Love Isn't an Age

Introduction

We like people who are like us. During the church growth movement of the 90’s, it became popular to say that you best reach people who are just like you. So, the goal was to go out and find a whole bunch of people that had two kids like you and a middle class income like you and a Jack Russell like you and was a team mom like you and invite them to come to church where most of the people there would be just like you. And, I won’t deny that there is some truth in what is being said, but I’m afraid that behind the curtain we were inevitably saying something else and letting ourselves off of the hook. We were saying, in effect, try to reach people and share the good news with people who you are comfortable with and who you would be comfortable having in your church. And so, we ended up with all of these cookie cutter churches that were joined together by something that was less than the obstacle-crushing gospel.

I’ve often heard it said that we are never segregated more than on Sundays, and I think that’s true. And, it’s not just racial. The more affluent go to one church and the lower income go to another. The more emotional to one church, and the more intellectual to another. And, it’s not just in separate churches. Even within a single church, we segregate ourselves by generation. So, the young marrieds go one way and the empty-nesters another. Youth and children go to one end of the campus and retirees to another. And, this can be so deeply that two people of different ages may be members of the same church family for years and never even meet one another. Brothers and sisters, my goal this morning is to, by the power of the Holy Spirit and his word, to inspire you to have a grander dream for your friendships and relationships within the Church.

God’s Word

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Families Need Grandparents and Grandchildren

“older men....older women....younger women....younger men” This morning, we come to a passage that has meant a great deal to me and to my ministry. About eight years ago, I was reading and meditating upon these verses, and it was like a bolt of lightning struck me in the head. The Lord used this passage to cause me to drastically reshape my philosophy of ministry and my understanding of what the church is supposed to look like. Most of you are probably like me in the way that you've seen the Church organized and taught. Taking our cues partly from a secular education model and partly from our own propensity to be most comfortable around people that think like us and are in the same season of life as we are, we have organized our churches in a way that has stunted our spiritual growth and, frankly, lost some of the beauty of the gospel. You see, here's how we are most accustomed to enjoying life within the church: We take all of the babies and we put them together. We take all of the kids and teenagers and we put them together, organized according to their grades if we have enough. We put in there just enough adults to referee them and to play crowd control, and honestly, we sometimes even try to find the adults that look and act most like the kids. Then, you put the people who aren't married together, I suppose, hoping they will get married. You put the newly married people together and the new parents together and the barely married together. Then, you've got your empty-nesters together and your golden years classes. And, I want you to understand that I'm not saying that there is no redeemable quality to any of that or that we should just scrap this altogether. But, here's what is happening far too often: The only people in our church family that we know and love and teach and learn from are those who are almost just like us in every way. So, within your circle, within your demographic, you may have some very close relationships and you may feel like family, but beyond that you don't really feel very close and a deep love for people that are younger or older than you. So, you end up with a bunch of young folks pooling their foolishness together and a bunch of older folks pooling their regrets together. And, yet Jesus has designed the church as she is because both of those groups need one another and has something to offer to one another.

This morning, we come to a passage that has meant a great deal to me and to my ministry. About eight years ago, I was reading and meditating upon these verses, and it was like a bolt of lightning struck me in the head. The Lord used this passage to cause me to drastically reshape my philosophy of ministry and my understanding of what the church is supposed to look like. Most of you are probably like me in the way that you've seen the Church organized and taught. Taking our cues partly from a secular education model and partly from our own propensity to be most comfortable around people that think like us and are in the same season of life as we are, we have organized our churches in a way that has stunted our spiritual growth and, frankly, lost some of the beauty of the gospel. You see, here's how we are most accustomed to enjoying life within the church: We take all of the babies and we put them together. We take all of the kids and teenagers and we put them together, organized according to their grades if we have enough. We put in there just enough adults to referee them and to play crowd control, and honestly, we sometimes even try to find the adults that look and act most like the kids. Then, you put the people who aren't married together, I suppose, hoping they will get married. You put the newly married people together and the new parents together and the barely married together. Then, you've got your empty-nesters together and your golden years classes. And, I want you to understand that I'm not saying that there is no redeemable quality to any of that or that we should just scrap this altogether. But, here's what is happening far too often: The only people in our church family that we know and love and teach and learn from are those who are almost just like us in every way. So, within your circle, within your demographic, you may have some very close relationships and you may feel like family, but beyond that you don't really feel very close and a deep love for people that are younger or older than you. So, you end up with a bunch of young folks pooling their foolishness together and a bunch of older folks pooling their regrets together. And, yet Jesus has designed the church as she is because both of those groups need one another and has something to offer to one another.

