Respectful Sins Session Eight

Key Verse

Proverbs 25:28 ESV

A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

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Galatians 5:19–21 ESV

Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Get Focused

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) Get Focused

What Is Self-Control?

Self-control … is a governance or prudent control of one’s desires, cravings, impulses, emotions, and passions. It is saying no when we should say no. It is moderation in legitimate desires and activities, and absolute restraint in areas that are clearly sinful.

Chapter 13, Respectable Sins

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) Get Focused

Self-control is unpopular in many circles. Our culture offers many temptations and encourages us to fulfill our desires. Go ahead, experience it. Buy it. Try it. It’s your right. You’ve earned it.

Through words and personal examples, the Bible says much about self-control. Solomon backslid horribly because he lacked self-control. Other biblical characters lost their tempers, ate to excess during Communion-related meals, and became materialistic. As believers, we experience passions of the flesh that wage war against our souls (see 1 Peter 2:11).

Most of us recognize boundaries that tend to restrain us from obvious sins, but otherwise we pretty much live as we please. Knowing it is easy for us to say yes instead of no, and indulge sinful desires, God emphasizes self-control repeatedly. It is even listed in the fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22–23). You see, this self-control is not control by our own willpower, but rather control of ourselves through the Holy Spirit’s power.

Since humankind’s earliest days, envy, jealousy, and related sins—such as sinful competitiveness and trying to control people—have caused great problems. For example, jealous Cain killed Abel (see Genesis 4:1–8). It’s easy to respond with envy and jealousy when people enjoy advantages and blessings we don’t have, to compare ourselves to others whose circumstances, talents, and giftedness seem better than ours. And to ignore how vile envy and jealousy really are (see Romans 1:29; Galatians 5:20–21).

Think It Through

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) I. Lack of Self-Control

1. A person lacking self-control is vulnerable to all kinds of temptations. Solomon, who wrote a key verse found at the beginning of this session, illustrates this. What happened to him and the Israelite nation, as recorded in 1 Kings 11:1–6, 29–33?

1 Kings 11:1–6 ESV

Now King Solomon loved many foreign women, along with the daughter of Pharaoh: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women, from the nations concerning which the Lord had said to the people of Israel, “You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods.” Solomon clung to these in love. He had 700 wives, who were princesses, and 300 concubines. And his wives turned away his heart. For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father. For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites. So Solomon did what was evil in the sight of the Lord and did not wholly follow the Lord, as David his father had done.

1 Kings 11:29–33 ESV

And at that time, when Jeroboam went out of Jerusalem, the prophet Ahijah the Shilonite found him on the road. Now Ahijah had dressed himself in a new garment, and the two of them were alone in the open country. Then Ahijah laid hold of the new garment that was on him, and tore it into twelve pieces. And he said to Jeroboam, “Take for yourself ten pieces, for thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘Behold, I am about to tear the kingdom from the hand of Solomon and will give you ten tribes (but he shall have one tribe, for the sake of my servant David and for the sake of Jerusalem, the city that I have chosen out of all the tribes of Israel), because they have forsaken me and worshiped Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, Chemosh the god of Moab, and Milcom the god of the Ammonites, and they have not walked in my ways, doing what is right in my sight and keeping my statutes and my rules, as David his father did.

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He got drawn away from the Lord by his foreign wives and didn’t follow wholly like his father David. God took the kingdom away from Solomon as a result.

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) I. Lack of Self-Control

2. What do these verses reveal to you about self-control?

Galatians 5:22–23 ESV

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

The deeds of the Spirit even in the eyes of the world they do not make laws against the Godly virtues listed. If anything this type of behavior is preferred.

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Galatians 5:22–23 ESV

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

2 Timothy 3:1–3 ESV

But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good,

With sin comes difficulty.

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Titus 2:2 ESV

Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.

If you’re older, you should have learned these traits with time.

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Titus 2:5–6 ESV

to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled.

Self-control-The world and sin is out of control but God is in control. Your faith will show that in your dealings. Look at and what happened with the Sadducees and the Pharisees.

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God and confusion do not go together.

1 Corinthians 14:33 ESV

For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. As in all the churches of the saints,

Ecclesiastes 2:10 ESV

And whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I kept my heart from no pleasure, for my heart found pleasure in all my toil, and this was my reward for all my toil.

What do we keep saying, “the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick.”

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) I. Lack of Self-Control

3. Because biblical self-control is not a product of our natural willpower, what trains us to live self-controlled lives? (See Titus 2:11–12.) What does this insight mean to you personally?

Titus 2:11–12 ESV

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age,

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We need to keep God’s word in front of us daily.

God's sovereign saving grace not only is a deliverer but also a teacher, a guide, a counselor. When we were saved, we immediately came under the tutelage of God through His Holy Spirit and through His Word. MacArthur New Testament Commentary – Titus.

