Love and Respect in Marriage

Intro: Marriage is in trouble in our culture. It has been trivialized by widespread divorce in the previous generation and cohabitation in the current generation. But all of that is simply a result of marriages that were failing due to spouses who did not follow God’s teaching for their role in marriage – ;

Ephesians 5:22–33 ESV

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

1 Peter 3:1–7 ESV

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

I) Marriage is a harmony

Harmony is blending of dissimilar items working together

Men and women are not the same; physically, emotionally, mentally, therefore they are not interchangeable; “unisex” is unnatural

But they do blend together as a harmonious unit very well – – as God designed

Genesis 2:18–25 ESV

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

II) Keeping score

Each has a unique role to fulfill in this union

Yet, far too much effort, by too many, is spent “grading” the other spouse (illus. – football lineman should not worry whether receiver is running proper route)

Paul and Peter spoke individually to wives and husbands and spouses should concern themselves with whichever one they are

A primary cause of score-keeping to justify failure to fulfill our own role (“I can’t love this woman who will not submit to me”; “How can I love a man who doesn’t love me as Jesus loves His church?”)

III) Respect your husband

Submit yourself as to the Lord (law-giver); Jesus has absolute authority (which He does not force on anyone) – – wives should give such deference within the marriage to husbands (everything)

Yet, wives are to have authority within the home –

1 Timothy 5:14 ESV

So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.

Elders are not “lords” within the local church – – but, Sarah called Abraham, “Lord”

Respect is not earned only by merit, but also granted by position, we respect political offices in this way; wives must respect their husbands irrespective of the “grade” she thinks he earns

IV) Love your wives

Love her as Jesus loved His people

We were obstinate and rebellious – ; – but He wants to save us anyway and purified the people Himself

Matthew 23:37 ESV

“O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!

Romans 5:6–8 ESV

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Nourish and cherish to provide her needs and value her as Jesus did for His people, even when there is little to value

Concl: It is not surprising the God would design the two greatest relationships: between a husband and wife, and between Jesus and His church, to be so similar. It is also not surprising that those who cannot accept God’s will in one of these will also have trouble in the other.