Mark - The Problem of Divorce Pt. 55
Notes
Transcript
The Problem of Divorce
The Problem of Divorce
Intro
Good morning and welcome
Well, I’ve been really struggling this week with this message.
As you know we are going through the Gospel of Mark verse by verse and as such we take what comes as it comes. Well we finished up chapter 9 last week which brings us to Chapter 10 today becasue 10 comes right after 9 right?
All joking aside we will be in Mark 10:1-12 today so please turn there as I sort of introduce this passage.
There are three primary reasons this message is hard.
First, there is absolutely no way I can cover every issue that might need to be addressed concerning marriage, divorce, remarriage etc. Some of you may walk away thinking I wish he would have said this that or the other thing. The best I can say, Come early on on Wednesday morning 6:45, and we’ll go deeper.
Seriously, please ask Bill or me, and we’ll be happy to go deeper on this subject with you. We each have our own story, and those stories don’t always fit into nice little boxes. We can’t always quote one verse and think we’ve done the work.
Sometimes we need to sit down, open the Word together, listen carefully, and work through what faithfulness to Jesus looks like in that situation.
Some issues take real work to get through, and that’s what we’re here for.
Secondly, this subject touches some very sensitive questions in our culture. And as a pastor, I am bound to teach what Scripture says, even when it challenges what people accept—or what I would rather hear myself.
Isaiah 40:8 says, “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.”
Opinions change. What people accept changes. But God’s Word endures. So we need to listen carefully to what Jesus says and let him challenge us—including me.
Thirdly, this subject hits close to home. We each bring a different story. Some carry regrets over our own choices. Others carry wounds from someone else’s choices. Being in a painful situation does not mean you caused it.
Whatever our story, we all need to hear what Jesus says.
Just think about the different situations that may be represented here this morning.
We have young people who are just now starting to think about and navigate these issues (you need to listen)
We have people who have been divorced and maybe are in the place of thinking about remarriage (this will be especially helpful to you)
People who have faithfully lived out the until death do us part and are now dealing with that separation. You ight not be thinking of finding another spouse but maybe you could along side someone who has just lost theirs.
We may have people who are struggling in their current marriage (maybe your flirting with the idea of divorce , or maybe you have divorce papers drawn up).
There are some of you who have resigned yourself to make the most of a life of misery just to fulfill you martial obligations, and maybe there’s another way to think about that as well.
And there are many more scenarios that I didn’t highlight here. But all these exist to some degree or another.
To make matters worse it comes on the heels of Jesus last conversation with his disciples that we talked about last week. The terribleness of sin. It’s as if Mark says hey in case you missed what Jesus said, here is an area in which almost every human has failed in, in some way.
Why becasue as we’ll see the real issue is our hardness of hearts. This passage will expose and beg you to deal with the hardness in your own heart.
Listen to that: Your heart, You have to deal with the hardness of your heart. Many of you might be tempted to sit there and say I hope my wife or husband or boyfriend or girlfriend is listening closely right now. This message is for you, so before you start applying it to others, let Jesus search your heart.
Don’t let Satan steal this message from you.
Pray...
I. Our Hard Hearts
I. Our Hard Hearts
1 And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again. And again, as was his custom, he taught them. 2 And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”
We’re going to focus on the keyword being the word test or trap in verse 2.
Mark tells us the motivation of the pharisees right out of the gate here. They want to trap Jesus.
The question we want to answer is what was the trap? how were they going to accomplish that?
There are really two options here.
The first, and this is deduction, becasue Mark doesn’t tell us, but the first clue is the location.
In verse 1 it says they left there and went to Judea and beyond the Jordan. That is a huge clue.
If you remember way back at Jesus’ baptism. It says he was baptized on the other side of the Jordan and we talked about where John was doing his work. In Judea and in Perea where Herod Antipas was a puppet king.
And if you remember John the baptist lost his head becasue of this very conversation. He condemned Herod’s unlawful marriage to Herodias his sister-in-law.
So maybe they were trying to get him to say something that Herod and or Herodias would not like and want to kill him for.
That’s one option,
the other more likely option is that in Jesus’ day there were two rabis that had different interpretations of Deuteronomy 24:1
1 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house,
They focused on the word indecency and Shammai said that means some sort of sexual sin and Hillel said it means anything even something as simple as burning dinner and Akiva (a later Rabi) went even further and said a man had a right to divorce his wife if he saw a more attractive woman and simply wanted her instead. This is all in the Mishnah basically a text where Jewish rabis debate the law back and forth over centuries.
If they could get Jesus to land on one side of this debate or the other they could alienate him from people who agreed with one of these rabis or the other.
But of course Jesus sees right through them.
And watch how Jesus answers them. He asks a question of his own.
“What did Moses command you?”
3 He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” 5 And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.
Do you see what Jesus did here?
He gets them to quote Deut 24:1 and then he makes them face why that allowance was needed.
So why the provision for a certificate of divorce?
It gave the woman written evidence that her husband had sent her away. It documented her status and offered protection in a world where a husband could leave his wife in a very vulnerable position.
