Into-Me-See
Life Points 2026 • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Last week in Sunday School, we talked about God’s design of marriage from Genesis. Simply put, we went to Genesis 2:18 and discussed how God designed marriage to be a life-long commitment that reflects Christ and the church, and is a good design!
Let’s read that verse quickly together:
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
This is part of the narrative in the second chapter of the Bible that presents the creation of humanity. God first created a man, and then showed how we were built to be in community - in fellowship. Moreover, this passage starts the sequence that ultimately shows God’s design for marriage: the gift of two equal people being united spirit, soul, and body.
Now, perhaps you’re here and you’ve been doing the married thing a long time. Or maybe not so long. Or maybe you’re here and going “Yeah God, it’s not good for this person to be alone, God… just sayin’!
Stick around! Married, or single, engaged, dating, widowed, I believe there’s something for all of us here today.
Series Intro
All of us live busy lives - filled every day with different decisions, different experiences, joys, griefs, and many other things. So the goal of our Life Points series is to say “how can we order our lives according to the Bible?” The very best way to live is in line with God’s Word, and it is filled with practical wisdom for our days. Last week we looked at God’s design for marriage. Before we let the marriage topic go, I’d like to do one more Sunday on it, focusing on intimacy.
The Bible says this about marriage & intimacy. Which, btw when you slow down that word you get, “into-me-see!” (Hence the sermon title.)
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Indeed, this idea of “one flesh” is not just about two people physically uniting. One flesh is a principle that unites two spiritually, soul-ly, and physically.
But what if I’m not married Pastor Josh? What if I’m single? Is this only for the “marrieds”? Well, this is a sermon on marriage, which means there’s going to be a fair bit of focus for those married, engaged, or even dating here. But here’s the amazing thing about this principle of “one flesh:” it is also used to describe our relationship with Christ. That we are known by Him and we should know Him. So, yes “one flesh,” while not totally the same, applies to the single person as well as the married couple.
Big Idea: Jesus-followers should cultivate “one-flesh.”
Today we’re going to see how - as Christ-followers - we can rejoice in and should cultivate “one flesh” - intimacy - in three areas: Spiritually, Soul-ly, and Physically.
Spiritual Intimacy
Spiritual Intimacy
Here’s a question to get us started:
How many people here would say that they need to be on the same page financially with their spouse?
How about in parenting or grand parenting even?
How about in goals?
There needs to be alignment and growth together in these areas, right?
Yet, there is an area of our relationships - of our live - that transcends all that. This area is spiritually.
Should we be spiritually on the same page with our spouse?
Yes.
I want to start off and define spiritual intimacy.
Scripturally, the human person is made up basically of three parts: Body, soul, and spirit. Some will argue that the Bible presents spirit and soul as one and the same, while some will argue they are separate. This is where we’ll lean today. The body connects us to our world around us. The soul is our mind, emotions, and will. And the spirit connects us to God.
This is why we have three areas in which we will discuss the principle of one flesh. Now, you’re not going to find a verse that says “Thou shalt have spiritual union with thine spouse” in so many words. But that does not mean that this principle is not Biblical. It most certainly is!
Firstly, let us turn to Ephesians.
So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God,
built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone,
in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord.
In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.
Here, Paul addresses the church as a whole, reminding them that Gentile believers are just as much a part of God’s family as are Jewish believers! What’s the foundation upon which the household of God is built? The apostles and prophets, who were the first to hear of the good news of Christ, believe and proclaim. But it is Christ Jesus Himself Who is the cornerstone - the stone upon which everything else rests.
For what purpose? To be a holy temple - a dwelling place for the Spirit of the Living God.
Both the church and even you, yourself, are built upon the same foundation. Your faith rests upon the testimony of the apostles and prophets - frankly the entire counsel of the Word of God. And this rests upon Christ Jesus, who is the author and perfecter of our faith as the book of Hebrews tells us.
Would it not follow then too that our marriages should be firmly on this same foundation?
