Like Father Like Son (2 Sam 13-14)

Background:

The Lord promises to establish David’s house ()

David will have a son to succeed him (vs 12).

This son will build God’s temple and his kingdom will be everlasting (vs 13)

- an everlasting dynasty ().

At this point in time its still not yet talking about Jesus. See vs 14-15.

At this point in time its still not yet talking about Jesus. See vs 14-15. So readers are anticipating one of David’s sons to be this next king.

Later David commits adultery and proxy murder ().

seducing Bathsheba and arranging for her husband, his loyal soldier Uriah to be killed, so that he can marry her.

The Lord promises judgment on David ().

the sword will never depart from David’s house (vs 10) - members of his family will be violently killed

the source of calamity is David’s own family (vs 11)- it will not come from foreign enemies e.g Ammonites which David still was victorious over

one who is close to David will take his wives and sleep with them in broad daylight (vs 11)

his firstborn son with Bathsheba will die (vs 14). This has already occurred.

The Rape ():

vs 1-2

Read vs 1-2

David’s firstborn son Amnon was love sick/emo over Tamar, his stepbrother Absalom’s sister (refer to Appendix).

Important question is: Did Amnon really love Tamar?

It says that he was love sick because “She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her” (vs 2).

It was against the Law for him to have her because she was his father’s daughter ().

As a virgin princess she was not accessible to men. That his intent was "to do [something] to her" implies selfish lust rather than love. Even before the rape we see hints:

As will become clearer:

Amnon demonstrates passion without love.

Amnon’s cousin Jonadab

vs 3-14

Read vs 3-11

Their cousin Jonadab is a shrewd/crafty man. That is not necessarily a bad thing. But

Jonadab demonstrates wisdom without morals.

Instead of helping Amnon to do what is right he helps him to do what is wrong. He devises a plan to make Tamar accessible to Amnon.

Pretending to be sick Amnon asks David to send Tamar to him. David had sent for Bathsheba to come to him to seduce her ).

Pretending to be sick Amnon asks David to send Tamar to him so that he can seduce her.

Remember David had sent for Bathsheba to come to him to seduce her (). Now unwittingly he sends his own daughter to be violated.

Like father like son. Ironically David had sent for Bathsheba to come to him to seduce her ().

Tamar is a dutiful daughter and willingly goes and cares for her step-brother.

Amnon sends everyone away and once they are alone, Amnon pounces. He grabs her and says “Come to bed with me my sister” (vs 11).

The fact that he still calls her “my sister” shows that he knows its incest but he doesn’t care and hoped that she would be willing too.

vs 12-14

Read vs 12-14

But Tamar is a woman of virtue and refuses (vs 12). “No, my brother!…Don’t force me!”

She even pleads with him on two grounds:

i) It is a sin (vs 12).

“Such a thing should not be done Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing!” implying that we are not godless pagans but God’s people and should never practice such sins!

ii) Its consequences (vs 13)

ii) Its consequences

She also pleads with him on a more personal practical level. “what about me?”...“what about you?”. She tries reason that this momentary sin will cause both of them to suffer long-term disgrace.

In a last desperate attempt she offers an alternative: “Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.”

Amnon does not listen to her pleas. He doesn’t care about what will happen to him, he clearly doesn’t care about her, he just wants to satisfy his own lust. So he rapes her (vs 14).

Read vs 15-19

What does it mean to love someone?

Amnon demonstrates passion without love. If Amnon really loved her he would make amends.

To love someone is to seek the good of that person. To do what is best for that person.

Young girls/guys: If some guy tells you that he wants to sleep with you because he loves you then you should tell him, if you really love me you won’t sleep with me unless you marry me. Because if he really loves you he will do what is best for you.

If Amnon really loved her (besides not raping her) he would make amends. See .

Amnon demonstrates passion without love.

But after Amnon raped Tamar, “he hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her” (vs 15).

So he rapes her. After he raped her, “he hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her”.

After his lust is satisfied, his ‘love’ is gone.

Amnon demonstrates passion without love.

Amnon demonstrates passion without love

Amnon demonstrates passion without love

Amnon demonstrates passion without love.

But why did he now intensely hate her? Probably because deep down inside he knows how guilty he is so he 'blames the victim' instead.

In any case just like how his intense feelings drove him to commit one wicked act, his new intense feelings drive him to another wicked act.

He tells her to “Get up and get out!”

He wants to now kick her out.

Again Tamar tries to plead with him (vs 16). “No! Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.”

Tamar is such a tragic figure. She is the only one without fault in this whole story but suffers a terrible fate.

