Kingdom Living for the Family.Happily Ever After
Kingdom Living for the Family
Pastor E. Keith Hassell
“Happily Ever After”
Foundation Scripture: Song of Solomon 2:8-13
I. The Dream Marriage
A. In childhood we are conditioned to believe the story book endings where the couple lives happily ever after
B. We are convinced of our lasting love for each other
C. We communicate freely
D. We keep no secrets
E. We forgive when offended and seek forgiveness when we offend
F. We seek to discover and meet each other’s needs
G. We are more interested in giving than receiving
H. We guard ourselves against outside threats to our relationship
I. We face and overcome things that destroy other marriages
J. We enjoy spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy
K. We work together as partners in life
L. We are committed to the other person’s well-being
M. We celebrate our love and marriage regularly
N. We are committed to all of the above “until death do us part”
II. The Rude Awakening
A. Honeymoon’s over
B. Reality sets in: I can’t change them
C. The dream begins to die
III. The Road to Divorce: Warning signs
A. No. 1: Disappointment
1. We do not have a perfect marriage (Perfect marriage myth)
2. Two different perspectives and ways of life begin to emerge
3. Our expectations for the marriage go unrealized
B. No. 2: Discouragement
1. Relational problems begin to pile up
2. Love and respect needs in the marriage are not being met
3. We begin to see faults rather than virtues
4. Negatives begin to outweigh the positives
5. We begin to criticize rather than encourage
6. Hope for a better relationship begins to grow dim
C. No. 3: Distance
1. Discouragement gives way to distance in the relationship
2. There is a real sense that the two are drifting apart
3. Boredom enters the marriage
4. Time spent together is usually characterized by little or no conversation
5. Everything else seems to be more exciting than spending time together
6. Activities, possessions, busyness, and other relationships fill up the distance between them.
D. No. 4: Disconnect
1. Distance gives way to disconnection in the relationship.
2. Marriage partners seem more like strangers than friends
3. They seem to be single lives in the same house
4. They still have fundamental needs to connect with another person
5. Inappropriate connections outside the marriage often occur
6. Lonely marriage partners often fall into emotional affairs or even literal affairs at this point
E. No. 5: Discord
1. Disconnection gives way to discord in the relationship
2. Marriage partners seem more like enemies than friends.
3. Suppressed anger and contention begin to erupt openly.
4. Restrained arguments give way to open war in the home.
5. Couples who get to this stage quickly are often experiencing the fallout of unresolved issues in their dating relationship before marriage.
6. Partners begin thinking that it might be better to live separate lives.
7. Partners begin thinking of ways out of the marriage.
F. No. 6: Emotional Divorce
1. The relationship has died.
2. There is no longer any feelings of love for one another.
3. Legally married but emotionally divorced
4. If papers of divorce are filed, they represent the death certificate for the marriage
5. Some refuse to file for divorce for many reasons:
a Kids
b Fear
c Finances
d Career implications
e Image
f Avoid the “sin” of divorce
6. Staying together at this point feels like sheer torture
IV. The Dream Renewed
A. No. 1: Reject Divorce
B. No. 2: Recommit to the Marriage
C. No. 3: Restart Communication
1. Express commitment to the marriage
2. Express desire for a better marriage
D. No. 4: Reconcile Differences
1. Get to the root of the problem
2. Resist defending and start listening
3. Get help if necessary
E. No. 5: Release the Past
1. Forgive
2. Release all debt
3. Stop the cycle of punishment
F. No. 6: Restore the Foundation
1. The word of God
G. No. 7: Readjust Expectations
1. Only God can change your spouse
2. Expect more from yourself
a Marriage is not 50/50 but 100/100
3. Put your expectations in God rather than in your spouse
4. Don’t expect people to change overnight
H. No. 8: Reorder Priorities
1. Priorities speak a message
2. Priorities reflect what we consider most important
I. No. 9: Restructure Lifestyles
1. What changes in our lives contributed to the problem?
2. What changes in our lives will enable us to rebuild?
J. No. 10: Rebuild Trust
1. While respect is commanded, trust is earned.
2. Trust is not automatic. It has to be earned.
K. No. 11: Resolve Problems Quickly
1. Don’t let issues build up
2. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger (Ephesians 4:26)
L. No. 12: Renew Love Behavior
1. You cannot restore feelings of love automatically.
2. Emotions and feelings follow actions.
3. WWLD: What would love do?
M. No. 13: Rejoice in One Another
1. Proverbs 5:18-19 (NKJV) “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love.”
N. No. 14: Refresh Your Marriage Often
1. Your marriage is like a garden.
2. Cultivate an environment of love and respect.
3. Plant good seeds.
4. Water them with encouragement.
5. Keep the weeds out.
V. Let the Dream Begin!
A. Humble your pride
B. Admit where you are
C. Accept responsibility
D. Commit to change
E. Ask for help