Paul writes in 2 Cor 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
This may be your first, or one millionth time hearing or reading this. We always quote this about marriage, even though Paul’s original intent was not so narrowly focused! But the principle continues to apply: You can’t have an alliance with spiritual opposites (NAC). Now, considering that marriage is the closest, the most intimate of human relationships, it stands to reasons that the two becoming one must be compatible first spiritually, for all the rest sits upon this.
Faith in Christ should be the foundation of our marriages, and indeed our lives. Our faith is going to inform all that we do. Being sold out to Christ means He is our #1, and we give our lives to Him. That includes our relationships and marriages.
The principle of “one flesh” is not just about marriage between a man and a woman. Scripture uses the concept to describe Christ and the church:
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
What Paul is not saying is that this quote actually only talks about Jesus and the church. What he is saying is that our marriages reflect the great marriage of Christ and His bride - the church! Before we are one flesh with our spouse then, we need to be one with Christ. In fact, the only thing listed in the Bible that is supposed to disrupt regular physical intimacy with your spouse is mutual agreement that you need time with God!
Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Can we see how spiritual intimacy is the foundation of all else? You may have experienced this, but when there is misalignment between two spouses spiritually, you’re going to find misalignment everywhere else. The key to our relationship first and foremost then is to take the posture of Joshua:
And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
Joshua put out a call to Israel - who’s your god going to be? Yet he takes a clear stand: As for me and my house, the foundation and the master here is God.
Spiritually, you and your spouse MUST work at one flesh. It is a challenge, because it requires time, effort, and perseverance. But the pay off is a marriage that is founded upon this principle:
And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
When our marriages are woven around a threefold cord of Jesus, you, and me, (Jesus being the unbreakable strand in the cord) they are able to withstand the sandstorm of life.
So… how do we do it?
I read this good quote the other day from Focus on the Family:
Spiritual intimacy in marriage is more than reading the Bible and agreeing on theological topics. It's learning how to connect with your spouse through your faith. - Focus on the Family, 2023.
I will be first to admit that I’m very much learning this. I’m not the expert, and perhaps many here would have good ideas about this. But, here’s some thoughts on cultivating spiritual “one flesh.”
Spiritual Intimacy Practical Points
Spiritual Intimacy Practical Points
Put Jesus first:
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.
Jesus isn’t saying you must feel antagonistically towards your loved ones. He is saying that Jesus has to come before your marriage.
Read Scripture together - meditate together on it and ask God how He’s speaking to you both.
Discuss faith topics together. If you struggle to align, work at it. Make sure you can align on big things.
Pray together. Katie and I have found it helpful in our young marriage to pray individually, and together. We have been working on hearing God’s voice. We agree that unless both of us have peace about a decision, we will not move forward. This has helped us especially with big financial or life decisions.
Share your inner spiritual world. How has God been speaking to you? What have you and God been wrestling through? Invite your spouse into this.
Big Idea: Jesus-followers should cultivate “one-flesh.”
Spiritual intimacy is the cornerstone of our marriages, and our lives. Even if you’re not married here, many of these apply. Christ is #1, and so He must be first in our marriages. By cultivating this, we are laying the groundwork for healthy marriages and families.
Soul Intimacy
Soul Intimacy
So, that is spiritual intimacy. But now let’s jump to another part of ourselves - the soul. Remember the soul is our mind, emotions, personality, thoughts, etc.
Turn to Genesis 4:1. This is after Adam and Eve have left the garden of Eden, after they have sinned. Now we see their life continue.
Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, “I have gotten a man with the help of the Lord.”
When we read this verse, we immediate think physical intimacy - sexual union between Adam and Eve. And we’re not wrong! But, the amazing thing about this word “knew” is that it translates the Hebrew word “yada.”
Has anyone ever heard of the saying “yada, yada, yada.” We use it to describe stuff we don’t want to dive into! But the original purpose of this word was all about knowing. It encompasses more than sexual union - it was about knowing the whole person! This is no crude euphemism! Rather, this is describing intimacy that is both body and soul-deep.
