Filtered Speech
Practical Christianity • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Reading:
1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
2 The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.
Introduction:
Finish the phrase that I’m sure we all know:
“Sticks and Stones may break my bones; but....”
What a lie!
If words weren’t harmful then why after a heated discussion with someone do we respond from our emotions?
Because: words can stir up every different emotion in us.
A superficial view can point out two different types:
Positive or Negative.
The positive emotions would be
Warmth, Connection, Relief...
Some negatives would be:
Fear, Sadness, Anger, Shame...
What we say can make a difference.
Because God forgave us in Christ, our words should build up, be merciful, and show the world who we belong to.
On the other side of the coin: How we process what we hear should qualify the proper response!
Paul gave a sobering statement about this process and how we are to deal with it, not just as believers; but as we grow and learn and become adults.
11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.
This passage by itself is the sobering daily challenge to strive after what James 1 calls us to:
Control over our tongue!
Yet we understand it is more than that..
When we think before we do, and say, or react...We have control over ourselves.
That’s power!
If we could master just this one thing it would change everything!
The control over ourselves isn’t possible unless we fulfill the first obligation: transforming our minds!
What we think is what we believe and what we believe is how we choose to live!
Transforming our mind will remind us that we need to be an adult about our emotions and evaluate why we “feel” that way, then respond from a stance of truth instead of lies!
(?) Are there any examples to pull from scripture that would lead us the way we should go?
Illustration:
There was a man in the land of Uz who lost everything in one day!
Children
Wealth
He was left with 2 things!
His life and wife!
What was his reaction to the words from his wife that day?
7 So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord and struck Job with loathsome sores from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head.
8 And he took a piece of broken pottery with which to scrape himself while he sat in the ashes.
In a terrible physical and mental position Job sat scraping flesh from his body his wife approaches:
9 Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.”
We find in these verses who has power over their minds and choices and who doesn’t.
Who is spiritually stronger and who needs the other for their strength.
Job’s wife was past her wits end and spoke from those deep emotions.
Job is being told to just kill himself with the pottery he is scraping the sores with and to curse God for the things happening. (Ultimately blaming God for the horrible situation)
If this were you...how would you feel and how would you respond?
Job, sitting on the heap of ashes, in sackcloth, scraping boils, reveals the transformed mind and strength of character we can strive for.
10 But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.
Transition:
Her words were delivered from a place of deep hurt and grief; but Job’s words didn’t reflect his feelings they were from a position of faith and truth!
He offers to her a sobering love!
He loves her enough to address her feelings, and at the same time bring a reality of accepting by faith God’s sovereignty in all things!
I hope that I never find myself in this type of position!
We should all feel the challenge regarding our words.
They are powerful tools to either build up or tear down.
Job shows us what it looks like to answer hurtful words well. Paul now tells us what our own words should look like.
Proper Words for A Person (29-30)
Proper Words for A Person (29-30)
I want to remind all of us that as we take in God’s word and encounter Him in our study, prayers, and meditating over His word it isn’t just for our lives, it is to be used for others too.
We have 2 sections of people in our world that we interact with so it would only be fitting for us to view our speech, attitude, and actions regarding them.
The 2 different sections of people are Believers in Jesus, and non-Believers.
Why does that distinction need to be made?
Who we are talking to will make a difference on what and how we speak.
(?) If you know the person doesn’t believe in Jesus, does that change how you talk with them?
Should it?
Yes...If we care about someone don’t we want them to know of the impending danger that is coming to them?
Hebrews gives us a sobering truth about life:
27 And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment,
The reality is that everyday we are one day closer to the moment God has appointed for our death.
Every person you see, know, meet are in that same reality!
(?) Is there something after death, if so what? (this is obviously the question for any person, not a believer!)
As a believer you know the truth!
Judgment, then a location of eternal residence!
31 “When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the angels with Him, then He will sit on His glorious throne.
32 Before Him will be gathered all the nations, and He will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.
33 And He will place the sheep on His right, but the goats on the left.
We know this truth to be true, as all that the bible teaches is true about life, death, and after death!
