David The Dad
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David the Dad
David the Dad
David the Dad
Many men wear three hats. They are spiritual people, career or community people and family men. Or to put it another way, they sit on a three-legged stool
Three-legged stool
Three-legged stool
Men who are balanced often face struggles between competing roles. The US Open is one of the biggest events on the golfing calendar for professionals.
Last year’s prize for winning the tournament was 1.8 million dollars. This is one of the four biggest golf tournaments in the world.
Phil Mickelson is one of the best golfers of the last decade. Out of the thousands of golfers, he is presently ranked as the 23rd best golfer in the world.
To add to his story, he has won each of the other three major tournaments but has been in second in this tournament six times. He desperately wants to win this particular tournament to complete the lifetime grand slam of major tournaments. He is 47 years old.
He had a conflict. His daughter was the senior class president and was scheduled to speak at her graduation in California.
That is the problem. He could go to the graduation in California and come back to Wisconsin to participate in the US Open under one condition. He needed some bad weather to delay the time he had to hit his first ball. The weather in Wisconsin was sunny.
What do you do? He chose to go to his daughter’s graduation and withdrew from the Open.
I don’t know where Phil Mickelson is spiritually, but he is a committed golfer and a committed dad. Two out of three puts him in the same camp as David.
David was strong spiritually. We read the Psalms and they resonate with us. God inspired David as he wrote the Psalms, he gifted him with an amazing ability to write songs. We often recite , , , and others. David was a man after God’s own heart. We are blessed by his spiritual strengths.
David was exceptional in his career. He kept his integrity in his dealing with his predecessor, Saul. He won military battles. He was able to bring a divided country together. He brought peace and a cessation of hostilities for periods of time. He had an excellent resume.
David did fall down in his dealings with his family. He was not perfect. David reminds us that God can and does use imperfect people. You won’t like the picture the scripture paints of David as he dealt with his family.
1 Now Absalom, David’s son, had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar. And after a time Amnon, David’s son, loved her. 2 And Amnon was so tormented that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her.
(ESV) —1 Now Absalom, David’s son, had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar. And after a time Amnon, David’s son, loved her. 2 And Amnon was so tormented that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her.
What should a father do when his daughter is raped by another family member?
What should a father do when his daughter is raped by another family member?
21 When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry. 22 But Absalom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad, for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had violated his sister Tamar.
(ESV) —21 When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry. 22 But Absalom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad, for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had violated his sister Tamar.
Without getting into a lot of details, Tamar was raped by her half-brother. David was angry, but did nothing.
Without getting into a lot of details, Tamar was raped by her half-brother. David was angry, but did nothing.
Was it because he had done almost the same thing with Bathsheba? Did he feel that he could not step in when he was guilty of the same sin?
Or was he strong in worship and work, but weak in dealing with his own family?
30 While they were on the way, news came to David, “Absalom has struck down all the king’s sons, and not one of them is left.” 31 Then the king arose and tore his garments and lay on the earth. And all his servants who were standing by tore their garments. 32 But Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother, said, “Let not my lord suppose that they have killed all the young men, the king’s sons, for Amnon alone is dead. For by the command of Absalom this has been determined from the day he violated his sister Tamar. 33 Now therefore let not my lord the king so take it to heart as to suppose that all the king’s sons are dead, for Amnon alone is dead.”
(ESV) —30 While they were on the way, news came to David, “Absalom has struck down all the king’s sons, and not one of them is left.” 31 Then the king arose and tore his garments and lay on the earth. And all his servants who were standing by tore their garments. 32 But Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother, said, “Let not my lord suppose that they have killed all the young men, the king’s sons, for Amnon alone is dead. For by the command of Absalom this has been determined from the day he violated his sister Tamar. 33 Now therefore let not my lord the king so take it to heart as to suppose that all the king’s sons are dead, for Amnon alone is dead.”
(ESV) —37 But Absalom fled and went to Talmai the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son day after day.
(ESV) —37 But Absalom fled and went to Talmai the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son day after day.
Absalom killed Amnon, the rapist, and David was very sad and mourned.
The context indicates he mourned for Amnon. I say this because Absalom fled in verse 37. He wouldn’t have fled if he had nothing to fear.
And the spirit of the king longed to go out to Absalom, because he was comforted about Amnon, since he was dead.
