Untitled Sermon (32)

Series Thesis Statement

This morning we come to the last Sunday in our series Everyone Needs a Friend. And we have said that the modern view of friendship falls so short of what Jesus had in mind for us when it comes to friendships.

I Want You to Be One —JUST AS

Jesus prayed in to his Father,

John 17:19 ESV

And for their sake I consecrate myself, that they also may be sanctified in truth.

John 17:21 ESV

that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me.

John 17:21 ESV

that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me.

JUST AS

The key two words in that verse are JUST AS.

The key two words in that verse are JUST AS.

So Jesus’ prayer for us is not that we tolerate each other, not that we have weak friendships, not that we have surface friendships, not that we keep to ourselves, not that we use each other when we need something, not that we leave each other, but Jesus said I want you to be one with each other with the same intensity, with the same intimacy, with the same bond of fellowship and love, that I, Jesus, have with my Father.

Not Idealistic

want them, us to be one just as you and I are one.

So when we have said in this series that one of the glorious graces of the church is that we get to have a dream team of friends, we are not being idealistic or overstating what is possible when it comes to friendships, we are barely scraping the surface of the intensity of friendship that Jesus prayed for us to have. Does that make sense? In other words, the standard of friendship that Jesus prayed for was that we would be one with each other JUST AS he and his heavenly father are one. So when we set the standard of acquiring a dream team of friends, it may sound impossible, you may only have one friend, or maybe you have a bunch of bad friends, or maybe YOU are a bad friend, so a dream team seems impossible, but it isn’t because Jesus prayed for even more than that for us.

Different Kinds of Friends

So we have seen in this series that there are certain kinds of friends we need in our lives, and there are specific ways that we can be a friend to others. So we have said that:

Everyone Needs a Barnabas: an encourager. Someone who constantly speaks grace into your life. A person who continually sees the best in you and tells you and others about those awesome traits in your life. Some who believes in you when others don’t and perhaps even when others shouldn’t. Who’s your Barnabas?

Everyone Needs a Paul in the sense that Everyone Needs a Mentor. Paul was a mentor to many different people, but we see his mentoring documented in the letters he wrote to Timothy, who was a younger man in the ministry. Everyone Needs someone who is pouring into their lives. Someone who is saying yes to the next generation. A Mentor is someone who understands that the measure of a man’s life is not how much he accumulates but how much he gives away. Who’s your Paul?

Everyone Needs a Mentoree: or Everyone needs a Timothy they are mentoring. Even if your life has been a train wreck, you still have something to offer those coming up behind you. If you have been divorced and been gripped by the grace of Jesus, you aren’t the worst person to give marriage advice, you may actually be the BEST person to pour into a younger couple just starting out. If you have struggled with lust or I should say are struggling with lust, you may be the BEST person to help another who is struggling in this area because you share how God rescued you. Who’s your Timothy?

Everyone Needs a Nathan. Nathan was the prophet who confronted King David after King David had committed adultery with Bathsheba, got her pregnant, and attempted to cover it up by having her husband, Uriah, who had been one of David’s most faithful mighty men, killed in battle. Nathans are those people who can confront us on anything at any time. They can also edit us and help us perfect our callings by speaking hard truths to us. Who’s your Nathan?

And there are some odd friends we need:

Everyone Needs a Zaccheus. Zaccheus was the little man who was a chief tax collector. He was hated by the people, an outcast, arguably a crook, someone who was outside the fellowship of believers, someone who bore a scarlet letter sin. You know those sins? The sins that every one sees so people judge those sins, while remaining comfortable committing their own more private sins. Everyone needs a reject like Zaccheus to remind us that we too were rejects before Christ saved us.

Everyone Needs an Anna. Anna was the prophetess Luke tells us about in his Gospel. She was a widow, she loved being in the Temple as Luke tells us she was there day and night. She was quietly waiting for the Messiah and she was blessed by seeing Jesus as a baby. She spoke about Jesus, she spoke about redemption. So we saw that everyone needs those older wise, quiet women of God in our lives. Those older women who love Jesus, who really get Nothing But Jesus because they have lived it and they have seen how nothing else matters. I can’t tell you how important older godly women have been in my own ministry.

Everyone Needs a Jethro. Jethro was Moses’ father in law who saw the way Moses was leading and he said, Moses, I need to organize you. I need to help you be more efficient. But mostly I need to help you focus on the big stuff and not the small stuff. It is so easy as a leader to get focussed on the minutia, to get distracted from your main calling. Jethros help us stay focussed on the big stuff by speaking into our lives.