God’s law dealt with the harm caused by hard hearts. But regulating divorce did not make divorce God’s original purpose for marriage.
Would you get on a plane if the pilot said I know how to crash really really well, but I’m not sure how to fly yet?
Essentially that’s what’s happening here.
They want to know how to get out of a marriage but they should be trying to save it not escape it.
Back to the airplane analogy…
Does that mean that if there is an emergency that I don’t want my pilot to know how to crash land? Of course not. In the last point we are going to talk about biblically legitimate reasons for a divorce, but the point is that getting out of a marriage was the furthest from God’s heart when he created marriage. We’ll see that in a minute.
Watch this: notice Jesus says Moses gave you this command becasue of your hardness of heart.
That’s interesting because Moses didn’t know these men. Jesus basically says Moses gave the command to them becasue their hearts were hard. This makes God’s word relevant to us in Jesus’ eyes even today. Here Jesus is saying the reason Moses wrote this to the Israelites several centuries ago still applies to you.
God knew your hearts would be just as hard as theirs and so he made provisions for divorce.
Sometimes we don’t like what God has to say. Sometimes our itching ears want the word of God to say something that makes us feel better about our own decisions or maybe even the decisions of those whom we love. Since the whole topic today is sexual ethics really, at one point in my life I didn’t necessarily have a problem with sleeping with women I wasn’t married to. The whole you gotta try before you buy mentality. Cohabiting before marriage, I thought that was a good idea. But when I gave my life to Jesus and started reading about his sexual ethics, I was like oh if I’m following him then I must submit my will to his. That’s not easy, but it’s worth it for many reasons.
Anyway, we must bring our hard hearts the hearts who want things our way and submit them to his Lordship that’s what following him means.
I’ve noticed in my growth over 30 years now, that if I resist what God is trying to do in my life my heart actually begins to harden over other things as well. It might start a simple thing the Lord says stop that or start that. Whatever, and if you ignore it becomes easier to ignore the next prodding and on and on it goes and you end up sliding down this slippery slope, you might back out of church for a while just to protect yourself from maybe hearing that warning again. You stop reading , praying worship doesn’t sound quite the same as it used to. The sweetness of your relationship with Jesus fades away.
Friends he doesn’t leave… You do.
And that brings us to the second point Jesus brings them back to God’s design and original intent for marriage.
II. Good’s Good Design
II. Good’s Good Design
6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
That right there is what we’re aiming at if we want to be faithful to God’s design and intent for marriage.
This is strong language and it comes from way before Moses’ final sermon in Deuteronomy where he laid out this escape hatch of divorce.
This stuff Jesus is saying still comes from Moses but when Moses is writing about creation.
In verse 6 Jesus quotes from page one of the Bible
27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
So in Genesis 1:27 page one of the Bible he creates Mankind male and female he created them. There are two genders and they each have their own special unique characteristics and contributions.
God created humanity male and female. Both bear his image. We believe God calls us to honor the sex he gave us and live accordingly. Identifying as the opposite sex does not change that conviction.
We also believe marriage is the lifelong covenant of one man and one woman. We cannot affirm same-sex marriage as part of God’s design.
And that design challenges every one of us. Jesus is speaking here to people who accepted marriage between a man and a woman but were looking for reasons to end it.
Having the right definition of marriage does not mean we are honoring it.
Then, in verses 7 and 8, Jesus takes us to page two of the Bible—to the joining of a husband and wife.
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Then Jesus adds his own command to it, in verse Mark 10:9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.
Why does Jesus tack on this little command in verse 9?
If you are familiar with woodworking you’ll recognize that if you properly glue two pieces of wood together that joint is stronger than the wood itself.
God’s intent is that the marriage bond he created between between one man and one woman is that strong. Jesus says it was never God’s intent for that bond to ever be broken.
When a husband and wife make those promises, God joins them together. That gives their marriage a weight beyond how either person feels today. Our love, faithfulness, and commitment are ways we honor what God has joined.
When two people stand before God and pronounce this oath to stay committed to this one person until one of them is dead, you aren’t making that commitment just to a person (as if that’s not good enough reason), you are making it to God.
Just like those two pieces of wood glued together if you try to separate the pieces each piece will be damaged and loose something in the process.
Jesus says hey what God has joined together don’t try and separate it, becasue when you do, the result will always be damage to both parties.
And Jesus makes the point even more strong in the next three verses.
III. Our Faithful Response
III. Our Faithful Response
10 And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
Notice here the disciples ask for more in private here. So here Jesus says I’m going to say this even stronger for my followers.
If you divorce your wife and marry another you are committing adultery against her. And then he says the same about women which is significant because it gave them power and status they didn’t have in that culture, but that’s another message.
The point here is that Jesus takes marriage really seriously and so should we.
Look now I’m going to address the elephant in the room, becasue Mark makes it sound like divorce is never really an option for Jesus.
However, the Matthew account of this very same conversation is in Matthew 19:9 “9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.””
