Lord of My Relationships

BECAUSE I BELONG

Living Differently Because Jesus Is Lord

Week 3 — Jesus Is Lord of My Relationships

Romans 12:9–18

Big Idea:

Because I belong to Jesus, my relationships should look different.

INTRODUCTION

Last week we talked about our words.

We talked about what happens when Jesus becomes Lord of our mouth.

But here's the truth:

Our words affect our relationships.

And today we're moving from what we say to how we live with people.

Because if Jesus is Lord of my life, He's not just Lord of what I say.

He's Lord of how I treat people.

And that's where Christianity gets real.

It's easy to love people who love you.

It's easy to be kind to people who are kind to you.

It's easy to forgive somebody when they haven't really hurt you.

But what about the difficult person?

What about the person who disappointed you?

What about the person who hurt you?

What about the person you just don't like?

That's where our faith gets tested.

You can sit in church and look spiritual.

You can know your Bible.

You can sing the songs.

But eventually, somebody is going to rub you the wrong way.

And when that happens, what comes out of us reveals who's really in charge of us.

Paul gives us a picture of what relationships look like when Jesus is Lord.

And he gives us four commands.

Love sincerely.Serve humbly.

Serve humbly.Respond gracefully.

Respond gracefully.Live peacefully.

Live peacefully.

1. LOVE SINCERELY

Romans 12:9 says:

"Let love be without hypocrisy." — Romans 12:9, CSB

Paul says, Don't fake it.

Don't smile at somebody's face and destroy them behind their back.

Don't call somebody "brother" while secretly carrying bitterness toward them.

Don't pretend to love people while hoping they fail.

Love sincerely.

Now, biblical love isn't simply a feeling.

Because there are going to be people you don't naturally connect with.

Different personalities.

Different opinions.

Different backgrounds.

Different preferences.

Some people are just difficult.

But Jesus didn't command us to love only the people we like.

He commanded us to love our neighbor.

He even commanded us to love our enemies.

That's not natural.

That's Jesus at work in us.

Paul continues:

"Detest evil; cling to what is good." — Romans 12:9, CSB

Biblical love doesn't mean calling everything good.

Love can tell the truth.

Love can confront sin.

Love can establish boundaries.

But love wants what is good for the other person.

Then verse 10 says:

"Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Outdo one another in showing honor." — Romans 12:10, CSB

I love that phrase:

"Outdo one another in showing honor."

Imagine if we lived that way.

Instead of asking, "Why isn't anybody helping me?"

We asked, "Who can I help?"

Instead of asking, "Why doesn't anybody appreciate me?"

We asked, "Who can I encourage?"

Instead of asking, "What am I getting?"

We asked, "What can I give?"

That's what Jesus did.

Love looks outward.

2. SERVE HUMBLY

Romans 12:11–13 tells us to be diligent, serve the Lord, be patient in affliction, pray, meet needs, and practice hospitality.

Paul is teaching us something simple:

Stop making everything about you.

Because that's one of the biggest problems in relationships.

What do I want?

What do I need?

Why didn't they call me?

Why wasn't I invited?

Why didn't they appreciate me?

But Jesus teaches us to look outward.

Mark 10:45 says:

"For the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." — Mark 10:45, CSB

Think about that.

Jesus had every right to be served.

But He came to serve.

The King washed feet.

The Creator touched lepers.

The Savior served sinners.

And if Jesus is Lord of my relationships, I should become more like Him.

Humility says:

I don't have to win every argument.

I don't have to get the last word.

I don't have to receive credit.

I can serve even when nobody notices.

Here's a good test of spiritual maturity:

How do you treat people who can do absolutely nothing for you?

How do you treat the waiter?

The cashier?

The person who works underneath you?

The person who disagrees with you?

The person who can't give you anything in return?

Jesus says:

Serve them.

Because that's what He did for us.

3. RESPOND GRACEFULLY

Now Paul gets to the hard part.

Romans 12:14:

"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse." — Romans 12:14, CSB

That's not natural.

Our natural response is:

"You hurt me, I'll hurt you."

"You embarrassed me, I'll embarrass you."

"You talked about me, I'll tell everybody what I know about you."

But Paul says:

"Do not repay anyone evil for evil." — Romans 12:17, CSB

That's different.

That's Jesus.

Here's the question:

Who controls your response?

The person who hurt you?

Your anger?

Your pride?

Your desire to get even?

Or Jesus?

Because somebody else's behavior doesn't have to determine your character.

I don't have to become what hurt me.

Somebody treats me with bitterness.

I don't have to become bitter.

Somebody lies about me.

I don't have to become a liar.

Somebody gossips about me.

I don't have to gossip about them.

Somebody hates me.

I don't have to hate them.

