How do I date well?

Dating stinks

Dating is really difficult. Everybody wants someone to carve pumpkins with, but nobody wants the , the , the increased , etc.possibility of rejectiondifficulty in communicationtemptation

I’m gonna look at 3 verses tonight

Pic of us when we were dating

I was once as you were!

I get it. But I also have a better vantage point now

3 concepts from 3 passages

Go to the right places to find the right person. (Single, Dating, Married, Engaged)

Read Genesis 24:1-4, 12-25

v. 4 — You’re probably not going to find a godly spouse in ungodly places (unless they’re a missionary!)

v. 12 — Don’t take this to be the “God told me you’re my wife” guy

v. 16 — Any place can show you someone’s beauty

v. 15 — The narrator tells us first what type of family she came from…

v. 18, 20, 25 — …as well as her gracious generosity and hospitality.

Only certain places will put you around people with a good heart.

If you want to date someone your age, spend time with people your age (college is a great time to date!).

On one hand — resist the anxious lie that everyone is getting married and you’re behind

On the other — why sit around apathetically when you could try and find someone?

Contentment and passivity are not the same thing

If you want to find a Christian, hang out with Christians.

Where do Christians hang out? Church.

The chances of finding a husband who will lead are lower on Bumble.

The chances of finding someone who wants to wait til marriage are lower on Tinder.

The chances of finding a sold-out Christian are lower in class.

Some of y’all think the dating pool in REACH is too small…fair.

Ask friends from other churches to set you up with people from their church (Andrew & Lily)

“View dating as an activity, not as a category.” Sex, Dating, and Relationships (p. 93)

Read 1 Timothy 5:2

Generally speaking, guys initiate and girls invite.

From Christ-Centered Dating (p. 143)

Read Ephesians 5:21-33

Scripture says wives submit to their husbands (which involves respect) and husbands love their wives. Men desire respect more than women and women desire affection more than men.

This does not apply to dating couples! (He’s not your husband yet.) But the principle is helpful.

If you want to be the type of man that takes the lead in your family, practice it now.

“If a husband and wife are supposed to reflect Christ and the church, the man should make the first sacrifice by pursuing her and risking rejection…The risk is an essential part of the pleasures and adventures he has for you…God created us [men] for something more than this unhealthy obsession with safety.” Christ-Centered Dating (p. 115, 127)

What type of man do you want to train yourself to be?

It will make dating, marriage, your sex life, fatherhood, work, etc. better

Girls invite

Read Songs 1:2, 4

Obviously, this is about sex, not dating, but how might it apply?

She wants him to take the lead but is ready to respond.

My frustrations with why and how we talk about modesty…but there’s still a point to be made

If the way you invite is with worldly attire, you’re signaling to a guy that you don’t have anything to offer in the way of heart and mind.

Don’t you want the type of guy who will pursue you because you don’t dress like the world?

“What if I am being the type of woman I should be, but guys aren’t showing interest?”

I empathize with that pain because guys are largely insecure

I asked the question “Would you rather get asked on more dates by the wrong guys or stay where it’s at?” in the Ferg recently

You’ve got to be willing to be asked on dates by guys you aren’t interested in. You’ve got to contribute to a different dating culture

Ways you can invite (don’t be a serial flirt, but do…)

Contribute to guys and girls talking

Ask friends from other churches to set you up

Be slow to turn down a date

Be gracious if you do turn down a date

Be clear if you’re not interested in pursuing further

Don’t be weird if it doesn’t work out

What next?

One area I’d encourage you with: attack your insecurity by knowing your identity in Christ.

For guys and girls alike, this is often at the root of some of the problems we referenced

Address the questions you have related to what I said in the QR code/form for two weeks from now