Everyone's Christmas

EVERYONE’S CHRISTMAS STORY

LIGHTS UP. WRITER sits at her desk in front of her laptop, clearly distraught. She thumps her head, gets up and paces. She is almost talking out loud as she thinks through something, then returns to the desk and begins to type. The thoughts in her head come to life onstage.

onstage.

WRITER: (Mumbles incoherently as ANGELS ENTER.) Angels. How do I work them in? Do I have to? (ANGELS nod.) I suppose I have to end with the traditional tableau. (ENTIRE BIBLICAL CAST hustles IN and forms the traditional Nativity tableau.) Ugh! This is so boring. (ALL except WRITER hustle OUT.) It’s the same old story. How can it be different? (Continues typing. MUSIC CUE: CIRCUS MUSIC. SHEPHERDS ENTER wearing clown costumes or accessories over their shepherd robes and acting silly with various clown props. WISE MEN ENTER, one as a pie plate spinner, another as a juggler, and the last as a tight-rope walker. YOUNG MARY ENTERS as a ribbon dancer, and GABRIEL rides in on a tricycle with a horn. ALL perform a quick and lively circus act. MUSIC OUT as GABRIEL rides OUT and the BIBLICAL CIRCUS PERFORMERS follow him OFF. WRITER continues typing. MUSIC CUE: 1970s ACTION-SHOW MUSIC. MARY, MOM and

10 (ALL except WRITER hustle OUT.) It’s the same old story. How can it be different? (Continues typing. MUSIC CUE: CIRCUS MUSIC. SHEPHERDS ENTER wearing clown costumes or accessories over their shepherd robes and acting silly with various clown props. WISE MEN ENTER, one as a pie plate spinner, another as a juggler, and the last as a tight-rope walker. YOUNG MARY ENTERS as a ribbon dancer, and GABRIEL rides in on a tricycle with a horn. ALL perform a quick and lively circus act. MUSIC OUT as GABRIEL rides OUT and the BIBLICAL CIRCUS PERFORMERS follow him OFF. WRITER continues typing. MUSIC CUE: 1970s ACTION-SHOW MUSIC. MARY, MOM and

15 last as a tight-rope walker. YOUNG MARY ENTERS as a ribbon dancer, and GABRIEL rides in on a tricycle with a horn. ALL perform a quick and lively circus act. MUSIC OUT as GABRIEL rides OUT and the BIBLICAL CIRCUS PERFORMERS follow him OFF. WRITER continues typing. MUSIC CUE: 1970s ACTION-SHOW MUSIC. MARY, MOM and

TEEN MARY ENTER dressed in white robes and halos and wearing “big hair” wigs. [NOTE: Since MOM is in WRITER’S imagination at this moment, this is the one entrance and exit MOM makes that can be from anywhere.] The three strike the iconic pose from Charlie’s Angels.) Mom?! (MOM reacts and EXITS quickly. MUSIC OUT. MARY and TEEN MARY also EXIT.) I’m losing it! (SHEPHERD and HOST ANGEL ENTER.)

25 and TEEN MARY also EXIT.) I’m losing it! (SHEPHERD and HOST ANGEL ENTER.)

SHEPHERD: (To WRITER.) Write about me.

HOST ANGEL: (To SHEPHERD.) You? What about me?

SHEPHERD: How important are you?

HOST ANGEL: I’m the one who said “Peace on Earth, goodwill to men.”

SHEPHERD: You and about a thousand others like you.

HOST ANGEL: I can speak for myself. My story should be told.

WRITER: Quiet! I can’t think.

SHEPHERD: (Whispers.) There wouldn’t be a Christmas story without me. (He and HOST ANGEL EXIT, arguing. WISE MEN ENTER and bow before WRITER.)

WRITER: I know! I know I have to work you in. Everyone will be angry if I don’t. (WISE MEN nod to each other arrogantly and EXIT.) Wait! I have an idea. I’ll make it a superhero theme, turn all the traditional characters into action figures! (Types. MUSIC CUE: SUPERHERO MUSIC. SHEPHERDS and ANGELS ENTER, wearing masks and capes over their biblical costumes, and parade across the stage.)

40 have an idea. I’ll make it a superhero theme, turn all the traditional characters into action figures! (Types. MUSIC CUE: SUPERHERO MUSIC. SHEPHERDS and ANGELS ENTER, wearing masks and capes over their biblical costumes, and parade across the stage.)

MUSIC. SHEPHERDS and ANGELS ENTER, wearing masks and capes over their biblical costumes, and parade across the stage.)

1 MUSIC. SHEPHERDS and ANGELS ENTER, wearing masks and capes over their biblical costumes, and parade across the stage.)

GABRIEL: (ENTERS last, also wearing a cape and mask, and crosses CENTER.) Really? This is how you see Gabriel?

WRITER: You’re right. It doesn’t work. Delete! (Hits a key. MUSIC OUT.)

SUITE. WISE MEN ENTER as dancers wearing tiaras and tutus over their robes. They dance a quick ballet number with ribbon wands.) No! (MUSIC OUT. WRITER waves the WISE MEN OUT.) I need trendy. (Types. TEEN MARY ENTERS as a biblical pop star. MUSIC CUE: UPBEAT POP MUSIC. TEEN MARY does a quick modern dance number.) That is so wrong. (MUSIC OUT. TEEN MARY EXITS with attitude.) I got it! (Types. VAUDEVILLIANS ENTER and sing a cappella to the tune of “How Much Is That Doggie in the Window.”)

OTHERS: (Ad-lib.) Awww, really? Thank you! See you! (Etc. EXIT.)

over their robes. They dance a quick ballet number with ribbon wands.) No! (MUSIC OUT. WRITER waves the WISE MEN OUT.) I need trendy. (Types. TEEN MARY ENTERS as a biblical pop star. MUSIC CUE: UPBEAT POP MUSIC. TEEN MARY does a quick modern dance number.) That is so wrong. (MUSIC OUT. TEEN MARY EXITS with attitude.) I got it! (Types. VAUDEVILLIANS ENTER and sing a cappella to the tune of “How Much Is That Doggie in the Window.”)

10 wands.) No! (MUSIC OUT. WRITER waves the WISE MEN OUT.) I need trendy. (Types. TEEN MARY ENTERS as a biblical pop star. MUSIC CUE: UPBEAT POP MUSIC. TEEN MARY does a quick modern dance number.) That is so wrong. (MUSIC OUT. TEEN MARY EXITS with attitude.) I got it! (Types. VAUDEVILLIANS ENTER and sing a cappella to the tune of “How Much Is That Doggie in the Window.”)

WRITER: What about liturgical dance? (MUSIC CUE: NUTCRACKER SUITE. WISE MEN ENTER as dancers wearing tiaras and tutus over their robes. They dance a quick ballet number with ribbon wands.) No! (MUSIC OUT. WRITER waves the WISE MEN OUT.) I need trendy. (Types. TEEN MARY ENTERS as a biblical pop star. MUSIC CUE: UPBEAT POP MUSIC. TEEN MARY does a quick modern dance number.) That is so wrong. (MUSIC OUT. TEEN MARY EXITS with attitude.) I got it! (Types. VAUDEVILLIANS ENTER and sing a cappella to the tune of “How Much Is That Doggie in the Window.”)

15 to the tune of “How Much Is That Doggie in the Window.”)

VAUDEVILLIAN ONE: (Sings.) How old is that baby in the manger?

VAUDEVILLIANS: (Sing.) The one with the swaddling clothes.

VAUDEVILLIAN TWO: (Kneels.) Did you say, “baby”?

VAUDEVILLIAN THREE: (Kneels.) She said, “baby.”

