Divorce and Adultery

Greeting

Isaiah 2:3 ESV

Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob, that he may teach us his ways and that we may walk in his paths.

Here we stand together at the peak of God’s mountain, with God’s people, under God’s direction to give glory and honor to the God who makes it all possible. We come with open hearts, broken hearts, empty hearts, ready to be filled with God’s grace and guidance. We are blessed to have visitors among us and I encourage you to connect through the QR code in front of you.

Grabber

Divorce has long been a marker of deteriorating society. As divorce rates have risen in our nation, so have social ills. While we might be tempted to say, “Well, society was already going downhill, and marriage is just a casualty of the degradation.” That is certainly true, but divorce and social decay are locked in a death spiral, each feeding the other.

According to the US Census Bureau, a government entity with no interest in changing, inflating, or shifting numbers, there are trends directly related to divorce.

Children of divorced parents are 63% more likely to have out of wedlock teen births.

Divorced people are 35% to 55% more likely to die before 25 years; the increased rates continue for over a decade after 25 years. A lot of the increase is related to financial distress and lack of health insurance.

Children of divorced parents are 4 times more likely to be incarcerated. The single most predictive factor for incarceration isn’t race, economics, education, or geography. It is fatherlessness.

If the divorce occurs in the child’s first five years, those numbers jump—incarceration by an additional 40%. Teen birth rates jump another 60%.

Divorce often results in blended families with conflict and confusion over roles in the families, 13% lower average income, financial stress as the two incomes attempt to support two households instead of one, or as parents attempt to work more hours to alleviate financial shortfalls. Children of divorce are more likely to get divorced later, perpetuating the cycle.

Introduction

God created marriage as the primary building building block of the humanity, Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” He calls it “one flesh.” Out of this one fleshness comes an environment to produce and raise stable, adjusted children. While other sins can harm that environment and add to the disfunction of children, divorce it the one factor that culturally we pretend is a non-factor.

During the days of Moses, the children of Israel were already thwarting God’s design, and God through Moses allowed the people to divorce with caveats.

So when Jesus turns to Kingdom Living, it is not shocking that he turns to God’s attitude toward marriage and divorce and remarriage.

Let’s turn to Matthew 5:31-32 and see how Jesus reveals the divine intention of the sanctity of marriage.

Matthew 5:31–32 ESV

“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

Discussion

What You Heard (Matt 5:31)

Matthew 5:31 ESV

“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’

Jesus makes reference to the tolerance Moses gave in Deuteronomy 24:1–4 ““When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.”

By the first century, the Jews were arguing over “some indecency.” Some said it referred only to sexual sins—adultery, bestiality, incest, homosexuality, rape, etc. Others argued anything that the husband found intolerable—bad food, unattractive, argumentative, etc.

They were intent to find ways to break up marriage, but Jesus gives reasons to stay in marriage.

What Jesus Said (Matt 5:32)

Matthew 5:32 ESV

But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Jesus says marriage was made to stay intact. He gives a dire warning, if you divorce for a reason other than the exceptive clause, and she remarries, you make her commit adultery, and that label is applied to the man she marries too.

Many years, pages, and ink have been spent trying to explain why Jesus does not mean what he says. Like the Jews of old, people are looking for ways out of marriage, but Malachi 2:16 “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord. Divorce is by nature a breakdown in God’s intention for humanity.

Instead of trying to finds ways to disrupt God’s design, we should seek ways to honor it. Hebrews 13:4 “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

How to Sanctify Marriage

Before you are married…

Get your spiritual life in order—God first, God second, God third. Run with God, then look for someone running in the same direction as you.

Understand love is a choice, not a feeling. People “fall out of love” because they choose to stop loving their mate—usually for unmet needs.

Seek advice from your parents. Often, they know you better than you know yourself.

Talk to successful married people. There is no magic bullet. There is only work, communication, and reward.

After you are married…

Draw closer to God together James 4:8 “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.”

Make time for devotion to God together.

Seek to meet each other’s emotional needs.

Practice the beatitudes. Poor in spirit (put your mate before yourself), mourn (your sin and shortcomings), meekness (defer your right), righteousness (keep yourself from carnality), mercy (don’t exercise every right of justice), pure in heart (singly seek to please/follow God), peacemaker (defuse conflict instead of escalate), persecution (take the hit).

Will this eliminate divorce? No, but it will give your marriage the greatest opportunity for success.

So, What?

Make your marriage honorable and bring God honor.