When We Don't Agree

Romans 14:1–13

Series: Keeping Us Together

Big Idea: Christian unity does not require identical opinions on every disputable matter. It requires enough humility to honor conscience, enough maturity to refuse contempt, and enough Christ-centeredness to remember that Jesus—not our preferences—is Lord of the church.

Controlling Thought: We do not have to agree about everything to belong to the same Christ.

INTRODUCTION

Last week we talked about the discipline of unity: Keeping Us Together

Paul told us in Ephesians 4:

“Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

The Spirit produced it.

Our responsibility is to protect it.

But now Romans 14 asks the question that exposes whether we really meant it:

What happens when we don’t?

What happens when two people love Jesus...

read the Bible...

pray sincerely...

and still arrive at different conclusions?

Because unity is easy when everybody thinks like you.

The real test comes when somebody loves the same Jesus you love

but does not see everything the way you see it.

And most churches do not struggle because everybody has rejected Christ.

Sometimes churches struggle because sincere Christians have elevated their convictions into requirements for everybody else.

Because if agreement with me becomes the price of fellowship with you, then I have made myself more central to the relationship than Christ.

Romans 14 takes us into a church where believers are disagreeing.

Some believers eat everything.

Others believe they should eat only vegetables.

Some regard certain days as sacred.

Others regard every day alike.

And Paul does something fascinating.

He does not enter the argument and tell everybody which side has the better preference.

He addresses something deeper:

How are you treating each other while you disagree?

Because sometimes God is more concerned about the spirit with which we hold our position

than He is impressed by how loudly we defend it.

Paul is going to teach us that there is a category of Christian disagreement in which faithful believers may reach different conclusions and still remain faithful believers.

Paul is not asking us to call everything disputable.

He is teaching us what to do with issues that are disputable.

Because unity does not mean uniformity.

And the question before us is: Can Christ keep us together when our opinions do not?

1. RECEIVE PEOPLE WITHOUT REQUIRING REPLICAS

Romans 14 opens:

“Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters.”

The first command is not:

Correct them.

Convince them.

Straighten them out.

Paul says:

Accept them.

Receive them.

Make room for them.

And that is important because sometimes we unconsciously communicate:

“You are welcome here as soon as you become more like me.”

You can come...

but eventually you need to think like us.

Dress like us.

Vote like us.

Worship like us.

Use the language we use.

But the church is not supposed to be a factory producing replicas.

It is a body in which Christ joins different members to one another.

Paul says one person believes they may eat everything.

Another eats only vegetables.

And then he addresses both sides.

To the person who feels free to eat:

Do not treat the other person with contempt.

To the person who abstains:

Do not judge the one who eats.

Notice the two dangers.

Contempt and judgment.

The person who feels more liberty can become arrogant.

“How can they still believe that?”

“They need to grow up.”

The person with stricter convictions can become judgmental.

“How can they call themselves Christian and do that?”

“They must not be serious about God.”

And Paul confronts both.

Because spiritual pride can live on either side of an argument.

You can be proud of your freedom.

And you can be proud of your restrictions.

The issue is not merely what is on your plate.

The issue is what has entered your heart.

Paul essentially asks:

If God has received them both, who gave you authority to reject them?

Because sometimes we build fences around people God has already welcomed.

And perhaps maturity means becoming careful not to make entrance into our personal circle harder than entrance into Christ's family.

KEY THOUGHT: Stop requiring people to become your replica before you recognize them as your sibling.

They may worship differently.

They may process differently.

They may have different sensitivities.

Their conscience may draw a line yours does not.

But if Christ has received them, we must be careful about rejecting what Jesus has embraced.

TRANSITION — FROM RECEPTION TO CONVICTION

But Paul is not telling us that convictions do not matter.

Acceptance is not indifference.

The goal of Christian maturity is not to become a person with no convictions.

The goal is to learn how to carry conviction without turning conviction into contempt.

So Paul moves us from how we receive one another to how we hold what we believe.

2. HOLD CONVICTION WITHOUT CONTEMPT

Paul says:

“One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind.”

That sentence is important.

Fully convinced.

Paul leaves room for sincere conviction.

He does not tell the person with a conviction to abandon it simply because somebody disagrees.

He says:

Think.