VAUDEVILLIAN ONE: I said, “baby.” (Sings.) How old is that baby in the manger?

VAUDEVILLIANS: (Sing.) I do hope that baby’s for me.

VAUDEVILLIAN ONE: (Sings.) Baby.

VAUDEVILLIAN TWO: (Sings.) Baby.

VAUDEVILLIAN THREE: (Sings.) Baby.

VAUDEVILLIANS: (Sing.) Baby.

VAUDEVILLIAN TWO: (Sings as they pose.) Oh, yeah!

VAUDEVILLIAN ONE: (Marx Brothers style.) That’s some baby.

WRITER: That’s ridiculous. (Motions for them to leave. VAUDEVILLIANS ONE and TWO EXIT.)

30 ONE and TWO EXIT.)

VAUDEVILLIAN THREE: (To WRITER.) Wait, this can still work. A shepherd, a wiseman and an angel walk into a manger. And the cow says— (A giant hook appears from OFFSTAGE and hooks VAUDEVILLIANTHREE, pulling him OFF. MUSIC CUE: SLIDEWHISTLE.)

WRITER: (Shudders.) Terrible.

35 WRITER: (Shudders.) Terrible.

HOST ANGEL: (ENTERS.) You have never done a story from the heavenly host’s perspective. Sounds inviting, doesn’t it?

WRITER: Sure, but I don’t have enough actors.

HOST ANGEL: I can handle it myself.

WRITER: The heavenly host was more than just one angel.

HOST ANGEL: Come on! Please! Don’t make me beg.

1 WRITER: The heavenly host was more than just one angel. HOST ANGEL: Come on! Please! Don’t make me beg. WRITER: Sorry, I just don’t see it happening this year.

WRITER: Sorry, I just don’t see it happening this year.

HOST ANGEL: (Kneels and begs with a sad, pouting face.) Pretty please with sugar on top?

5 with sugar on top?

WRITER: (Thinks it over.) No, I’m sorry. There just isn’t enough to go on. You guys show up, deliver a line and that’s it.

HOST ANGEL: We’re at the manger, too.

WRITER: You don’t say anything.

HOST ANGEL: I sing! (Begins to sing and dance.) How bright is that angel in the field—

WRITER: (Stands.) Please stop! I’m not writing a musical. Sorry. I can’t get an entire story out of you.

HOST ANGEL: I see. (EXITS, defeated.)

DEVIL: (Laughs villainously from OFFSTAGE, then ENTERS.) I do love a good struggle.

WRITER: Maybe… (Begins typing. BIBLICAL CAST ENTERS with various Christmas items [wreath, candy cane, ornament, etc.], swirling around WRITER. Even SANTA comes ON. MUSIC CUE: CHRISTMAS CAROL MEDLEY MUSIC. But it is not happy and has an almost haunting sound. Scene should feel very surreal and nightmarish. After a few minutes, she lets out a frustrated cry. DEVIL laughs evilly, and BIBLICAL CAST scatters OFF. MUSIC OUT.) Why, why? (Takes a deep breath.)

20 MEDLEY MUSIC. But it is not happy and has an almost haunting sound. Scene should feel very surreal and nightmarish. After a few minutes, she lets out a frustrated cry. DEVIL laughs evilly, and BIBLICAL CAST scatters OFF. MUSIC OUT.) Why, why? (Takes a deep breath.)

MOM: (From OFF.) Everything okay?

WRITER: (Yells.) Yes, thank you.

MOM: (From OFF.) I heard a scream.

WRITER: (Yells.) It was nothing. (Screams at the laptop.) Why won’t you help me? Talk to me!

MOM: (From OFF.) What?

WRITER: Nothing!

MOM: (ENTERS UP CENTER, wearing a bathrobe and curlers.) What is all the yelling about?

WRITER: Sorry, Mom. Frustrated.) I’ve hit a road block. I just… I can’t do this. I have no more ideas.

MOM: (Fills the laundry basket with the clothes that lie around the room.) You say that every year.

WRITER: This time I mean it.

MOM: (Laughs slightly.) You say that every year, too. (WRITER slumps in the chair. MOM crosses and pats WRITER’S shoulders.) Don’t worry. You’ll come up with something. You always do. I’ll bring you something to eat. Maybe that will get the creative juices flowing.

40 worry. You’ll come up with something. You always do. I’ll bring you something to eat. Maybe that will get the creative juices flowing.

something to eat. Maybe that will get the creative juices flowing.

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file:///C:/Users/Owner/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image002.jpg1 something to eat. Maybe that will get the creative juices flowing.

(Starts to leave.)

WRITER: (Gets up from the desk and goes to MOM.) Thanks, Mom. One of these days I’m going to hit it big, and I won’t need to live in your basement anymore.

5 your basement anymore.

MOM: You say that every year, too, dear. (Kisses WRITER’S head and EXITS UP CENTER.)

WRITER: (Moves back to the desk.) Why do I kill myself trying to write something new?

DEVIL: (ENTERS.) Why write anything at all?

WRITER: Good question. Why do I do this? ([NOTE: WRITER does not speak directly to DEVIL until indicated.])

DEVIL: I mean, honestly, how much can one person be expected to do?

WRITER: I know, right?

DEVIL: It’s not like the story is exceptional or anything.

WRITER: (Disagreeing.) Well, it is the birth of Jesus.

DEVIL: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. The story is the same every year.

WRITER: You got that right. (Sits.)

DEVIL: One more year of telling the same old story about Mary and Joseph trying to find a room for the night.

WRITER: (Sighs.) The inn is full.

DEVIL: (Prods.) Shepherds, wise men and angels. Blah, blah, blah.

WRITER: It’s never new. (Stands and paces.)

DEVIL: It never changes. (Follows and circles WRITER.)

WRITER: Everyone’s heard it before.

DEVIL: Why even bother to tell the story anymore?

WRITER: Does anyone want to listen to the same thing again? (Moves to the desk.)

DEVIL: No one cares. (Confidently sits on futon.)

WRITER: There must be a fresh way to look at it. (Sits at the desk.)

DEVIL: It’s not worth the effort.

WRITER: I need a new angle. (Picks up the Bible.)

DEVIL: You need to drop it.

WRITER: (Stands.) How do I inspire people to listen with new ears and to see that it isn’t boring? (DEVIL yawns loudly.) How do I look at it again and not be bored myself? (Moves CENTER.)

DEVIL: Impossible.

WRITER: (Remembers.) Nothing’s impossible through Him.

1 WRITER: (Remembers.) Nothing’s impossible through Him.

DEVIL: (Worried.) Forget it. No one will even miss it if you walk away now.

WRITER: People might feel like they’ve missed something.

DEVIL: (Stands defiantly.) There’s nothing to miss.

WRITER: Christmas isn’t complete without the story… (Realizes.) … because Christmas is the story.

DEVIL: Say what? (Moves to WRITER.)

WRITER: (Faces and now speaks directly to DEVIL.) The story is the story.

10 story.

DEVIL: You’re cracking up. I’m getting a two-for-one today!

WRITER: No, don’t you see? The story is complete. It stands on its own. It only needs to be told simply.

DEVIL: (Tantrum.) No! People do not need the story told.

WRITER: (Fires back.) More than ever they need it told.

DEVIL: Remember the blah, blah, blah?

WRITER: Yes, I do. That’s why it needs to be told. It shouldn’t be blah, blah, blah.

DEVIL: What is happening here?

WRITER: It doesn’t need anything else. The story is honest and pure. It’s truth. (Hit with an idea.) That’s it!

DEVIL: What? (Follows.) WRITER: That’s the angle. DEVIL: (Screams.) What?