If a man rapes a virgin, he is required to marry her ().

Though marrying your rapist is offensive by today's standards, back then it was the best option for the victim. The rapist had to take responsibility for the woman whose prospects he had ruined.

By refusing to do so, Amnon is doubly guilty.

In fact he calls back his servants (he had previously sent them away to be alone with her) to kick her out. Notice “Get this woman [not sister…or Tamar] out of my sight and bolt the door after her.”

After ‘using’ her to gratify himself, she is nothing to him.

Kicked out Tamar puts ashes on her head -a sign of intense grief- and tears her special robe -the robe that virgin princesses wore- signalling that she has lost her status.

Tamar is such a tragic figure. She is the only one without fault in this whole story but suffers a terrible fate.

As much as you find this story interesting, I also hope that you feel both grief and anger at the injustice that has happened.

Read vs 20-22

So basically her father and brother do nothing.

Tamar is such a tragic figure. She is the only one without fault in this whole story but suffers a terrible fate.

As much as you find this story interesting, I also hope that you feel anger for the injustice that is done here.

She now just lives in Absalom’s house, “a desolate woman” - As 'damaged goods' and justice being denied her.

David is furious. But does nothing.

David demonstrates anger without justice.

Also love without discipline.

David, their father and King is furious. But does nothing.

As king he can and should of done something. But doesn’t.

Don’t mistake this for mercy.

Even a Christian judge is not supposed to be forgiving. Because first of all, only the offended party can forgive.

The judge is supposed to give justice to the victim. Like David should now.

Perhaps his own failure in this area paralysed him from taking action.

Some textual variants explain that it was because David favoured his firstborn. Perhaps his own failure in this area paralysed him from taking action.

Some textual variants explain that it was because David favoured his firstborn.

But there is no question that David was a loving father. We see how grieved he was about losing his first child with Bathsheba. And even later on, you’ll see how much he loved Absalom in spite of what Absalom will do to him. But

David demonstrates affection without discipline

See Prov 13:34. “Whoever spares the rod hates their children but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”

We need to resist the contemporary notion that love is letting a person do whatever they want.

Love is to do what is best for them even it isn’t pleasant. Discipline isn’t pleasant, but it will spare them from a thousand sorrows later.

When we see Amnon’s character, kicking Tamar out after raping her, he’s like a spoiled brat who doesn't want to play with his new toy anymore.

Like a spoiled brat who doesn't want to play with his new toy anymore. Suggesting that David's failure as a father can be traced earlier.

This suggests that David's failure as a father can be traced back earlier.

Now his failure to discipline Amnon now and set things right for Tamar will result in more calamity in his family.

Absalom who told Tamar to “be quiet” and “don’t take this thing to heart” refuses to talk to Amnon and hated him.

The Revenge ()

Read vs 23-29

Two years has past and Absalom still hates Amnon for what he did to his sister.

Revenge without restraint

Absalom demonstrates revenge without restraint

Like how Amnon used David to lure Tamar (vs 6-7), Absalom uses David to lure Amnon. The King is a mere pawn in his sons' schemes.

In both plans King David is merely a pawn in their schemes.

Absalom organises a feast and since David himself won’t be attending Absalom convinces David to send Amnon to attend instead (vs 26).

David himself asked: “Why should [Amnon] go with you?”

So he was probably suspicious at first. But Absalom kept insisting so David sent Amnon.

But since

But since

More and more David comes across as a father that overindulges his children. Whether or not he was initially suspicious (13:21, 32), naively or weak-willed, he gives in to one son's request and seals the fate of another son.

More and more David comes across as a father that overindulges his children. Naive or weak-willed, he gives in to one son's request and seals the fate of another son.

At the feast Absalom orders his men to murder Amnon. The rest of princes that were there fled.

Read vs 30-39

At first news reached David that Absalom had murdered all the King’s sons. So like Tamar, David tears his clothes in sorrow.

Jonadab as we’ve seen is a man of wisdom without moral. This time didn’t anything wrong. But failed to do anything right. He knew but didn’t stop it from happening.

But Jonadab, the same guy that devised the plan to help Amnon rape Tamar, correctly discerns the situation.

He reassures the King that Absalom was taking revenge and would only have killed Amnon.

Jonadab we’ve seen is a man of wisdom without moral. Didn’t doing anything wrong this time but neither did he do anything right. He knew Absalom’s intentions but didn’t stop it from happening.

Absalom flees to Geshur where his maternal grandfather Talmai is king (vs 37).

But King David mourned many days for his son. Which son? The NLT makes explicit that its Amnon David is mourning over and considering vs 39 thats probably right.