Pray.

Study.

Listen.

Discern.

And arrive at a conviction YOU can hold before God with integrity.

But there is a major difference between saying:

“I believe this is what faithfulness requires of me”

and saying:

“Therefore faithfulness must require the exact same thing of you.”

Not every personal conviction is a universal command.

That requires discernment.

Because Christians have a tendency to baptize preference.

Sometimes what we call biblical is actually cultural.

Sometimes what we call conviction is actually familiarity.

Sometimes we defend something as sacred because it is the way we have always done it.

And anything we have done long enough can begin to feel divinely ordained.

Music can do that.

Clothing can do that.

Traditions can do that.

Church schedules can do that.

Styles of worship can do that.

Generational preferences can do that.

And suddenly we are quoting Scripture to defend what may actually be comfort.

Maturity requires the humility to ask:

“Is this God's command, or is this my conviction?”

There is another side.

Sometimes people use “Christian liberty” as an excuse for arrogance.

But Paul will later remind them that love sometimes voluntarily limits freedom for the good of another person.

Christian freedom without Christian love can become another form of selfishness.

So Paul gives both sides discipline.

To the person with the restriction:

Do not judge.

To the person with the freedom:

Do not despise.

KEY THOUGHT: Conviction tells me how I should live; contempt tells me I have forgotten how to love.

You can stand firmly without standing arrogantly.

You can be convinced without becoming condemning.

You can have backbone without losing tenderness.

And maybe one evidence that a conviction has actually been shaped by God is that it makes you more obedient without making you less loving.

TRANSITION — FROM CONVICTION TO LORDSHIP

But Paul knows that asking people to be nicer while disagreeing will not be enough.

So he moves underneath the argument.

He asks both sides to remember something more fundamental than food or days or personal practice.

He asks:

Who are you doing this for?

And suddenly the center of the text shifts.

The issue is no longer meat.

vegetables.

special days.

The issue becomes:

Lordship.

Because when Jesus is truly Lord, my opinion no longer has to be.

3. LET LORDSHIP BE LARGER THAN YOUR LABELS

Paul writes:

“Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord... and whoever abstains does so to the Lord.”

Do you hear what Paul is saying?

Two believers are doing opposite things...

and both may be trying to honor Jesus.

One eats:

to the Lord.

One abstains:

to the Lord.

One observes the day:

to the Lord.

Another does not:

to the Lord.

And that introduces a humility we desperately need.

Because it means I can disagree with your conclusion without automatically questioning your devotion.

Sometimes we assume:

“If they loved Jesus as much as I do, they would see this the way I do.”

Paul says:

Not necessarily.

It is possible for two people to be genuinely trying to honor Christ and make different choices on a disputable matter.

That ought to make us slower to assign motives.

We do not know everything happening in another person's conscience.

We do not know everything God is teaching them.

We do not know what experiences shaped their sensitivity.

And we certainly do not know enough to sit comfortably in a seat that belongs to Jesus.

Paul says:

“None of us lives for ourselves alone... if we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord.”

Then:

“So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.”

There it is.

We belong to the Lord.

That is deeper than agreement.

Before every other label we use to organize ourselves:

Christian.

Christ's.

His.

And the tragedy is that sometimes we allow secondary labels to become more powerful than our primary identity.

Paul says:

Bring Jesus back to the center.

Because if He is Lord of both of us, then neither one of us gets to treat the other like personal property.

I do not own you.

You do not report to my conscience.

You are Christ's servant.

Paul asks:

“Who are you to judge someone else’s servant?”

That is a strong question.

That brother belongs to Jesus.

That sister belongs to Jesus.

Yes, we are accountable to one another.

Yes, the church has responsibility for correction when Scripture requires it.

But on disputable matters, be careful not to assume authority over another believer's conscience that Christ never gave you.

KEY THOUGHT: Before you criticize how another servant is standing, remember whose hand is holding them up.

Paul says:

“And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.”

You are not the reason they stand.

Jesus is.

And if Jesus is capable of holding them, perhaps you can release the burden of controlling them.

TRANSITION — FROM LORDSHIP TO JUDGMENT

And once Paul establishes who the Lord is, the next question becomes unavoidable:

Who gets to be the judge?