Illustration: If the church is like a family, think about how it should look. Now, I know there are exceptions, but for the most part, could you not say that very often its grandchildren and grandparents that have the most extraordinary relationships within a family. There are things that I would tell my grandparents that I didn't feel comfortable telling my parents. Sometimes they would even defend me! Still some of the greatest memories of my life is sitting with my pawpaw or my nana and listening to them tell stories that seemed like they were from another country. My kids are the same way. Last year, we were going to take GK to Disney World to see the princesses. Just to aggravate her, we told her that we were going to leave her with her mimi while we went, and she was like, “Okay! Y’all be safe!” And, in a healthy family, aren't the 50-somethings there to help and support the 30-somethings we young kids and a tense marriage? Aren't the younger generation there to supply physical strength when the older generation needs it and the older generation there to provide wisdom and experience when the younger needs it? Brothers and sisters, this is to be the picture of the NT church. Families need grandparents, and families need grandchildren! This is part of what makes a family so beautiful and so wonderful. One of the ways that a NT church shows the beauty of the gospel is by showing how it brings so much love and so many people into our lives that we otherwise wouldn 't have known or even cared about. And, if we always stay with people who think like us, look like us, and are the same age as us then we are conceal some of the beauty of the gospel.

Illustration: If the church is like a family, think about how it should look. Now, I know there are exceptions, but for the most part, could you not say that very often its grandchildren and grandparents that have the most extraordinary relationships within a family. There are things that I would tell my grandparents that I didn't feel comfortable telling my parents. Sometimes they would even defend me! Still some of the greatest memories of my life is sitting with my pawpaw or my nana and listening to them tell stories that seemed like they were from another country. And, in a healthy family, aren't the 50-somethings there to help and support the 30-somethings we young kids and a tense marriage? Aren't the younger generation there to supply physical strength when the older generation needs it and the older generation there to provide wisdom and experience when the younger needs it? Brothers and sisters, this is to be the picture of the NT church. Families need grandparents, and families need grandchildren! This is part of what makes a family so beautiful and so wonderful. One of the ways that a NT church shows the beauty of the gospel is by showing how it brings so much love and so many people into our lives that we otherwise wouldn 't have known or even cared about. And, if we always stay with people who think like us, look like us, and are the same age as us then we are conceal some of the beauty of the gospel.

TRANSITION: I think this is exactly the picture that Paul is painting for one of his sons in the ministry, Titus. And, I am convinced that lying behind these very words is a safe full of life-changing, grace-giving power for the life of our church. As we look at this text together, I want us to keep kind of a bird’s eye view of what is happening. This is a rich text that we could drill down on, but this morning, I really want us to stay zoomed out so that we can take in the big picture of what is happening.

We Need Every Generation

TRANSITION: I think this is exactly the picture that Paul is painting for one of his sons in the ministry, Titus. And, I am convinced that lying behind these very world is a safe full of life-changing, grace-giving power for the life of our church, if only we will take this key and open it.

“so train the young women” The first thing that jumps out at us from our text is that it’s ‘intergenerational.’ And, I want you to note that I didn’t say ‘multi-generational,’ and that’s because I believe that there’s a difference. There are a lot of churches that are ‘multi-generational’, meaning there are different generations worshipping together in the same church. But, Paul is calling Titus to something bigger and better than that; he’s calling the Church in Crete to be ‘intergenerational.’ That is, not only attending the same church, but apart of one another’s lives. Having each generation playing a key role in bringing Gospel good into the life of the other generations. So, you have Titus, the pastor who is probably on the younger end, instructed to teach them all ‘sound doctrine’ and to ‘model good works’ for them. But, the work doesn’t stop with the pastor. Then, you have the older men mentoring the younger men, and you have the older women mentoring the younger women. It’s easy for us to fall into self-pity and say that the other generation doesn’t need me, and it’s just easy for us to fall into self-sufficiency and to say I don’t need the other generations. But, brothers and sisters, this is unbiblical, and this conceals the Gospel! says, "The eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you," nor again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you." And, you know what that means? Every generation needs the others! There is not a single person in your church family that you don't need! And, that includes people that are younger than you and people that are older than you.