WRITER: Truth. I’ll just tell the truth. (Sits at the desk and types hurriedly.)

DEVIL: (Jumps up and down.) Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

WRITER: Go away. Now.

DEVIL: (Pouts.) Well, that was the ultimate backfire. (EXITS.)

MOM: (ENTERS UP CENTER, wearing an apron and carrying a tray of food.) Here you go, one of my famous Dagwood sandwiches. (Sets it down.)

WRITER: (As she types.) Thanks, Mom.

MOM: Going better?

WRITER: (As she types.) Hmmm.

MOM: There’s coffee, too. (No response.) And cookies.

WRITER: (As she types.) Mmm. (MOM smiles, squeezes WRITER’S shoulder and EXITS UP CENTER.)

MARY: (ENTERS and stands behind WRITER. She reads for a while, then shakes her head.) Hmmm. Mmm.

1 MARY: (ENTERS and stands behind WRITER. She reads for a while, then shakes her head.) Hmmm. Mmm.

WRITER: What?

MARY: That doesn’t sound like me. (Picks up a cookie and eats it.)

WRITER: Of course it does. MARY: I think I would know. WRITER: What’s wrong with it?

MARY: Sounds very stiff. Not at all like me.

WRITER: It’s you. Just listen. (Performs Mary’s line.) “Why has the Lord chosen me?”

10 Lord chosen me?”

MARY: (Shrugs.) I’m not feeling it.

WRITER: It’s from the Bible.

MARY: (Shakes her head.) It’s missing something. Try making me timid.

WRITER: Okay. (Types.) T-I-M-I-D. Timid. There, now try it.

MARY: (Clears her throat and speaks timidly.) Why has the Lord chosen me? (Thinks.) Nope. (Begins to take another bite of the cookie, but is interrupted by WRITER.)

WRITER: I know, try this. (Types.)

MARY: (Performs the line, awestruck with fear and confusion.) “I don’t understand. Why would the Lord choose me? I am nobody.” (Looks up.) Better. I added that last line.

20 understand. Why would the Lord choose me? I am nobody.” (Looks up.) Better. I added that last line.

WRITER: I noticed, but I do like it. Thanks. (Types.) “I am nobody.”

MARY: You’re welcome. Try to imagine what I was going through. I was very frightened when the angel appeared to me. Actually I was sick to my stomach with fear. I didn’t understand what was happening, and I was very young.

25 to my stomach with fear. I didn’t understand what was happening, and I was very young.

WRITER: (Thoughtful.) Young. You’re right, you should be younger.

YOUNG MARY: (ENTERS as WRITER retypes.) Hi. (Giggles.)

MARY: (Disapproves.) Not that young. Just capture the essence of my innocence.

30 innocence.

WRITER: (Smiles.) Sorry, Young Mary. (Types.)

YOUNG MARY: That’s okay. It was fun while it lasted. (Waves and EXITS. TEEN MARY, looking very wide-eyed and confused, ENTERS.)

WRITER: Better?

MARY: Yes, thank you.

TEEN MARY: (Looks around.) This is really weird.

MARY: You’ll get used to it. TEEN MARY: Where am I? MARY: The writer’s mind.

TEEN MARY: (To WRITER.) Hi, nice to meet you.

1 TEEN MARY: (To WRITER.) Hi, nice to meet you.

WRITER: Likewise.

TEEN MARY: I like your decorating style. Although the color scheme is all wrong. Could use some hay.

MARY: I completely agree with you. (They ad-lib decorating tips and ideas briefly.)

WRITER: Excuse me. I don’t mean to be rude, but could we get back to the writing?

MARY: You need to learn patience.

WRITER: I have a deadline.

MARY: All right.

WRITER: So, tell me more about the night the angel came.

MARY: (Recalls fondly.) Gabriel.

WRITER: Yes.

MARY: Imagine you’re soundly sleeping and suddenly you awake, knowing you’re not alone. It’s an eerie feeling. (ALL shudder.) When I opened my eyes I saw a glorious angel before me. The light seemed so intense and yet it wasn’t overpowering. It’s not exactly a run-of-the-mill event. (Relives the moment.) It was awesome and terrifying, but also mind-baffling, and his news was just as terrifying. How could I have a child, let alone God’s child? I was a child myself. (Points to TEEN MARY.)

20 and terrifying, but also mind-baffling, and his news was just as terrifying. How could I have a child, let alone God’s child? I was a child myself. (Points to TEEN MARY.)

WRITER: Uh-huh. Go on.

MARY: The Bible is great, but it doesn’t tell of the deep emotion of the moment. That’s your job.

25 the moment. That’s your job.

WRITER: I know. Hence the problem. I don’t know how to capture that moment.

MARY: Write between the lines.

WRITER: What does that mean?

MARY: Look at me. What do you see? What do you feel? (WRITER comprehends.) Now, write it and make me live again. (EXITS. WRITER types as the following scene plays out. TEEN MARY crosses DOWN CENTER.)

GABRIEL: (ENTERS and crosses to TEEN MARY.) Greetings, favored one.

TEEN MARY: (Terrified.) Please do not hurt me! (Covers her face as if protecting herself.)

GABRIEL: (Gently.) I have not come to hurt you.

TEEN MARY: Then, please go away.

GABRIEL: Do not be frightened, for the Lord is with you.

TEEN MARY: Who or what are you?

GABRIEL: I am an angel. TEEN MARY: Am I dead? GABRIEL: No.

NOTE: PHOTOCOPYING THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS

file:///C:/Users/Owner/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image003.jpg1 GABRIEL: I am an angel. TEEN MARY: Am I dead? GABRIEL: No.

TEEN MARY: Then, why would God send an angel? What have I done?

GABRIEL: You have shown great love for the Lord by being a faithful and humble servant. God is pleased with you.

TEEN MARY: (Confused.) Pleased with me?

GABRIEL: Yes, and the Lord wishes to honor you. He has chosen you for greatness.

TEEN MARY: I do not understand. These things you say—honor, pleased, chosen… Chosen me for what?

GABRIEL: To fulfill the prophecy. (Simply.) God wishes to have a son. One who will save His people. The people are in need of God’s grace. He wishes to be in a relationship once again with creation, but sin stands in the way.

15 but sin stands in the way.

TEEN MARY: But I still don’t see what this has to do with me.

GABRIEL: Mary, God has chosen you to be the mother of his son.

TEEN MARY: What?

GABRIEL: You are the one foretold in the prophecy. (Quotes.) “Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. The Virgin will conceive and give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel.”

20 the Lord himself will give you a sign. The Virgin will conceive and give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel.”

TEEN MARY: (Thinks.) “And will call him Immanuel.” (Stunned.) God is with us.

GABRIEL: And you will name him Jesus. He will be given the throne of David and will reign over the house of Jacob forever.

25 David and will reign over the house of Jacob forever.

TEEN MARY: (To herself.) God’s son?

GABRIEL: One who will be fully man and fully God. A king whose kingdom will have no end.

TEEN MARY: (Awestruck.) But why has the Lord chosen me? I am nobody.

30 nobody.

GABRIEL: No, Mary, you are a faithful servant, the one God favors. He trusts you with His most precious gift, His child.

TEEN MARY: (Terrified.) No, no. I can’t.

GABRIEL: (Reassuring.) Mary.

TEEN MARY: (Panics.) I’m not even married. What will people say? I can’t be the one! How could I explain being pregnant? I’m engaged. (Realizes.) Joseph! Oh, no! Joseph. What will he say? He won’t believe this story. No one will believe the story. I don’t believe the story.

GABRIEL: (Calm.) Mary.