Because whenever disagreement becomes contempt, we have done more than express an opinion.

We have climbed into a seat.

We have begun rendering verdicts on servants who belong to somebody else.

Paul now asks the church to remember that there is a judgment seat.

But none of us is sitting in it.

4. LEAVE THE JUDGMENT SEAT FOR JESUS

Paul says:

“You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt?”

Then:

“For we will all stand before God's judgment seat.”

All.

The person who eats.

The person who abstains.

The person who observes the day.

The person who does not.

The strong.

The weak.

The person convinced they are right.

The person you are convinced is wrong.

All of us.

And Paul says:

“Each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.”

There is enough in my own heart for me to spend a lifetime bringing before God.

Enough pride in me.

Enough inconsistency in me.

Enough blind spots in me.

Enough unfinished work in me.

And yet we can become experts on everybody else's spiritual condition.

Paul redirects our attention.

Before inspecting somebody else's plate, inspect your heart.

Before analyzing their conviction, examine your spirit.

Before asking whether they are pleasing God, ask whether the way you are treating them pleases God.

That does not eliminate discernment.

It eliminates arrogance.

Jesus remains Judge.

And there is freedom in that.

Because I do not have to fix everybody.

I do not have to resolve every opinion.

I do not have to win every argument.

I do not have to leave every conversation with somebody admitting:

“You were right.”

Sometimes maturity says:

“We have studied.

We have prayed.

We love Jesus.

We disagree.

And Christ will remain Lord of both of us.”

Insecure people need agreement to feel validated.

Secure people can love across difference.

KEY THOUGHT: We can disagree without putting each other on trial.

Because the courtroom already has a Judge.

And neither one of us is Him.

PAUL'S CONCLUSION : STOP PUTTING OBSTACLES IN EACH OTHER'S WAY

Verse 13 says:

“Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another.”

And then Paul redirects their energy.

Instead of deciding how wrong somebody else is, decide:

“not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.”

Do you see the shift?

Immaturity asks:

“How do I prove my point?”

Maturity asks:

“How do I protect my brother or sister?”

Paul moves them from winning arguments to guarding relationships.

From proving themselves right to making sure their conduct does not damage somebody else's walk.

And that may be one of the greatest signs of maturity:

I care more about your spiritual health, than I care about winning this disagreement.

Everything that can be said does not need to be said.

Every battle you can fight does not deserve your energy.

Every hill is not Calvary.

There are some things too small to crucify fellowship over.

THE BRIDGE FROM EPHESIANS 4

Last week Paul told us:

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit.

Romans 14 shows us what that effort looks like when we disagree.

Sometimes protecting unity means humility.

Sometimes it means patience.

And sometimes it means allowing another believer room to stand before God with a conscience that does not look exactly like yours.

The discipline of unity is not tested by sameness.

But by difference.

The gospel creates a community strong enough to hold difference without allowing difference to destroy belonging.

Can I receive you without reproducing myself in you?

Can I hold conviction without contempt?

Can I let Jesus remain Lord when I cannot control your conclusion?

Can I leave the judgment seat for the only One qualified to occupy it?

That is unity without uniformity.

CONGREGATIONAL RESPONSE — CHRIST IS GREATER THAN OUR DIFFERENCES

When I say:

“When we don't agree,”

you respond:

“We still belong to Christ.”

Leader: When we don't agree— Congregation: We still belong to Christ.

Leader: When our preferences are different— Congregation: We still belong to Christ.

Leader: When our experiences shape us differently— Congregation: We still belong to Christ.

Leader: When my conscience draws one line and yours draws another— Congregation: We still belong to Christ.

Leader: When I do not understand your conclusion— Congregation: We still belong to Christ.

Leader: When disagreement tempts us toward contempt— Congregation: We still belong to Christ.

Leader: When judgment tries to put us in God's seat— Congregation: We still belong to Christ.

And together:

One Lord. One Savior. One family. One grace that received us all.

We will not require uniformity where Christ has allowed liberty.

We will not turn preferences into prerequisites for fellowship.

We will not let secondary disagreements become primary identities.

Christ is greater than our differences.

CLOSING — TAKE IT TO CALVARY

And maybe that is where Paul wants us to finish.

