Fair in Perspective

Matthew 7:1–12

Have you ever noticed how much easier it is to explain your own behavior than somebody else’s?

We tend to explain our own behavior based upon what we are feeling right n ow, and we explain someone else’s behavior based upon what we feel they are thinking.

If I answer harshly, well I know what a horrible day I‘ve had

There were interruptions, something didn’t go right, and I was already torn between three different things that have to be solved right now.

But if someone answers me sharply, well, he’s just rude.

I know what I was dealing with, so I want him to automatically understand.

But the truth is I haven’t taken time to see what he’s dealing with.

That’s where we can begin to become unfair.

That can happen in our homes, it can happen with people we’ve known at church for years.

Sometimes we’ve been hurt enough that we’re expecting the next conversation to go badly before it even begins.

That can make really listening very difficult.

And sometimes our concern really is justified.

Someone has behaved badly, and we shouldn’t pretend that what happened wasn’t wrong.

But even then, we need the Lord’s help to see clearly and respond correctly.

Tonight our character trait is Fair.

The definition is,

Fair: Seeing a situation from the viewpoint of each person involved.

By the way this doesn’t mean that every viewpoint is correct.

We need to hear what the person is saying and try to understand the situation.

Then we we need to bring what we’ve heard to God’s Word, because that’s what determines what’s right.

Proverbs 18:17 says,

Proverbs 18:17 KJV

17 He that is first in his own cause seemeth just; But his neighbour cometh and searcheth him.

The first explanation may sound like the whole story, until someone else has the opportunity to speak.

That’s something to remember when two children disagree, or when a complaint is voiced, or even when we’re absolutely certain that we already know why somebody acted the way that they did.

Micah 6:8 brings us to God’s standard:

Micah 6:8 KJV

8 He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; And what doth the Lord require of thee, But to do justly, and to love mercy, And to walk humbly with thy God?

In that chapter, God is reminding His people how He was faithful in His dealings with them.

They had questions about costly offerings they were to give.

But their questions can’t take the place of the obedience He that has already required.

He calls for justice, mercy, and a humble walk with Him.

We need all three as well as we deal with people.

If I’m walking humbly with God, I ought to be willing to admit that I may not have understood everything correctly.

Those of us who belong to the Lord ought to care about what He requires.

Now let’s look again at Matthew 7, where Jesus brings this into some very personal territory.

He teaches us to face our own faults honestly and give others the consideration we would want for ourselves.

In this passage, Jesus gives us four searching instructions for treating others fairly.

I. Examine Your Judgment

Matthew 7:1–2

Jesus begins, “Judge not, that ye be not judged.”

That verse is often used to end any conversation about right and wrong.

“You can’t judge me, the Bible says judge not!”

But we have to keep reading, Jesus is going to speak about removing a fault, helping a brother, as well as exercising discernment.

He’s warning us about the way we judge, especially when we’re willing to condemn someone else while overlooking sin in ourselves.

Before we spend the evening thinking about someone else’s conduct, He asks us to examine our own judgment.

A. Remember Your Accountability

Verse 2 says, “For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged.”

We’re accountable for how we deal with other people.

Even if we know that someone has done something wrong, it doesn’t give us the right to say anything we want about him.

We can identify an actual wrong (which is a right thing to do) and still respond with pride, or even a desire to hurt.

Remember, the Lord sees what we are doing also.

He knows what happened, and He knows what’s happening in our hearts as we talk about it.

I don’t know about you, but that makes me want to be careful what I do.

We need to continually seek the Lords conviction and correction.

That doesn’t change just because we happen to be right about something that somebody else has done.

A Christian may have many years of faithful service behind him and still need to slow down a little before trying to pass judgment.

We may have dealt with something similar before, so we think we know what needs to be done.

That can be helpful, but we still need to hear what’s actually happened this time.

We should be especially careful when we move from what somebody did to why we think he did it.

We may know the words he spoke.

We cannot know the motive we’ve attached to those words.

“He said this” and “He wanted to embarrass me” are two very different claims.

B. Consider Your Measure

Jesus continues, “and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.”

In other words, consider the standard you’re using with this person.

Are we giving someone else the same opportunity to explain that we would expect for ourselves?

Would we want one mistake to become the permanent description of our character?