(ESV) —39 And the spirit of the king longed to go out to Absalom, because he was comforted about Amnon, since he was dead.
This verse shows that the king had worked through the grieving process for Amnon the rapist and was now interested in renewing is some way, his relationship to Absalom, the killer.
This verse shows that the king had worked through the grieving process for Amnon the rapist and was now interested in renewing is some way, his relationship to Absalom, the killer.
Absalom killed Amnon because David did not deal with the situation.
Absalom starts a campaign to get the throne from David. He sits outside the gate and has a sympathetic ear towards anyone who has complaints against David. He works behind the scenes to get David kicked out. When he comes with his army, David is forced to flee. Now there is the decisive battle between David and Absalom.
Listen to what David says about the traitor, Absalom.
And the king ordered Joab and Abishai and Ittai, “Deal gently for my sake with the young man Absalom.” And all the people heard when the king gave orders to all the commanders about Absalom.
(ESV) —5 And the king ordered Joab and Abishai and Ittai, “Deal gently for my sake with the young man Absalom.” And all the people heard when the king gave orders to all the commanders about Absalom.
(ESV) —9 And Absalom happened to meet the servants of David. Absalom was riding on his mule, and the mule went under the thick branches of a great oak, and his head caught fast in the oak, and he was suspended between heaven and earth, while the mule that was under him went on. 10 And a certain man saw it and told Joab, “Behold, I saw Absalom hanging in an oak.” 11 Joab said to the man who told him, “What, you saw him! Why then did you not strike him there to the ground? I would have been glad to give you ten pieces of silver and a belt.”
9 And Absalom happened to meet the servants of David. Absalom was riding on his mule, and the mule went under the thick branches of a great oak, and his head caught fast in the oak, and he was suspended between heaven and earth, while the mule that was under him went on. 10 And a certain man saw it and told Joab, “Behold, I saw Absalom hanging in an oak.” 11 Joab said to the man who told him, “What, you saw him! Why then did you not strike him there to the ground? I would have been glad to give you ten pieces of silver and a belt.” 12 But the man said to Joab, “Even if I felt in my hand the weight of a thousand pieces of silver, I would not reach out my hand against the king’s son, for in our hearing the king commanded you and Abishai and Ittai, ‘For my sake protect the young man Absalom.’ 13 On the other hand, if I had dealt treacherously against his life (and there is nothing hidden from the king), then you yourself would have stood aloof.” 14 Joab said, “I will not waste time like this with you.” And he took three javelins in his hand and thrust them into the heart of Absalom while he was still alive in the oak. 15 And ten young men, Joab’s armor-bearers, surrounded Absalom and struck him and killed him.
(ESV) —9 And Absalom happened to meet the servants of David. Absalom was riding on his mule, and the mule went under the thick branches of a great oak, and his head caught fast in the oak, and he was suspended between heaven and earth, while the mule that was under him went on. 10 And a certain man saw it and told Joab, “Behold, I saw Absalom hanging in an oak.” 11 Joab said to the man who told him, “What, you saw him! Why then did you not strike him there to the ground? I would have been glad to give you ten pieces of silver and a belt.”
Whereas Absalom did what David didn’t do, Joab now does what David will not do. Why didn’t David deal with Absalom? He was his son. If we let our children get away with murder, which is exactly what happened, we can expect it will come back to hurt us.
13 On the other hand, if I had dealt treacherously against his life (and there is nothing hidden from the king), then you yourself would have stood aloof.”
14 Joab said, “I will not waste time like this with you.” And he took three javelins in his hand and thrust them into the heart of Absalom while he was still alive in the oak. 15 And ten young men, Joab’s armor-bearers, surrounded Absalom and struck him and killed him.
Whereas Absalom did what David didn’t do, Joab now does what David will not do. Why didn’t David deal with Absalom? He was his son. If we let our children get away with murder, which is exactly what happened, we can expect it will come back to hurt us.
What was David’s reaction?
33 And the king was deeply moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And as he went, he said, “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!”
(ESV) —33 And the king was deeply moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And as he went, he said, “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!”
What happened to Joab? Nothing. Joab disobeyed a direct order from the king. There should have been repercussions immediately. There were none. Later on, one of David’s last requests was to ask his son, Solomon, to do what he was unwilling to do. He asked Solomon to kill Joab.
