E009 How to Be a Great Wife, Part 3
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For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
You are listening to the Truly My Disciples podcast where each week we strive to understand what the Lord’s will is so that we can abide in his word and truly be one of His disciples.
We’re your hosts John Gentry and Phillip Stuckey.
Our podcast title and theme come from the words of Jesus in , “IF you abide in my word, you are TRULY my disciples, and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”
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Let’s get into our topic for today: Being Great Wives, Part 3
In the previous lesson / episode, we discussed that true disciples of Jesus who are great wives
Revere their husbands and
Subject themselves to their husbands.
And how these two characteristics of godly wives is countercultural
In this lesson / episode we want to conclude this miniseries on being great wives by looking at four responsibilities that great wives fulfill toward their husbands.
The first responsibility we want to discuss is that to be a great wife, you will …
Love Your Husband
Love Your Husband
John
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
Titus
Phil
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
God planned that wives would love their husbands. Interestingly, the word for love in the Greek in (philandros) is a word that means affection for one’s husband. It is a kind of love that can be taught to younger women by older women.
John Chrysostom: “To love their husbands.” This is the chief point of all that is good in a household, “A man and his wife that agree together.” (.) For where this exists, there will be nothing that is unpleasant. For where the head is in harmony with the body, and there is no disagreement between them, how shall not all the other members be at peace? For when the rulers are at peace, who is there to divide and break up concord? as on the other hand, where these are ill disposed to each other, there will be no good order in the house. This then is a point of the highest importance, and of more consequence than wealth, or rank, or power, or aught else. Nor has he said merely to be at peace, but “to love their husbands.” For where love is, no discord will find admittance, far from it, other advantages too spring up.
John Chrysostom: “To love their husbands.” This is the chief point of all that is good in a household, “A man and his wife that agree together.” (.) For where this exists, there will be nothing that is unpleasant. For where the head is in harmony with the body, and there is no disagreement between them, how shall not all the other members be at peace? For when the rulers are at peace, who is there to divide and break up concord? as on the other hand, where these are ill disposed to each other, there will be no good order in the house. This then is a point of the highest importance, and of more consequence than wealth, or rank, or power, or aught else. Nor has he said merely to be at peace, but “to love their husbands.” For where love is, no discord will find admittance, far from it, other advantages too spring up.
“To love their children.” This is well added, since she who loves the root, will much more love the fruit.
1. The young women are “to love their husbands and children.” This compound phrase in English expresses two Greek terms that were often used in Paul’s day to describe characteristics highly desirable in a woman. (Lea, T. D., & Griffin, H. P. (2001). Vol. 34: 1, 2 Timothy, Titus (electronic ed.). Logos Library System; The New American Commentary (300). Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers.)
2. J.N.D. Kelly (Pastoral Epistles, 240–41) states: “In antiquity, among pagans and Jews alike, these twin virtues were regarded as the glory of young womanhood, and are frequently mentioned on funerary inscription.” (ibid.)
3. This exhortation is still needed where some married women prefer poodle-dogs to children. (Robertson, A. (1997). Word Pictures in the New Testament (). Oak Harbor: Logos Research Systems.)
4. Example: Julius Bassus to Otacilia Polla my sweetest wife, who loved her husband and children and lived with him blamelessly for thirty years. (Vincent, M. R. (2002). Word studies in the New Testament (). Bellingham, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.)
Remember, marriage is a relationship that is designed by God to bring joy to the man and the woman by providing lifelong companionship (). Just as God expects the husband to love, cherish, and honor his wife, the wife must do the same. Even though there will be times when it will not be easy to love and to cherish him, God expects you to work together and to love your husband. Do not take him for granted, but encourage him and help him to serve the Lord together ().
Want to be a great wife? Love your husband.
Second, to be a great wife, you need to …
Be Faithful to Your Husband
Be Faithful to Your Husband
John
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Phil
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
It is shocking how many people have been unfaithful to their spouse. It is difficult to put a number on the percentage of husbands and wives that have been involved or are involved in an adulterous relationship. The most recent numbers I have found show that there is very little difference in the percentages of men versus women. It is suggested that around half of all husbands and wives have been or are involved in an adulterous relationship (for various statistics, simply google “adultery stats”). One report even suggests that as many as 80% of all marriages have been affected by adultery (Vaughan). The Lord’s church is not immune to infidelity. Within the last two years four or five preachers known to me have been involved in affairs, one was even a mentor of mine. (from article, “A Clash About Marriage”)
Marriage is a committed relationship between one man and one woman where physical and emotional intimacy are good and holy. Just as God expects a man to leave and cleave to his wife, so God desires that a wife be faithful to her husband (). God’s design for the wife is for her to be faithful to her husband and to not be sexually intimate with anyone else (). The challenge in our society is for women to guard their hearts and minds from all of the sexual temptation that permeates our daily lives (cp. ).