Not Moralism: Only One Hero in Scripture

But one thing we have said again and again and again is that if all we say in the sermons is to be a confronter like Nathan, or be an encourager like Barnabas, or be kind like Anna…we have totally missed the point. Because these are all types of Christ. The only way that we should be like them or anyone is when they are like Jesus. Because so much of the preaching and teaching in churches today is to point to these characters in Scripture and make them out to be heroes, but the reality is that there is only hero in Scripture and his name is Jesus. The characters in Scripture aren’t heroes, they are broken, weary, sinful people like you and me. God uses broken and weary people because broken and weary people are all that there are.

The only hero in Scripture is the one who...

That is why I am so excited about today’s friend, the last friend we are studying, Jonathan. I am excited about him because of Jesus and we will see what I mean as we go. Everyone Needs a Jonathan.

Everyone Needs a Jonathan.

Jonathan’s Story Not Like Movies

Jonathan was the son of King Saul. He was the heir to the throne of Israel. He was a mighty warrior. He was also the best friend of David. So Jonathan is David’s best friend, and David was the one who became king after Saul. So you would think that this would make for a great storyline in a movie…you would think that the story would go that David and Jonathan grow up together and are best friends. Jonathan expects to someday be king, but David eventually turns on his friend and leads a rebellion against him and seizes the throne. That would make more sense. But that is not what happened.

David’s Story

David had already been anointed king secretly by the prophet Samuel. King Saul did what was displeasing to God. King Saul felt threatened by David, so he set out to kill him. He chased him down. You would think that Jonathan would see the handwriting on the wall and join his father’s efforts to eliminate David so Jonathan could be king. The custom was that a new king would have the old king’s relatives killed when he takes the throne. Jonathan would have every reason to help his dad eliminate David…no one would have blamed him, and in fact I bet many, if not all, around him were pressuring him to join his father’s efforts against David. But Jonathan was a true friend to David. Jonathan said to David, I’m not leaving you. I don’t care what happens. I’m staying. I have your back, I have your front, I have both sides.

1 Samuel 18:1–4 ESV

As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father’s house. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt.

And this friendship cost Jonathan something. Listen to what his father said to Jonathan after Jonathan made sure that David didn’t walk into a trap that Saul had set for David.

1 Samuel 20:30 ESV

Then Saul’s anger was kindled against Jonathan, and he said to him, “You son of a perverse, rebellious woman, do I not know that you have chosen the son of Jesse to your own shame, and to the shame of your mother’s nakedness?

I Samuel

This was a costly friendship. Jonathan was a true friend. A friend who even chose David over his own family, over his own success.

Jonathan’s Friendship Seems Inhuman

When you look at the kind of friend Jonathan was to David it seems inhuman. How could anyone truly be a friend who doesn’t leave, a friend who stays for good, let alone, how could Jonathan be that kind of friend to David, the one who would take his place on the throne. So when a preacher says Everyone Needs a Jonathan and everyone needs to BE a Jonathan, isn’t that by definition idealistic? Isn’t that by definition, impossible? If you are fortunate you may have ONE Jonathan in your life, and even that Jonathan may only stay for a season. But for EVERYONE to have a Jonathan and for everyone to BE a Jonathan?

But

I want to remind you of the verse in , Jesus prayer for our friendships goes far deeper than for us to merely be Jonathans to each other and to have Jonathans…he said I want you to be what? ONE. JUST AS I and my heavenly father are one.

Three Points

I want to raise three quick points:

The definition of it, the possibility of it, and the source of it.

The definition of finding and being a Jonathan, the possibility of finding/being a Jonathan, and the source of finding/being a Jonathan.

The definition of a Jonathan

A Jonathan is a friend who stays.

A Jonathan says I’m not going anywhere. Do you know how precious that is, do you know how rare that is? A Jonathan’s love is unconditional. The problem is that every human love is conditional. There is something all of us can do to a friend to lose that friend. But a Jonathan is unconditional. No one would have blamed Jonathan if he broke off his friendship with David and took his father’s side. I mean that was his father. That was family. Blood is thicker than water. No one would have blamed Jonathan if he had just laid low and not really taken either side, but had certainly not remained true friends with David. Jonathan could have even justified it by saying, look, we need order when my father dies, who knows if David will even be accepted as King, so I am going to lay low and just become King when my father dies. He didn’t do anything of that. He said, I am your true friend, even though there is great personal cost to me, I am not going anywhere. A Jonathan is a friend who not only isn’t going anywhere, but binds himself or herself to you, especially in times of trouble. Jonathan and David’s souls were knit together. That is the most intimate of friendship. They had one soul.