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) I. Lack of Self-Control

4. In order for us to exercise self-control, what must we battle unceasingly? (See 1 Peter 2:11.)

1 Peter 2:11 ESV

Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.

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The Flesh for obvious reasons, but how do we do this? Just like we got in a habit of saying yes, we can chose to obey and say no.

Even though regeneration produces a new disposition with holy longings, that new life force remains incarcerated within the old, unredeemed human flesh, precipitating an ongoing battle between the spirit and the flesh. Nevertheless, believers are no longer slaves of unrighteousness, and sin is not their master—they are free from its dominant and exclusive power.

The command to abstain signifies that saints have the ability by the new life and the indwelling Spirit to restrain the lustful flesh, even in a postmodern culture dominated by sensuality, immorality, and moral relativism. MacArthur New Testament Commentary

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) I. Lack of Self-Control

5. “Self-control is dependent,” Jerry writes, “on the influence and enablement of the Holy Spirit. It requires continual exposure of our mind to the words of God and continual prayer for the Holy Spirit to give us both the desire and power to exercise self-control.”

Amen! The key word is “continual” prayer for the Holy Spirit.

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) I. Lack of Self-Control

a. In our individualistic, goal-oriented culture, why is this truth important to remember?

I think we really need to take a look at our goals because I don’t think the truth is #1 for people in general.

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) I. Lack of Self-Control

b. In light of our busy lives, what specific steps can we take to ensure that we expose our minds continually to God’s Word? That we pray regularly and draw closer to God?

Prioritize our prayer and study above everything else.

Psalm 17:8 ESV

Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings,

Proverbs 7:2 ESV

keep my commandments and live; keep my teaching as the apple of your eye;

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II. Envy and Jealousy

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) II. Envy and Jealousy

What Are Envy and Jealousy?

Envy is the painful and oftentimes resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by someone else.… We tend to envy those with whom we most closely identify.… [and] envy in them the areas we value most. Jealousy … is intolerance of rivalry. Sinful jealousy occurs when we are afraid someone is going to become equal to or even superior to us.

Chapter 18, Respectable Sins

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) II. Envy and Jealousy

1. What points did Paul make about envy and jealousy in:

Romans 1:28–29 ESV

And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips,

The basic meaning of adokimos (depraved) is that of not standing the test, and the term was commonly used of metals that were rejected by refiners because of impurities. The impure metals were discarded, and adokimos therefore came to include the ideas of worthlessness and uselessness. In relation to God, the rejecting mind becomes a rejected mind and thereby becomes spiritually depraved, worthless and useless. MacArthur New Testament Commentary – .

1 Corinthians 13:4 ESV

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant

Envy is the opposite of God’s love, clearly stated in scripture.

Galatians 5:19–21 ESV

Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Jealousy is named with the rest of the works of the flesh.

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) II. Envy and Jealousy

2. Read these verses and make note of the kinds of things that tempt people to become envious and jealous:

act5 12-17

Acts 5:12–17 ESV

Now many signs and wonders were regularly done among the people by the hands of the apostles. And they were all together in Solomon’s Portico. None of the rest dared join them, but the people held them in high esteem. And more than ever believers were added to the Lord, multitudes of both men and women, so that they even carried out the sick into the streets and laid them on cots and mats, that as Peter came by at least his shadow might fall on some of them. The people also gathered from the towns around Jerusalem, bringing the sick and those afflicted with unclean spirits, and they were all healed. But the high priest rose up, and all who were with him (that is, the party of the Sadducees), and filled with jealousy

The threat of losing power. In this case, they couldn’t see the miracles of God as God and arrested the apostles. This sin can make you both blind and dumb.

Acts 13:44–45 ESV

The next Sabbath almost the whole city gathered to hear the word of the Lord. But when the Jews saw the crowds, they were filled with jealousy and began to contradict what was spoken by Paul, reviling him.

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I noticed the word filled and I looked up the definition of filled in the Greek and it means to be completely filled.

If you’re completely filled with jealousy then you can understand the behavior that follows and makes no sense because all wisdom and sense is lost to this sin.

You are filled! There’s no more room for the things of God. The wisdom that saves.

1 Samuel 18:6–9 ESV

As they were coming home, when David returned from striking down the Philistine, the women came out of all the cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet King Saul, with tambourines, with songs of joy, and with musical instruments. And the women sang to one another as they celebrated, “Saul has struck down his thousands, and David his ten thousands.” And Saul was very angry, and this saying displeased him. He said, “They have ascribed to David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed thousands, and what more can he have but the kingdom?” And Saul eyed David from that day on.

Saul tried to kill David on a number of occasions and all David did was his job for Saul to the best of his ability. Once again, sin makes no sense.