Just as the word of God also encourages husbands to be intoxicated with the wife of their youth, to be filled by her breasts and to be completely satisfied by her at all times visually, mentally, emotionally and physically, wives should be the same with their own husbands (). Be as Job and make a covenant with your eyes that you will not gaze upon another man (; cf. )! (from article, “A Clash About Marriage”)
John
Drink water from your own cistern,
flowing water from your own well.
Should your springs be scattered abroad,
streams of water in the streets?
Let them be for yourself alone,
and not for strangers with you.
Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love.
Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman
and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?
For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the Lord,
and he ponders all his paths.
The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him,
and he is held fast in the cords of his sin.
He dies for lack of discipline,
and because of his great folly he is led astray.
Phil
“I have made a covenant with my eyes;
how then could I gaze at a virgin?
“I have made a covenant with my eyes;
how then could I gaze at a virgin?
John
Drink water from your own cistern,
flowing water from your own well.
Should your springs be scattered abroad,
streams of water in the streets?
Let them be for yourself alone,
and not for strangers with you.
Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love.
Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman
and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?
For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the Lord,
and he ponders all his paths.
The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him,
and he is held fast in the cords of his sin.
He dies for lack of discipline,
and because of his great folly he is led astray.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.
Instead of being lured into temptation, a woman must commit herself to be true to her husband and to save herself for him and no other ().
To be a great wife, you need to be faithful to your husband.
We’re gonna take a short break. When we come back we’ll discuss two more points.
[COMMERCIAL]
Third, to be a great wife, you need to …
Remain With Your Husband for Life.
Remain With Your Husband for Life.
John
For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.
Phil
To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
A Clash About Divorce: A couple of years ago I overheard Dr. Phil say that if a person was not happy in his marriage then he needed to get out of it. Last year I saw Matt Lauer interviewing an author of a new book on marriage, divorce and remarriage. She, too, stated that when a person gets to the point in his marriage where he is no longer happy then he needs to get out of it. Both reasoned that it was destructive to a person’s emotional, mental and even physical health to stay in an unhappy marriage. It is no longer unusual for someone to get married three or four times during his life. Sadly, like cohabitation, divorce has become a normal part of our society. As mentioned earlier, nearly every congregation of the Lord’s people in this country has been affected by divorce. And many of our brethren are working hard to find new ways to allow for divorce.
A Clash About Divorce: A couple of years ago I overheard Dr. Phil say that if a person was not happy in his marriage then he needed to get out of it. Last year I saw Matt Lauer interviewing an author of a new book on marriage, divorce and remarriage. She, too, stated that when a person gets to the point in his marriage where he is no longer happy then he needs to get out of it. Both reasoned that it was destructive to a person’s emotional, mental and even physical health to stay in an unhappy marriage. It is no longer unusual for someone to get married three or four times during his life. Sadly, like cohabitation, divorce has become a normal part of our society. As mentioned earlier, nearly every congregation of the Lord’s people in this country has been affected by divorce. And many of our brethren are working hard to find new ways to allow for divorce.
While our culture says divorce is okay or even good, the Lord says, “I hate divorce” (, NASU). Paul charged the married, “the wife should not separate from her husband…and the husband should not divorce his wife” (, ESV). Jesus said, “What God has joined together, let not man separate” (, ESV). A husband and wife once bound or joined together by God are bound for life (; ).
No amount of expert research or testimony can change the teaching of God. It is not okay to divorce your spouse for just any reason or because you are no longer happy with him or her (cf. ). God’s plan is one man for one woman for life. (from article, “A Clash About Marriage”)
On vows, see ; ; .
To be a great wife, you must remain with your husband for life.
Fourth, to be a great wife, you need to …
Be Your Husband’s Helper
Be Your Husband’s Helper
Phil
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
Ge
The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.
John
Traditionally “helper.” The English word “helper,” because it can connote so many different ideas, does not accurately convey the connotation of the Hebrew word עֵזֶר (’ezer). Usage of the Hebrew term does not suggest a subordinate role, a connotation which English “helper” can have. In the Bible God is frequently described as the “helper,” the one who does for us what we cannot do for ourselves, the one who meets our needs. In this context the word seems to express the idea of an “indispensable companion.” The woman would supply what the man was lacking in the design of creation and logically it would follow that the man would supply what she was lacking, although that is not stated here. See further M. L. Rosenzweig, “A Helper Equal to Him,” Jud 139 (1986): 277–80.
Phil
and the name of the other, Eliezer (for he said, “The God of my father was my help, and delivered me from the sword of Pharaoh”).
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
OUTRO
Well that is all the time we have for this episode. We thank you again for taking the time to be with us today. Lord willing, next week we we will discuss some practical ways we can help our spouses obtain eternal life.
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Please join us next time as we continue to seek to abide in Christ’s word so we can truly be His disciples.
Thanks so much, John.
And thank you Phil.
You’ve been listening to Truly My Disciples.
Music on today’s episode is from Narrow Way’s Rise album. For more on this album or their other music, visit NarrowWayMusic.com.
Thanks for listening. Take care and God bless.