TEEN MARY: (Near hysterical.) It can’t be me. How could I have a child? How could God—? It’s impossible.

1 TEEN MARY: (Near hysterical.) It can’t be me. How could I have a child? How could God—? It’s impossible.

GABRIEL: (Takes her by the shoulders.) Mary!

TEEN MARY: What!

GABRIEL: Slow down. Breathe. (TEEN MARY breathes deeply.) Good.(Cradles her face.) You love God, correct?

(Cradles her face.) You love God, correct?

TEEN MARY: Of course.

GABRIEL: And you believe that anything is possible through God?

TEEN MARY: Yes.

GABRIEL: Then believe now.

TEEN MARY: But… this doesn’t make any sense.

GABRIEL: The world has fallen so far away from God. They need Him more than ever, but refuse to believe. God loves all humankind enough to walk amongst them again, even to be born as one of you and die for you.

15 you and die for you.

TEEN MARY: Die? He hasn’t even been born yet. I’m confused.

GABRIEL: You must trust God.

TEEN MARY: I do, but this is a lot to ask of one person.

GABRIEL: Yes, Mary, it is. But you are strong. Your faith has shown you are capable of handling this gift or God would not have chosen you.

20 are capable of handling this gift or God would not have chosen you.

TEEN MARY: I don’t know. (Collapses to the floor and cries.)

GABRIEL: (Gentle.) Mary? (She looks up, and GABRIEL helps her to her feet.) Mary, be brave.

TEEN MARY: (Stammers.) How? How will I… how will it be so?

GABRIEL: The Holy Spirit will descend upon you as you sleep.

TEEN MARY: (Sobs.) I’m afraid.

GABRIEL: (Kind.) I know, child of God. (Wipes her tears.)

TEEN MARY: (Quiet.) When?

GABRIEL: Tonight.

TEEN MARY: (Panicked again.) Tonight?

GABRIEL: Shhh. Trust, remember?

MARY: Trust. (Prays.) Forgive my fear. Forgive my doubt. You have never failed me. I will not fail you now. (Stands. To GABRIEL.) I will do what God asks of me. I will bear His child.

GABRIEL: Good girl. God is very pleased. (EXITS.)

MARY: (ENTERS, wiping her eyes. To WRITER.) Well, I’d say you captured the night for the most part. There were, perhaps, a few embellishments.

WRITER: What do you expect? I’m a writer.

TEEN MARY: I liked the added touches. Good job.

WRITER: Thanks.

TEEN MARY: You’re welcome. (EXITS.)

MARY: Are you pleased?

WRITER: (Surprised.) Yeah. More than pleased. (Shocked.) I’m inspired! In fact, I don’t want to stop. I’m ready to write about Joseph!

MOM: (ENTERS UP CENTER, wearing a tool belt and flannel shirt. MARY FREEZES.) Who are you talking to?

WRITER: No one.

MOM: I thought I heard voices.

WRITER: Just me and a few characters.

MOM: (Laughs and looks around curiously.) Right. (EXITS UP CENTER. MARY UNFREEZES.)

WRITER: Tell me about Joseph. What’s he like? Is he suave and cool?

JOSEPH: (ENTERS, dressed in jeans and a leather jacket over a white t-shirt and talking like Fonzie.) Eh! (Gives a thumbs-up and combs his hair.)

MARY: No! (JOSEPH EXITS.)

WRITER: I know. I bet he was the rock-star type. (JOSEPH RE-ENTERS. He no longer has the leather jacket but now has long hair. He picks up the guitar and jams. MUSIC CUE: ROCK MUSIC.)

20 He no longer has the leather jacket but now has long hair. He picks up the guitar and jams. MUSIC CUE: ROCK MUSIC.)

MARY: (Covers her ears and yells over the music.) Heavens no. (MUSIC OUT. JOSEPH EXITS.)

WRITER: How about this one?

JOSEPH: (ENTERS with boxing gloves around his neck and no wig. Speaks like Rocky Balboa.) Yo, Mary.

MARY: No! (JOSEPH EXITS.)

WRITER: (Laughs.) I’m just having fun.

MARY: (Slightly reprimands.) Real and true, remember? (Fond.) Joseph was a quiet man. A good man of God, but he was a traditional man. He never wanted any hint of scandal, so you can imagine his horror at finding out that I was having a baby. He…

30 was a quiet man. A good man of God, but he was a traditional man. He never wanted any hint of scandal, so you can imagine his horror at finding out that I was having a baby. He…

WRITER: (Finishes.) Assumed the worse? (MARY nods and steps UPSTAGE as JOSEPH and TEEN MARY ENTER. JOSEPH now wears a traditional biblical costume.)

35 traditional biblical costume.)

JOSEPH: So you’re cheating on me? (Accusing.) Who was it? Ezra? I’ve seen him looking at you.

TEEN MARY: No! You’re not listening.

JOSEPH: Not the angel story again. Come on, Mary. Do you take me for a fool?

40 for a fool?

TEEN MARY: It’s true. Please, you must believe me.

1 TEEN MARY: It’s true. Please, you must believe me.

JOSEPH: It’s outrageous. You couldn’t have come up with a better lie?

TEEN MARY: I’m not lying! You know me better than that.

JOSEPH: (Disappointed.) I thought I did.

TEEN MARY: Joseph, please.

JOSEPH: I’m done talking.

TEEN MARY: What are you saying?

JOSEPH: I think you know.

TEEN MARY: Please, don’t leave me. We can make this work.

JOSEPH: (Finally loses his temper.) Make it work!? Are you out of your mind?

TEEN MARY: Joseph, please. I’m scared. I need you. (Grabs his arm.)

JOSEPH: (Removes her hand.) You should have thought of that before.

TEEN MARY: The angel said it would be okay.

JOSEPH: Enough!

TEEN MARY: (Cries.) Joseph, please. I love you.

JOSEPH: (Regains control.) I cannot bring this kind of embarrassment upon my family. (Pause.) I release you.

TEEN MARY: Joseph, please, no. You have to believe me.

JOSEPH: How can I believe your story? (Calmer.) But I will do what I can to keep you from shame. I will never speak of this conversation again.

TEEN MARY: (Sobs.) No. (Drops to her knees.)

JOSEPH: Goodbye, Mary. (EXITS. TEEN MARY runs OFF after him, crying.)

25 crying.)

WRITER: That must have been awful for you.

MARY: It was, but I know it was worse for Joseph.

WRITER: Always thinking of someone else.

MARY: It all worked out in the end. He eventually came around and, well, you know the rest.

30 well, you know the rest.

WRITER: Yeah. The angel came to him in a dream. He learned that you were telling the truth and God wanted him to marry you and raise the son as his own.

JOSEPH: (ENTERS and joins MARY.) That’s right. The angel told me Jesus would save humankind from their sins. (MARY takes his hand, and he smiles.)

35 Jesus would save humankind from their sins. (MARY takes his hand, and he smiles.)

WRITER: (Stands, expecting juicy gossip. To MARY.) So when Joseph changed his mind, did he come crawling back to you?

MARY: I wouldn’t use the term “crawling,” but he was definitely humbled.

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file:///C:/Users/Owner/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image004.jpg1 MARY: I wouldn’t use the term “crawling,” but he was definitely humbled.

JOSEPH: I should have known she was telling the truth, but my pride and suspicion were standing in the way.

WRITER: (To MARY.) Did you use the old “I told you so” bit?

MARY: No. I was glad to have him back.

WRITER: But… how could you be so… understanding? You just got dumped! He called you a liar and accused you of cheating!

MARY: My story was rather fantastical. It would be hard for anyone to believe it at first.