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Genesis 4:4–8 ESV

and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the Lord had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. The Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it.” Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him.

This occasion jealousy became murder. I link this with

James 1:15 ESV

Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

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Genesis 37:4–11 ESV

But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peacefully to him. Now Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers they hated him even more. He said to them, “Hear this dream that I have dreamed: Behold, we were binding sheaves in the field, and behold, my sheaf arose and stood upright. And behold, your sheaves gathered around it and bowed down to my sheaf.” His brothers said to him, “Are you indeed to reign over us? Or are you indeed to rule over us?” So they hated him even more for his dreams and for his words. Then he dreamed another dream and told it to his brothers and said, “Behold, I have dreamed another dream. Behold, the sun, the moon, and eleven stars were bowing down to me.” But when he told it to his father and to his brothers, his father rebuked him and said to him, “What is this dream that you have dreamed? Shall I and your mother and your brothers indeed come to bow ourselves to the ground before you?” And his brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the saying in mind.

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Genesis 37:18–20 ESV

They saw him from afar, and before he came near to them they conspired against him to kill him. They said to one another, “Here comes this dreamer. Come now, let us kill him and throw him into one of the pits. Then we will say that a fierce animal has devoured him, and we will see what will become of his dreams.”

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Esther 5:9–13 ESV

And Haman went out that day joyful and glad of heart. But when Haman saw Mordecai in the king’s gate, that he neither rose nor trembled before him, he was filled with wrath against Mordecai. Nevertheless, Haman restrained himself and went home, and he sent and brought his friends and his wife Zeresh. And Haman recounted to them the splendor of his riches, the number of his sons, all the promotions with which the king had honored him, and how he had advanced him above the officials and the servants of the king. Then Haman said, “Even Queen Esther let no one but me come with the king to the feast she prepared. And tomorrow also I am invited by her together with the king. Yet all this is worth nothing to me, so long as I see Mordecai the Jew sitting at the king’s gate.”

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Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) II. Envy and Jealousy

3. Jerry writes, “Closely allied with envy and jealousy is the spirit of competitiveness—the urge to always win or be the top person in whatever our field of endeavor is.” What’s the difference between doing our best and being driven by envy and jealousy?

Doing Our Best

2 Timothy 2:15 ESV

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.

This verse means to stand before God for inspection to see if you are approved by Him.

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Colossians 3:23 ESV

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,

1 Corinthians 9:24–27 ESV

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

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Doing our best for God benefits others more so then ourselves.

Being Driven by Envy or Jealousy

Ecclesiastes 4:4 ESV

Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man’s envy of his neighbor. This also is vanity and a striving after wind.

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Song of Solomon 8:6 ESV

Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord.

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Song of Solomon 8:6 ESV

Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord.

song of songs

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James 3:16 ESV

For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.

Talk It Over

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) Talk It over: For Group Discussion

1. What kind of self-control, envy, and jealousy temptations do you face? What are some signals that we lack self-control, that our sinful desires are either starting to control us or have been controlling us?

We stop fighting because we are not under the control of the Holy Spirit. This could be due to a number of reasons.

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) Talk It over: For Group Discussion

2. What would you say are the three biggest areas in which people fail to exercise self-control? How can we recognize these temptations more quickly? What are the consequences? Practically speaking, how can we increase self-control when we are tempted to indulge our desires?

Idol worship of things, self and people. God’s word and ask yourself “X-ray” questions like:

What am I preoccupied with?

How would I fill in this blank? “If only ______, then I would be happy, fulfilled, and secure with regard to this situation.”

What do I want to preserve or avoid at any cost?

What do I fear may happen in this situation?

When a certain desire is not met, do I feel frustration, anxiety, resentment, bitterness, anger, or depression?

Is there something I desire so much that I am willing to disappoint or hurt others in order to have it?

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) Talk It over: For Group Discussion

3. In his book, the author shares how a seemingly benign practice greatly weakened his self-control in more critical areas. In which areas are you tempted to use less self-control and give in to your desires?

Using the television to relax.

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) Talk It over: For Group Discussion

4. Discuss this quote from chapter 13: “We cannot pick and choose the areas of life in which we will exercise self-control.”

We need to be ready to obey God.

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) Talk It over: For Group Discussion

5. “Sinful jealousy occurs,” writes the author, “when we are afraid someone is going to become equal to or even superior to us.” Can you think of examples of this kind of jealousy? Why do you think it is displeasing to God?

Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate (Discussion Guide) Talk It over: For Group Discussion

6. If God is sovereign over the abilities and blessings He’s given us, how should this truth influence our tendencies toward envy and sinful jealousy?

I’m who God made me to be, I need to be satisfied with this and explore all the abilities God has given me and come to an understanding that what God has given me is for His purpose.

Group Prayer