Ephesians.12

Building Godly Relationships

Bible Passage: Ephesians 5:22-6:9

Summary: In this passage, Paul outlines the principles for healthy relationships emphasizing mutual submission, the roles of husbands and wives; and the duties of children and parents; ending with workers and employers. It highlights the transformative power of Christ in everyday relationships.

1. Sacrificial Submission in Marriage - Wives Respect

Ephesians 5:22–27 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.”

Wives’ Submission and Husbands’ Sacrificial Love

This week we look at this word in many situations - ὑποτάσσω hupotasso - submit. The general definition in English should be supplemented by the Greek usage - The middle form of the verb means “to subject oneself,” “to set one’s heart’, “to fix one’s gaze”, “to submit voluntarily.” These are all things we should consciously do to Christ.

Equally important is the small Greek word ὡς os, it is a conjunction, the adverbial comparative - “as”. Notice where this word is placed in the context of submission and its function. It is not truly a conditional, if then, but a command that is right.

Wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord, with the husband functioning as head of the wife just as Christ is Head of the church. Husbands must love their wives as Christ loved the church by surrendering Himself, sanctifying and cleansing the church through the word, presenting her as glorious, spotless, and without blemish.

Wives’ Submission and Husbands’ Sacrificial Love

We find this principle as a doctrine mentioned in Ep 5:22–6:9; Col 3:18–4:1; and 1 Pet 3:1–6. The doctrine is for our admonition.

This type of relationship operates within a framework of radical self-giving; husbands must love their wives as Christ loved the church by surrendering Himself, with the goal of sanctifying and presenting her as a holy, unblemished bride (Ep 5:25). The relationship centers on mutual transformation rather than domination, with sacrificial love as the governing principle.

Holy without blemish - speaks of the purity of the marriage relationship; holy, set apart, not a common thing. Marriage is sacred an institution often attacked and minimized. It is ordained by God for a look at the relationship believers share with Christ. Just as a bride prepares herself for her wedding day, the church is set apart and preparing to meet our Groom.

Key Points:

Paul identifies marriage as a ‘mystery’ - a type of Jesus Christ and the church, drawing parallels between Christian marriage and the ultimate marriage of Christ and his church

Wives’ submission mirrors the church’s responsive trust in Christ’s headship

Husbands’ love transcends emotional sentiment - it requires self-sacrifice and transformative commitment

The husband’s role as head involves nurturing and sanctification, not authoritarian control

Christ’s love took him to the cross, establishing the sacrificial standard for marital love teaching men to initiate in the marriage

Look at the first married couple, Adam and Eve. Eve was to be a helpmeet while Adam was to be a covering. Things went wrong when Eve disobeyed God and Adam went along with her. Unlike Adam, Jesus didn’t blame his wife, instead Christ takes His bride’s sins upon Himself and bleeds and dies for her. That is our example to follow.

2. Husbands Heed Christ’s Love - Husbands Love

Ephesians 5:28–33 “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Becoming One - Mirrors Christ and the Church

Husbands must love their wives as their own bodies, since loving one’s wife reflects self-love and mirrors how Christ nourishes and cherishes the church. What man is perfect? But still he eats, is aware of and takes care of his body. This is the same with the marriage. No marriage is perfect, but we feed it, are aware of problems and take care to see it healthy.

The same relationship exists between Christ and His imperfect earthly church. We are discipled, taught, exhorted, and edified to become holy and cherished.

Members of His Body

The union reflects a profound mystery, two becoming one flesh (Gen 2:24), healthy marriages like a healthy church put Christ first and seek unity in that.

Wives should respect (reverential fear) their husbands. Here the Greek word translated respect is φοβέω phobeo - BDAG defines it as, “to have a profound measure of respect for, (have) reverence, respect, with special reference to fear of offending”. Just as the church submits to Christ and to not wanting to offend Him the earthly marriage carries the same care.

Marriage is a type for the Church and Christ, it is the heavenly marriage that warrants and dignifies an earthly marriage. The world can never understand the sacredness of marriage and attacks the institution in ignorance. With proper understanding we transform marriage from a hierarchical arrangement into an intimate partnership where both spouses function as integrated parts of a unified whole which glorifies God.

Key Points:

Paul’s statement that a man should love his wife as he loves his own body might be misunderstood as allowing base self-interest, but he excludes this interpretation by pointing to Christ’s love for his body, the church, love which took him to the cross

One-flesh union represents the deepest possible human intimacy, grounded in divine design

Husbands’ self-care becomes legitimate when it enables spousal nurture - self-interest transforms into mutual care

Human marriage is not the reality for which Christ and the church are the heavenly shadow, but the reverse—human marriage is the earthly type, pointing towards the spiritual reality

Men are commanded to love wives - wives are to respond with respect. φοβέω phobeo from wives complements sacrificial love from husbands, creating reciprocal honor

3. Nurturing Children in Christ - Children Obey

Ephesians 6:1–4 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: 3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

Children’s Obedience and Paternal Nurture

Children obey their parents in the Lord, as this is right, with the promise that honoring father and mother brings longevity. Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” Dt 5:16 adds the blessing of a pleasant and agreeable life.