10 believe it at first.

JOSEPH: What would you have done in the same situation?

WRITER: (Pause. Honest.) I don’t know.

MARY: Exactly. You can’t rush faith, especially when fear blocks it.

WRITER: True, but we don’t all get angel visits to help our non-belief.

MARY: Maybe not, but God is still present. That’s why the story must still be told.

WRITER: So, you guys were married as planned?

JOSEPH: Yes.

WRITER: (Sighs.) And then the story ends until the manger scene.

MARY: Well, that part of the story ends.

WRITER: More between the lines?

MARY: (Nods.) The news spread that the Messiah was born. A new king.

JOSEPH: This information didn’t settle well with some people.

WRITER: Herod. (They nod.) So what was he like?

MARY: (Shrugs.) No idea. Never met the man. You can have fun with that one. (EXITS with JOSEPH. WRITER turns back to the computer, and HEROD ENTERS, followed by CRONIES ONE and TWO, all dressed a la Al Capone.)

CRONY ONE: So, boss, what’s da meetin’ about?

HEROD: We gots ourselves a problem.

CRONY TWO: Caesa’ again?

HEROD: Naw, ya blockhead. It’s bigga’ dan Caesa’.

CRONY ONE: Bigga’ dan Caesa’?

HEROD: That’s right. Word on da street is dere’s a messiah comin’.

CRONY TWO: What ya want us t’ do, boss?

HEROD: I want yous t’ find him and take care of business. If’n you know what I mean.

CRONY ONE: Ya want us t’ rub him out, boss?

HEROD: I ain’t talkin’ ’bout no birthday party, here. Of course, I want ya t’ rub him out. This town ain’t big enough for two kings.

1 HEROD: I ain’t talkin’ ’bout no birthday party, here. Of course, I want ya t’ rub him out. This town ain’t big enough for two kings.

CRONY TWO: You da only king, boss.

HEROD: Ya got that right. Now git outta here. Yous make me sick.(CRONIES EXIT. HEROD EXITS opposite. MARY and JOSEPH ENTER, laughing.)

5 (CRONIES EXIT. HEROD EXITS opposite. MARY and JOSEPH ENTER, laughing.)

MARY: (To WRITER.) That’s great.

WRITER: I thought you’d like that. All my research says this guy was a slimeball, and I can’t think of better portrayal than a mobster.

MOM: (Pops IN UP CENTER and looks around. She is dressed in painting clothes. MARY and JOSEPH FREEZE.) Are you watching something on your computer?

WRITER: No.

MOM: I thought I heard the Sopranos.

WRITER: Just working.

MOM: (Looks around again, confused.) Okay, well, just yell if you need anything. (EXITS UP CENTER. MARY and JOSEPH UNFREEZE andthen laugh with WRITER.)

then laugh with WRITER.)

WRITER: Okay, so Herod is looking for Jesus.

MARY: And who could find him but wise men?

JOSEPH: Astrologers, actually.

WRITER: Right, because of the star. There’s not a lot of info on these guys either. Well, nothing concrete, many conflicting stories. Some scholars say they aren’t important or possibly didn’t even exist, because only one gospel mentions them.

25 because only one gospel mentions them.

MARY: It only takes one gospel. They were extremely intelligent and perceptive. They had heard about Jesus’s birth and knew that the star was the key to locating his birthplace. The star led to Jerusalem, where they started asking questions. After many unsuccessful attempts to locate us, Herod sent for the magi. (EXITS with JOSEPH. HEROD ENTERS as CRONIES ONE and TWO meekly ENTER opposite.)

30 unsuccessful attempts to locate us, Herod sent for the magi. (EXITS with JOSEPH. HEROD ENTERS as CRONIES ONE and TWO meekly ENTER opposite.)

CRONY ONE: We can’t find him, boss. We looked everywheres.

CRONY TWO: Yeah, dere ain’t no messiah we can find.

CRONY ONE: Sorry, boss.

HEROD: (Exaggerated gesture.) Fuggedaboutit. (Slaps CRONY ONE’S face.) Eh, I know yous did your best. (Snaps his fingers and CRONY THREE ENTERS.)

CRONY THREE: You called?

HEROD: Yeah, I gots a job for ya. I want yous t’ take these two on a little trip.

CRONY TWO: (Exchanges a nervous glance with CRONY ONE. Pleads.) But, boss…

1 CRONY TWO: (Exchanges a nervous glance with CRONY ONE. Pleads.)

But, boss…

HEROD: Go with Josie here. She’s got somethin’ special for ya. (Kisses CRONIES ONE and TWO on the cheek and waves them away. To CRONY THREE.) When you’re done, bring me da wise guys. (CRONIES EXIT.)

(Kisses CRONIES ONE and TWO on the cheek and waves them away. To CRONY THREE.) When you’re done, bring me da wise guys. (CRONIES EXIT.)

5 away. To CRONY THREE.) When you’re done, bring me da wise guys.

(CRONIES EXIT.)

DEVIL: (ENTERS.) Hey. Psst.

HEROD: (To WRITER.) What’s he doin’ here?

WRITER: Not quite sure yet. I haven’t finished the scene.

DEVIL: I’m a part of the story too.

HEROD: Whaddaya want?

DEVIL: Nothing. Just checking on my property.

HEROD: Look, my soul is still mine, see, ’til I die. Besides, ya gotta make good on your promise first.

DEVIL: Oh, I intend to. Just get the job done, and the world will be yours as promised.

HEROD: (Relishing.) Herod, king of da world.

DEVIL: Not until you find You-Know-Who and take care of him.

HEROD: Yeah, yeah, yeah, now get outta here. Ya botherin’ me.

DEVIL: There’s no respect anymore. (EXITS.)

CRONY THREE: (ENTERS.) Boss, da wise guys are here. (WISE MEN ENTER. MELCHIOR carries a feather pen, notepad and abacus.)

GASPAR: (Bows.) Your Highness, I am Gaspar and these are my esteemed colleagues, Balthazar and Melchior. I believe you sent for us?

25 for us?

HEROD: Yeah. Come in. Can I get yous somethin’? Hows about a sandwich? (Picks up WRITER’S sandwich.)

WRITER: Hey! Get your own! (HEROD snaps his fingers and CRONY THREE EXITS.)

BALTHAZAR: No, thank you. We are in a bit of a hurry.

MELCHIOR: If I may be so bold, Your Highness, why did you send for us?

HEROD: Rumor has it there’s a baby been born. All da people are excited. They say he’s a king.

MELCHIOR: Yes, we have heard. We have been tracking the strange star in the east to locate the child king.

HEROD: (Groans to himself, then recovers.) I’d like t’ know him. I think we might have a lot in common.

GASPAR: If I may, Your Highness. From what we know of this most majestic child (HEROD groans again.) and know of prophecies, you would have nothing in common with this king.

GASPAR: If I may, Your Highness. From what we know of this most majestic child (HEROD groans again.) and know of prophecies, you would have nothing in common with this king.

HEROD: (Big smile.) I like your style, Gaspa’! With dat bein’ said, I still wanna meet him and pay my respects, so t’ speak.

5 wanna meet him and pay my respects, so t’ speak.

MELCHIOR: (Writes frantically.) From some quick calculations based upon the star’s location, we should be able to find said child within one month of departure from Jerusalem.

BALTHAZAR: Did you factor in the wind velocity and the humidity, Melchior?

10 Melchior?

GASPAR: With all due respect, Balthazar, humidity is irrelevant. Wind velocity I will give you. Perhaps we should account for fluctuations in the temperature and the alignment of the planets to the moon.