Knowing the truth gives us a responsibility to those who are ignorant.
Illustration:
You are on the Titanic and the captain sounded the alarm to get into the boats to keep your life, since the boat was going down.
Your friend that came on the cruise with you stayed sitting at the table finishing their meal, ignoring the impending death.
Would you leave them and save yourself?
What are you going to do?
Throw them over your shoulder and get them to the boat.
When it comes to someone's eternity what are you willing to do?
Connection:
Motivated by a love and care for them, reach them with the saving truth of the gospel.
Which might only be accomplished through living along side of them and allowing them to see a difference between you and them!
5 Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time.
6 Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
What we say and how we say it may cause a spiritual desire in them for more!
Salt does some amazing things, especially to meat before you cook it!
It draws the flavor out.
It can remove the excess fluid to preserve.
It can cause dryness resulting in the desire for fulfilment.
The words and attitude in our conversations can do these things in the heart of a person, especially when the Lord is working on them.
Connection:
Those who don’t know the Lord as their Savior have to see that the Lord is real in our lives to understand that the boat is going under and the life boat is ready, there is room for them!
Application:
How are our words calculated to be the salt to the dead spirit in a person?
Hopefully we care enough to drag them from the table and stir up their eyes to see the truth around them!
(?) How about those who are believers?
What changes in how we talk with them?
Our motivation stays the same: Love them and care for them and a desire for their growth and strength!
To Believers:
10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
The word for brotherly love in Greek that is used is: Phileo.
Sound familiar in our English language?
It is where we got the name of a city known for brotherly love: Philadelphia!
It typifies the call of Romans 12 to each and every one of us.
To outdo one another and give preference for one another!
When the motivation is right, our conversations should be more focused!
When we are talking we want to build into the life of the person we are speaking with.
Whether it is to console, encourage, challenge, or to just listen and be there for them.
Connection of both audiences:
We should stop words that tear down, and choose words that build up.
29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
This statement is for us to acknowledge there are 2 parties we interact with and each one needs the same thing:
Words that are chosen for the benefit of the other person, whether to salvation of their souls or the care for a brother or sister.
Notice that it details a parameter:
As fits the occasion.
This requires us to evaluate what is most needed in the moment from us!
Illustration:
This was entirely bypassed by all of Job’s friends!
They didn’t address the occasion Job was in, they became “judges” who attributed an “hidden” sin to Job’s scenario.
We don’t always know what God is doing in a persons life, we can only see things happen to them and choose to act accordingly.
Sitting in their presence is often better than offering advice that is generic.
If they had Paul’s words they may have sat quietly since the next phrase removed their need to speak.
“that it may give grace to those who hear”.
Their words only challenged the others to add their advice to the unknown sin they assumed God was judging.
It actually seems like a competition between each other, for who can pinpoint the reason and outdo the other in their “wisdom”.
Transition:
The words they offered may have been a good outline for the scenario of someone in their sin; but they missed the mark for their motivation.
They leave us a model to carefully evaluate for ourselves.
What is our motivation for what we are going to say?
Wrong Motivations For Speaking (31)
Wrong Motivations For Speaking (31)
Paul continues and follows up the challenge in Ephesians to give grace to those who hear our words, by offering a filter to sift them through first.
31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
It lists out motivations to evaluate:
Bitterness
Wrath
Anger
Clamor
Slander
None of these are merciful!
(?) What does mercy have to do with how we speak to people?
Jesus modeled mercy and revealed to us that it was pretty important.
7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
If we want to receive mercy from others, we should be merciful!
Merciful is an adjective!
That means that this word isn’t an action, it is an description.
Merciful should be a word used to describes us as believers.
When someone references us they should be able to describe us as a person who is compassionate and willing to help those in difficult circumstances.
When we think of Jesus, can we describe Him as merciful towards others?
Look into John 8 where a woman was caught in adultery.
3 The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst
What was Jesus’ first response?
7 And as they continued to ask him, He stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.”
“Mercy!”
He didn’t make inquiries about the scenario He simply responded by helping her in a difficult circumstance.
He did finish the meeting with her by telling Her to “go and sin no more”.