So Jesus himself says one legitimate grounds for divorce is sexual immorality, but he doesn’t say you should get divorced becasue of sexual immorality. And Jesus doesn’t leave this at adultery. He says except pornea that is any sexual immorality including pornography, or even fantasies Jesus makes that clear in Matt. 5, or adultery.
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A second legitimate reason for divorce is abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. Suppose you get married, like I did without Jesus in your life, and then give your life to Jesus, but your spouse wants nothing to do with Jesus. Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:12-15 says that if your unbelieving spouse wants to stay with you, then you should not seek a divorce, but if they leave then you are free of the marriage bond.
Thirdly, Scripture clearly condemns abuse. I believe serious, ongoing abuse can also be grounds for divorce. Some Christians understand that as a form of abandonment.
Let’s be real if a man is abusive (or woman) then he or she is not following Christ whether they claim to or not. You cannot be following Christ and beating you wife. Those two things don’t jive. You can’t follow Christ and be verbally abusive either, and I’ve got a bible verse for that one too.
9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. 11 Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? 12 Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.
In all three of these instances, you need to seek godly counsel and give every decision serious, prayerful consideration.
We want to see marriages saved.
But we can’t care about saving a marriage without caring about the people in them.
Sometimes ongoing betrayal or abuse causes such harm that staying in the marriage may cause more harm than divorce would.
Physical and mental safety matter. Abuse harms not just the injured spouse, but the children too.
If you’re struggling, please seek help from a pastor or a qualified professional counselor—someone who takes marriage seriously and also takes the people and their pain seriously. We need both.
Use wisdom in these things. Above all, take marriage, divorce, and sexual faithfulness as seriously as God does.
If you’re a young person starting to date and consider these things. Do things God’s way. Don’t put the cart before the horse. The commitment of marriage must come before sex. Do not get that backward. Trust us old people who made the mistakes. Your life will go much smoother if you do it God’s way. God will still walk you through really tough challenges, but I’d rather through God’s challenges that are there to make me grow, than go through a bunch of unnecessary self-inflicted ones.
If you’ve already made mistakes repent and submit to his ways, and like Bill said last week, stop it.
If you’re divorced and your ex-spouse is Christian I would highly recommend you try to reconcile according to Jesus words here and Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:10–12 “10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
It is too late if you’re already remarried. It would absolutely be wrong to destroy another marriage to try and fix the first one. Repent and accept the forgiveness, none of these things we’re are unpardonable sins.
Jesus is calling us to consider His design for sex and marriage and inviting us to do things his way in the place you are right now.
We sing that song break up the ground of all my traditions your way is better, your way is better.
I wonder if when we sing that do we really believe it. It’s easy to say, but much harder to live out.
Communion / Worship
Communion / Worship
This morning, Jesus has called us to take marriage seriously—to honor what God has joined together. But before we finish, I want you to see what marriage points us toward.
In Ephesians 5, Paul quotes the same words from Genesis that Jesus quotes here: the two becoming one flesh. Then he tells us that this mystery refers to Christ and the church.
Ephesians 5:25 “25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” Ephesians 5:31–32 “31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”
What’s the mystery Paul is referring to?
The mystery he is talking about is not leaving and cleaving, but the two becoming one flesh.
In like manner as the husband becomes one flesh with his wife we too become one with our savior.
Marriage is meant to show us something of the faithful, sacrificial love of Jesus for his people.
Jesus loved his bride and gave himself for her. He knew our sin. He knew our failures. And he went to the cross to bear those sins, cleanse us, and bring us to God.
The Jesus who speaks these hard words about marriage is on his way to Jerusalem, where he will lay down his life for sinners like us.
That brings us to communion.
The bread and cup bring us back to what our salvation cost. His body given for us. His blood shed for the forgiveness of our sins. Jesus calls this the new covenant in his blood.
And Paul calls our sharing in the bread and cup a participation in the body and blood of Christ. (1 Cor. 10:16) We are sharing fellowship with our living Savior. Our risen Lord is present with his people by his Spirit.
And everyone who belongs to Jesus belongs to his bride. Married, single, widowed, divorced, or remarried—we come to the same Savior, depending on the same grace.
So bring him the truth about your life this morning.
If there is sin you need to confess, confess it. Turn from it. Ask him to change your heart and help you obey.
If you are carrying wounds from someone else’s sin, bring him those wounds. He knows what happened, and he cares.
If you need wisdom about a decision ahead of you, surrender that decision to him.
Our hope rests in Jesus, who died for our sins and rose again. His mercy gives us somewhere to bring our failures, and his grace gives us strength to take the next faithful step.
As the elements are passed, please hold them so we can receive communion together. Let’s take these moments to pray, to listen, and to respond honestly to Jesus.
Lord Jesus, thank you for loving your church and giving yourself for us. Forgive our sins. Soften our hearts. Care for those who are wounded, and teach us to trust and obey you. As we receive this bread and cup, strengthen us in your love. Amen.
[Distribute the elements. Allow quiet reflection.]
23 For I received from the Lord what I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took bread, 24 and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, “This is my body, which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.”
You may eat
25 In the same way also he took the cup, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.”
You may drink
26 For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.