MELCHIOR: Excellent point, Gaspar. So, with aforementioned items… (Works on an abacus.) …that brings total travel time to 39 days.

15 (Works on an abacus.) …that brings total travel time to 39 days.

BALTHAZAR: I concur.

GASPAR: All right, then, we shall set foot in the morning when the sun first breaks.

HEROD: (Ignorant.) So, are yous lookin’ for da baby or what?

GASPAR: I believe that is what we just said.

HEROD: And how long until the little brat—er, baby is before me?

BALTHAZAR: If all goes well, we should return within two and a half months.

HEROD: Any sooner and there will be somethin’ more waitin’ for ya. (Rubs his fingers together to indicate money.) Capice?

25 (Rubs his fingers together to indicate money.) Capice?

BALTHAZAR: We should bring gifts. It would be very rude to show up without something to present to the new royalty. (HEROD groans, but covers it with a cough.)

GASPAR: Agreed. I shall bring the holy anointing oil of frankincense. (Pulls out a bottle.)

30 (Pulls out a bottle.)

BALTHAZAR: Excellent choice, Gaspar. I shall bring myrrh (Pulls out a bottle.), a wonderful aromatic oil with medicinal qualities.

MELCHIOR: And my gift shall be gold (Pulls out a small bag.), a gift truly representing royalty. (To HEROD.) What shall we take on your behalf?

HEROD: My gift? (Ominous.) Oh, I will give it to the child personally.

BALTHAZAR: Very well. Now if you will excuse us, King Herod, we must retire for the evening. We have a long journey ahead and need some rest before the dawn breaks.

HEROD: Yeah sure. I’ll be waitin’ t’ hear from yous. (WISE MEN bow and EXIT. CRONY THREE ENTERS with sandwiches on a plate.)

40 and EXIT. CRONY THREE ENTERS with sandwiches on a plate.)

CRONY THREE: Hey, where’d da smart guys go? I gots their sandwiches.

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file:///C:/Users/Owner/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image005.jpg1 CRONY THREE: Hey, where’d da smart guys go? I gots their sandwiches.

HEROD: They left.

CRONY THREE: Just like that?

HEROD: Just like that.

CRONY THREE: (Whines.) But I made sandwiches.

HEROD: Theys got a job t’ do.

CRONY THREE: (Disappointed.) Oh! An’ these are real good sandwiches, too. (Eats one.)

HEROD: Enough with the sandwiches. Now git outta here. (CRONY THREE starts to leave.) But leave me da food. (CRONY THREE EXITS.) Soon, baby king, we will meet and then… (Finger across his throat. He laughs to himself and takes a bite of sandwich.) She’s right, dese are good sandwiches. (EXITS.)

10 THREE starts to leave.) But leave me da food. (CRONY THREE EXITS.) Soon, baby king, we will meet and then… (Finger across his throat. He laughs to himself and takes a bite of sandwich.) She’s right, dese are good sandwiches. (EXITS.)

WRITER: (Eats a sandwich and reads from the laptop screen.) “Good sandwiches.” (Sighs and sits back.) I think I need a break. Maybe a little music. (Goes to the radio, turns it on and returns to the desk chair. MUSIC CUE: CHRISTMAS CAROL. WRITER slowly drifts off to sleep. [OPTIONAL: EXTRAS may ENTER and sing along with the carol.])

15 sandwiches.” (Sighs and sits back.) I think I need a break. Maybe a little music. (Goes to the radio, turns it on and returns to the desk chair. MUSIC CUE: CHRISTMAS CAROL. WRITER slowly drifts off to sleep. [OPTIONAL: EXTRAS may ENTER and sing along with the carol.])

MOM: (From OFFSTAGE.) You okay down there? (ENTERS UP CENTER in workout clothes and crosses to turn the radio off. MUSIC OUT. Notices WRITER sleeping, smiles and places a blanket around WRITER. MOM quietly picks up the dirty dishes [but not the plate of sandwiches] and EXITS UP CENTER.)

SHEPHERD: (ENTERS, carrying a staff. Notices WRITER and gently tries to wake her. Quiet.) Excuse me. (WRITER wakes.) Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you. My name is Yamin. I’m ready to tell you my part of the story.

WRITER: (Disoriented.) Your story?

SHEPHERD: The shepherds’ story.

WRITER: The shepherds have a story?

SHEPHERD: Everyone has a story. So here goes. The angel came. We were told to follow the star. Find the baby. We were scared. The angel said I bring good news. And there was a heavenly host. We saw the baby and told everyone the good news.

35 saw the baby and told everyone the good news.

WRITER: That’s the story? I’m familiar with it.

SHEPHERD: Well, then why haven’t you written the shepherd part yet?

WRITER: (Yawns.) You just did, and you summed it up quite nicely. It’s the part everyone knows. I don’t see the need to add any more. I’m trying to take a more honest approach this year, something from a different angle than the usual “must tell moments.”

40 I’m trying to take a more honest approach this year, something from a different angle than the usual “must tell moments.”

from a different angle than the usual “must tell moments.”

SHEPHERD: What’s more honest than meeting Jesus for the first time? We all came to him differently. If the stories weren’t important, why bother writing them down in the first place? Surely there is someone who identifies with us. Perhaps, it’s time you listened with new ears. You might be surprised at what you learn from the same old story.

5 with new ears. You might be surprised at what you learn from the same old story.

WRITER: Okay, try me.

SHEPHERD: (Crosses DOWN CENTER.) I was in the field with my siblings. We were in charge of over 500 sheep. It was a beautiful, crisp night. Thousands of stars in the sky. In the east was one that shined brighter than the rest, hanging just over Bethlehem.

10 crisp night. Thousands of stars in the sky. In the east was one that shined brighter than the rest, hanging just over Bethlehem.

WRITER: The star the angel told you to follow.

SHEPHERD: Right. The bottom of the star seemed to reach all the way to the ground. My brothers and I were discussing how many sheep we could count by the light of the star.

15 we could count by the light of the star.

GABRIEL: (ENTERS.) Don’t you mean making wagers?

SHEPHERD: (Startled.) Gabriel! You scared me—again!

GABRIEL: My apologies. I just thought I would help with the accuracy of your story.

SHEPHERD: One of these days you’re going to give me a heart attack. And for your information, we weren’t making wagers. (GABRIEL shoots him a look.) Well, at least not real ones. None of us had any money to actually follow through.

WRITER: How about we get back to the story? You noticed the star and then Gabriel came for a visit. What happened next?

25 and then Gabriel came for a visit. What happened next?

SHEPHERD: We were counting our sheep when the star began to grow. At least we thought it was growing. (Dramatic.) The light from it began to shine so bright, and the sky looked like morning had come early. We shielded our eyes from its intensity. (Laughs and goes to WRITER.) One of my brothers, I think it was Joshua, hollered for us to take cover. This, of course, was ridiculous, considering we were in the middle of a field. (Collapses on WRITER’S shoulder, laughing uncontrollably. Gains control, wiping away “tears.”) Still, I dropped to the ground and covered my head with my hands. That’s when I heard the voice. (Pauses and waits.) I said I heard a voice.

30 goes to WRITER.) One of my brothers, I think it was Joshua, hollered for us to take cover. This, of course, was ridiculous, considering we were in the middle of a field. (Collapses on WRITER’S shoulder, laughing uncontrollably. Gains control, wiping away “tears.”) Still, I dropped to the ground and covered my head with my hands. That’s

35 when I heard the voice. (Pauses and waits.) I said I heard a voice.

GABRIEL: Oh, you want me to do it?

SHEPHERD: Please.

