Four Words for Your Marriage Part 2

1) The Bible calls husbands to unconditional love.

Ephesians 5:25 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

How did Jesus love?

Jesus modeled radical love.

Who did Jesus love?

Jesus loved the undeserving.

2) The Bible call wives to unconditional respect. 1 Peter 3:1

1 Peter 3:1 ESV

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,

Husbands should seek to be worthy of their wives respect.

Proverbs 31:23 ESV

Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.

(ESV)

23  Her husband is known in the gates

23Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.

when he sits among the elders of the land.

The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.

Husbands will not always be worthy of respect.

3) A conditional mindset leads to unhealthy marriages.

Conditional behavior is driven by selfishness and leads to dissatisfaction.

Philippians 2:3–5 ESV

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,

Emerson Eggerichs’ story of forgetting his wife’s birthday.

1 and 2 Thessalonians: An Introduction and Commentary 2. Prayer of Thanksgiving (1:2–3)

When this love comes to us we are faced with a challenge we cannot ignore. Once we see that God is like that, that God loves as part of his very nature, that God loves in a way that means Calvary, we must make a decision. Either we yield to the divine agapē to be transformed by it, to be remade in the divine image, to see people in a measure as God sees them, or we do not. And if we do not, in that lies our condemnation. We have shut ourselves up to lovelessness. But those who yield themselves to God are transformed by the power of the divine agapē, so that they rejoice to give themselves in the service of others. Paul thanks God that this is what the Thessalonians have done.

The Crazy Cycle (from Emerson Eggerichs): Without love, she reacts without respect. Without respect, he reacts without love.

Discussion w/ Claire about Caleb’s baby bedding...

4) Marriage sanity is restored when one or both parties in the marriage act unconditionally.

Unconditional behavior is supernatural, so ask the Lord for help.

Unconditional behavior can start with one person.

…Let’s say, you are the only one who decides, “My selfishness is the thing I am going to work on.” What will happen? Usually there is not much immediate response from the other side. But often, over time, your attitude and behavior will begin to soften your partner. He or she can see the pains you are taking. And it will be easier for you spouse to admit his or her faults because you are no longer always talking about them yourself. So if both of you decide to work on your selfishness and minister to the other, the prospects for your marriage are great. But even if only one of you dies it, your prospects are still good. Tim Keller

The Point: Our marriages will be healthier, happier, and holier when spouses extend unconditional love and respect.