How do we know if we should marry?

Introduction

2 weeks ago — Introduced dating “as an activity”

At some point, it crosses into a conditional commitment (from “going on dates” to “dating”, from “friend” to “bf/gf”)

You’re either going to break up or get married

Or both, if you’re like me and Emma

Whether or not you marry this person will be the second most important decision in your life

Don’t believe in soul mates so hopefully that lowers the pressure

But there’s still a lot riding on this!

The purpose of dating: clarity

Someone asked in the Q&A what the main goal of dating is…

Dating (purpose & outcome) = clarity

“While the great prize in marriage is Christ-centered intimacy, the great prize in dating is Christ-centered clarity. Intimacy is safest in the context of marriage, and marriage is safest in the context of clarity. The purpose of our dating is to determine whether the two of us should get married, so we should focus our effort there.” — p. 110Sex, Dating, and Relationships

Revisit part of the category/activity chart

It’s important to both 1) connect and 2) assess

It’s fine for chemistry (or lack thereof) to be part of clarity

But don’t let it run ahead

Why? Read Songs 8:4

How do you get that deeper level of clarity for a deeper level of commitment?

Questions to help gain clarity

Are we equally yoked?

Read, explain 2 Corinthians 6:14:16

Explain the metaphor = pursuing Jesus with an equal vigor

Connect to marriage with 1 Corinthians 7:39

If marriage is our most intimate relationship, being equally yoked here ought to bring our most intentional focus

Move past the non-negotiables like church attendance

Things to think about…

Were they just as eager to set and maintain physical boundaries?

Do they think and talk about their faith as frequently and with as much joy as I do?

Are your deep seated convictions about discipleship more than good ideas to them?

Are we united on second-tier issues?

Theologically — you don’t have to be a Pharisee to care about doctrine

You have no idea how significant the church you raise your kids in will be

Practically — Is there overlap in our future directions, and has our relationship to this point showed an ability to compromise in a healthy way? 

Are godly influences in our lives encouraging or discouraging a future together?

The friends in are celebrating their love Songs

Do you have friends good enough to tell you a relationship is making you less like Jesus? What are those good friends/mentors saying?

Is this the person that I want life to be difficult with?

Buddy’s encouragement

Happily ever after is a lie; marriage is actually so much better with the valleys included

3 relationships to pursue going forward

Pursue a deeper relationship with God

Pursue relationships with friends and mentors that will speak truth into your life

If you want to be married, don’t be afraid to pursue a potential spouse!

These 3 need to happen in that order. 3 steps…

God — surrender to Christ and be baptized

Friends — join a small group

Spouse — take one step from that chart

Recommend resources — pamphlet on sharing sexual history, Christ-Centered Dating