Why?

Because Jesus is Lord of my response.

Now, grace doesn't mean pretending nothing happened.

It doesn't mean allowing somebody to continually hurt you.

It doesn't mean there shouldn't be boundaries.

Grace means:

I refuse to repay evil with evil.

Jesus said in Matthew 5 that we are to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.

The world says:

"Get even."

Jesus says:

"Give grace."

The world says:

"Make them pay."

Jesus says:

"Pray for them."

That's what it looks like when we belong to Jesus.

4. LIVE PEACEFULLY

Romans 12:18 says:

"If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." — Romans 12:18, CSB

Notice those words:

"If possible."

And:

"As far as it depends on you."

Paul understands that you cannot control everybody.

You can't make somebody apologize.

You can't make somebody forgive you.

You can't make somebody change.

But you can control your response.

So Paul says:

Do your part.

Apologize when you're wrong.

Forgive when you've been hurt.

Tell the truth.

Keep your promises.

Don't gossip.

Don't retaliate.

Don't stir up unnecessary conflict.

Pursue peace.

Now, peace doesn't mean avoiding every difficult conversation.

Sometimes peace requires a hard conversation.

Sometimes you need to say:

"I'm sorry."

Sometimes:

"I was wrong."

Sometimes:

"I forgive you."

Sometimes:

"We need to talk."

And sometimes peace means establishing a healthy boundary.

But whatever the situation, the question is:

"What can I do to honor Jesus in this relationship?"

THE LORDSHIP TEST

Now let's step back.

Why does Paul tell us all of this?

Because Romans 12 begins with surrender.

Romans 12:1 says:

"Therefore, brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your true worship." — Romans 12:1, CSB

Paul starts with:

"Give yourself to God."

Then he tells us how that surrendered life looks.

And one of the first places it shows up is our relationships.

Because when I surrender my life to Jesus...

I surrender my relationships to Jesus.

My marriage belongs to Him.

My family belongs to Him.

My friendships belong to Him.

My church relationships belong to Him.

Even my difficult relationships belong to Him.

And that changes the way I live.

WHAT DO I DO?

So what do we do with this?

Four things.

1. LOVE THE PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU.

Don't wait for them to deserve it.

Look for an opportunity to love them.

Encourage them.

Listen to them.

Help them.

2. SERVE BEFORE YOU EXPECT TO BE SERVED.

At home.

At work.

At church.

Look for something you can do.

And don't do it because somebody might notice.

Do it because Jesus notices.

3. CONTROL YOUR RESPONSE.

When somebody hurts you, don't react immediately.

Pray first.

Pause.

Ask:

"What response would honor Jesus?"

Not:

"What response would make me feel better?"

Those aren't always the same thing.

4. PURSUE PEACE.

Think about one relationship that needs attention.

Maybe you need to forgive.

Maybe you need to apologize.

Maybe you need to have a conversation.

Maybe you need to stop talking about them and start talking to them.

Take one step toward peace.

CONCLUSION

Let me ask you:

What if one of the greatest evidences that Jesus is Lord isn't how we treat people we love?

What if it's how we treat people who hurt us?

Anybody can be nice when everything is going their way.

But when somebody disappoints you...

When somebody insults you...

When somebody disagrees with you...

When somebody hurts you...

That's when lordship gets tested.

And we have to ask:

Who's really in charge of me?

Is it my anger?

My pride?

My feelings?

My desire to get even?

Or is it Jesus?

Because Jesus is Lord of my relationships.

So I don't have to win every argument.

I don't have to get even.

I don't have to hold a grudge.

I don't have to keep score.

I can love.

I can serve.

I can forgive.

I can pursue peace.

Not because everybody deserves it.

But because Jesus gave it to me when I didn't deserve it.

Colossians 3:13 says:

"Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive." — Colossians 3:13, CSB

That's the gospel.

We love because He first loved us.

We forgive because we've been forgiven.

We show grace because we've received grace.

We serve because He came to serve us.

And we pursue peace because Christ made peace between us and God.

FINAL CHALLENGE

I want you to think about one relationship.

Just one.

Your spouse.

Your child.

Your parent.

A friend.

A coworker.

Somebody at church.

Maybe somebody you haven't spoken to in a long time.

And ask four questions:

Do I need to love them sincerely?

Do I need to serve them humbly?

Do I need to respond more graciously?

Do I need to pursue peace?

Then take one step.

Because here's the truth:

Because I belong to Jesus, my relationships should look different.

Not because everybody around me has changed.

But because Jesus has changed me.

When Jesus is Lord of my relationships...

I love differently.

I serve differently.

I respond differently.

I pursue peace differently.

And that's what it means to live differently...

BECAUSE I BELONG.