Most of us would want our years of faithfulness to be considered along with the thing we did poorly.

I know I would!

We want someone to hear our heart before repeating an accusation.

We would hope a difficult moment could be addressed without becoming public conversation.

We can understand why that would be important to us…well, the person we’re talking about needs that same consideration.

Think about the last ordinary disagreement we had over some plan.

Sometimes, We can describe our own preference as practical and the other person’s preference as stubborn.

But maybe he has a concern we don’t understand.

Listening doesn’t settle which plan is best.

But it does help us make the decision without unfairly dismissing a person.

We need to let Scripture be the standard for both of us.

And Jesus now shows us one reason our standard sometimes becomes distorted.

There may be something in our own lives that we’re refusing to face.

II. Face Your Own Faults

Matthew 7:3–5

Listen to verse 3: “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?”

Jesus describes a small speck in one man’s eye and a beam in the other man’s eye.

The picture is deliberately striking.

A man with his own sight badly obstructed is concentrating on the other man’s smaller problem.

He’s very aware of what his brother needs to change.

His own need (the giant beam) rarely receives his attention.

You can see how ridiculous that is.

The man can hardly see, but he’s offering to work on somebody else’s eye.

A. Remove the Beam

Verse 5 says, “Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye.”

Jesus uses a strong word because the problem is serious.

This man is acting as though he’s qualified to correct someone while neglecting what plainly needs correction in himself.

Notice the word “first.”

The Lord gives us an order to follow.

Before I try to straighten out my brother, I need to let the Lord deal with me.

it can be uncomfortable to stop and confess or ask forgiveness for what is in my own life, before we deal with the issue.

We have the story already laid out in our mind.

I may have told it enough times that my part sounds a little bit smaller every time I tell it.

But I don’t have to explain to the Lord which parts I’d like Him to consider.

He knows the whole story.

Maybe there’s been a disagreement at home.

The other person interrupted, and that was wrong.

But then I raised my voice and spoke unkindly.

I can spend the entire evening discussing the interruption and never acknowledge the way I answered.

Jesus won’t let me hide my conduct behind somebody else’s.

I’m responsible for the way I spoke.

I need to deal with that, even if the other person never admits the interruption was wrong.

An honest confession might be as simple as, “I spoke harshly, and that was wrong.”

We don’t have to attach a whole speech trying to explain why they made it difficult for us to behave.

There may be other matters to discuss afterward.

But when I’m confessing my sin, I need to confess it.

Otherwise, I’m asking for forgiveness while still trying to prove that I was justified.

Now, that doesn’t mean both people are always equally wrong.

Someone may have sinned against you, and you may have responded rightly.

Jesus isn’t telling you to take the blame for what that person did.

He’s telling you to examine your own heart and deal honestly with whatever sin is there.

B. Help Your Brother

The verse continues, “and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”

Jesus hasn’t forgotten the brother’s need.

The mote is still there, and it still needs attention.

But dealing with our own mote, makes us better prepared to help our brother.

Think about how careful you’d want someone to be if he were removing something from your eye.

You wouldn’t want someone careless handling your issue.

That’s a useful picture when we’re approaching a brother about something painful.

Galatians 6:1 says,

Galatians 6:1 KJV

1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

That is the goal - restoration!

We want our brother to walk rightly with the Lord.

That changes how we approach him.

We can speak clearly and carefully without enjoying his embarrassment.

We can listen without throwing out what Scripture says.

And we can remember that we’ve needed patient correction ourselves at times.

Sometimes the conversation will go well, and sometimes it won’t.

Our responsibility is to approach it with truth and meekness.

But we also need wisdom about when to speak and how far a conversation should continue.

Jesus addresses that next.

III. Seek Your Father’s Help

Matthew 7:6–11

These verses bring together a warning about discernment and an invitation to pray.

Verse 6 warns us about giving what is holy to dogs and casting pearls before swine.

Then Jesus tells His hearers to ask, seek, and knock.

We need to hear both of those instructions.

We need discernment, and we need the Father’s help.

A. Exercise Discernment

Verse 6 uses strong language.

We need to be careful with it, because Jesus isn’t giving us a name to call everyone who disagrees with us.

Jesus warns about offering what is precious where it will be trampled and met with hostility.