Fathers must avoid provoking children to anger while providing training and instruction rooted in the Lord’s discipline and admonition. Here Paul is using a model of praise and positive discipline instead of provoking with threats and intimidation. It is important to note that discipline is not punishment, it is applying guidelines to achieve a healthy outcome.

For parent/child relationships to flourish both respect from children and wisdom from fathers is needed. What is ideal is preventing relationships from becoming either permissive or harsh.

Children’s Obedience and Paternal Nurture

Children are told to obey. Fathers bear a reciprocal responsibility; they must avoid alienating children with outbursts of anger while providing training and instruction rooted in God’s Word.

Key Points:

Obedience operates “in the Lord” - children’s submission reflects ultimate allegiance to Christ rather than mere parental authority (train to reign)

The promise of longevity and blessing incentivizes obedience, connecting ethical behavior to divine reward

Fathers bear reciprocal responsibility - authority without nurture produces anger and alienation

Discipline and admonition represent complementary approaches - correction balanced with instruction (don’t despise chastening Proverbs 3:11–12 “My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor detest His correction; 12 For whom the Lord loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights.”

Parental training shapes children’s spiritual life, not merely behavioral compliance (enforced disciple becomes voluntary discipline) an opportunity to instruct in rewards

Holy living, living as ‘children of light’ and walking wisely are all illustrations of a way of life marked by love, as believers filled by the Spirit model their lives on the self-giving love of Christ

4. Worker’s Responsibilities - Workers Obey

Ephesians 6:5–8 “Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in sincerity of heart, as to Christ; 6 not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, 7 with goodwill doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men, 8 knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free.”

Servants’ Faithful Labor and Sincere Service

For a modern take on this theme substitute the word worker for servant and employer for master (signifying a contractural relationship). Bondservants should obey their masters a hard and honest workers, as though serving Christ, not merely performing for human approval but working wholeheartedly as unto the Lord. Servants render service with a good attitude, knowing the Lord will reward each person’s work.

Eyeservice and Man-pleasers

Did you ever know someone who only worked when the boss was around? He may have even taken credit for work he didn’t do. As workers we are commanded to look to Christ for our reward for work well done and not seek the praise of men. If it comes because of a job well done, so much the better.

Labor relationships become opportunities for sacred service to God rather than mere compliance with authority. A proper perspective transforms even subordinate positions into spiritual disciplines. What was your lowest level of employment? Did you do it joyfully and with all your heart?

Key Points:

Our service operates on two levels - outward obedience to masters and inward devotion to Christ (Notice service is from the word “to serve”)

Sincerity of heart prevents performance-based compliance; authentic service flows from genuine reverence

Working “as unto the Lord” elevates menial labor into spiritual significance Matthew 25:40 describes service in the last days, “And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’”

Goodwill distinguishes Christian service from grudging obedience or servile resentment

The promise of divine reward motivates faithful service regardless of earthly recognition see Mt 25:44-46

Living this way inevitably came into conflict with the values, attitudes and ethics of the Graeco-Roman world, which is why Paul turned his attention to what such a radical calling looked like for believers within the Graeco-Roman household

5. The Good Shepherd - Employers Be Just

Ephesians 6:9 “And you, masters, do the same things to them, giving up threatening, knowing that your own Master also is in heaven, and there is no partiality with Him.”

Masters’ Just Treatment and Divine Accountability

Again, Let’s do a modern substitute, employers for masters and employee for servant since it’s a similar contractual agreement. Workers should give their employer 8 hours of work for 8 hours of pay. Employers need to reciprocate and honor workers time, labor, and personal wellbeing. It is a balance of responsibility and accountability in the workplace and before the throne of heaven.

Masters need to treat servants with respect, recognizing they themselves have a Master in heaven who shows no partiality. Authority figures should never exploit their position but must be accountable to God’s impartial judgment.

Summary: All household and workplace relationships operate under divine scrutiny, these are areas where believers demonstrate their ultimate allegiance to Christ through how they treat those under their authority and how they behave under the authority of others.

Key Points:

A bosses accountability to God establishes reciprocal responsibility - earhtly authority is not absolute

Divine impartiality levels all social hierarchies; God judges masters and servants by identical standards

Just treatment of employees reflects reverence for Christ and understanding of ultimate judgment and reward

The privilege of a Christian married couple is to declare the ‘great mystery’ by incarnating in their own marriage divine sacrificial love wedded to joyful human reverence - this principle extends to all household relationships

The household becomes a microcosm of kingdom values where Christ’s lordship supersedes today’s cultural conventions

Ethical treatment of the weak and powerless demonstrates genuine spiritual transformation