A Jonathan is a friend who binds himself to you not just during fun times but when you are in the fire.

Jonathan stayed with David when David was on the run from Saul and when David needed him the most.

Man who falls into Hole

There is the story of the man who was walking down the street and fell into a hole.

The walls are so steep he can’t get out. So a doctor walks by and the guy yells up, hey you, can you help me out? The doctor writes a prescription throws it down the hole and moves on.

Next a priest walks by. The guy says, Father I am down in this hole can you help me out, the priest writes out a prayer and throws it in the hole and moves on.

But then a friend walks by, and our guy yells up, Joe it’s me, can you help me out.

Joe, the friends jumps down into the hole.

Our guy says, are you crazy, now we are both down here.

Joe says, yeah we are, but I have been down here before and I know the way out.

A Jonathan is a guy who doesn’t write a prayer and toss it down to you when you are in a hole and walk away, a Jonathan isn’t a guy who writes you a prescription, or gives you advice and walks away, a Jonathan is a friend who jumps down in the hole with you because he knows he has been there before and he is going to stay with you for the duration.

You can be yourself with them. I mean really yourself. They know you. It's one thing to not know someone and accept them. It may sound like a person like that is accepting and trusting and kind but it could be they are just lazy. It is another thing totally to know someone really well and still accept them. 

A Jonathan is a friend who sees the best even when others believe the worst.

A Jonathan is a friend who sees the best even when others believe the worst.

It’s one thing to just mindlessly believe the best about a friend whether what you believe is true or not. It is another thing to see the best…to find out for yourself and then when the attacks come against your friend, you are there for them.

Zaccheus

We looked at Zaccheus a few weeks ago. And remember he was the chief tax collector who climbed up in the tree so he could see Jesus when Jesus came to his town…and Jesus called up to him and said I MUST come to your house…not I want to come to your house, or can I come to your house, but I MUST come to your house because when Jesus sets out to save he MUST do it. And all the people grumbled because they hated Zaccheus because he was a tax collector, and everyone knows that tax collectors are thieves and stingy and care only about themselves. And when we get to Zaccheus’ house, Zaccheus is convicted and promises to find all the people he stole from and give back to them four times as much as he stole, and he promised to give half of all his earnings to the poor. So Zaccheus was saved from his badness by Jesus and turned his life around. But the problem is that is not how the story goes. We saw that the plainest reading of the Hebrew text tells us that Zaccheus had already been doing these things in the PAST. When Jesus got to his house, he didn’t say ANYTHING at first. Jesus didn’t rescue Zaccheus from his badness but from his own goodness. The only thing missing for Zaccheus was Jesus. And Jesus was who brought salvation.

A Jonathan already knew that Zaccheus was giving to the poor and giving back four times if he ever messed up. A Jonathan took the time to get to know Zaccheus and didn’t listen to everyone else’s opinion about him. A Jonathan knows that people are wrong about you.

A Jonathan isn’t a Jonathan to everyone.

You don’t find someone who no one likes, who is always prone to conflict and pettiness and say I’m going to be your Jonathan. No. Maybe you need to be their Paul, or their Nathan. So the idea isn’t that Jonathans are just doormats to everyone in their lives. A Jonathan sees God’s calling on their friends’ life and enters into that. That is what Jonathan did. He saw God’s clear calling on David’s life and he became that true friend to David.

Possibility of It (move to end? Charge to teachers?)

Possibility of It

Theme verse thess encourage

Let me ask you a question—is it possible for you to be a Jonathan to someone in your life? To be a Jonathan to two or three people? To be that true friend? To be for all intents and purposes a perfect friend? You are thinking, wait a minute, no one is perfect. I didn’t say for you to be perfect, I didn’t even say for you to be the perfect friend to everyone in your life, I asked if it is possible to be a perfect friend to one person, or two three people?

I would argue it is. And I am exaggerating to make a point. We are never truly perfect in any relationship or situation because being perfect means doing the exact right thing, for the right reasons, and WANTING to do the right thing for the right reasons, all the time. And none are like that. But I would argue that from a human perspective, it IS possible to have an, ok, nearly, perfect friend and to be that to another. Just one. Or maybe a few. I would argue that is possible. How do I know that? Because I have had those kinds of friends in life. Some of you, not all of you, some of you, are that to me and you have been for years.

