Flipping The Script

I've been working on pics and music and obit and other things today; it's going ok.

I heard back from someone who we were hoping would be speaking- Matt Varnell, Trena's/Sharon's (the many names thing; we can talk about that!) counselor for the last year or so. He has been a tremendous help to Trena in dealing with her illness and things like that. I joined in on one session recently, and it was really great. Matt is a wonderful person who admired Trena's strength so very much. I know he will be good.

I suppose we need to give you a little more background on Sharon/Tracy/Trena. How can we do that efficiently? Her mom was reminding me of how she was a daddy's girl, a tomboy, etc. She rode 3-wheelers and motorcycles, practiced martial arts and loved kung fu movies. She loved animals so much, especially dogs. I think she liked dogs more than people because of their unconditional love, etc. She loved to read. She was a hard worker in school and at her job. We cherished our fall vacations at the coast, Topsail Island. We were supposed to go one more time a few weeks ago; everything was planned and she was partially packed, doing things ahead because she had been ill and tired and not at her best. Then things turned worse, she ended up in the hosptial on 10/24, first at Rex, then transferred to UNC Hospitals; total of 23 days. All she wanted was to come home; she did, on 11/15, but alas she only had a little over on day with us; she was so worn out and I think something set her on a path to freedom. So we never got to take our last beach trip; we are all heartbroken over this too as she so much wanted to go. Awful.

I sent the completed obit to Wendy; I'll attach it here so you can see it and get a sense of her from that. She was just such an honest, moral, ethical, virtuous person. I have never met anyone quite like her.

I'm copying an email I sent to her email group of friends, co-workers, and my friends and co-workers. It reflects things as I announced her passing: For those of you who have not found the announcement,

A funeral service will be held for Trena at 4 p.m. on Tuesday, November 21, 2017 at Brown-Wynne Funeral Home 200 SE Maynard Rd. Cary, NC 27511. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund Alliance or to the SPCA of Wake County.

Acts 9:31 NASB95

So the church throughout all Judea and Galilee and Samaria enjoyed peace, being built up; and going on in the fear of the Lord and in the comfort of the Holy Spirit, it continued to increase.

All those who should wish to speak a few kind words about Trena at the service will be most welcomed and are warmly encouraged to do so.

Thank you all,

Steven

Acts 9:31

On Sat, Nov 18, 2017 at 9:03 AM, Steven Nagar, CVM Imaging Core <[e-mail]> wrote:

It is with painful sadness that I must write to tell you that my beloved Trena has passed away after an epic battle with her ongoing nemesis, clear cell ovarian cancer. She fought this despicable disease valiantly and graciously for over two years, against impossible odds, but in the end she was just too exhausted from the many surgeries, chemos, immunotherapy, targeted therapy, clinical trials and the ravaging effects from the cancer itself. As validated by her doctors, we truly tried and did everything we could possibly do to keep Trena around as long as possible, but advanced ovarian cancer is almost never curable. There were times of partial responses from the various treatments, the longest barely 6 months, but we constantly had to be on the move to find the next treatment that could be the elusive “magic bullet.” We were hoping for at least some extended disease-free or stable periods, but she never truly had a break that would allow her to at least, as she put it, “just get my normal life back.” That’s all we both wanted. To have some substantial sense of normalcy and peace, to share our simple life, and to just grow old together. Too much to ask?

Trena was able to come home after spending over three weeks in hospitals; enough to drive anyone to the brink. She just wanted to come home and have some quality remaining time. She came home, but the stay was short; not even two days. But she got here, she met her goal. That’s what matters.

I am heartbroken and destroyed. Her mother is devastated and I am really worried about her. We will try to get through this somehow. It’s all so cruel and makes no sense to me. People say everything happens for a purpose; God’s purpose, or whatever power. I am still waiting for an explanation that would make this reasonable and acceptable. To torture one of the most beautiful people and take her from those she loved. Why? All I can conclude is sometimes things just happen with no good reason. Cancer sucks.

Trena always deeply appreciated the kindness, prayers and encouragement she received from her supporters. The biggest cheer leading squad was there. The science, the medicine, the determination, and the hope were all there, but the cure was not. Cancer just laughed wickedly, moved ahead with no mercy, and took my soulmate, my wife. She passed peacefully and was not in pain. Small blessings at least.

In the end, Trena was most afraid of simply not existing, being forgotten. We must show her otherwise. She will never be forgotten; quite the contrary. She will always be a fixture in my heart, my broken heart. We are planning a service for Trena early next week; details will be announced.

Thank you all for the support, love, and kindness you have continued to give to me and my lovely and gracious Trena.

Defeatedly,

Steve

The Stories of Stephen

The Stories of Stephen

Abraham

Moses

David

Jesus

Philip and the Phony

Simon

The Eunuch

Saul Becoming Bro. Saul

An encounter with Jesus

A life of suffering