He doesn’t excuse sin with Mercy; but He couples it together in a package of grace!
He offered Mercy first!
When Jesus healed the lame man, He didn’t inquire about why.
He first offered mercy.
When Jesus talked with the woman at the well: Mercy/Compassion.
Illustration:
Dave Stone, part of Focus on the Family, does a podcast called pastor to pastor.
On his podcast he shared a story that still haunts him about the lack of mercy he exercised first.
When he was pastoring a woman came up to him who had been married for a while and her husband just found out he has aids.
He asked: how did he get it?
She replied: “does it really matter?”
He wished he would’ve offered mercy and compassion instead of what he said.
Connection:
We need to offer mercy as our first reaction.
We need mercy as the first reaction from others.
We can offer mercy when our motivation is love for others.
Out of compassion to want what is best for the other person.
Transition:
Jesus can be described as compassionate and one who showed mercy.
He never said anything that wasn’t what He wanted to say.
He never wanted to take any words or responses back because it was wrong.
He was perfect in every way, offering an example on how to live!
Because we are attached to Him in our adoption and ambassadors representing Him.
We have a challenge that is difficult.
We are to:
Live Up To The Name! (32)
Live Up To The Name! (32)
Living up to His name is a great challenge.
Thankfully Paul offered the key ingredients to filter our speech through; but he offset the filter with attributes to work on.
32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Is kindness difficult?
Somedays more than others.
Kindness shows up in the smallest ways.
A person needing help and without offering you just jump in and help them.
Tenderhearted can be shown in how Joseph loved his family.
30 Then Joseph hurried out, for his compassion grew warm for his brother, and he sought a place to weep. And he entered his chamber and wept there.
After all that happened to him, his love for his brother was alive and vibrant.
That should be the kind of love we have for one another!
This would allow us the liberty to obey the next charge:
Forgiving one another.
(?) Does someone only deserve forgiveness when they as for it or make it right?
This is a portion of thought that we need to unlearn.
Even if someone doesn’t ask forgiveness, we should still forgive them.
Not because they deserve it; but because Jesus left us a model to follow:
Forgive your enemies, while they are your enemies!
Clarification: Forgiveness is not the same as trusting or reconciling immediately. (explain healthy boundaries)
Jesus set the standard!
10 For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by His life.
The reconciliation with our creator brought an new standard for our testimony to all people; we became His children - A New name and identity!
12 But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God,
We have the constant reminder, from our salvation and adoption, that forgiveness is possible even to our enemies.
Hard pill to swallow sometimes.
Yet when we decide to submit to the Lord’s will, how to handle relationships with everyone, it is by kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgive!
Connection:
Who in your life are you holding something against?
Is that representing the Lord as He left as a model?
We all know it’s difficult to forgive and be tenderhearted towards those who don’t deserve it!
Neither did you or I!
Yet Christ did it any way because He loved us!
Do you represent Him to a world that doesn’t know Him?
We are to model Him, and as an ambassador we cannot make decisions on what we do.
Our whole life is to be on behalf of Him!
Holding Him up to all!
Our life is not our own, it’s His to use as we were purchased!
20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
Transition:
Living out our faith every day can be represented through our speech.
Yet it doesn’t happen over night, it takes work to strengthen our faith to use our tongue properly.
Taming the tongue requires determination.
Conclusion:
We started with a lie:
Words can’t hurt us; they can, and they do.
They can also heal.
Paul has shown us three filters:
Does it build up?
Does it fit the moment and give grace to the one hearing it?
Why am I saying it?
Is it bitterness or anger, or love?
Who am I representing?
Because we’ve been forgiven in Christ, we speak as His ambassadors.
So this week let’s work on three things.
First, pause before you speak.
In the next heated moment, ask: “Will this build up, or tear down?”
Second, name one person you’re holding something against.
Maybe they never apologized and never will. Ask God for the strength to forgive them as He forgave you.
Third, offer mercy first.
When someone shares bad news or a struggle, don’t ask how or why. Start with compassion.
The lifeboat is ready and there’s room for you if you have never trusted Christ as your Savior!
-Pray!