GABRIEL: (As the voice.) Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. (Stops. SHEPHERD motions for GABRIEL to continue.) The long awaited Messiah has arrived. (Again there is a pause and motion for continuation. GABRIEL sighs heavily.) Today in Bethlehem, the town of David, a child was born for you. He is Christ the Lord, foretold by the prophets.

40 for GABRIEL to continue.) The long awaited Messiah has arrived.

(Again there is a pause and motion for continuation. GABRIEL sighs heavily.) Today in Bethlehem, the town of David, a child was born for you. He is Christ the Lord, foretold by the prophets.

1 heavily.) Today in Bethlehem, the town of David, a child was born for you. He is Christ the Lord, foretold by the prophets.

1 heavily.) Today in Bethlehem, the town of David, a child was born for you. He is Christ the Lord, foretold by the prophets.

SHEPHERD: (Pause, as he waits for more from GABRIEL. As if offering a prompt for a forgotten line.) How will we find him? There must be hundreds of babies. How will we know we have found the right one?

5 hundreds of babies. How will we know we have found the right one?

GABRIEL: (Still as the voice.) Follow the star by night—it will be your sign. The child you seek is wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.

SHEPHERD: Then a whole host of angels appeared and said…

HOST ANGEL: (ENTERS. Bored, sucking on a lollipop.) Peace on Earth. Goodwill to men.

SHEPHERD: Where are the others?

HOST ANGEL: (Angry.) I can speak for everyone. We don’t have to always be together. It’s not like were attached at the hips or anything.

15 anything.

SHEPHERD: (To WRITER.) Check out the attitude on this one.

HOST ANGEL: (Looks around.) I suppose I have to leave now. My part’s done. (They ALL shrug.) Just once I’d like a bigger part. Instead it’s peace and out. (Does the peace out sign and stormily EXITS.)

SHEPHERD: So anyway, we packed up and headed to Bethlehem. End scene. (Bows.) Well, what do you think?

WRITER: Of what?

SHEPHERD: My story.

WRITER: It’s pretty much what we talked about before.

SHEPHERD: Don’t you see? That’s the beauty of the story. The pure honesty of it. We didn’t need anything more to believe. The story is that simple. Jesus is there, go see him, worship him and tell everyone you meet.

WRITER: You’re right. I guess I did learn something.

GABRIEL: (Laughs.) Good job, Yamin.

SHEPHERD: Thank you. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to find that little angel. She needs to know how important she is, even if she is one of many. Coming, Gabriel?

GABRIEL: Coming. (EXITS with SHEPHERD.)

HEROD: (From OFF.) Where are dose wise guys? (ENTERS with CRONIES. To WRITER.) You again. I’m looking for da wise guys.

WRITER: Well, they’re not here.

HEROD: I’m gettin’ upset here. They told me two and a half months, but it’s been three months. Where are they?

CRONY THREE: Maybe dey got lost.

HEROD: (Mocks.) Maybe dey got lost. What’s da matter with you?

1 HEROD: (Mocks.) Maybe dey got lost. What’s da matter with you?

CRONY TWO: (Sees the tray.) Hey, look. Sandwiches. (To WRITER.) May I?

May I?

WRITER: Knock yourself out. (CRONY TWO picks up a sandwich and gives half to CRONY ONE. HEROD walks over and watches them.)

5 gives half to CRONY ONE. HEROD walks over and watches them.)

CRONY ONE: (Mouth full.) What?

HEROD: I should’ve let Josie here take care a you. (To CRONY THREE.) Why I let you talk me into savin’ these guys, I’ll never know.

Why I let you talk me into savin’ these guys, I’ll never know.

CRONY THREE: (Complains.) Dey’re family, boss.

HEROD: (Mocks.) Dey’re family. (Orders.) Come on! (They EXIT.)

BALTHAZAR: (ENTERS cautiously.) Is he gone?

WRITER: Yes.

BALTHAZAR: (Calls OFF.) It’s okay, fellows. He’s gone.

GASPAR: (ENTERS with MELCHIOR.) Thank you for covering for us.

MELCHIOR: That guy really scares me.

GASPAR: Me, too.

BALTHAZAR: And me three. In fact, I had a very strange dream that King Herod actually wants to hurt the Christ child. Upon further analysis of my fear, I believe the dream must mean something.

MELCHIOR: I could not agree more. I think it would be prudent to go home via an alternate route. (Looks at a map.)

GASPAR: (To WRITER.) You would be wise to avoid King Herod yourself.

WRITER: Don’t worry. I’m protected by a couple thousand years.

GASPAR: I wish there was a way to keep Herod from harming this child.

MELCHIOR: Perhaps we could create a falsehood that would throw Herod off track.

BALTHAZAR: Brilliant, Melchior. Surely our great minds could devise a ruse so incredible that Herod would never locate the child. (They huddle, whisper and then break.)

GASPAR: Let us send word at once of this untruth.

WRITER: Before you go, how should I describe the meeting of baby Jesus?

MELCHIOR: Extraordinary.

BALTHAZAR: Splendid.

35 GASPAR: Life-changing.

BALTHAZAR: Stupendous.

MELCHIOR: Phenomenal.

GASPAR: Tremendous.

BALTHAZAR: Astounding.

MELCHIOR: Remarkable.

GASPAR: Awesome.

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MELCHIOR: Outstanding.

file:///C:/Users/Owner/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image006.jpg1 MELCHIOR: Remarkable. GASPAR: Awesome. MELCHIOR: Outstanding. GASPAR: Magnificent.

GASPAR: Magnificent.

BALTHAZAR: Wonderful.

WRITER: (Interjects.) Gotta love the thesaurus, eh?

BALTHAZAR: There truly are not enough words to describe that night.

GASPAR: And not enough time. We must be on our way.

MELCHIOR: Yes, yes, quite right. Time is of the essence. Farewell, woman of words. (They EXIT as MARY and JOSEPH ENTER.)

10 woman of words. (They EXIT as MARY and JOSEPH ENTER.)

MARY: (Waves.) Godspeed, friends.

WRITER: It must have been frightening knowing you were being hunted by a lunatic.

MARY: Terrifying. At first we had no idea. We stayed in Bethlehem for Jesus’s first two years. The magi did a wonderful job of throwing Herod off track, but…

15 Jesus’s first two years. The magi did a wonderful job of throwing Herod off track, but…

JOSEPH: But Herod was relentless in his search. It was only a matter of time before he did something awful. (MARY and JOSEPH EXIT.)

HEROD: (Screams in anger from OFF. Storms IN with CRONIES.) Those rats. I should’ve known I couldn’t trust men in fancy robes. CRONY ONE: Uhhh, boss, aren’t you wearing a fancy robe? HEROD: Oh, a funny guy.

20 rats. I should’ve known I couldn’t trust men in fancy robes. CRONY ONE: Uhhh, boss, aren’t you wearing a fancy robe? HEROD: Oh, a funny guy.

CRONY THREE: He don’t mean nothin’, boss. (To CRONY ONE.) What’s da matter with ya?

CRONY ONE: What? I’s just makin’ an observation.

CRONY TWO: Keeps your observations t’ yaself, unlessen ya wanna git rubbed out. (CRONIES start arguing.)

HEROD: Quiet, yous! Get out. I need to think. (CRONIES EXIT, still arguing.)

DEVIL: (ENTERS. To HEROD.) So, you failed.

HEROD: (Defensive.) I was tricked.

DEVIL: What are you going to do about it? HEROD: Somethin’ awful. (Paces and thinks.) DEVIL: Yes?

HEROD: Something t’ teach everyone who’s boss.

DEVIL: I’m listening. (HEROD stops and smiles at his idea. DEVIL smiles as HEROD gets his idea.) That’s very good, Herod. I didn’t think you had it in you.