Can you be the kind of friend who is always encouraging to one person in your life. Can you be the kind of friend who is always there for one person, who always stays for one person, who always sees and believes the best for one person. Can you be the kind of person when even when you may feel a conflict with that person, you decide to overlook offenses and be Jonathan?

It is so worth it and so possible.

I wish I knew this years ago. I wish I knew that everyone needs a Jonathan years ago. I wish I knew that there are certain friendships that are Jonathan David friendships and those friendships are different than the other friendships. Because in a Jonathan/David friendship, you stay in the Jonathan/David lane. Do you know what I mean by that? I feel that of all the friendships we have studied, like in the case of Nathan, you can be a Nathan, someone who exhorts your friend, and be an encourager as well. But I don’t necessarily believe that a Jonathan should also be a Nathan. Or that a Jonathan should also be a Jethro in those very rare Jonathan and David friendships. When you have that Jonathan in your life, you guard that relationship with your life. You are careful with your words, with your actions, you don’t allow offenses to turn into full blown conflicts. That’s your Jonathan. And you have to have wisdom in this area, but if your Jonathan is going through a tough patch, and maybe they are even wrong in some of the things they are doing, and that is why it takes great wisdom, maybe, just maybe, you aren’t the person to go confront them. If you have a David and Jonathan friendship, it isn’t worth it. Let someone else confront. Let the Holy Spirit confront. It takes a lot of maturity to understand and discern what I just said, because what I just said could be twisted and abused, but I think those who need to hear it-- heard it.

If I were to stop the sermon right now, you would have heard that you need to be a Jonathan. You would have heard that you need Jonathans in your life. But you wouldn’t have any power to actually be a Jonathan in anyone’s life. Because that is what the Law of God does. It accuses us, it shows us what is pleasing to God, but it doesn’t actually give us the power to change. So what does? Well, the source of being a Jonathan is what gives us the power to be a Jonathan.

Source of it

"The love of God is reckless, pervasive, and unstoppable."

Jesus wasn’t just willing to die for us but he was willing to live for us. Active and Passive obedience. Those are both imputed to us.

Jesus wasn’t just willing to die for us but he was willing to live for us. Active and Passive obedience. Those are both imputed to us.

What was in it for Jonathan to be a true friend, to be the model of the best friend in history? What was in it for Jonathan, this heir to the throne of his father Saul to constantly have Davids back? How would Jonathan be rewarded? He would be die a brutal death. He would die that death so that David could have life. Remind you of anything or I should say of anyone? What was Jonathan's reward? What was in it for him? Jesus. Jesus was Jonathan's great reward because Jonathan wasn't just a type of Christ he was the greatest ever type of Christ. We often think of David as a type of Christ so we automatically think he is always in that role. But not in this friendship. He is us. Jonathan is Jesus. Jonathan is the servant to David. His suffering servant. Remind you of Anyone? When Abe Lincoln was shot and died. He was in that little house and one of his men said now he belongs to the ages. Jonathan belongs to the ages. As a type of Christ. Jonathan and Christ are spoken about in the same breath. That was his reward. It was eternal. So his love for David his friendship with him didn't die when Jonathan died. Didn't die when david died but us still with us.

Years after Jonathan died david had the chance to kill off sauls house. That's what you do. But he wouldn't kill Jonathan's descendants. This is like us when we are compelled by the love of Christ. We can't help but give back to Jesus. To do crazy things that make no sense.

Unconditional love.

At great personal cost

But at great eternal reward

That in all things Christ may have preeminent Nothing but Jesus riff

TOMBSTONE

Jonathan's are on the beaches bleeding with you. 

Jonathan's outlast their life-you think of how your actions impact them even when they aren't around 

Set aside own interests and even opinions 

One hundred percent in. All the time. It is possible. 

One reason I am so passionate when I preach is because I am preaching to myself. Yes, I am trying to convince myself that it is all true (that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus) when I am preaching because, yes, preachers doubt too. Because every time we sin it is a momentary disbelief in the Gospel. Our faith isn't strong, it's as small as a mustard seed that disappears when it is buried into the ground. I am "in it" with everyone else and am also tempted to disbelieve the Gospel and wonder if all this talk of unconditional grace is "too good to be true." I am also "in it" with you when it comes to responding to life's challenges with a "Nothing But Jesus" approach...especially when someone hurts me. I'm "in it" with you when it comes to parenting, and worry, and sins of the tongue...I am not in an ivory tower. I am on the beaches, fighting alongside you, and I am wounded and bleeding, but still proclaiming "It is Finished"...that the battle has been won and it is just a matter of time before Jesus makes all things new. So when I watch myself preach I see myself preaching outside of myself because that is what preaching is.  