This word is used elsewhere in Scripture of knowing God, or knowing His name. And it doesn’t picture “hey, I know that guy - I saw him at a bus stop once. What was his name again?” Clearly, Adam and Eve were more familiar than that! Similarly, if this word describes even knowing God’s name, there’s an intimacy here that we need to address.
When we speak of being one flesh with our spouses, there’s a spiritual component to this. But there is also a soul component. Our spouse needs to know us intimately in who we are, our heart’s desires, our fears, our thoughts, etc.
The problem that has been observed is this:
“[I] have observed that many husbands and wives find it easier to bare their bodies than their souls. Even as they routinely give themselves to one another physically, they can withhold a great deal relationally and emotionally.
Even as they give themselves in free and joyful lovemaking, they can stop short of a greater baring, which is the baring of their souls and the revealing of the deep recesses of their hearts.” - Tim Challies, Oct 26, 2026.
Men and women struggle with this at times. You may be a more private person, or you may feel you cannot trust your spouse with the deep parts of your soul. What will they do with those parts? Will they handle them with care?
The day we got married, we had a great day. Service at 11, photos, reception, it was great. When we left the reception, we went to go see Katie’s grandparents who couldn’t make it, and then off to the hotel. Woohoo - honeymoon here we come!
But when we got there something happened. Sitting in the parking lot talking, I started to cry.
I am not a cryer. I typically cry once every 6-months to 2 years. Just not who I am.
But that day I did. For about 10 minutes. As amazing as the day had been, as beautiful as this new life together was, it was a lot in those moments. Because it also meant for me saying goodbye to another part of life, and knowing I could never return. Did I want to? No, but the moment of processing was needed.
My new bride could have done a few things. She could have gone, “sheesh man, man up!” Or she could have gotten insecure, or angry. But she didn’t, she sat there with me, and she worked to understand what I was going through.
Perhaps we men have a harder time showing our emotions - sometimes anyway. Maybe we’re not wired to show them in the same way women are, neither do we feel exactly the same emotions at the same times. It can be hard to “bare our souls” so to speak. For women too, the baring of your soul is an intimate thing, and if you’ve been hurt by that before you will likely struggle that much more to be vulnerable. Yet when the Bible talks about marriage covenant, here’s the reality: Yada-ing your spouse is about knowing them, intimately.
Remember? Into-me-see…
We must therefore bare our souls to our spouse. They should have access to this, even as we mutually give ourselves physically as well.
Knowing in the Biblical sense is like this:
Knowing (yada): The baring of our souls, not just our bodies (Tim Challies)
Perhaps you’re here today and not married. Again from Tim Challies: he points out in a recent post of his that all of us desire to be known. To bare our souls and still be loved for who we are. Firstly, this comes from God. In fact, our identities are not found in our spouses, but in our Lord.
I disagree with those who look up and say “without him/her I’m nothing!” Truly? You were a person before you got married, and marriage did not strip this from you - hopefully it enhanced what God had already put in there! Your identity is not found in spouse, children, family even, but in God.
For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
Notice in this verse firstly that for the sake of humanity - whom God loved even in our brokenness and knowing how messed up we are - Christ came. Why? To take on that sin, to die on a cross, raise to life again, and ascend. And through accepting and believing this we take on a new identity - now, we are right before God. Now we are washed clean. Now, we delight in God and He in us.
If you’re here today and keenly feeling that want to be known and loved for who you are, remember firstly that God does this. He sees exactly who you are, and knows you by name.
But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.
We can claim this promise as well - for anyone who knows Christ as Lord and Savior. Jesus wants to bring new life to you through faith in Him. You can bare your soul to God - because He yadas you and He wants you to know Him more and more each day.
And if you’re married here, remember that baring our souls is just as important as baring our bodies, so to speak. And especially for engaged and even dating couples, the process of deepening trust and getting to know one another at a soul-deep level is foundational to your relationship as you prepare for the heightened intimacy marriage brings. Firstly, trust in and knowing of God - who knows you better than you know yourself. But secondly with your future or current spouse. And husband or wife, if your spouse does this, treat this with the utmost care, for vulnerability is to be given and to be treasured.
How do we do this?