What happened to Joab? Nothing. Joab disobeyed a direct order from the king. There should have been repercussions immediately. There were none. Later on, one of David’s last requests was to ask his son, Solomon, to do what he was unwilling to do. He asked Solomon to kill Joab.
Three-legged stool
Three-legged stool
We have these three areas in which we need balance. There is our spiritual life, our work or community life and our family life.
David was strong spiritually. He was strong in his career. He was weak as a father.
I ask the father’s here today this question: How many legs are on your stool?
There are fathers who are weak spiritually, weak on a work ethic and weak on family involvement. If that is you, you need to change. You are not pleasing God and you are hurting your family. If you are so spiritual that you neglect work and family, listen to the words of the apostle Paul.
8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
(ESV) —8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
In other words, your spiritual life is a sham, it is phony.
In other words, your spiritual life is a sham, it is phony.
If a person is all work and neglects the spiritual and the family, Jesus has a word for you.
26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?
If a person is all family and neglects the spiritual and the work, then Jesus says this:
(ESV) —26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?
37 Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
If a person is all family and neglects the spiritual and the work, then Jesus says this: (ESV) —37 Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
(ESV) —37 Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
This message is a call for balance in our lives as fathers.
This message is a call for balance in our lives as fathers.
How do we prioritize our lives to keep the balance?
How do we prioritize our lives to keep the balance?
We let Jesus show us our priorities.
We let Jesus show us our priorities.
First, we don’t prioritize our lives. We have put our trust in Jesus. We let Jesus show us our priorities.
33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
(ESV) —33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
The “all things” were food and clothing. These are things we work for. We work in order to provide ourselves with basic necessities. Jesus says to us, put the kingdom of God above your work.
The “all things” were food and clothing. These are things we work for. We work in order to provide ourselves with basic necessities. Jesus says to us, put the kingdom of God above your work.
I would take that to mean that a Christian would refuse to do what is illegal because that is a violation of kingdom values.
I would take that to mean that a Christian would show love and respect to fellow workers, management and those under them. You have a job to do, but there is a kingdom way to do that job.
I would take that to mean that we would downsize and take a less paying job rather than violate our Christian beliefs and principles.
When we put the kingdom of God above our families, this means that we go to the Bible to see how to interact with our families. Putting God first means wrestling with the teaching of “wives, submit to your own husbands,” “husbands love your wives,” and “children obey your parents in the Lord.” Following Jesus will not cause us to neglect our families, but will cause us to use spiritual discernment to put the kingdom of God first in our lives.
A person cannot be spiritual if they don’t take to heart the teaching,
23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,
A spiritual person will be a good worker, a good parent, a good child. Christianity will not make them worse, it will make them better.
A spiritual person will be a good worker, a good parent, a good child. Christianity will not make them worse, it will make them better.
So we let Jesus prioritize our lives.
Second, avoid rationalization
Second, avoid rationalization
To rationalize is to give reasons why we don’t need to follow Jesus. We can point to the inconsistencies of others, the fact that others are doing whatever it is before us, or other good sounding reasons.
We need to be honest with God and with our own hearts. Instead of making excuses, we need to repent. People who repent, people who change, people who exhibit integrity, make huge impacts on their Christian brothers and sisters, their families and the people they work for.
Third, we need to follow through.
Third, we need to follow through.
The best day to start bringing balance to your life is today. If you say, “I know I should be in Sunday school” then stay today.
If you say, “I have been a slacker at work,” then get to work on time and give your employer a good days effort with an attitude of giving God your best.
If you say, “I don’t spend enough time with my family, then get your schedule book out and write in it, “family time.”
We never do what we think we should do. We will do what we do.
22 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.
(ESV) —22 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.
My father was a one-legged stool. He was a hard worker. His family and his spiritual life were not right.
My father was a one-legged stool. He was a hard worker. His family and his spiritual life were not right.
My stepfather tried to keep the balance. It was hard for him, pastoring a small church, working a full-time job and trying to be a father to his wife’s children.
I found it hard to keep the balance in my own life. Doing what is right, juggling all the responsibilities, can be daunting.
But if we seek first the kingdom of God, be honest with ourselves and don’t rationalize bad behavior and purpose before God to do what he calls us to do, we may be a work in progress, but we will be progressing in our work.