Jonathan "a true friend"

-a Jonathan should be reciprocated by you. Jonathan's are never one way. So if you are a taker you won't get the Jonathan. You sap so people forget it. They will see you as their reject or Timothy if you are lucky. But not a Jonathan. 

-too desperate. You don't pick your Jonathan. They pick you. Double bike illustration. 

-by being wrong and having major character flaws. You won't get your Jonathan. A person with besetting sin almost never has a Jonathan because everyone in their life has to be the Nathan (Jen). 

-by being a bad Jonathan. How many best friend relationships end in disaster. Why? Because they didn't stay in the David and Jonathan lane. A Jonathan isn't necessarily the one to confront. That runs counter to everything Christians think. We teach that all of us need to be the perfect friend and jack of all trades. We don't. Trust that another friend will do the confronting while you remain the Jonathan. It is possible to have a friendship that is 100 percent positive and free of conflict for decades. Violating what a Jonathan friendship is even once takes you out of the David Jonathan model, perhaps for good. It's a precious and fragile and other worldly thing and can't be messed with. 

-by having a reputation as a gossip, back stabber, unbalanced person, etc. no one wants that person as their Jonathan.

-not loyal, not there for others, a Jonathan is there

-if you want everything out of a "best" friend. A Jonathan isn't a best friend but a "true" friend. 

-looking to get something from a Jonathan. 

-not able to receive from the Jonathan because of past hurt. "Don't trust anyone." A Jonathan gives and gives and expects nothing in return.

-ego

-networking. A networking salesman type guy may have a lot of people who know him but ends up lonely with no Jonathan. Not networking.

-lack of vulnerability. Men struggle the most. World can't accept the friendship of David and Jonathan and some say they had to be gay. 

-lack of intimacy. 

Don't have to

Be Jonathan to everyone. Jonathan wasn't. But you may be a Jonathan.

If you are a jonathan feel it big time when you aren't one. Apologize deeply. Be grieved. Don't blow it off. And don't think that you have capital that you can spend in the friendship 

THE RESPONSIBILITY OF BEING A JONATHAN

And Jonathan made David swear again by his love for him, for he loved him as he loved his own soul.

Everyone needs a friend like Jonathan. Jonathan knew David was going to sit on the throne instead of him, but that didn't matter to him. Jonathan would live and die for David, even if it meant opposing his own father.

Do you have a friend like that, the kind that will live and die for you?

To have a friend like that, you must be a friend like that (). What does that mean? It means you deny yourself. It means you give of yourself to that person expecting nothing in return. It means you rejoice in their triumphs and mourn over their failures. It means you drop everything when they need you. It means you seek their happiness above your own. It means you bear, and believe, and hope, and endure. It means you forgive, again and again for as long as it takes to get it right.

Friendships like David and Jonathan's don't just happen. They are born out of hardship and struggle, through battles fought together side by side. They are developed over years of faithful, steady, dependable investment in each other. A friendship like this is costly. But once you have it, you would not trade anything for it.

How much did David love Jonathan? When Jonathan wanted to know that David would fulfill his vow to him, he asked him to swear by something he had learned he could always believe in: David's own love for him.

Do you have a friend like this? Are you a friend like this? 

Father God, thank you for being this kind of friend... for being our best friend. Help us to return your love by loving others as you have loved us.

I don't know anyone. No one wants me as their Jonathan. There is someone out there-actually many out there who need a Jonathan. Now you have to be careful about announcing that you are gong to be this to someone just be it.

Thank a Jonathan or encourager and box them in. Label them. Don't have to say will you just say you are and tell them what it looks like and how well they do it and then say I hope this never changes because I need you. I have others who speak more directly into my life but you are my place to go.

Betrayal when a Jonathan stabs you in back. When it is someone who is a betrayer at heart you get it but when it is someone who never did that to you nor you to them watch out. You have a sacred privilege if you are that in someone's life. Don't blow it.

MORE

There was depth (souls tied together)

There was respect (men struggle with sarcasm) (thought gay)

It was mutual (david also looked out for jonathan even after death) 

Rooted in Christ (david seen as Christ type but jonathan is the Christ type here)