Biblical Perspective on Relationships

We want good friendships with the opposite sex, even a wife or a husband some day, and yet we don’t do the things that make the opposite sex attracted to us.

I want a show of hands: Put up your hands YOUNG MEN if you think THE YOUNG WOMEN here like being pushed around to the point of being hurt, just like they’re one of the boys?

I want another show of hands: Put up your hands LADIES if you think THE YOUNG MEN here like being yelled at, pushed around and treated like toddlers?

So if it’s that straight forward, why do we behave in these ways?

Why do we do these strange things?

Well Jesus wants us to think about trees to find our answer.

43 “A good tree doesn’t produce bad fruit; on the other hand, a bad tree doesn’t produce good fruit. 44 For each tree is known by its own fruit. Figs aren’t gathered from thornbushes, or grapes picked from a blackberry bush. 45 A good person produces good out of the good stored up in his heart. An evil person produces evil out of the evil stored up in his heart, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.

What he’s saying is you don’t get wormy rotten apples off a healthy tree, nor good apples of a diseased tree.

The fruit on a tree is like your thoughts, words and actions. If your thoughts, words and actions are rotten and distasteful, it’s because your heart is rotten and distasteful. There’s something deeper going on here.

But before we get to the heart of the issue, we need to be on the same page about what good fruit looks like when it comes to relationships, cause there’s a lot of confusion today about what’s wormy and rotten, and what good and nutritious.

Using my self as an example, how a pasty white freckled ranga like me was able to land with a stunning beauty like my wife is beyond me, but having spoken to my wife, and having gained her permission, I now share with you some insights into how this anomaly took place. It includes sedatives and hiring an amazing con artist. But no, seriously, listen carefully to these things:

Does that sound like good fruit to you? Or rotten?

So guys, landing the women of your dreams, who will love and respect you is not beyond you, despite having no teeth and a pot belly. It’s more about how you treat her that attracts a young woman to you than having a physique like Orlando Bloom.

She loved God. She was passionate about other people. She was confident but modest. She held strong convictions, and yet was a good listener.

To add to this list, God calls each of you to treat each other with kindness, gentleness, patience, goodness and self-control. It all comes under the umbrella of love. Love cares for others more than for self. Love doesn’t envy or boast. It’s not arrogant or rude. Doesn’t insist on its own way. Isn’t always ‘me first’. Doesn’t fly off the handle. Doesn’t keep score of the faults of others. Love forgives.

Dangers that you young men can fall into: being proud, being a coward. Too tough, or too tender. We need tough and tender boys. Tough so they can step in when others are in danger. Gentle so they can show compassion when others are hurting.

Dangers that you young women can fall into: being manipulative, being provocative. Too loud, or too quiet. We need vocal and respectful girls. Vocal to speak up when you see things that aren’t right. Respectful towards others who are leading and who need encouragement.

“Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore, be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.”

I’m married, coming up to 7 years in January, and have 3 young boys 5, 3 and 1. Marriage is the closest thing to heaven when the husband and wife commit themselves to loving and serving each other. Marriage is the closest thing to hell when the husband and wife don’t give a rats about each other, but just want to be served by each other.

I’m telling you now, your preparation for marriage starts now. Boys, in learning how to treat a girl well with love and dignity. For you girls, in learning how to treat a boy with love and respect.

Returning to trees. The first thing all of you young men need to realise this morning as that there’s not one guy who has managed to treat a girl this way.

The first thing all you young ladies need to realise this morning is that there’s not one women who has managed to treat a guy this way.

If we were to watch a re-run of your last week up on the big screen right now, what fruit would we see? Would you be happy for us to see the way you’ve thought about the girls around you, the way you’ve spoken to them, the way you’ve treated them?

Girls, the way you’ve thought about the boys around you, spoken to them, and treated them?

The rotten fruit you’re all thinking of now in your own life comes from rotten roots.

And going away from here and trying to “do better” won’t change a thing, any more than stapling a whole bag of juicy apples onto a rotten apple tree will make it start producing good edible fruit.

You need help. You can’t change you. Your roots are rotten.

The good news is, help is available for rotten rooted young men and women like you and me (still like to think of myself as a young man at 30)!

Help is available. God doesn’t just stand back like an angry parent and demand that we change by barking out instructions. Some of you have parents like this. Even when you accidentally break your brothers lego castle, you get yelled at is if you’d committed pre-meditated murder.

He knows you can’t do it on your own. He knows the struggles that you face. He knows it so well because he’s lived a human life. He’s been through the challenges that you face. And he came to forgive you, by dying for you. Jesus is both tough and tender you see. He’s tough against evil. He doesn’t tolerate it all. It must be destroyed, killed. But he’s also tender towards evildoers, like you and me. He offers you forgiveness, help, and a gift so special and powerful, that you can truly become a new person if you receive it.

Some of you know all too well what I’m talking about. You feel the pain of the brokenness that’s all around you. Most of what you’ve seen in your life has been one dysfunctional relationship after the next. You need to believe this morning that Jesus came to heal brokenness, to provide healing and make you and those around you whole.

Some of you also feel trapped, and wonder if you could really ever change. You’ve tried, but just failed time and time again. You need to realise you’ve been trying to change by stapling healthy apples on a rotten rooted tree. You need to believe that Jesus came to take away your rotten roots and forgive you, and that he has the power to change you at your heart. He wants you to be free, and to join with you in living a new transformed life.

Some of you feel the guilt and the shame, and you need to believe that Jesus has chosen to take your guilt and shame upon himself. He was hung naked on a cross, spat at and laughed at, until he died. He did this willingly. No one made him do it. He did this in order to restore your dignity.

Life truly is all about love and relationships. And relationships are the most challenging thing to get right. But take heart this morning, Jesus died and rose to restore your relationship with God most importantly, but also with others, and empowers you to live a new way when you invite him into your heart.

I encourage you to do that this morning with me, and follow my words in this prayer if this is how you want Jesus this morning.

Let’s pray.

Dear Jesus, relationships are incredible when they work well according to your design. I admit that I’ve thought, said and done things that have shown my heart is rotten. Please forgive me. Thank you for dying for me. Please come into my heart and make it new. Help me to love you and love others around me.