into a tree when it just started out as a little bush

so the Lord is saying to protect your heart from carrying wounds that deep

Christ is encouraging us to go and talk to your brother or sister now

Some people feel too shy

I don’t want to be confrontational

I don’t want to step out of my comfort zone

So should you just be a doormat

and let people sin against you?

As long as you are part of the church

no matter how great the church is

no matter how great the preaching is

how good the worship is

how good the testimonies are

as soon as somebody hurts you, in the culture today, we take flight

Why

you had an expectation that you would never get hurt

In the Christian context

the Lord says as long as you are around brothers and sisters in a fallen world

the temptation is always there for somebody to sin against you

I want to draw your attention to the word

tell

it does not mean fight

does not mean argue

it does not mean go and attack the person who sinned against you

tell means to have an intelligible conversation

it is to articulate your feelings

to explain how this wounded you

The Lord says when you have grief with your brother or sister go to them in private seek private reconciliation

why?

Christ expects in this moment that if two believers have biblical character then they both desire the same thing

what do they desire

they desire peace and reconciliation

Now look at what Jesus says in the same verse

He says if he listens to you, you have gained your brother

powerful words

He says if your sister or brother listens to you

you have gained them

you have won them back

you have won back something valuable

fellowship

you got back peace

you got back grace

we are good now

we don’t have carry that to our grave

listen peace is a valuable thing

now watch the teaching

there are times you will go and talk to someone

and they will not listen

why

they are too immature to listen

their hearts are too hard to listen

they are too prideful to listen

too arrogant to listen

sometimes when you confront people about stuff

the only thing you get back from them is character

it does not matter how loving you are

it does not matter how kind you are

it does not matter how gentle you are

it doesn’t matter

when you talk to people about sinning against you

sometimes the only thing you get back from them is their character

if they have good character, they will probably yield

but what happens if they do not have good character and love to keep drama going

What does the Lord say?

He says to take it to the next level

why?

Jesus is serious about His children not being in beef

Anybody who is a parent with two kids understand this

The Lord wants us to be in peace with one another

In verse 16

take one or two others along with you

that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses

so the Lord is going back to the Old Testament doctrine

Deuteronomy 19:15 KJV 1900

15 One witness shall not rise up against a man for any iniquity, or for any sin, in any sin that he sinneth: at the mouth of two witnesses, or at the mouth of three witnesses, shall the matter be established.

so the Lord is saying if somebody sins against you in the church

it is egregious

it is hurtful

it has wounded you

go and talk to that brother or sister alone

if you win them over, it is over

listen it is supposed to end right there

it is done

there is no need to air it out

it dies right there

but if they don’t want to listen

the Lord cares about being in unity so much

He says if they don’t listen go get two or three people and go back and talk to them a second time

notice the Lord does not say who we should bring

so we have to use biblical wisdom

on who to bring and who not to bring

I am going to tell you who I do not bring to this conversation

I don’t bring someone who is an instigator

I don’t bring someone that likes too keep drama going

I don’t bring a hothead

I don’t bring someone who is subjective

I don’t bring someone who does not want peace

I don’t bring someone who is immature

I tell you who I would bring

someone who is objective

I might bring someone who has more authority

i might bring someone who is more mature

My hope is that if I can not convince them with my words

hopefully the two or three I brought with me might be able to say something to the person

that I was not smart enough to say

We need to be diplomatic to help them to see the error of their ways with the hopes that we can mitigate the sin issue in the person’s life

At this point

listen to me

99% of all of church conflict should end

let me remind you

the Lord is saying if you attend a church

there is a possibility you may get hurt by someone

but when you get hurt by somebody

if it is a sin against you

Christ wants you to go and talk to them in private

Christ wants you to mitigate the issue in private

Christ wants you to do everything you can to win back your brother

help them see the errors of their ways

if they don’t listen

Christ is so concerned about your relationship

that thing that is so valuable

He says go and get two or three other people

who are God fearing

who can talk to them on your behalf

now at that point if we are mature

if we are humble

if we are Christlike

if we treat each other like Christ

99% of all church conflicts should end right there

But we know that is not reality today

You see churches getting torn apart all the time

why

people are fighting to win

they are not fighting for reconciliation

they are fighting with hatred

they are not fighting with love

So we hear stories that have been at it for months

they keep the drama going and soon you have 10 people involved, 20 people involved, or 50 people involved now

now they have split the church because they were not Godly enough to end the drama at that point

So now the Lord says if they don’t listen to two or three people then we go to the next verse

verse 17 is the most difficult one

why

when you read verse 17

you are going to be like nah

Jesus ain’t something like that

Jesus don’t talk like that

he is cutesy

he is polite

my Lord would never talk to us like that

Understand

this person does not listen in a private conversation

this person does not want to listen with two or three people

then there is a third and final step that we hopefully never get to

but some people you have no choice

You have to go there

If the unrepentant sinner is tearing up the church

hurting people

inflicting wounds

they won’t repent

they won’t listen

they won’t be coached

they won’t be counseled

they won’t yield

they won’t say sorry

then you do the next option with them

this is the last and final option

we tell it to the church, and we let the church address him

If he refuses accountability at that point

Treat him as an outsider

People may think why is Jesus being so aggressive

because He is fighting for the unity of His church

So what the Lord is doing here is right

He is putting a boundary of accountability around an unrepented sinful person

who is tearing up a church

We need to deny him the blessings of community since he can not respect the principles of community

the unity of community

As a church, we are going to block you from enjoying the blessings of community

The hope here is for that brother to feel so isolated

that it forces him to go back and repent

The Lord wants him to repent

because the Lord loves him

the Lord wants him to be changed

and if we help him in his sin

he will never be changed

so that is why Christ says to do this

because no where in scriptures are you ever called an adult

you are only called a child of God

and children who disobey need to be disciplined

The Lord is saying that a church should deal like this with a person who is tearing it up and unrepentant now

you might think that is harsh

But what is more harsh is this

To dismantle a whole family because we don’t have the courage to deal with one person

In the first century church

they were so close knit that to be excommunicated from a church would cause a person to feel so much pain

they will fight to get back into that church

Are we a church or just a loose coalition that sit in rooms all around the country?

Let s pray