There is not a single person in your church family that you don't need! And, that includes people that are younger than you and people that are older than you.

I want you to just think about our congregation here. We’ve got some here that fought in Vietnam, and we’ve got some here who were raised in the information age. We’ve got some here who battled the anxieties of motherhood and gotten to the other side, and we have some here who are anxiously pregnant right now. We’ve got some here who have lived hand-to-mouth growing up on a farm and others here who have their own online shopping stores. We’ve got some who have been married for 50 years and some who aren’t sure they will be married another 50 minutes. Brothers and sisters, don’t you think we could help one another? If we’ll cross over these imaginary lines that we’ve created and become truly intergenerational, imagine how that we transform your lives and the life of our church with it!

Friends of All Ages

APPLICATION: What if the friend you most need is in the very last place you’d actually look? C.S. Lewis once said that friendship begins when one person says to another, “What! You too?” I am fortunate enough to have the opportunity to talk to a lot of different people about a lot of different things, and the conversations that I’ve had have only strengthened my conviction that intergenerational ministry is necessary. I have heard so many young moms says something like: “I just feel so lonely. I live here without any of my family, and I don't have anybody I can have a meal with or get help with my kids." And, I’ve heard just as many older ladies say something along the lines of: “I miss my house being filled with young children. My kids and grandkids live along way off, and I don’t really know what role I play anymore.” Does this not sound like a beautiful opportunity for friendship? Do you think it’s an accident that you are in the same church family with one another?

Megan and I got married when were 21, and we moved to Talladega to start our life in a new ministry I had been called to. We were quite literally the only people in our church that were our age, and we didn’t know anybody in the entire city of Talladega outside of the few people we had met in our church. And, one day, a couple in their early 60’s, Jerryl and Judy joined our church, and they invited us over to their home. And, amazingly, they became our very best friends. We grilled out together and watched movies together. We would stay over at their house late telling stories and going on drives. Well, that February, Megan and I blew the engine in my truck mud-riding like a couple of teenagers. We were on a single, very tiny, income, and it took every last dollar of a student loan check to put a motor in the truck. And, I’ll never forget Jerryl coming up to me after church and telling me that he and Judy wanted to take Megan and I out on a double date for Valentine’s Day, because he knew there was no way that we would be able to do anything any other way. I’m telling you, your friends don’t have to look like you. And some, of the most valuable friendships you’ll ever find may very well be in the last place that you’d currently look.

Responsibility and Humility

As we look at exactly this model of discipleship is to work, we notice that there is a need for both responsibility and humility. On one hand, we must take responsibility for each other’s wellbeing, and on the other hand, we must be humble enough to benefit from the experience, wisdom, and godliness of others. And from our text, we see that the largest percentage of the responsibility falls on those who are older, and the largest need for humility is for those who are younger. So, there is the need for someone to take responsibility to be the teacher, and there is the need for those younger to be humble and teachable. But, here’s the catch: You’re practically always older than someone, and you’re practically always younger than someone. In our Christian faith, we are always to be both a teacher and teachable simultaneously. We are never to be the one who is only fed, and we are never to be the one who is only feeding. Both of those will kill your soul. In fact, this is the most simple definition of discipleship: Discipleship is teaching and being taught.

Take Responsibility for the Younger Generation

First, let’s look at this from the angle of responsibility, and see what responsibilities we must take. You must take responsibility for the younger generation. Now, we’re in the second week of our love one another series, and what we must understand is that responsibility is always anchored in love. It’s to say, “Because I love you, I am willing to take responsibility for your good.” Here’s a humbling fact for all of us to consider: Each generation of the church reflects the diligence and the effectiveness of the previous generation’s teaching. So, we must look at those generations behind us, not with a sense of superiority or begrudgingly, but with a sense of responsibility. They are our responsibility! They are our children and grandchildren! We must take responsibility for them.