HEROD: (Calls.) Get in here, all a yous. (CRONIES ENTER. CRONY THREE has another plate of sandwiches.)

1 HEROD: (Calls.) Get in here, all a yous. (CRONIES ENTER. CRONY THREE has another plate of sandwiches.)

WRITER: (Alarmed.) What’s going on?

DEVIL: (To WRITER.) You know this part.

WRITER: (Remembers.) No! He can’t!

DEVIL: (Evil laugh.) Oh yes.

WRITER: It’s the worst part.

DEVIL: No. This is when it gets good.

CRONY ONE: You called us, boss?

HEROD: Yeah. Because you have failed to find da child or da wise guys, I have a new task for yous.

CRONY TWO: Anything. (CRONY THREE eats a sandwich.)

HEROD: Again with the sandwiches?

CRONY THREE: I was hungry.

HEROD: (Takes the sandwiches away.) I need ya t’ find all da boys age two and younger throughout Jerusalem and Bethlehem and take care of ’em.

CRONY THREE: What, like babysittin’?

HEROD: No, ya blockhead. I’m talkin’ about puttin’ ’em to sleep.

CRONY TWO: I like sleepin’ babies.

HEROD: (Ominous.) To sleep… permanently.

CRONY ONE: Ya mean… ?

HEROD/DEVIL: (Evil smiles.) Exactly.

CRONY TWO: But, boss!

CRONY THREE: Dey’re just babies.

WRITER: (Bold.) I won’t write this!

CRONY ONE: (Crosses to WRITER, pleads.) Yeah, can’t you write somethin’ else?

CRONY TWO: (Follows.) Change the story?

HEROD: (Demands.) This is my story. Write it.

WRITER: (Near tears.) I can’t.

DEVIL: (Smirks.) You can’t rewrite history.

GABRIEL: (ENTERS. Calm.) That’s right. You can’t rewrite history.

DEVIL: What are you doing here? This is my part.

GABRIEL: On the contrary. It’s my part. You see, when Herod made his decision, God was again one step ahead of you. God sent me to warn Joseph, remember?

JOSEPH: (ENTERS.) We fled to Egypt.

MARY: (ENTERS.) And raised Jesus there with his brothers and sisters until Herod died.

1 MARY: (ENTERS.) And raised Jesus there with his brothers and sisters until Herod died.

HEROD: Died? Whaddaya talkin’ about?

WRITER: (Smiles.) It’s the end of your story.

HEROD: How can this be?

WRITER: Because this story was never about you. It is, always has been and always will be about Jesus.

GABRIEL: In the beginning was the word, and the word became flesh.

WRITER: And so the Christmas story began, and to this day is still told. (Goes to computer.)

10 told. (Goes to computer.)

HEROD: No! (To DEVIL.) Can’t ya do somethin’?

DEVIL: (Looks at all the triumphant faces and stomps foot.) I hate this story! (Takes HEROD.) Come on.

HEROD: No, wait. Wait! Nooo! (DEVIL pulls HEROD OFF.)

CRONY ONE: (Fearful.) So… ah, what’s gonna happen t’ us?

GABRIEL: (To WRITER.) What do you think? It’s your story at this point.

WRITER: Jesus came to bring salvation, so even they deserve another chance.

GABRIEL: Good point. (To CRONIES.) Okay, you guys are off the hook.

CRONY ONE: Thank you.

CRONY THREE: Yeah, tanks a lot.

GABRIEL: (Warns.) Just behave.

CRONY TWO: We will. Thank you. (MELCHIOR ENTERS tentatively.)

CRONY THREE: (Notices.) Hey, Melchy, come on in. It’s all safe now.

MELCHIOR: It’s Melchior, thank you. (Looks OFF.) Come on in, fellows. It is genuinely safe.

GASPAR: (ENTERS with BALTHAZAR.) Looks like Herod got what was coming to him.

GABRIEL: All bad guys do, eventually.

BALTHAZAR: How profound!

WRITER: (Pulls MARY to the computer.) Mary, it’s finished.

MARY: (Genuine.) Congratulations!

JOSEPH: (Overhears.) Yes, well done. (ALL congratulate WRITER.)

CRONY THREE: (Offers to ALL.) Sandwich?

BALTHAZAR: Don’t mind if I do.

GASPAR: May I?

CRONY THREE: Absolutely.

GASPAR: I have been thinking about these since our first scene.

JOSEPH: It’s beginning to look like a party in here. (Celebration.)

1 JOSEPH: It’s beginning to look like a party in here. (Celebration.)

WRITER: I couldn’t have done it without you all. (ALL respond with various words of gratitude.)

CRONY THREE: You know, it’s not too late for the vaudeville theme. (CRONIES pose. [OPTIONAL: VAUDEVILLE ACTORS can ENTER and pose with them.])

5 (CRONIES pose. [OPTIONAL: VAUDEVILLE ACTORS can ENTER and pose with them.])

WRITER: (In fun.) Don’t say another word, or I may change my mind about you guys. (ALL laugh.)

GABRIEL: Now that you’re done with this, you can begin working on the Easter show! (WRITER collapses into chair and CRONIES fan the WRITER.)

10 the Easter show! (WRITER collapses into chair and CRONIES fan the WRITER.)

ALL: Shhh!

SHEPHERD: (ENTERS with HOST ANGEL, YOUNG MARY and TEENMARY.) I’m telling you, you’re the one!

MARY.) I’m telling you, you’re the one!

HOST ANGEL: No, you’re the important one.

SHEPHERD: Don’t be silly. It’s all you.

TEEN MARY: Here they go again.

HOST ANGEL: You.

SHEPHERD: You! (They continue arguing ad-lib.)

YOUNG MARY: (Over them as they debate.) Guys! Guys! Everyone is a part of the story, and everyone has an important role to play.

GASPAR: She is very wise for her years. (ALL agree.)

TEEN MARY: Taught her everything she knows.

WRITER: She’s right. Even those of us who didn’t actually live the events have a role to play. It’s up to us to tell the story.

25 events have a role to play. It’s up to us to tell the story.

JOSEPH: And keep telling it.

MARY: That is a very important role.

WRITER: I know that now.

CRONY TWO: I love a happy ending.

CRONY ONE: (Wipes eyes.) Me, too.

CRONY THREE: Sandwiches for everyone! (ALL celebrate.)

MOM: (From OFF.) What is going on in there? (ALL FREEZE as MOM ENTERS UP CENTER. She wears her robe and curlers again.) Sounds like a party. (Looks around and shakes her head.) I’m just tired. I need to go to bed. (EXITS UP CENTER, mumbling. OTHERS UNFREEZE and laugh.)

35 tired. I need to go to bed. (EXITS UP CENTER, mumbling. OTHERS UNFREEZE and laugh.)

WRITER: There’s only one thing left to write.

HOST ANGEL: I know. Peace on Earth, goodwill to men.

WRITER: Nope.

SHEPHERD: Merry Christmas?

NOTE: PHOTOCOPYING THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS

file:///C:/Users/Owner/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image007.jpg1 SHEPHERD: Merry Christmas?

WRITER: Uh-uh.

MARY: What then?

WRITER: Hold on. (Sits at the computer and types.)

MARY: (Looks at the screen and laughs.) Ah!

ALL: The end. (ALL, except WRITER, EXIT. WRITER takes a final look at the screen, then closes the laptop, stands and looks around, remembering the characters from the story. She smiles and turns on the radio. MUSIC CUE: CHRISTMAS CAROL. She lies on the futon and drifts off to sleep as the LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.)

10 and drifts off to sleep as the LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.)

END OF PLAY