So “judge not” cannot mean that we refuse to discern if what is being said matches up with God’s Word.

Jesus Himself tells us to recognize when holy things are being treated with contempt.

A willingness to hear someone doesn’t require us to continue an abusive conversation.

We don’t have to give a dishonest person repeated opportunities to deceive us.

We do not have to call an unsafe situation acceptable in order to prove we’re fair.

We can try to understand a person’s viewpoint and still say that his conduct needs to stop.

God’s Word remains the standard.

Fairness also doesn’t mean everybody receives an identical response regardless of the circumstances.

One person may need patient explanation, while another needs a firm boundary.

The facts are important.

The way the person is responding is important.

We’re trying to act wisely before God, and that takes more than an automatic rule for every situation.

Sometimes we honestly don’t know what to do next.

That’s where the invitation in the following verses is such a help.

B. Ask With Confidence

Verse 7 says, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.”

Jesus illustrates the Father’s care with a child asking his father for bread or a fish.

A father doesn’t answer a request for bread by handing his child a stone.

And verse 11 says, “If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?”

Our Father is good.

We can bring our needs to Him.

He’s not promising that every desire we have will be granted, or that every outcome will be what we would have chosen.

It’s an invitation to trust His goodness and ask Him for His help.

In the middle of a strained relationship, that’s something we can actually do.

We can ask Him to help us understand what we’re missing.

We can ask for patience when we’re worn down, and courage when something difficult needs to be said.

James 1:5 tells us,

James 1:5 KJV

5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

We shouldn’t pretend we have enough wisdom already, we don’t!

We can always use some more.

Maybe you’ve already tried to handle a situation with care, but every conversation seems to create another problem.

That exhausting!

Truth is, it can make you dread dealing with the person again.

Bring that weariness to your Father.

Ask Him to help you obey Him in the next conversation.

Christlike character grows as we yield to the Lord and depend upon His work in us.

Now Jesus gives us a positive instruction for what that obedience should look like.

IV. Take the First Step

Matthew 7:12

Verse 12 says, “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.”

Here’s where we get the golden rule.

But it speaks to us moving first!

How do we do this?

A. Consider Their Place

Think about how you would rightly want to be treated in their situation.

If you were having a hard time getting your point across, you would want someone to listen patiently.

If you had done wrong, you’d need correction, but you’d hope the person correcting you wanted to help not just respond in anger.

If you were carrying a responsibility others didn’t understand, you’d appreciate someone asking before criticizing.

This requires us to look beyond our own inconvenience.

Sometimes another person’s need comes at a difficult time.

We may not be able to give everything he asks for, but we can still treat him with care.

And we should ask what would actually help him rather than assume his needs are identical to ours.

Philippians 2:4-5 says,

Philippians 2:4–5 KJV

4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. 5 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:

The following verses show the humility of Christ, who took the form of a servant and became obedient unto death.

We’re following a Saviour who gave Himself for us.

His grace gives us reason to consider others, even when doing so costs us something.

B. Do Them Good

Jesus says, “do ye even so to them.”

Now we need to do something with what we’ve understood.

We may need to ask a question, correct an unfair statement we repeated, or give someone an opportunity to finish speaking.

We may need to apologize.

Or we may need to speak a difficult truth with enough patience to help the person receive it.

Jesus doesn’t say to wait until they give us that treatment.

Their response may remain disappointing.

But we can still obey our Lord.

And if you’ve been doing that faithfully in a hard relationship, keep depending upon Him.

Your obedience matters even when the other person doesn’t acknowledge it.

Conclusion

Before we finish tonight, think about one person you’ve had difficulty understanding.

You don’t need to settle the whole relationship before you leave this room.

Begin by asking the Lord to help you see it honestly.

Is there something you need to confess?

Is there something you still need to hear?

Then consider what treatment you would rightly desire if you were in that person’s place.

What’s one thing you could do that would obey what Jesus has said?

You might say, “I’ve reached a conclusion before hearing you, and I’d like to listen.”

You might need to say, “What I said was unfair, and will you forgive me.”

The Lord can help us do that without weakening our convictions.

We belong to Jesus Christ, and He is still teaching us how to deal with people.

Let’s ask Him to help us see clearly, and then do what He’s shown us to do.