Because buried inside this chapter about disagreement, Paul gives us the reason we can remain together.

Verse 9 says:

“For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.”

There it is.

Paul is talking about food.

Paul is talking about days.

Paul is talking about disagreements.

Paul is talking about strong believers and weak believers.

And right in the middle of all of it...

Paul takes us to Calvary.

Because when the church starts arguing about what is secondary, somebody has to remind us of what is central.

And what is central is not what is on your plate.

What is central is what happened on a cross.

What is central is not which day you observe.

What is central is the day Jesus gave His life.

What is central is not whether you won the argument.

What is central is that Jesus won our salvation.

So when our differences start getting too big...

take them to Calvary.

When our preferences start becoming too important...

take them to Calvary.

When our egos start demanding the final word...

take them to Calvary.

Because something happens when you stand at the foot of the cross.

At the cross, nobody gets to brag.

At the cross, nobody gets to boast.

At the cross, nobody gets to say:

“I got here because I was right about everything.”

No.

At Calvary, all of us stand on level ground.

All have sinned.

All need mercy.

All need grace.

All need a Savior.

And the same blood that covered me...

covered you.

The same grace that rescued me...

rescued you.

The same cross that received my sin...

received yours.

And maybe if the blood was strong enough to save both of us,

our disagreement ought not be strong enough to destroy us.

Because one Friday...

they took Jesus outside the city.

They put a cross on His shoulders.

They marched Him up a hill called Calvary.

They stretched Him wide.

They lifted Him high.

Nails in His hands.

Nails in His feet.

A crown of thorns on His head.

And He hung there between heaven and earth.

Not dying for people who had everything figured out.

He died for sinners.

He died for the strong.

He died for the weak.

He died for the one who eats.

He died for the one who abstains.

He died for people who would not always agree with one another...

but who would all need the same grace.

And before He died, He cried:

“It is finished.”

Not:

“My preference is finished.”

Not:

“My opinion won.”

No.

Redemption was accomplished.

Sin's debt was paid.

The price was satisfied.

And He bowed His head...

and died.

They took Him down from that cross.

Wrapped Him in grave clothes.

Put Him in a borrowed tomb.

Rolled a stone over the entrance.

And Saturday got quiet.

Friday had blood.

Saturday had silence.

Friday had a cross.

Saturday had a grave.

Friday looked like defeat.

Saturday felt like disappointment.

But I am glad the gospel does not end on Saturday.

Because early Sunday morning...

before contempt could have the last word...

before judgment could have the last word...

before sin could have the last word...

before death could have the last word...

God raised Jesus from the dead.

He got up.

And He did not get up as Lord of one side.

Paul says He died and rose again so that He might be:

Lord of all.

Lord of the strong.

Lord of the weak.

Lord of the traditional.

Lord of the contemporary.

Lord of the old.

Lord of the young.

Lord of people whose preferences sound like yours...

and Lord of people whose preferences do not.

ONE LORD.

And if He is Lord of both of us,

then my disagreement with you does not give me permission to dethrone Him.

Jesus is still Lord.

If we disagree—

Jesus is still Lord.

If I do not understand you—

Jesus is still Lord.

If your preference gets on my nerves—

Jesus is still Lord.

If we come to different conclusions on disputable matters—

Jesus is still Lord.

And because He died...

because He was buried...

because He got up...

we have something greater holding us together than anything trying to tear us apart.

So I can look at my brother and say:

We may not agree on everything...

but Friday says we were both worth dying for.

Saturday says neither one of us could save ourselves.

And Sunday says the same risen Christ is Lord over us both.

That is why I can receive you.

That is why I can honor you.

That is why I can refuse contempt.

That is why I can get out of the judgment seat.

That is why I can protect the fellowship.

Because the deepest thing we have in common is not our preference.

Not our politics.

Not our generation.

Not our background.

Not our traditions.

It is Jesus.

Crucified.

Buried.

Risen.

And coming again.

So when we don't agree...

take it to Calvary.

When we don't agree...

remember the empty tomb.

When we don't agree...

keep Jesus in the center.

Because if the cross was big enough to reconcile us to God,

surely grace is strong enough to teach us how to live with one another.

He died.

He was buried.

He rose again.

And because He lives—

we don't have to be identical...

to be together.