Soul Intimacy Practical Points
Soul Intimacy Practical Points
Take time to listen to your spouse. Ask them questions about where they are at. Demonstrate that they are important by actively listening to them.
Go on dates. Trust me, I know this is hard when you have kids and a baby-sitter is not always available. But it is important! Even making an at-home date after the kids are in bed is a great way to connect.
Do you have health benefits? Choose to go see a marriage counsellor pre-emptively. A bit like doing preventative maintenance on a car, if you choose to maintain your marriage ahead of time, this will help you in the long run.
Do something for your spouse. Take the Love Dare from the Kendrick brothers or find a way to communicate even randomly to your spouse that you care about them.
Are you a younger couple? Find an older one to mentor you! Are you an older seasoned couple? Mentor a younger one!
Big Idea: Jesus-followers should cultivate “one-flesh.”
One flesh is a gift! And we can cultivate it both spiritually, and soul-ly! Now for a third and final sphere, which builds on these last two.
Physical Intimacy
Physical Intimacy
Finally, physical intimacy.
Turn with me to 1 Cor 7:1-5.
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.
For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Paul here is addressing things that the church in Corinth had written to him about. One of which was this saying “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” This apparently was a slogan that either could have been Paul’s, or just part of the culture of the day. I’m inclined to think it’s the culture of the day. There was a lot of false teaching called asceticism running around then that taught that anything physical was bad. This, of course, included sex. Here’s the problem, many of us are given a sex drive. It’s a beautiful gift from God! But it must be used in the right way.
That’s where Paul goes. He doesn’t totally disagree, but qualifies to proper place for this: Marriage between a man and woman! He is clear that not many of us are given the gift of celibacy, and so it is good for us to marry, and thereby enjoy sex as God intended it. That’s a good thing!
And what’s more mind blowing - especially at a time when women were considered property of their husbands - is the mutuality with which Paul speaks. The husband and wife do not have authority over their own bodies, but their partners do! What’s the goal here? That sexual intimacy within marriage should be often, should be mutual, and should be enjoyed! It’s a gift.
Sometimes sex can be used as a bargaining chip, or as a thing that “has” to be done. Every couple also has to navigate changes in desire and energy depending on age and stage. It’s important that we remember Paul’s words. He is clear that sex is a mutually beneficial thing. Both parties are supposed to enjoy it. You are supposed to put the enjoyment of your partner over your own.
Remember this as well:
Sex cannot be used as a shortcut to relational intimacy. It is a significant part, but not a substitute. - John McLoud - Jan 31, 2024
Sex is not the be-all-end-all. Instead, it is a symbol and beautiful demonstration of the other two intimacies we’ve already talked about. Remember Gen 4:1?
Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, “I have gotten a man with the help of the Lord.”
Adam knew (yada) his wife Eve. This does not describe an emotionally devoid act. The world likes to show us one night stands, or intimacy-devoid scenes. In doing so, the intimacy the Bible presents is totally lost. This is supposed to be the apex of the two becoming one! They knew each other intimately! This is why Proverbs tells us:
Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.
That’s the call of Scripture to the married couple! And God’s design is so awesome that from this amazingly deep connection comes the blessing and the literal evidence of two becoming one - a new person - distinct and unique. Wow!!
Sometimes, because of sickness, or complications, this part of marriage becomes inaccessible. Again, age and stage can definitely play roles in this! It is important that couples remain caring of one another, and choose to sacrificially love each other even when it is hard. This requires God’s help, which He will give to those who ask! But, as a general rule the only thing that we should let disrupt this part of our marriages - and for a limited time - is our spiritual intimacy with God.
I find this so interesting because it shows us that God must still be on the throne of our hearts, but the beauty of knowing our spouse in the deepest humanly possible way is a God-given gift. God doesn’t intend for any marriage to be celibate. In fact, His word is clear it should not be, and the provision that is given is simply to dedicate - for a short period of time - yourself to prayer. Much like fasting, Paul is advocating giving up - at times - something good for something better.
How about if I’m single? Again, maybe you’re reading Genesis and going “Uh God, still alone here!” Indeed, this is not an easy path, and the gift of singleness for a lifetime is seldom. If this is you, remember two things:
Singleness is a gift.
