You Asked for It #3 - How Do I Deal with Difficult People?
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Today we’re picking up topic 3 of our “You Asked for It” series - How do I deal with difficult people?
Everyone has a difficult person in their life.
can’t seem to get along with
someone who won’t stay out of your business
someone at work who seems intent on making your life miserable . . .
No Magical Answer
No Magical Answer
Looking for “MAGIC” answer
Turn them to vapor . . .
No nugget of scripture for that
TRUTH - God ALLOWS them
for a PURPOSE
Marty Radosta
Marty Radosta
He was a LOT like me
Others could do just as well as me - EVEN IF they didn’t do it my way
And you know what? Somehow, someway, in that exchange that went on for a few weeks, - I NEVER changed him, but I changed, and in that change, I found peace and . . . some contentment in my life.
LET ME START WITH A SCRIPTURE THAT MAY SEEM OUT OF PLACE:
For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit,
For God, its not about the physical - what we eat and drink - but about the SPIRITUAL. He promises HIS life - righteousness, peace and joy - when we do things HIS way.
Not about being RIGHT - its about being RIGHTEOUS!
So, I’ve learned that I have to:
Deal with difficult people on a spiritual level, not a physical one.
Jesus - life, life abundant
This is how you get there - move onto a spiritual plane -
NOT physical
Jesus was God on earth - when he was leaving, hes said he would send another in his place - the Holy Spirit. His solution to man’s problems - OUR problems - does not begin with our flesh - it begins in our spirit!
Some more than others
Some more than others
Some have a lot more difficult people than others
That should tell us something.
If I have more difficult people in my life than you, is it because it just happened that way, or is it because of ME?
You see, when I move onto the spiritual plain
After God, it becomes about me!
Jesus promised me life if I come to him.
He promised me peace and contentment if I do it HIS way.
I don’t claim to be a bible scholar, but I don’t think there is a passage in there that says I would have life, peace and contentment AFTER he changed everyone else!
Look at what Paul said:
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
That little qualifying phrase: “as far as it depends on you” puts the attention on me first.
Before I engage - ME
Before I spout off - ME
Before I lose it - ME
What do I need to consider?
What do I need to consider?
So if its about ME first, then what things, what is it in ME that I need to take a look at?
God gives us much instruction about dealing with difficult people - none of which will make them magically disappear or turn to dust.
All of which, if followed, will work to bring us that righteousness, peace and joy that we all so desperately need.
There are some things that scripture teaches us to do in the case of the difficult person.
Be absolutely humble
Awww, PT, not that!
What’s my humility level got to do with it?
THEY’RE the difficult one, NOT me! Maybe, but you asked how to DEAL with difficult people, NOT how to make them undifficult.
Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.
“Rivalry” - competition for position
“Conceit” - I have to be right
To have conflict, there must be something that "rises up" in me to oppose the other. True humility takes away that which rises up.
My worth is in the God who gives me life - NOT in how someone else treats me.
My protection is in the God who gave his life for me to live - NOT in my anger or my strength.
Abram was older and the uncle of Lott. HE brought Lott along with him and gave him protection. Still he let Lott choose the land, knowing that God would prosper and protect him where ever he went.
2. Communicate effectively in private
Sometimes just letting them know you’re having difficulty with them can help.
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.
Roland Ditta
Jesus himself counseled us to go privately - one on one - and address the difficulty between you.
I’ve found that communication EARLY ON can avoid a lot of heartache.
3. Hold back from conflict
Sometimes the truth is that people are difficult because we run into the conflict.
I take what I know are crank calls because I love to mess with them. They irritate me. They wouldn’t if I wouldn’t answer.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
There’s that “humble” thing again.
“Bearing with” comes from Greek that means to hold back - hold yourself back
4. Consider your approach
Sometimes the difficulty comes from the approach.
Do you just “plow in”?
Have you considered that the person might have areas that are very sensitive to them?
A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Dealing with church people . . .
And if nothing works:
Disengage
A prudent man foresees the difficulties ahead and prepares for them; the simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.
Whatever you do, stay in God’s favor
When the Lord takes pleasure in anyone’s way,
he causes their enemies to make peace with them.
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