Absalom stays in Geshur for 3 years. David, having moved on from the son he lost, now longs for the son that still lives.

But he doesn't do anything about it. Probably torn between his love for him as a father and his responsibility as king to uphold justice () and had done so in the murderer of Saul and his heir (1:15-16, 4:10-12).

By this time David, moving on from the son he lost, now longs for the son that still lives. But he doesn't do anything about it. Probably torn between his love for him as a father and his responsibility as king to uphold justice () and had done so in the murderer of Saul and his heir (1:15-16, 4:10-12).

Probably torn between his love for him as a father and his responsibility as king to uphold justice (), just like he had done so in the murders of Saul and his son (, ).

Moving on from the son he lost, David now longs for the son that still lives. But he doesn't do anything about it. Probably torn between his love for him as a father and his responsibility as king to uphold justice () and had done so in the murderer of Saul and his heir (1:15-16, 4:10-12).

David thus decides to do nothing.

The Return ()

Read vs 1-3

Joab is always a wild card acting independently for good or ill. But here it does seem that he’s acting in the nation’s best interests.

Joab is always a wild card acting independently for good or ill. But here it does seem that he’s acting in the nation’s best interests.

But here it does seem that he’s acting in the nation’s best interests.

As someone who avenged his own sibling (), Joab would of been able to empathise with Absalom.

Knowing that David longs for Absalom he devises a plan to help David decide to bring Absalom back.

He uses a wise woman -someone very persuasive, good in acting etc- and sends her to talk to David.

The scheming just doesn't seem to end.

This wise woman

Read vs 5-17

Basically this wise woman pretends to be someone who has a case to bring to King David.

She makes up the story that she is a widow with two sons. And one of the sons killed the other (like Absalom and Amnon).

Now the whole clan wants to catch this remaining son and put him to death.

Officially they want to do so in the name of justice which is right (read ) but actually they want to get rid of the remaining heir.

If this clan succeeds to kill her last son then her late husband’s line is completely wiped out. Family name and inheritance is a very important in Israel.

So now she begs David to not let this happen. David then swears to protect her son and that “not one hair of your son’s head will fall to the ground” (vs 11).

She then like Nathan (), she uses David’s own decree against him.

Since David is willing to protect her son that killed her other son, why doesn’t he bring back his son that killed his other son?

Interestingly she says that by not bringing Absalom back its like a crime against the people of God (vs 13).

Its not for no reason that her fake story mentions that this clan wants to kill her son because he is the last remaining heir. With Amnon dead Absalom is presumably next in line.

(With Amnon dead Absalom is presumably next in line).

Without an heir, once a king dies it will be chaos. So the people (and Joab since she’s speaking his words) want a stable line of succession.

vs 14 is very interesting.

Her point seems to be death is inevitable. Amnon is dead and there’s nothing we can do about it now.

But God's way is to always seek for preservation and restoration.

Read vs 18-24

David realises Joab is behind all this and he agrees to allow Absalom to come home.

But its not a full restoration. Absalom is allowed to return to Jerusalem but he must stay in his own house and is not allowed to see David’s face.

So its still exile just different location.

Again not good fathering on David's part. Why bring Absalom back without reconciling with him? The process is incomplete.

Implies that David is unwilling to punish but also unwilling to fully forgive. This leads to more trouble both short term (Joab's fields) and long term (civil war).

Read vs 25-27

Not some random excursus but a preview of Absalom’s future kingly ambitions as well as his glory that will be his downfall.

Read vs 28-33

So after 2 years of this second round of exile Absalom calls for Joab. Probably because he knew Joab was the man who could get to David to change his mind. It was Joab that got Absalom returned to Jerusalem.

But Joab refuses to come to Absalom. So Absalom goes and burns his fields. So again we see some spoiled brat tendencies.

So Joab obviously goes to see Absalom. Absalom tells him that he wants to see the King. He’ll rather die than live like this.

So Joab tells King David who finally sees Absalom after 5 years.

Absalom bows and David kisses him but no conversation is recorded here.

Perhaps it means that the issues were not truly dealt with but merely swept under the rug. Whether these two years caused more resentment or he was always ambitious, its later clear that this gesture of bowing was mere outward formality.

Though seemingly a happy ending, providentially its God raising up "someone close" to David to judge him (12:10-12).

The Reconciliation* (

Conclusion:

Like father like son.

God promised David’s son will reign after him but none of his sons prove to be good candidates.

Throughout David doesn’t really do anything even when he’s supposed to. The only times he does something is when he’s manipulated by others. Like a pawn.