I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.
But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife,
and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.
I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
In your time as someone single, you have the gift of undivided attention. Perhaps you’re already fed up with that, but see the gift for what it is! The time is short, and the Lord has given you the chance to give your full & complete attention to Him, in a way that I - as a married man - cannot.
Singleness is gift:
To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.
But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
This sounds really bad: like being married is just about not sinning in passion and lust. Paul’s point is that singleness is a gift, and not that many possess it! If you struggle with your “passions” so to speak, you probably don’t have the singleness gift. The Lord knows this, and He will give you strength both to resist temptation and to wait upon Him for the person He has for you! Choose, when you find yourself in those moments, to rely on the Holy Spirit to resist. Flee sexual temptation. It will require work, but the reward is the saving of yourself for your spouse, and experiencing sexual union as God intended it! Wow!!
Physical Intimacy Practical Points
Physical Intimacy Practical Points
Make lovemaking an intentional part of your marriage.
Talk openly with your partner about your sexual relationship. It is ok to struggle with this, but it is important you wrestle through it.
Seek help if you are struggling. Talk with a counsellor or doctor if you’re encountering problems you can’t figure out.
Rebuke shame in Jesus’ Name. In Genesis 3, right after the fall we see that Adam and Eve went from naked and unashamed to hiding themselves in shame. Firstly, there is no shame for the Christ-follower! Second, within the marriage relationship we are supposed to bare ourselves body and soul to our spouse. If the enemy speaks any shame over you, rebuke it. Share how you are feeling with your spouse and come against that together in Jesus’ Name!
Conclusion
Conclusion
Big Idea: Jesus-followers should cultivate “one-flesh.”
Spiritual Intimacy
This is the bedrock of our marriages. One flesh starts at the spiritual level, where we choose to cultivate our relationship with the Lord. We want our marriages to be an unbreakable cord of three strands - Jesus, you, and your spouse. Choose this day whom you will serve, and may it be the Lord first and foremost in your marriage and family
Soul Intimacy
Our souls are the inner part of us - our mind, thoughts, emotions, our inner person. In order for a good marriage to be good, we must bare ourselves at the soul level to our spouse. This is often harder that physically showing ourselves to our spouses, because it is VERY vulnerable. Treasure and cultivate this!
Physical Intimacy
Sexual union within marriage is a gift from God! We should be careful to protect this, and use it the way God intended: to express deeply the sacrificial love of God in our marriages. Delight in your spouse!
Where does this leave us today?
Again, this is a practical sermon - I hope! Scripture is clear that marriage is a gift. If you are here today and you are married I hope that you know this. If it feels like your gift is failing, don’t give up! Choose to do what you need to in order to love your spouse as Christ loved the church. Maybe agree together to take that time - as Paul suggests - to pray and seek the Lord. Cry out to Him and ask for His help to restore what is broken.
Perhaps you’re here and in the throes of a busy and full life. Praise God! Take time to build up your marriage. Invest in it!
Perhaps you’re here today and because of sickness or complications, your marriage has taken a hit. This is a hard season, no doubt. It is for you especially that we will pray in a moment. Choose to keep loving your spouse, even when it’s hard. Don’t give up, but ask God for His help to continue the good path. He will help you.
Marriage is a gift, and the beauty of marriage is that intimacy, or into-me-see is something we need to cultivate from day one to he last day of our marriages. Will you do this?
And if you’re here and single, remember firstly that the Lord knowns the desires of your heart. Hold fast to Him then. All of what we have talked about here can be applied to you too. Cultivate your spiritual and even soul-deep intimacy with God. Allow the desire you may feel to be married to draw you into closer reliance on the Father’s good plan for your life. Resist the devil - He will flee and you will glad you did!
One flesh is a gift, so let’s cultivate it!
Speaking on intimacy, especially with our God, today is communion Sunday.
Communion
Pray.
References
References
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/does-yada-yada-yada-in-your-marriage-mean-its-blah-blah-blah/