APPLICATION: Is there anyone twenty years younger than you that you love and help in a Christ-centered friendship?

Take Responsibility for Teaching

“teach what accords with sound doctrine....teach what is good” The main thrust of what Paul is calling for in Titus, the younger pastor, and at the same time from these regular, older Cretan church members is for them to take responsibility for their teaching. All good teaching has two components: 1) Right doctrine. You can see from our text that it is the responsibility of every good teacher to be teachable. This whole passage is bookended by Paul telling this young pastor Titus to teach the people of God of all ages the truth about God and the truth about the gospel. It was the responsibility of these maturing Christians to take hold of the word of God with all of their hearts and to find themselves immersed in the gospel and further amazed by the gospel. You see, when I talk about right doctrine, I’m not talking about some cold, intellectual concepts. I’m talking about uncovering the supremacy of Christ and the majesty of God in his word so that you are both filled with worship and experientially transformed. The first job of any teacher is to be utterly and totally amazed by the glory of God and to find himself or herself filled with awe and wonder at his truth and majesty. There is no such thing as an effective Christian who is not having regular encounters with God in his word and in the teaching/preaching of his word. 2) Right living. And, what flows out of right doctrine? Right living. This is what he tells the older women, and by implication the older men, to do when he tells them to ‘teach what is good.’ He’s saying, “Show them how God’s glory effects their marriages. Show them how Jesus’ grace changes their parenting. Show them how the gospel can bring contentment at home and at work. Show them how the truth sets them free for the cause of Christ!”

Take Responsibility for the Example You Set

“self-controlled…train…self-controlled....self-controlled....show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works” We learn best by following the examples that we see, don’t we? Discipleship is often more caught than taught. And so, you see Paul putting a ton of emphasis here on the types of virtues that should be present in the lives of these older, more mature saints and of those they are to teach the younger Christians. In fact, just one chapter earlier he has said the same thing to Titus about himself and the other pastors. Why? People are more likely to follow your example than your teaching. There is nothing that undermines good teaching like bad living. What son takes his father seriously when he says God is most important when his dad only talks about money and education? Nothing destroys sound teaching like an unsound life. This is why the central word throughout this text is the word “self-controlled.” The cognate of this word occurs four times and is given to every generation. Older saints, Paul is especially talking to you. Do you want our younger people to be faithful in the church? You must be faithful. Do we want our younger parents to serve God with all of their lives? You must serve God with all of yours. There is no age limit on godliness or faithfulness in the Christian life.

APPLICATION: Are you willing to take responsibility for those coming after you? It will be hard work. It would be much easier to just let them figure it out on their own. But,

Be Teachable

“train the young women....urge the younger men” Now, let look at this from the side of humility. If one is teaching, the other must be teachable. And, to be teachable requires self-awareness. So, on one hand, I take responsibility because I love, and on the other hand, I humble myself because I’m loved. taught us that love is selfless and humble. It doesn’t insist on its own way. It’s willing to acknowledge that it doesn’t have all of the answers and to listen to wisdom that will good for them and good for the brothers and sisters in the church. So, our responsibility is anchored in love, and so is our humility.

Mark Twain once said: “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” Every generation seems to fall into the same trap. You believe that you have to figure all of this out on your own. And so, you run around crashing into things until ultimately you end up burning out and doing permanent damage. But, the call here is to humility that is wiser than that. You don’t have to figure out parenting alone, and you don’t have to figure out marriage alone, and you don’t have to figure out godliness alone. You don’t have to figure out how to deal with the loss of a parent or with a miscarriage by yourself. You don’t have to face depression alone or joblessness alone. There’s somebody here that’s already been where you are. Don’t cliche them away, or dismiss them because of their age. Humble yourself so that Christ can help you through his church.

APPLICATION: Is there anyone twenty years older than you that you love and listen to and learn from in a Christ-centered friendship?

Landing

The Lord is calling Iron City to a greater humility and a greater responsibility at the same time, because you need grandparents, and you need grandchildren.