How do I prepare to date?

Introduction

This series more on dating specifically than the whole process

What does the Bible say about dating?

Nothing, and everything.

Read 1 Corinthians 7:25-28, 32-35; 7-11

You won’t get ____ ’til you get ______.

Latin: translation // declensions/conjugations

dating // singleness

Some of my assumptions

Don’t date a non-Christian

Don’t date just because someone is going to church

There’s no such thing as a soul mate

Sexual activity outside of marriage is sinful and harmful

Everybody’s made sexual mistakes they regret

7 ways to prepare yourself to date

1 // Understand the gifts of singleness and celibacy.

The gift of singleness is not: wanting to be single

The gift is twofold:

being single (singleness)

a special measure of spiritual strength to remain celibate (celibacy)

The benefit of singleness: single-minded focus on honoring God

Here’s why it matters:

It reframes singleness as something I can leverage, even if I have trouble appreciating it

It refocuses celibacy as something to fight for, even if I have trouble living it out

2 // Discern how you could best honor God long-term (as married or single).

It sounds holy to say what you’re called to…

…but it’s not sinful to say what you want.

What you’re called to is where you’re at right now (v. 17)

If you want to marry but are still single…

3 // Recognize that joy is not ultimately dependent on your relationship with a potential mate, but on your relationship with God.

2 Cor. 6 — “sorrowful, yet rejoicing”

You can be content in singleness, even if not content with being single.

Your anxiety/selfishness/discontentedness/etc. is not the fruit of your singleness, it is a root, whose fruit is shown through singleness

4 // Maximize your Kingdom impact while single to be the type of person that maximizes their Kingdom impact while married.

How singleness and marriage honor God

Unique freedom to share the gospel (singleness)

Unique relationship to mirror the gospel (marriage)

If you use singleness to live the bachelor life, you’re missing out on the real benefit of singleness.

Just because you want a different situation long-term doesn’t mean you can’t serve God well and joyfully in the meantime.

5 // Resolve, before you date, to not budge on your standards for a potential spouse.

Some people rush into dating because they want companionship

Singleness is a gift, marriage is a gift, dating is not

Some people fall into dating because they don’t guard their heart

LCU guys at PBT

6 // Attack various lies, sins, and idols that might harm a relationship before you date, while you’re dating, and after you’re married.

Lies

“I’m unlovable.”

“People can’t be trusted.”

“I’m bound for a broken relationship, just like my [dad/mom].”

“My past means I could never find a spouse.”

“If I just had a [bf/gf], I’d finally turn the corner and be happy.”

Sins

Porn addiction, reading smut, fantasizing

Idols

Social status, attention, 

Take some time this week to identify these things you don’t say out loud, but believe down deep, and find Scriptures to correct them.

7 // Let your longing for a spouse turn your attention to a greater longing for God.

Marriage is a picture of Jesus and the church, but singleness is a mirror too in a way; it’s a mirror of us waiting for heaven.

(SDR) p. 136 — “…if you don’t have a proper theology of fasting, then you are going to get upset with God when he causes one of your appetites to go unsatisfied. You will believe he is starving you. Starvation is bad…But fasting is quite another thing…God’s way of turning our attention…”

Close

I’m not promising that if you finally get over wanting someone, they’ll finally show up.

I’m not even saying you should get over wanting to be married.

I am saying that if you want to be married, you need to become the type of person that…

Trusts God with, and finds joy in, their life situation, even when they’d prefer it change.

Leverages their time and energy for the sake of God’s glory.

Is secure enough in who they are to not let their heart sway them towards compromise

Identify and counter the lies of the enemy

Longs for the coming of the King

Even if becoming that type of person never leads towards marriage, it will lead to

greater joy

greater obedience

greater hope